Learning how to let go....

At the end of the blockbuster movie, "Titanic", after the ship sinks, Jack and Rose are hanging onto a piece of wood, hoping for rescue.  Rose notices that Jack is slipping into unconsciousness, and vows to him that she will never let go.   If you are one of 3 people on the planet who haven't watched the movie, I won't spoil it for you, but today I've been thinking about letting go of people, and it came to mind.

Rose fell fast and furiously for Jack.  She gave up the life she knew to be with him, only to have an iceberg change the course of their lives.  It was her promise to him not to let go that brings me to this post.

Lately, I've had to let go of several people, and ideas, that were hard to do.  I guess Mom was one of the first, but she was relatively easy to let go of, because I'd had a chance to prepare myself and tell her all the things that I wanted her to know while I had a chance.  She was ready, and when the time came, she went peacefully into the afterlife.  While there was grief - and still is to a certain point  - it made sense.  Not all are that way.

Marsha was next.  Her passing was quick, and I think to a certain extent, merciful.  While I grieve for her sons and husband, the letting go for me had happened years ago.  Our relationship was damaged by events leading up to our mother's death, and then she left.  I didn't see her for 10 years, and we seldom spoke.  There were things I HAD to let go of to be at peace with myself.  The last conversation we had was nice, and our last visit face to face was comfortable.  I think, in time, we may have been closer.  But that chance is gone, which is something else I have to let go of and not regret.  Sometimes, all the factors in our lives come together and we don't really know how to get past them.  I'd like to think we did, to a small degree.

And as I've aged, I've learned that letting go of control of people and situations is one of the hardest things I ever dealt with.  When I had my weight-loss surgery, it forced me to deal with feelings and thoughts without food for the first time in my life.  While others use alcohol or drugs, I just crammed those things down my throat with another bite of something and moved on.  That was no longer and option, and over the past two years, accepting things and making peace with situations has been very hard.  Luckily, Andrew has gotten through it with me and let me vent and cry.  I've learned that I can face adversity, disappointment and grief without relying on something other than my own strength. 

So now, whether I'm standing beside a hospital bed, a coffin, or sitting on my couch, I'm learning to let go. 

 "Let go, and let God" - it's getting easier.