Amy on Paper

Dana's Story

2012-01-30T12:30:00.003-06:00

First off, let me say "Happy Birthday" to my Dana. Here is her "story" -

Andy and I married in 1976. I was ready for a baby - he wanted to wait and spend time building our marriage. While I didn't like the idea, I wanted him to be as ready as I was (I thought!), and so I put my dreams on hold. Turned out to be a good idea!

3 years pass. Sweet times of friendship, intimacy, growing in the Lord and bonding as a couple. Exactly what he (Andy) knew we needed. The time came to have a baby... or so we thought. Things didn't work out as quickly as we'd thought, and months passed by. No baby. Temperature charts, documentation of monthy events, etc filled each day with drudgery instead of celebration.

Finally, one day as I'm leaving for school, I hand him a cup of fresh, morning urine and ask him to drop it by the doctor's office. Thinking back on it, what a fun thing to do after working all night! But he did, and told me later that he'd slept not a wink, anticipating a call. When I got home, he shared the news; a baby was on the way!! (This is WAY before texting and email!) It was time to celebrate!!

Our dear friends and neighbors, Mark and Shanon Tissue, treated us to a fancy dinner. She even broke out their wedding china which had never been used, and we dreamed big dreams of this new life.

Months pass; some slowly, others quickly. Soon, Shanon is pregnant also, with their daughter Meredith. (One of my most favorite memories is of Shanon coming home from school and coming straight over to our house and laying baby Dana on her large, round belly to "play" with the baby. Sweet, precious memory!) Showers are given, nursery is built, and in due time, the date arrives.

Mom and dad come over, and when we wake them to announce that we are heading to the hospital, Dad hops in the car with us for the ride over. I never, ever told him, but it was a little surreal to be going to have your baby with your dad tagging along... but I'm so glad he was there. He never left the whole time I was in labor.

And it was a LONG labor; 24+ hours. People came and people went. Other women came in and had their babies while I labored. Nurses' shifts changed, and still, no baby. Andy even went home at one point to get some sleep, only to be called back to help calm my mom down... and no baby.

The delivery went smoothly, but when they did the Apgar test on her, I noticed the nurses were not giving her the most glowing scores. They assured me, though, that the little whimper was just fine - but not the robust cry I'd expected from my newborn. They whisked her off to the nursery and took me to my room to get some rest... I was pretty tired.

The next morning, my doctor comes in. He tells me (Andy was still at home) that he'd like a pediatrician to look at Dana... just a precaution. Okay. Gullible me picks one (hadn't done THAT yet for some reason...), and off he goes.

Evidently, because of my history with asthma and the long, long labor, they'd decided to give me a shot of demerol. Fine. The problem came when the nurse didn't write the shot on my chart, and the next nurse who cared for me saw the order and gave me another shot - too close to the other one. I was fine, but Dana almost died as a result. Later, I found out from some friends from church that they had stayed all night at the nursery window, watching. Evidently, the nurses didn't let Dana sleep at all that night, for fear she wouldn't wake up.

A few days passed... I had to go home baby-less... and all appeared well. She was beautifully perfect and except for not wanting to eat a lot, all went well. At her 4 month checkup, the pediatrician drops the bomb that we needed to do a brain-wave test, because they wanted to make sure she didn't suffer brain damage because of the Demerol. That was the longest hour of my life... the perfect little girl in my arms may face a life of struggles because of a mistake.

Well, all ended up just fine. Dana was and is perfectly fine, thank you very much. She instantly was and remains a dream come true. God was good to protect her from harm, and every day on her birthday, I remember that day with joy and thanksgiving. "What might have been" crosses my mind, but I quickly replace those thoughts with what IS and what WILL BE.

We enjoyed our baby with so much love and hope that, a couple of years later, Erin joined our little family... her story later!

Pt. 2

2012-01-20T15:18:00.003-06:00

Once I was awake, I started thinking about other things. Here is a sampling:

~ my weight loss and how it has changed my body.
~ the upcoming retreat
~ going to Stream Austin and visiting Mary Beth and Rick
~ money
~ Liz, Bladen, and new baby Johnson
~ Erin's pregnancy
~ what time it is in Cairo, and what is Dana doing at that specific moment while I am laying there
~ things I'm in the mood to do to the house

and so on. One thing leads into another, and soon an hour has passed. I don't worry about it TOO much, because I am retired and can stay in bed after Andy leaves for work. Not that I want to lay awake every night, but when it happens, I try to turn my thoughts to the positive and not worry. Not always easy to do!!

Odd dreams and other things that keep me awake at night...

2012-01-20T15:07:00.003-06:00

Every night, I get up at least once. I use that time to take some medication and cuddle up to a sleeping Andy. Usually, I just fall right back asleep.

Not last night. About 3:30, I woke up and Andy was stirring. I told him of my dream:

He and I went into this bathroom, which had 3 showers. One was his, one was Daniel's, and one was Johnny's. (Daniel is a current friend, Johnny a former college roommate that we haven't seen in probably 20 years.) We choose Johnny's shower, and we spend the whole time discussing the blue and white bar of Zest soap that Johnny uses. (Sorry, so "steamy" scenes in this dream!)

Once we are out, as I am dressing, I hear Dana calling me from another room. She is sick and needs her mama, so I head off in that direction to care for her. Suddenly, in steps Louise (a fellow elder's wife!) and starts telling me something that was odd at 3:30, but sadly I can't remember right now! As I stand there, dripping wet, half-dressed, trying to get to Dana, I wake up.

Okay. Why Johnny; why 3 seperate showers, why Dana calling me, and why Louise? All these things are unrelated to each other, yet my brain chose to weave them into a dream.

I didn't fall back asleep until after 5:00.

Looking at life at 57

2012-01-10T16:21:00.003-06:00

Today is my 57th birthday. 57. 3 years from 60 and 13 from 70. That is hard to face, folks... my grandmother died at 70 and my mother at 74. The implications are not lost on me.

However, on this day, I am feeling younger than I have in years. I went shopping today and bought a cute - yes, cute! - dress only one size from my pre-surgery goal. That is hard to fathom, even though I tried it on and saw myself in it! I admit that I still walk through the "Woman's" section, although I NEVER intend to buy another thing in that section... it's just a habit that will take a while to break.

This year has had life-saving implications in more ways than one. This time last year, I was struggling to prepare myself for the surgery of all surgeries, and while I thought I was prepared for the aftermath, I could not have imagined how it was going to be. What I learned most of all was that people love me so, so much - and that I didn't know how to handle their love and care, their support was at times overwhelming and unappreciated.

This year dawns with so much anticipation - more bright days ahead than I've ever allowed myself. My life is sweeter now than ever before.

So, while this sweet days fades to dark, I will spend it in our home with the man I love with all my heart. I've talked to both my sweet daughters, and I've enjoyed good wishes from countless friends and family. I am blessed.

Happy Birthday to me!

Emotions

2012-01-06T22:41:00.003-06:00

On Wednesday, I stood at the airport as Dana entered to fly back to Egypt. My throat was full with a big lump, and all I could think was, "She's gone again!" Watching her say goodbye to Erin, Liz, and Bladen was almost harder than saying my goodbyes to her - but I did without blubbering too much! ...

Years ago, Jeff Walling - a favorite speaker of mine - talked about how God was good to give us emotions. He talked about walking in on his wife as she was watching a "Tear-jerker" on tv. She was beside herself, crying uncontrollably while he watched. He left her there to finish the movie, and as soon as it was over, she came into the room with him like nothing had ever happened. The emotions of the moment had already passed....

As we drove away from the airport, with my daughter on her way across the ocean to a life I don't really fathom, I was full of emotion. Words were hard to eek out, and I really wanted to get Erin on track again after leaving her sister behind as well.

From behind me in the backseat, I hear Liz and Bladen being so funny; I laughed. It was what I needed. I still miss Dana in my "everyday life", but I know that those really sad emotions have moved on, and I can talk to her on Skype with joy and humor; thankful to God for his control over me and my emotions!

Two Sides of Being Invisible

2011-12-31T08:37:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, Andy and I went to San Antonio to redeem some Christmas gift cards and have lunch (on a gift card! :) ) As we were walking out of Red Lobster, I said to him, "Today, I feel invisible in a good way!

Before, I was invisible in such a bad way. If you've ever see "Chicago" the musical, there's a song called "Mr. Celophane". In the movie version, John C. Reilly does it as a clown, on a dark stage, all alone. The lines that ran through my head were: "You can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there." That is the invisible me of before. Looking back now, 10 months and 8 days post surgery, I see in in a glaring fashion. I sought invisibility because of my weight and appearance... I hid in dark corners, on my pew, in a crowd of people because I knew what people thought when they looked at me. (That's another post for another day.... I'm trying hard to be positive in this one!! )

This new invisibility is NORMAL. I no longer "stand out" in a crowd ... I look like just another woman walking down the street. I can slide into a booth at a restaurant, or sit on a chair without needing to find a "sturdy" one that won't break if I sit on it. When people notice me, it's because I am smiling at them, or looking them in the eye and saying "hello." I blend in with the world.

It's crazy the things you "see" after this surgery. Who ever would have seen being invisible as such a GOOD thing?!?

Christmas Wrap-up

2011-12-27T11:19:00.002-06:00

Home again after some wonderful days in Houston to celebrate the holidays with family! We packed a lot into those days, and it began on Thursday when we saw Dana for the first time since Aug. While she looks pretty much the same, I know this experience has changed her; seeing all she has seen and looked at the world from a different angle opens ones eyes.

Our trip over was along the back way, so less hectic - until we missed a turn and ended up way out of our way. Doesn't matter, we got there in time to be with the kids when they woke up from their naps. Erin made some delicious taco salads for dinner, and then it was souvenir time! Dana brought some beautiful pieces of pottery from Egypt, a lovely picture frame and some foreign coins. Erin and I got colorful purses from her trip to Singapore; I now realize all the pictures I missed taking, but I carry them always in my memory!

The next day was to be our Christmas as the Johnsons were leaving the next day for Dallas to be with Gregg's family. We had sausage balls for breakfast - our tradition. Since we had cooking to do for the LaMore gathering, Dana and I braved the crowds at HEB to finish shopping. Not too bad, actually! Once we got home, and my cake was in the oven, it was time to open gifts. Erin put on some delicious green beans and potatoes, while Gregg cooked steak on the grill. A feast for us in the making.

Gifts were wonderful; Andy did great shopping at James Avery, the kids liked their toys, and the older kids seemed happy with their items. It's funny how a little "robot" dog can occupy a kid! In the middle of all the excitement, the realtor called; Gregg and Erin had received an offer on their house, and she needed to come over! We kept the kids out of their way - kind of - and ate when all was said and done. After finishing preparing the rest of our food and giving the kids a short nap, off we went to the Hampton.

Most of the family was there - Mom looked beautiful with a new haircut and pretty pink sweater. It seemed to overwhelm her some, and after our usual gift-card exchange, she was ready for bed. Some of us went over to Chris' house for a little visit, and then back to the Johnsons.

Christmas Eve started with the Johnsons loading up and getting on their way. The three of us relaxed until it was time to get out of the house. We took Dana to her favorite Mexican restaurant; Lupe Tortilla's - wow! Yummy enchiladas and fajitas! Then, some shopping at REI for books for our desert hiker, then on to Christmas Eve at Houston's First. Lovely music; overwhelmingly beautiful. Usually I sing with all my heart, and for the most part, I could just listen and look. One of Dana's friends met us there with saved seats, so we could just waltz in and be comfortable. On the way home, we stopped for Starbucks cocoa and Red Box movies. Too tired to watch but 1 of them, we fell in bed.

Sunday morning was just like any other Sunday. We worshipped at Memorial Church of Christ, where we saw some of Dana's friends from A&M. Mark is living in Peru now, and will be married soon in Montana. You have to wait in line to visit Mark, but it is worth it when your turn comes. Lunch at Luby's was a first for me (on Christmas Day!), then we went home. A brief rest and a change of clothes sent us back to the Hampton. There, we picked up Mom and Dad and their care-giver and went for dinner at Denny's. (Dad loves his poached eggs!!) After a short visit, we were in the car once again.... to the movie! Another friend of Dana's met us there, and we enjoyed "We Bought a Zoo!" Good choice, Chris!

Yesterday was our last day there. Dana and I headed out to the outlet mall to do some shopping for her trip back to Egypt, and I threw in some birthday shopping for her. It began to rain pretty good, and we were hungry, so we headed back to Erin's. While the parking lot was about half empty when we arrived, it was like Field of Dreams when we left; cars lined up out on the highway! At home, the lunch we planned on having Christmas Day was finally prepared and enjoyed, complete with Welch's Sparkling Grape Soda! Yummy if I may say so! We finished watching Super 8 (fun movie!), and by then the Johnsons were almost home.

So. We waited. Didn't want to pass up a chance to get one more grandbaby fix! Just a few minutes means a lot! Finally, we were on our way. Heavy traffic along with the end of the Christmas music made the trip go fast. At last the Spurs came on the radio, and Pleasanton was in view.

Today, I am so grateful for this Christmas. I came home with such sweet things from people who love me, video of Liz and Bladen to keep me happy, and a peaceful spirit. My daughter is safely home from across the globe, and I had her with me for several days. All of us are healthy, with dreams of a new Johnson in the mix for next year! I can't think of one thing more that I would want!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

It's almost time!

2011-11-30T09:28:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I went in to the drs to talk about some things I have going on with my legs... and she told me that when I reach my 1 year milestone, they will have me write my testimonial about the surgery and the first year. I've been thinking about doing it all along, but knowing they want me to put it on paper is daunting....

How do you sum up in a few words the past two years - I say two because the year leading up to it was pivotal in itself; my decision to retire, the subsequent change in insurance carriers, and the knowledge that the surgery would be covered are as important as any other factor! Looking back, deciding to end my teaching career saved my life!

So, while I have a couple of months to ponder, I'm going to work on getting my brain wrapped around this whole process. Thank goodness for this blog, so that I can reflect on what all happened!!

I'll keep you posted -

Inez and Elaine

2011-11-29T08:28:00.003-06:00

Growing up, my Mamaw always had peacocks... she had lots of different kinds of critters around between her love of nature and Papaw's cravings to taste all creatures great and small! The peacocks were kept in the chicken coop out behind her "round house" kitchen, and we would go out and see them on each visit down to Alice.

Mamaw loved those peacocks and was fiercely protective of them. On our visits, she would always let me pick a couple of their beautiful feathers off the ground to take home with me. It was a treasure that I always looked forward to, and a memory I keep dear to me to this day.

Not so long ago, Andy and I were in the Hill Country for some reason, and we passed a little shop beside the road. Standing out beside the sign for the shop was a tin, painted peacock, feathered tail spread wide for all to see. I yelled at Andy to pull over - I HAD to have that peacock for my yard!! But, the shop was closed. After seeing that, it became my mission to find that type of peacock again....

Last May, we were on our way to my cousins' , and in Burnet, we found it! Almost an identical peacock to the one in the Hill Country, and Andy pulled in so that I could get my treasure. It rode on its back the entire weekend, and when we got to my cousin's I shared the memory of Mamaw and my quest to find the tin peacock. I named "her" Inez, after my Mamaw (although the peacock in my yard is male, since they are the ones who spread their tails!! He'll never know Inez is a girl's name... :)

Just the other day, we were back at my cousin's for a reunion. We had a great visit, and once the visit was over, my cousin told me to wait - she had something for me. You guessed it, a peacock! A beautiful ornament for my Christmas tree that is already in its place of honor. It was just the kind of thing that my cousin does; listens and acts on what she learns with love.

The new peacock shares her name: Elaine !

Come over, and I'll introduce them both to you!!

Wish I'd said it!

2011-11-15T08:44:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I was in Target picking up some things I "needed" - it was the middle stop of a great day of discretionary spending, and I was feeling happy to be out. The check-out lines were busy with other shoppers, and as I approached, I noticed the appearance of my cashier....

"Lydia" was in her early 20s - a beautiful girl with a round, young face, those dark brown eyes that Hispanics have that I have always loved, and short, cropped hair. She had a pleasant smile, but I could tell that she was tired. She greeted me with the usual, "good morning" that she'd been trained to do. In a minute, she looked at me again and said, "good morning" and when I didn't respond, she said that she's already said that, right? We chuckled about that, and she zipped my purchases across the scanner.

As I stood there, I noticed that in about 5 places, she'd had her face pierced. A couple on her cheekbones were recent, because the skin was inflamed from the procedure. A couple of scars were already forming, and all I could see was what she will look like at my age....

I hesitated, and decided against saying to her, "Look at me; I'm 57. Before you know it, you will be on this side of your life, and when you look at yourself, you will see scars on your lovely face." That kind of thinking hits you at this stage of your life - not in your 20s. And you sure don't want some middle-aged woman you don't know getting into your business. So, I smiled, thanked her, and left.

As I walked to her car, I regretted my decision. Why didn't her mom or grandma or boyfriend or SOMEONE tell her how lovely she is, just as God made her? Why does our society encourage people to embellish themselves with things that they will regret in their later years? Why didn't she feel pretty enough....

Then, I thought of my girls. Dana - Erin; the most beautiful girls I've ever known, inside and out. I hope I told them that enough.

Sitting with Mom

2011-11-13T13:59:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, we went by the Hampton to see Mom and Dad. Dad was ready to go eat at Olive Garden, but Mom was asleep, so we decided that we'd bring her back a plate. Just as we were preparing to leave, Andy's brother came by for his Sat. visit, and needed to talk to dad about some matters. I decided to go in and sit with Mom, even though she was asleep.

As I sat there, many thoughts ran through my mind; about how she was always so busy and active, how she would tell me to go lay down when I was sleepy, and how strong a woman she had been all they years I'd known her. To see her now is discouraging, to say the least....

In a bit, she awoke, and I asked her how she was. She smiled, and I knew that she knew it was me there in the chair. She answered me and began telling me all sorts of things, in Dutch. Dutch is her native tongue, and since her fall she has reverted back to it from time to time. As we sat there, she was really telling me about something - but I couldn't understand her. As she spoke, I kept remembering how the doctors wanted us to remind her to speak in English, to "retrain" her brain to that language. I decided not to, to just let her speak freely and openly, even though I had no idea what I was hearing. At one point, I looked over at Dara, her nurse, and said "I hope she isn't telling me something really important!" But I sat there, responding in the best way I could.

Finally, we went to lunch, and when we returned, Mom was speaking in English again. I never said anything to her about before, and for all I know, she didn't even remember what she'd told me. Dad said I should have reminded her to speak English, but my heart told me to leave her alone and let her speak comfortably. She was at peace.

As I sit with Mom on these visits, I am overwhelmed with emotion. After her initial fall, I was alone with her in her hospital room, and I told her how much I respected her, and how grateful I have always been for her love and care for Andy. How I know that his life is good because she came into it after losing his birth mother to cancer at age 4. How much security and sense of purpose both she and Dad gave to him and to Bruce to make what they went through a part of their life, but NOT their life. I hope she understood.

Whatever happens to Mom in the future is in God's hands, and we are dealing with each thing as it happens. She is 87 years old, and things are gearing down. The stories she tells about being a teenager during WWII and her coming to the US and meeting Dad are spellbinding. What she experienced made her strong, brave, resilient, and longsuffering. Her husband and children were so molded by those experiences, and each one manifests her teachings and examples in their lives in bold ways.

Andy and I don't get to Houston every weekend, so our times with them have to make the most of it. As I sat there on Saturday, I tried to give her all the love and tenderness that I could. I hope she knows....

I hate it when this happens!

2011-11-09T11:03:00.001-06:00

In the deep of night, I had something I really wanted to post about today - now, I can't remember it for the life of me!!

Next time, I'll write it down immediately!

Reflections on the Campaign

2011-11-07T07:51:00.002-06:00

It's the Monday after Victory Sunday... the campaign in its formal sense is behind us, and we are all both exhausted and invigorated! Here is a feeble attempt at putting my thoughts and feelings into print:

~ There is not much more thrilling than watching a soul born again; their excitement is contagious, their sorrow at the old life humbling, and their precious wonder at it all is overwhelming to observe. Even at # 35, it was fresh and new!

~ Meeting Christians from all over the nation gives me encouragement that the church is alive and well. Some were quiet and reflective, others exhuberant and contaigous in their zeal! Most were in their retirement years, experiences in campaign life and presentation, and some on their first adventure. All loved God and people with a passion.

~ Our people here are amazing to watch at their job. Janitors, cooks, trash taker-outers, studiers, prayers, secretaries... elders, ministers, paid staff and volunteers; this bonded us in a way I truly prayed would happen. Yesterday at the fellowship meal, I saw the campaign director huddled in prayer with one of our elders, and it was if they were alone without knowledge that there were 200 or more swirling around them. I cried.

~ Sometimes you are ashamed of how you go into something, knowing that God is going to do something powerful and you want to be there for every minute, but you really dread it. What I mean is, I was apprehensive of this to begin with - too many things to go into detail here - but I didn't want the day to come when I would look back and say that I'd missed it. And I am so glad I knew to do that. If we let it, this will be something that we look back at as pivotal to our church family.

~ Yes, there are people who will mess it up if you let them. People who get their attitudes up and act like, well, humans. People who make judgements without knowing situations or giving folks a chance. People, just like me sometimes, who just don't care. But you get over them and go on... to their confusion and sadness.

~ Constantly you are reminded of the simplicity and power of the Gospel. I am so thankful that the campaign reminded me of how God made it so beautifully easy for us to be with Him if we will have open hearts and minds. Thank you Larry West for your sermon yesterday for the new babes in Christ; this 40+ year old Christian needed that, too!

~ and finally, you fall in love anew with people you have worshipped alongside for years. When you are side-by-side with them for 10 days, you see such strength and determination.

~ "To Him who is able to do exceedingly more than we can ask or IMAGINE, be honor, glory and Praise for ever and ever more!"

Funny how that worked out!

2011-11-03T07:30:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, my duties at lunch were circumvented by my friends Susie and Ed. Folks had been stopping me and telling me how tired I looked, and I had told Susie that I was pulling out of our Wed. study because I was about to collapse. Well, when I arrived to do my shift, she met me at the door and told me to go home; she was taking my place. After a little arguing, I obeyed...

That "happened" to be the morning the workers showed up to start some work on the house that we'd contracted. I wouldn't have been here if I'd stayed - thanks, Susie!

Then, I got a call that one of my life-long friends was in ICU in San Antonio. Again, if I'd been on my feet all day long, there was no way I'd have had the energy to go and sit with her sweet family. Thanks, Susie!

Thanks to the Father for arranging to take care of me yesterday through his servants, the Pursches! Now, I'm ready to take on today!!

Meet my two new friends

2011-11-01T13:29:00.003-06:00

When I first heard that we were doing a "door-knocking" campaign, my heart sank. I AM not a door-knocker, so I decided that my job was going to be to make those coming as comfortable and welcome as I could. Over the course of the two weeks, we have been meeting brothers and sisters from 15 states, including Texas! I'd like to introduce you to two of my favorites -

Thomas is from Long Island, New York. We met as he was speeding through the fellowship hall at lunch the first day, and he "blew me off" because he was focused on what he needed. For the rest of that day, he came to me apologizing for being rude. I was hooked. The next morning, he asked me to help him surprise his host and the man who is taking him back and forth to the airport with giftcards from HEB. So, we devised a plan to sneak off and accomplish our mission. At HEB, everyone he saw got an explanation of his accent and an invitation to our campaign. He was bold, and I watched as people took his literature welcoming them. He leaves to go home tomorrow, and I will miss him. We will soon be Facebook friends and have exchanged email addresses. I told him if he ever comes back to Texas, let me know!

Cherie is from Missouri or Kansas; I forget which. On her drive down, at a fast food place, her purse was stolen. When she got here, she got lost driving to her "home" and ended up in the next county. (4 days later, she called her sister, and the restaurant had JUST called to tell her that not only did they find her purse, everything was in it but some of her cash!!) She is not a quitter, this woman. She has flaming red hair. I loved her immediately - today, we had our picture taken together. She tells me that Andy and I give marriage a "good name", and that if she lived here, I'd be her mentor. Wow. We decided that if we'd been in high school together, we'd have been friends. I hate for her to go....

But, that's what Heaven is for.... Being in the church my whole life has taught me that it is a small place where you meet people you already know. People who may be the same or very different from you, but the bond and love of Christ connects you as nothing else will.

All the workers are as sweet as can be - and I hoped I've accomplished my goal. I hope when they arrive back at home, Pleasanton will have been a loving, welcoming place.

You did it too?!?!

2011-10-31T14:03:00.003-06:00

During our ongoing campaign, souls are being taught the Gospel, which has already resulted in sereral baptisms into Christ. It's been an amazing few days, but this afteroon takes the cake!

This moring, a woman I'll call Ruth was baptized. She came over afterwards and joined us in the fellowship room for lunch. We were all getting to know her, when Ray comes in and announces, "There's another baptism!! Come this way!" Well, everyone leaves their plates and walks over to the auditorium, Ruth included. Ray takes the confession of faith, and off they go. In just a bit, they go into the water, and her sins are washed away! Exciting!

After she dries off and comes out, we form a circle, and sing a couple of songs. Now, a man named Reggie is talking to her about her new church family, and she is looking around at all our faces... suddenly, she begins to beam and point to a face in the crowd.

It's Ruth! They are friends, and before we know it, she exclaims - "You did it, too?!?" Ruth shyly nods her head, and the next instant, they are in each other's arms, hugging and smiling!!
Two friends are now sisters in Christ!! I couldn't sing the next song I was so moved! Their joy shook through me with such power - as it did everyone in the circle!!

It's Monday; how many more Ruth and Sandy's will there be?!?

My how things have changed!!

2011-10-30T15:33:00.003-06:00

Today, reflecting on the first week of our campaign, Dana said "Mom, you seem so much more involved in this than you have in things in a long while." That made the think about how much things have changed in the past two years...

Two years ago, I was still teaching. While I loved my job and my students with passion, things were set into motion to make that my last year. Not until about July did I wake up laughing and rested, and realized how the stress of the year had taken its toll. Now, I am able to enjoy each and every hour of the campaign as I wish, without worrying about sick days, personal days, subs, and lesson plans. My time is mine to use as I please....

Also, two years ago, I was at my heaviest and in the poorest health of my life. I had no energy, no desire, no nothing. I was alive, but I wasn't living. I was barely making it through the day sometimes. I didn't WANT to be involved in anything because that would take away whatever energy I needed to muster to get to work and go through the day.

So. Two life-changing events in the last two years have brought me back. The other day as I was helping serve lunch to the workers, one lady told me I was "cute." Hmmm, I'm 56 and cute?!? Then, she asked me if I was always like that... I hesitated and then said, "I used to be. Then I lost myself for a few years. Now, I am back." I heard it as I said it, and it was so honest and blunt. And so true.

I like having myself back!!!

New life all around

2011-10-27T19:35:00.002-06:00

The past couple of weeks, I've been surrounded by new life. My sweet daughter is expecting her third child, who I am so eagerly anticipating! Next, two sweet women had beautiful, healthy baby girls on the same day as my granddaughter turned 3. Then on Wednesday, I was at a friend's house where she showed me her "collection" of Monarch cocoons just waiting to hatch with butterflies. And now, the campaign is going full force. We have already had 5 souls joined with Christ! The similarities of these beginnings was too much for me to ignore; that all around us are lives just beginning....

While I participate in the campaign over the next several days, hopefully more people will become my new brothers and sisters in Christ. My obligation to them is at one level intimidating, yet thrilling. And while they are joining our family, the cocoons will open up and free the beautifully winged butterflies into the earth.

Thank you God for beginnings!

What's next??

2011-10-26T14:41:00.003-06:00

For months now, our congregation has been planning and working toward an evangelistic campaign. This week, it began in force with the arrival of workers from 14 different states! They are camped out at a new RV spot on our property and are staying in members' homes. We are looking forward to getting to know these people who take saving souls and encouraging members very seriously!!

I'm wondering what the next two weeks will hold in store: what will the Lord do through this effort?! He is - and always shall be - the One in charge. He will be the One who receives the Glory for each and every soul found or restored. And afterwards, when everyone has returned to their home - what will we do as a congregation with all these new brothers and sisters?? Are we prepared? Are we open to accepting them with all they bring to our fellowship? Will we be what they need on a daily basis to make the transition???

I'm really trying to open my heart to the evangelistic slant of this campaign. Door knocking and confrontation (hopefully GOOD confrontation!) are not my strong-suit. I like to see myself as an encourager, a supporter, an up-lifter. I want to "be there" for those people who are giving day and night to reach the lost; that's my heart. But is it really? !! Am I justifying my lack of confidence by saying this?? I am truly seeking the desire to get out there with the workers, and right now it just isn't there....

I will be there every day as much as I can. I want to see the additions come, one by one. I don't want to look back and say, "Man, I missed that!!" This could be a turning point for our church family, and I want to be God's servant in whatever way I can....

We are off to a great start; last night we circled up under the trees and prayed for over an hour. People we love, situations, requests for safety and good health. It was an exciting time to share amongst those of us there.

So, tonight is our first meeing. Who and what will the Lord God provide for us? Who will listen and obey? What will be the outcome?!?

We're here, Lord. Show us!!

Preview of good things to come!

2011-10-22T11:34:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a wonderful day. Andy was off, and we took to SA before noon. Had a delicious lunch at Texas Roadhouse, (thanks to a gift card!) and then headed to Lowe's. Spent some time in there dreaming - even strolled through the Christmas aisles - and purchased some needed items for the house. Next up, I went to get some new slacks for winter. Down 4 sizes since February, my stuff from last year's wardrobe looks like clown clothes now. Two more sizes, and I'll kiss the Plus-size stores goodbye!! We toodled home leisurely after than and spent some time working in the yard. Chinese food for dinner, and it was the end of the day.

If this is a preview of our retirement years together, I can hardly wait!!

Writer's block

2011-10-20T14:53:00.001-06:00

I know it's been a long, long time since I've posted anything. I've meant to, and wanted to, but when it came to actually putting my thoughts on "paper", I have to confess to having a severe block. We've been through a lot the last two months, with Dana leaving for Cairo, a trip to Ruidoso, Andy's parents, and a trip to Corpus; but nothing seems to want to come....

So, this is my attempt at finally getting back to it. I'm gonna give it my best effort!!

6 months later....

2011-08-25T07:05:00.002-06:00

Before my surgery in February, I listed several "reasons" I was having it - and now, I'm happy to announce that I've reached one of the most important ones!! Last Sunday, I was able to wear my wedding ring to worship!!

When Andy and I became engaged, he asked his dad for the rings his birth mother wore when they married (Dad had already mentioned Andy getting them "someday", so it wasn't out of the blue.) Well, her rings were white gold, and I wanted my own set anyway, so we took out the diamonds and returned the setting to Dad.

When I got to church, it was my intention to show only a couple of those closest to me; but not Andy! Before I knew it, everyone was wanting to see my hand! One lady said - "They look brand new!" - they should; I've not worn them since Erin was a little girl....

So, today I go to see my surgeon. I'd told him of my goal, and his response was that, in all the years he's done this surgery, no one had ever told him of wanting to put their wedding ring back on. Today, he sees it in it's rightful place. I plan to take my camera to record the event!

This happens every time!

2011-07-28T11:46:00.002-06:00

Before my surgery, I had to meet with a "Behavioralist" - part of the process of insurance... guess they wanted to see inside my head before they invested thousands of dollars on "fixing" me. One thing I told her is that I tend to sabotage myself with every diet. Once the pounds coming off draws attention for others, I jump back into eating - it's a power thing. (That's a post for another day...)

Last night, everyone at church (even folks along the wall who didn't come up to me) noticed. The weight is obviously coming off quickly now, for which I am grateful, but the attention is overwhelming. All the hugs, smiles, comments, pats, "acceptance" is really pushing me right now. The only thing keeping me from falling back into the old pattern of stuffing my face is the fact the I'll either throw it up or become severely constipated. I know, way too much info!! So, I sit here, trying to accept this new reality. People are liking how I look now, and I cannot hide myself from them anymore. My new clothes fit - meaning that I am not in my usual tent.

One thing that keeps going through my brain is that - if they are so happy with me now, how awful must I have looked before?! Was I so unattractive that people dreaded seeing me? I know I have seen others that were uncomfortable to look at, and the thought that I was perceived that way hurts. "They" would say to me - "we just love you and were so worried about your health", but it doesn't feel like that when all I am complimented on is how I look. Just too much... even though I know it is said in love....

So, as I sit here dreaming of baked potatoes, pizza, Sonic cheeseburgers and tots and lots and lots of Coke, I wait. I wait for this to pass and for acceptance of the "new" Amy. The old one is still here, though - raising her ugly self in defiance.

What a Difference a Year Makes!

2011-07-11T18:10:00.006-06:00

(I am no good at manipulating pictures!! This one should be at the end of the post!!)

One year ago this month, I started a journey that - to this point - has pretty much changed everything about my life. Here I am with my brother in July in Florida.

On the trip home, I told Andy that I'd found out from a friend that my new insurance through Teacher Retirement would cover gastric bypass surgery. We knew it was something that I would have to do, because my health was truly suffering from the load of my weight. Not an easy thing to admit, but I was in a "perfect storm" coming to a serious landfall. Once we were home, I contacted the doctor after confirming it through my insurance.

I did not begin seeing Dr. Duperier until the beginning of October, shortly before Liz's second birthday. Not until I was approved for the surgery did I tell anyone - not even Dana or Erin... just too scared it would not happen.

Feb. 22 was the day of the actual surgery, but I'd been in preparation for a couple of months to get my body ready. Weight began coming off even then!

Now, a year after that initial conversation with Andy, here I am at Minutemaid Park a few weeks ago - the change startled me when I first saw it on "film"!

I have a long way to go, but I am confident it will pass quickly!

2011-06-18T20:13:00.003-06:00

I really don't like pictures of myself, but if I have to post one - here it is. Andy and I in Burnet on our 35th wedding anniversary last month. He makes me happy every day!

2 Songs

2011-06-17T07:43:00.003-06:00

Are you KIDDING me; two songs only!!!??! Here go two of my all-time favorites:

"You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon; the volume rises substantially when this one comes on!! Fun, fun, fun!

"Untitled Hymm" by Chris Rice; I always think of Jennifer and Mark Palmer, a young married couple who died way too early in life from cancer. Makes me weep each and every time.

3 Films

2011-06-15T08:04:00.002-06:00

3 Films:

1. Silverado (You know this is a favorite because you can repeat most of the lines!!)

2. The most recent Star Trek; great new faces on familiar friends!

3. Chicago; I would have LOVED to be in that movie!! "Celophane" is my song!

4 Books

2011-06-14T09:07:00.001-06:00

These 4 books stay with me -

1. The Relatives Came (reminds me of my family in my youth)

2. The Thorn Birds

3. Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

4. The Bible

5 foods

2011-06-13T08:45:00.002-06:00

This is a hard one to do, because the ones I'm listing are ones that are no longer in my routine menu!! Here goes:

1. Cheese enchiladas covered in gravy and cheese - hands down vote for my final meal if I were to pick one!

2. Pizza

3. Cheesy crackers (I'm sensing a cheese theme here!)

4. A good Sonic cheeseburger

5. Chili's babyback ribs

Man, I'm hungry now!!

6 PLACES

2011-06-10T10:17:00.002-06:00

6 Places I love or want to visit:

1. Heaven

2. Mountains - any height, any place!

3. Worship

4. Dana and Erin's homes

5. Road trip along the California coastline

6. Andy's arms

7 wants

2011-06-09T08:11:00.002-06:00

This list could be so much longer!!

~ Heaven
~ to meet and love Dana's husband
~ more grandchildren !!
~ to grow old with Andrew
~ a dog
~ a better relationship with my siblings
~ vacations to California, DC, and Canada! (can I count those as one wish?!?)

8 Fears

2011-06-08T08:43:00.003-06:00

This is a personal one!

8 Fears:

1. Dying young
2. Losing one of my family
3. Not having enough money
4. Cancer
5. Our nation falling to another country
6. Having to go back to work full-time (i.e. - # 3)
7. Falling
8. Being alone in a country where no one speaks English (right now, not a problem!!)

9 Loves....

2011-06-07T08:23:00.002-06:00

9 loves:

~ pictures of Liz and Bladen
~ singing
~ laughing with Jackie
~ vacations - esp. road trips!
~ seeing Andy teach and lead
~ talking to Dana and Erin for hours
~ houses
~ my cousins
~ Sunday nights

That was easy!!!

Following Dana's Lead...

2011-06-03T10:15:00.002-06:00

10 Secrets about me....

1. Although I enjoy singing alto, I'd love to have a clear, strong Soprano voice.
2. I'd have 5 dogs, if Andy'd let me.
3. I wanted to hitch-hike across the country after high school, but Mama almost died when she heard and forbid me to go. I obeyed.
4. Cathy and I flushed our feet in the toilet in Austin one day after walking around a lot. (I have the picture to blackmail her!)
5. Jimmy Carr kissed me one night while we were eating pizza.
6. I'm afraid of being thin.
7. I once found some "dirty" pictures of my brother under his nightstand. Don't remember WHY I was looking under there.
8. For many years, I was scared of my inlaws.
9. I would love to play tennis.
10. I have always wanted to dye my hair red. Auburn, really.

Marriages In, Marriages Out

2011-06-02T09:48:00.002-06:00

This has been a very difficult week in the land of marriage - while a sweet young couple faces their dreams of a great life together beginning this weekend, I know of three marriages that have fallen apart recently. Two marriages based on a commonality of faith, servants of the Lord, who have been torn apart. Two, couples I've known for many years, and loved with all my heart; the other, a couple I know through association. Doesn't matter - they are still losing the dream they once had; to grow old together and see life at its best along the way.

There are so many thoughts running through my head on this; where did it fall apart - surely not overnight, but - if you see it coming, can't you "fix" it??? Can't what you had be enough to hold it together???

When Andy is in court, and has to hear divorce cases, he comes home and holds on to me really tight - I think it scares him; I know it has me this week. No matter how much you deny it, this has pretty much ruined my week... and there's not much I can do - but pray. For them, for their kids, for their moms and dads who love them, for their friends who knew them as two, not one. For their church families, who looked to them as examples of commitment. For their God.

The thing that gives me hope is the knowledge I have of couples who have faced the unthinkable and survived with their marriages whole. I see them, and I think - "Why not? Who says we have to accept this decision they are making?? Who says the "easy way" is the only way...."

So, today, I will pray. And pray. And pray some more.

Their marriages are worth at least that -

Heaven on Earth

2011-05-27T09:22:00.012-06:00

I have always loved the Hill Country ever since I was 14 and spent a week at Camp Bandina for the first time - so it was a natural choice for a place to spend our anniversary last week. I'd seen Canyon of the Eagles on the internet a while back, and searched for it again recently. As soon as I saw the pictures, I knew it was the place!

After a meandering drive along Highway 16, we got checked in and settled in for an afternoon of relaxation. Our room (in a quadplex) overlooked the lake, and it was so very peaceful!! During the course of the weekend, we took a wonderful boat ride along the river, met some wonderful people, and ate some delicious food... but the highlight had to be Saturday evening! When cloudy weather cancelled our evening at the Planetarium, we settled into our rocking chairs and watched the coming rain. And it came with a mighty roar! Our building had a tin roof, and we were pounded with huge raindrops and golfball sized hailstones! While I was concerned about our car sitting our front, the storm was so awesome that it was worth it - luckily, my car survived with only some leaves blown on top of it!!

Andy relaxing - and reading on our porch - the views were amazing. Who needs t.v.??!!

We are already looking forward to a trip in the Fall - the Bald Eagles nest there, and we hear the colors are amazing!! Can't wait to see for myself!!

A hard post to write...

2011-05-20T07:37:00.003-06:00

This Sunday will mark the 3 month date of my surgery! While it seems to be going by fast, and my life improves daily, there are times when my "previous life" feel eons ago.

Some days, I am so angry - at other people for being able to eat "normally", but mostly at myself. Where was this determination so many pounds ago?!? Where was my desire to be healthier and more active when I could have kept this from being a neccessity; where was my desire to be able to wear beautiful clothes, to shop for fun things to wear instead of what I could find that would fit?? Why didn't I care enough about myself and my family until I almost ruined it all....

These are hard questions to face. I know, the hysterectomy and dead thyroid didn't help, and Dr. Cruz pointed out that I most likely have the "fat" gene, but over all, this is my doing. Or lack of...

But - those days are behind me now. I am learning to adjust to my new way of life, and everyone is there for me, cheering me on. For that, I am grateful beyond measure!

Now, if I can just cheer for myself.

Old vs. New

2011-05-12T06:18:00.000-06:00

Last year, my ob-gyn retired. He was ancient, and his office was tiny. They kept the "Christmas Tree" up all year, decorated according to the season. He had pamplets in his waiting room with the "plan of salvation" on them. His exam room and office - where he sat with you after the exam - were filled with tokens of love and appreciation from patients from many years of practice. (A plaque behind his desk said, "Dr. ______, at your cervix" It always made me smile!) He was all business, yet tender.

His practice was bought by a young doctor, whom I'd heard good things about. (When you deal with as many nurses as I have over the past year, you talk about doctors a lot!) So, I decided to give the new guy a try.

Yesterday, I walked into the state-of-the-art offices. It took up half of the bottom floor of the building, and there were 8 doctors alone in his area. (My other doc was the only one in the practice, with one nurse and one secretary) I was shuffled from waiting area to waiting area, talking to patients who'd been waiting for hours when I got there, and so I was about to walk out when it finally came time to meet the fellow.

He was young; not much older than Dana, and was charming. At one point, he reached over and took my hand when he thought I was getting upset. (I wasn't, my eye was watering for some obscure reason) His exam was quick, thorough, and discreet. While the rooms were sterile (literally!) and non-descript, his warmth and interaction made the room seem more personal.

When all was said and done, he said, "I'll see you back in a year" and out he went. Down the conveyor belt of a hall to his next patient.

While I'll miss my other doctor, I think I'll keep this new one -

A Life Remembered

2011-05-09T11:39:00.004-06:00

This weekend was so sweet; Mother's Day was awesome, we honored the graduates at church, and Andy and I traveled up North to a sweet little town called Millsap.

Millsap is where my aunt Mary went to live and raise her 5 children following the death of her husband at a young age. My other aunt Lenora lived there, and so it was a perfect choice. We would go up there to visit, and I was pretty unimpressed - Poteet was MUCH larger, you know!!

The kids grew up and moved on - well, not too far away. Aunt Mary lived on dwindling finances as each one left the nest and their government stipend vanished. She needed something to help her out, and since the kids were all athletic, it was natural for her to begin selling tickets to all the games. Living across the street helped keep all the kids nearby, and their friends were staples in the household. Stretching what little money she had, she fed every one of them and often took them in if they needed a place to stay. She kept them in line, and taught them how to be good men and women. They were her kids, too.

At her death a few years ago, the service was filled with kids Mary had "raised" whether in her home or on the sidelines. Now, the ticket booth at the Millsap stadium sports a wonderful tribute plaque to "The Ticket Lady."

We went there this weekend to help with the "Ticket Lady Trot" 5K run. (Andy came in third place in his division!) Everywhere were people who were remembering my aunt and showing their love to my cousins, who set up the scholarship each year in her honor.
It was a day of love and rememberance that I won't forget for a long, long time. It reminded me of the legacy we leave without ever meaning to by our daily lives.

Now, if you asked me my opinion of Millsap, Texas? I think it's a great little town, full of love....

The death of Bin Laden

2011-05-05T13:07:00.002-06:00

Osama bin Laden has been all over the news this week; we would have missed the announcement that night if Erin hadn't called - surely one of those things you want to hear when it happens, not the next morning.

As I sat on the couch, listening to the news, I reflected back on events in my life that have caused all other activities to stop - Kennedy being shot, his brother and Martin Luther King, Jr. assassinated soon afterwards, the shuttle blowing up before our eyes, the Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine High School, and, of course, the 9-11 tragedies.

Enough. That's it. We have "closure" now, so let's just have no more of this!! With the exception of the shuttle explosion, all the rest of these events were caused by people who felt they had the right to change the destiny of lives of people far reaching those they murdered. Whatever gave them such delusions of power, that they could take these matters into their own hands? How do we stop more of this from happening in the future?!?

Lord, come quickly....

Living in the dark

2011-04-25T10:22:00.002-06:00

Both of my daughters live in the Houston area; and both have made the same comment recently upon coming home: "It is SO dark here at night!"

I guess living in the city, there are always lights; on highways, buildings, signs, and just the crazy amount of other cars you meet while driving. It's one of those things I guess I take for granted; the night and how it surrounds you. It covers you like a big blanket, and on certain nights affords you sights in the heavens that we take for granted. Andy loves to carry his telescope out and view the constellations and the planets, and - to be truthful - often has to beg me to join him.

As we weigh the pros and cons of "someday" moving back to be near family, that is certainly something we would lose by going there - the quiet, stillness of the small town night.

Marvelous May

2011-04-22T10:19:00.002-06:00

Before retirement, Jackie always said that she didn't like how I "was" at the end of school; grumpy, tired, and short-tempered. I avoided commitments during the last month in order to keep up the stamina needed to put a year of school to rest. No longer!!

As of today, each and every weekend of May is filled with love and family - the first weekend will take us to Millsap to participate in my cousins' TicketLady Trot to raise money for a scholarship in my aunt's memory. Following the next Saturday will be a weekend visit with some cousins as they journey to the coast for a family vacation. The third weekend is out 35th wedding anniversary - enough said - and the last weekend, we just found out that our friends Steve and Dianne will be coming down from Ohio for a visit!!

Wow! I don't think I could've done all this fun a year ago!! Happy Retirement!!

A Week in Heaven

2011-04-20T09:58:00.003-06:00

Yes, 2 year olds are head-strong; one year olds make messes; sleeping without Andy is the pits - but I LOVED my week with the Johnsons!!! Driving in Houston was less stressful, and working around the diet was challenging (but well done!), but I got to see Liz's school and admire Bladen's amazing balance while mastering the walking process!!

I even enjoyed a sugar-free grape snowcone!!

There are sweet memories I will keep forever; rubbing Erin's feet while she rested on the couch beside me, playing Words With Friends with Gregg, snuggling with Liz while she played on Gregg's ITouch, holding them both on my lap for a long, long time watching animals frolick on the computer (My legs finally went numb, and we had to divert their attention to something else!), Bladen folding in laughter as I bounced him on the air mattress, and having Liz say firmly, "Nana, lay down!" as we rested on her bed.

And the killer, "No go car, need more NaNa!" SO hard to walk away, so hard....

So, while I hated to see my sweet daughter so miserable, I relished the time spent with them - talk about a mixed blessing!

Sure makes house-hunting in Houston appealing....!!

Really random thought...

2011-03-31T06:43:00.001-06:00

Tuesday, a woman told me that she is "expecting a baby." Cool!! This morning, it hit me; what else would she be "expecting" ?!?!! It's going to be one of those days!!

2011-03-26T13:24:00.002-06:00

Dana stated the other day that she is in a "blog freeze" - and I think I have the same problem!! Since my surgery, nothing is coming to mind, other than the surgery; and I don't want that to be my entire focus....

I will say that it is really nice to be free of the heart monitor, though. 3 weeks of wearing it 24/7 got old, and while I found it amazing that our technology has enable folks to do this while living life, the new was over after about 1 week. So, last night, we went into San Antonio to celebrate. My first trip to Carrino's was wonderful - other than watching Andy enjoy the bread and oil. This has to be the hardest part, even harder than giving up Cokes!! Breads and crackers were definitely my weakness, and I miss them a lot.

So. I go back to my surgeon next week for my second check-up. I hope the scale moves downward and that he is happy with my progress. I see it and feel it in many ways, but I want him to be pleased too.

Victory Ring

2011-03-17T12:22:00.002-06:00

One of my favorite movies is "Independence Day" with Will Smith. In it, he is a fighter pilot who carries with him a "Victory Dance" cigar to enjoy after each successful mission. He's given me an idea...

When Andy and I married, I received from him the diamonds that were in his birthmother's wedding ring set. We found a setting we liked, and I wore them proudly. Then, my weight gain began, and not long after Erin's birth (28 yrs. ago!) I found them too tight to wear. They have been put away for safekeeping until the day I could wear them again. Later, Andy bought me a "replacement" ring to wear.

I have decided that, since soon that ring will not even fit my thumb, I will sell it for the gold, and buy for myself a "Victory Ring." It will remind me every day of the effort I am putting forth, and the success I will have found. I think I've already found it - James Avery to the rescue - and so now, I wait.

It wil be wonderful!!!

Two Weeks Behind Me

2011-03-07T11:28:00.002-06:00

Going in to surgery, I knew things in my life would likely not ever return to the way it had been. I was mentally prepared for the changes I would be facing, and so far, I have been proud of my focus. Time is a biggie in this; two weeks here, the next two weeks, and so on. Andy has been a real trooper, and I owe him big. Did I say big - what an understatement!!

My first words out of surgery were, "I change my mind!" Andy and Jackie had a laugh, but I think I half-way meant it. The next two weeks proved much harder and complicated than I imagined - because the surgery itself went just fine; it was all the drama afterwards.

My heart decided on Thursday to go into spasms. One minute, I'm watching the Spurs, the next - my room is filled with all sorts of folks because my heart is in fibrillation. Scary is not the word; it truly was undescribable. If not for those nurses beside me, I think I would have been totally out of control. (See previous post)

The rest of my time in the hospital was spent in dealing with getting my heart back into its normal rhythm, and now I am at home wearing a monitor for three weeks. The doctors in the know suspect that this was a result of stress from the surgery, and that all should be just fine. I am taking them at their word. As far as I know, I haven't skipped a beat since, pun intended!

So, less than two weeks out of surgery, I am off my diabetes and high blood pressure meds. That alone makes this whole thing bearable.

And last night, I rejoined the group at DQ! Yes, I sat there, surrounded by fries, gravy and cokes, sipping on my unsweetened tea. Instead of feasting on the food that put me where I am now, I feasted on conversation and love.

Why didn't I figure this out years ago?!?!

Angels Among Us

2011-03-01T20:17:00.003-06:00

This past week has offered me many things to blog about. Unfortunately, there was no computer available, and when there was, no brain to use.

I know that I am loved. I have come in the past year or so to feel it in so many ways among family, church members and friends - and I have come to accept and relish that affection. But this past week, I was loved by people who had no history with me or the eventuality of a future friendship. They loved me because they are servants of healing - nurses, doctors, surgeons, respiratory therapists, and ladies who cleaned my room. While in my presence, I was their priority and focus.

At one very low point, when I was more scared than I have ever been, some strangers came to my comfort and support. They held my hands, looked me in the eye, and assured me that they were right there beside me. Later, several came to find me on another floor, because they were concerned about what had happened to me that evening.

The Men and Women of Methodist Transplant and Surgery Hospital have my undying (appropriate choice of words!! ) thanks and appreciation. I will never look at the scripture about "angels unaware" the same again.

When I left today, some came by the room and some found me in the hall. Some hugged; one told me to "soar as high as the sky." I will always pray for their works and hope for them a long and happy life.

Linda - Omar - Jolie - Dr. Guerra - Amy - Kim - Tres - Minna - Mikey - Angelina, and Sharon. Many whose names I have already forgotten; but never, ever their kindnesses toward me. A stranger. One patient among the throngs that pass through their halls.

They have no idea... how could they??

Things I am Looking Forward to....

2011-02-21T15:50:00.002-06:00

~ wearing my wedding rings; haven't been able to in most of Erin's lifetime!

~ playing on the floor with Liz and Bladen and babies to come...

~ buying and wearing proudly a Manu Ginobili t-shirt!

~ shopping for clothes in "regular" stores

~ not worrying about finding the closest parking spot so I have the energy to walk to the store

~ swimming with Andy

~ going places with the family and not having them have to wait on me to keep up!!!!

~ standing at church

~ working in my yard

~ riding a bike again

~ feeling "new and improved"

~ not feeling subconcious when I walk into a room

~ hiking again in the beautiful Hill Country, or around Bear Lake, or ANYWHERE I want!!

~ going on my 60th birthday cruise with the girls and wearing a nice swimsuit in front of people :)

~ growing old

~ showing others and myself that I can do this and have self-discipline.

~ NOT worrying about diabetes anymore - - -

and, finally - well, that's between me and Andy!!! :)

2011-02-18T14:12:00.003-06:00

Wow - it's been a month since I last posted; I've had a lot going on, but nothing seemed like a good topic!!

A year ago today, Mom had her stroke. As I was getting ready for school, Andy's brother called to tell us she'd been taken to the hospital after a bad fall. As soon as we could get away, we got to Houston. At first, it looked like we would lose her, and in some ways, we have....

Mom was a fastidious house keeper. All meals were set on the table, and everyone sat there, together, to eat. She never sat down to "visit" - and current events and social topics were the conversation of the day. That part of her is gone, but she is so much better than we ever thought. Healthy, home cooked meals have given way to poached eggs or take-out pizza for dinner, and their once valued independence has been replaced by a 24/7 nurse in the home.

My father- in- law misses his wife a lot. Over the year, we've seen such frustration in him, and yet we've also seen so many instances of tenderness and love that were kept private between them all the years prior. It's truly been a learning experience for us all!

So, as we begin this next year - we are grateful that Mom is better and at home. We miss the mom she was, but we relish the Mom we have now. We are thankful for this year and all it has shown us about our family.

Dreams do come true

2011-01-31T15:49:00.003-06:00

My daughter, Dana, has just had another birthday. She celebrated with friends, and her beloved Johnsons - our turn to celebrate will come in a few days. We did the traditional phone call "Happy Birthday" song, and her flowers were delivered.

I've been thinking a lot about the dreams we have for our children, and I guess this is as good a time as any to reflect. So, here go a few of this mom's dreams:

I dreamed of a daughter who would love and live her life for God and her Savior. No doubt that is true in Dana's case; she seeks to serve and worship Him with her whole being.

I dreamed that she and her siblings would be close. Watching her and Erin makes me so happy, because I know someday her Dad and I will be gone, and they will have each other. It's not so comfy, though, when they team up on us!!

I dreamed of a healthy child. So far, so good; not one trip to the hospital for this girl, although there was that nasty pencil lead trip to the ER once. No broken bones, either. And she's sky-dived, for goodness sake!!

I dreamed of a woman who would love children. You should see her with Liz and Bladen; no aunt does a better job. Her school children are blessed to be with her everyday, and she takes her job quite seriously. Her compassion to those children lonely and hurt is amazing.

I dreamed of an independent person who would not depend on others for making decisions on her own. Sometimes I worry that she's going into her dark apartment by herself late at night, but I am so grateful that she has so much to keep her life full and isn't sitting on the couch.

And I dreamed of a daughter that would value good things in life, like music, sunsets, museums, yummy food, and mountain tops.

I dreamed of Dana.

One look...

2011-01-26T12:52:00.003-06:00

When the girls were little, I'd spat their little legs, or their hands, to get my point across. I thought that was what moms do - or, did - and so I had no remorse about doing it. The girls grew up well mannered and don't seem any worse for the wear...

This past weekend, Erin and her children came to visit. Bladen was "eating" a grill cheese sandwich for lunch, and decided he'd had enough.
So, dead-eyeing me, he proceeded to hold his bite out over the side of the highchair tray as if to say, "Thanks, Nana. No more." Now, I've heard Erin and Gregg both say "No" to Liz and Bladen, so I felt like I could do it without much of a ruckus.

"Bladen, No!" I must have said it with my "teacher voice", because he sank back into the chair and had such a downcast look on his face that I wanted to crawl under the table and cry!! His eyes said to me, "Oh, Nana - how COULD you?!?!" For a good minute or so, he just sat, beaten down like I'd taken away all his little spirit. I had to try several times to tickle his little fat toes, or jiggle his leg, before he'd even crack a little smile. I made it up to him the rest of the visit, and I think he's forgiven me.

So - I hope I never forget that little face whenever he needs guiding again. It's just not in me to make that little man look like that again!!

Reflections of another year

2011-01-10T12:59:00.002-06:00

Today is my 56th birthday. I was up from 3:15 to 5:20, both reflecting on last year's events, and anticipation some of this coming year. Ugh - I'm really needing those lost hours about now!

Since my birthday is so soon after Christmas and New Year's, I rarely make resolutions when everyone else is... I'd just have to do it again a few days later. This year, not so many to make, but good things are in the works. Andy and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage in May, and hope - really, really hope - to mark it with a trip to California to drive the California Coastal Highway and attend my nephew, Casey's wedding. We will see how that pans out, with the state budget fixing to take a big hit, though.

In February, we will mark one year since Mom fell. I can't tell you how that one day has changed the whole tenure of the LaMore family, from Bladen, the youngest, to Andy - her oldest son. The mom we knew and loved so is no more, but we enjoy every day we still have her. Dad has suffered the most, of course, and we've seen it's toll on him.

I think that sometime during this year, I will need to take some sort of job. Maybe not full-time, and maybe not school-related, but something. While I truly enjoy this life I have now, in reality, we were not financially prepared for me to stop work and take in less money. I hope things will work out, though. It already has in so many ways.

I guess one of the best things is that, for the majority of days, I am no longer angry at the principal who set this all in motion. I don't like the way I felt about her, and I'm glad it's gone. Her loss....

One thing I know for sure, I love my husband exponentially more now than ever. Ever. He fills my heart just by standing beside me as we worship God together, or holds my hand as we watch a movie. I adore him, and up until recently, I thought I knew what that all meant. Now, I do.

The last thing that I'll share is that, after 55 years, I truly feel the little invisible girl is gone. (I mean me. My imaginary friend left long, long ago!!) My brother once told me that the middle child was often invisible in a family, and that knowledge made so many things clear to me. But this year, I have really felt - and, I don't really know how to put this into words, - needed. Valued. Anticipated. Missed when I'm not around. Two specific things opened my eyes - an encouragement card, and a comment. Just a comment made by someone. She has no idea of what that meant to me. Both of these events actually scared me, because of the realization that people SEE me, watch me, and value my role in their life. Amazing what that did for me.

So, here comes 56. It's a full day, fun stuff awaits. Life is good, thank you very much!! And before I turn around, here will come 57. Who knows what I'll post about then?!?!

So many things!

2011-01-03T13:16:00.002-06:00

I wish I'd been more self-disciplined these last few days, as I have a lot to post . My year-end countdown, by Christmas holidays with friends and families, my New Year's frivolity, the Johnson anniversary, the Spurs, and so on. It has been a busy season, and it's hard to get it all into words.

Many trips to Houston for wonderful events; Matt and Summer's wedding, B's first birthday, Liz turning two.... Christmas Eve with the family and Christmas Day. Delicious times with the LaMore clan - thankfulness for Mom's continued improvement - a game with nephews I rarely get to interact with.

So, as 2011 begins, suffice it to say that I am a contented, happy woman. Andy shows me more and more how truly much he loves me (maybe he always has and I just didn't see it!), and my friendships grow dearer to me with each passing day. My daughters and sweet son give me hope for a great future for them all.

To quote a line from the movie "Hope Floats," my cup runneth over. May I never forget how God has blessed by life with His goodness.

So, to you and yours, a Happy, Healthy, and Fun 2011.

Now, if those Spurs will just bring home Banner 5!!!

Yes, it's a Spurs post....

2010-12-29T11:27:00.003-06:00

Evidently, my daughters are not fans of my posts concerning my Spurs, but this one is a must!!

For years, the Spurs have been looked down on by those lowly LA Lakers, but last night, they were finally given the respect they deserved! The guys came out gunning, and even thought Timmy and my man, Manu, did little point-wise, the Spurs put them in their place. This was our first big test of the season, some said, and was a measuring stick of how the team really was doing. Well, it was a pleasure to watch them shoot at will and deny the purple and black. I guess our new guys just saw it as another team, and were not intimidated by Koby; did you SEE George put his finger in Koby's face!?!?

So, I'm a happy Spurs fan today; hoping for many more games like that one to come!! :)

The Day After Christmas

2010-12-27T12:59:00.002-06:00

This weekend, we celebrated Christmas in Houston with Andy's family and our own. Everyone was present, with the exception of our niece, and so it was quite a crowd three little ones - a new generation - added plenty of joy to the season, as did having Mom and Dad still amongst us.
Christmas Eve found us enjoying a quiet day, capped off by a beautiful church service where Dana worships. Even little Bladen sang; his words known only to him, but his little voice joining in with fervor. They were captivated by the images on the large screen above them, and the candles lit during Silent Night mystified their little minds.

Santa came bright and early. We enjoyed delicious Gingerbread cake and Sausage Balls while we opened gifts. Too quickly, it was over. Later, we joined the rest of the LaMores for a wonderful dinner, games, and a giftcard exchange.
After worship the next morning, we enjoyed breakfast together, and then we headed home. Christmas was over, again.

So, we're home now, watching gift movies and finding places for Christmas treasures. The Seasonal music cds are stored away for another year, and soon the tree and stockings will be put away. Tomorrow, Andy returns to work. Life goes on.

I hope you all had a great holiday; I have had one to remember for a long time. Loved ones happy, well, and safe. The best gift of all.

Now, to the New Year!!

Joy Renewed

2010-12-22T14:29:00.002-06:00

I have always enjoyed Christmas, as have most people. The sneaking around, the lists, the choosing of wrapping paper, and the overall optimistic attitude of the folks around me.

All the years I taught, I loved the excitement of the children in the school. They were sometimes harder to keep a handle on, but children anticipating Christmas is contagious, and I often felt like one of them. This has been a different year; being retired I was not on a school campus to "catch" their fever.

However, I do have two little elves who are making this holiday season even more precious than ever. The presence of Liz and Bladen around the tree and opening their stockings and gifts will add a new level of joy to my life in a couple of days. I always look forward to seeing Dana, Erin, and Gregg open theirs, and this year is no different - I always sneak in a gift they weren't anticipating to liven things up!

So, to you and yours, Merry Christmas, and a Happy Holidays to all. I'll be thinking of you!!

Thoughts in the night

2010-12-14T10:48:00.003-06:00

This weekend, we learned of the passing of one of our church family. He'd been battling cancer for a while, but kept on going - good days and bad, he fought on. We'd seen him at church on Wednesday night, and he was laughing and talking to folks as usual. Some men saw him at the jail working with the ministry there on Friday night. No clue of what was coming...

On Saturday, he began feeling bad, and it worsened until his family decided to take him to San Antonio to the hospital. He died in the car on the way.

Alive - working, worshipping, loving the family, fighting the cancer.
Dead - so sudden, so "unexpected", so final.

Although we knew it would happen eventually, we were taken aback by it's arrival; people around me were shell-shocked and saddened. Someone actually said, "He wasn't supposed to die; he was going to beat it."

So, on Thursday, we will gather in the auditorium where we always saw him to honor his life and support his family.

Alive. Dead. Too soon....

One quiet, blissful hour

2010-12-07T09:50:00.002-06:00

Saturday was Bladen's first birthday party. We arrived at the Johnson home about 9:30 to find the place jumping - Gregg's family had arrived , and cleaning and preparing was going on all over the place.

About an hour later, Gregg went to put "B" down for his morning nap, but he wouldn't settle down. With Erin gone and Gregg in the shower, this Nana decided to take matters into her own hand. What followed was the most magnificent hour I've had in a long, long time.

When I entered his room, Bladen was glad to see me. I lifted him out of his crib, and headed to the rocking chair. It's been a while since I rocked a baby to sleep, and I took advantage of the timing. We settled in, and in just a short while, this little birthday boy was sound asleep in my arms. The room was dark, and cool, and he felt like warm butter in my arms. He rested soundly as I sang to him, and we spent the whole time doing just that. I considered briefly trying to lay him in his crib, but decided to just stay there and smell his sweet hair and listen to his sweet baby sounds.

Eventually, both Gregg and Erin came in to check on us, and after a while, he stirred. While he was awake, he was not eager to get down, and waited patiently with me until his mom came in to dress him for the party. Our private time was over, and we rejoined the crowd to celebrate his first year of life.

When the girls were babies, I found this poem which I recalled that day. I don't know it all right now, but I do remember this part: "Hide away cobwebs, dust go to sleep; I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."

Over the hills and in the woods, to Elaine's house we go!!

2010-11-30T10:01:00.003-06:00

This past weekend, after Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, Andy and I headed north. We traveled up Hwy 281 to the small town of Millsap. There, we spent the weekend with my cousin Elaine and her family. I got Erin's middle name from Elaine because she is one of the sweetest people in my family, and I wanted my girl to take that from her. She has.

Elaine and Royce, who married while in high school, live in a little cluster of homes with their son and daughter and their families. All weekend, one person or another would walk in and visit or borrow something or bring over whatever it was that Elaine needed. And then, there were the father and son weiner dogs, Woody and Tag, who were very entertaining! The house smelled of delicious foods and the leaves blew softly down from the trees outside. It was peaceful.

On Saturday, we met up with Randall, Linda, Mike and Deeann for the reunion in Cool, Texas. It was a lovely little church down a windy road with the cemetery in back. Elaine's mother and stepfather are buried there. Andy disappeared, and I found him out back, visiting with Mike as he fried fish. Soon, lots and lots of other cousins showed up; some I know well - others, not. They all enjoyed seeing pictures of my brother and hearing about Liz, Bladen, Erin, Gregg, and Dana. After eating, we enjoyed a wonderful slide-show (power point) that Deeann had put together, and played some games. We had an auction to earn money for my aunt's scholarship fund, and then it was over.

Some of us returned to Elaine's for more visiting; Elaine brought out Mamaw's bible with all the history of our family in it; and then it time for them to go. We watched some sports until we couldn't stay awake any longer, and it was time for bed. The road home is always longer than the road there, but the scenery was magnificent - hills covered with leaves of many colors. We stopped along the way in Dublin, so Andy could replenish his supply of Dublin Dr. Pepper, and then headed home. It had been a great weekend.

Andy told someone Sunday night, that when he is with my family in Millsap, he wants to sell our house and move there. He loves them as much as I do, and we play with the notion. They remind me of my heritage and my family's worth and values. I am better with them. I feel grounded and peaceful.

So, thanks Deeann and Elaine for keeping us together as a family, even if it's only one weekend a year. I love you very much!!

The Cecelia Girls

2010-11-26T07:31:00.002-06:00

Growing up, my mother and her sisters were called "the May girls". Feisty, flirty, smart, and beautiful - they were a force to be reckoned with. Nobody better ever try to split them up or cause them grief, for it was all-for-one in the truest form. They are all gone now, and their memories are strong within our family.

Yesterday, I met "the Cecelia girls" - 4 sisters eerily reminescent of my mother and her sisters. I spent the day of Thanksgiving with them - together for the first time since their mother's passing 3 years ago - one lives in Missouri, one in Lubbock, and two here. My dear friend Jackie invited us to spend the day, and it was a full one. I got to observe her in a whole new dynamic, and it was delightfully enlightening.

Raucous laughter, competitive games, serious discussion, lots and lots of teasing, and mostly, love. Lots and lots of love. I felt honored to be let in to such an intimate setting - nothing held back. I almost felt like one of them.

So, thanks Cecelia sisters for a great day - one I'll remember for a long, long time! I hope you return to Pleasanton very soon!!

It was twenty years ago today...

2010-11-18T10:47:00.003-06:00

no, not Sergeant Pepper's band playing, but the loss of my dear dad. How can it be 20 years?!? After a long month of hospital visits, waiting rooms, and doctor consultations, my sweet dad slipped peacefully into the next life. I was with him just an hour before, and on that visit, he'd opened his eyes for the first time in a month and smiled at me. I know he knew me - just the recognition on his face is enough to make me sure. I left. He died.

And life has "gone on." The girls grew up, graduated from both high school and college. We built our home with his inheritance. Mom died. Erin met and married Gregg. Then Liz. Now Bladen. Dana is an established, respected teacher. Both girls are strong in their faith.

He would be so very proud of his kids. Gary has a wonderful life right now - well and strong. Marsha is married, with Casey grown and two little ones to raise; one named Calvin - Daddy's middle name. I completed a fullfilling career as a teacher, and am now happily retired. Andy is an elder. It's all worked out for the good.

I believe he is resting peacefully, awaiting the resurrection of the dead. I will see him at Christ's coming, and we will have a great reunion. Until then, I will just have to miss him.

It's that time again!!

2010-11-08T13:04:00.002-06:00

Peanuts, mold, cedar; whatever... it's back. I can't seem to get used to the coughing from November to March as I get older - and now it is interfering with my worship!! Yesterday, I was able to sing about one verse from each song, so I picked my favorite one; if it was a favorite song, I'd get through the whole song and skip the next one. Sure hampers my praise!!

Next stop; the doc. Surely I'll be better by Sunday!!

Happy Birthday, Andrew -

2010-10-31T14:33:00.003-06:00

Today is the 37th anniversary of Andy's baptism into Christ. We had literally just met - 3 days prior - and the church there was conducting a gospel meeting. His friend/roommate, Steve, had asked him about 5 times to come to worship with him, and Andy had always had a reason not to go. Never one to give up, Steve asked yet one more time, and Andy said , "Sure, why not?" The rest is history.

I think he would say that the act was one of doing what was expected of him. A literal man, he didn't hesitate, and his new friends surrounded him in joy. Immediately, he jumped right in with both feet, and hasn't looked back once. We were married about 3 years later, and the church has always been the focal part of our lives together. Huntsville, Katy, and now, Pleasanton.

We've been here for 23 years, now. Longer than any other place we have ever called home. The girls grew into wonderful women in this place, and we have friends dearer to us than some family members. From a college student to an elder. Our lives are blessed beyond measure.

So - now what? The adventure continues....

Visiting at its best

2010-10-21T15:00:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking about this post for several days....

Frances and I have two things in common; Christ our Savior, and a great love for my daughter, Erin. Frances taught Erin in Bible Class when we first moved to Pleasanton and has always loved her. Erin is easy to love, and Frances never hid her obvious feelings for her. When Erin was getting married, we went over to her house, and Frances gave Erin her choice of three gifts; Erin still displays it to this day in her home.

On to the visit. Sunday, I was sitting on the front pew at church following worship, and suddenly, Frances appears beside me. She asked if I would come over to her home - she had something to show me. (Frances is a wonderful artist, and a few weeks earlier, I had commented on some work of hers shown in our local paper.)

When I arrived, Frances and her sweet husband, Taylor met me at the door. They are in their very late 80's, and I have known them since I was a little girl. It is an odd feeling to call them by their first names, but they insist. She took me into the eating area of their kitchen, and so started a wonderful afternoon of talking and looking over her paintings. She took me from room to room, each one a museum of her paintings - some quite old, some almost still wet . When we got to their bedroom, there hung the painting I had seen in the paper. As we talked, she bent down and picked up a print of the painting she had done for me!!

As we neared the end of our "tour", Frances asked me quite sweetly if I could come again to visit some more. She said, "You are acquainted with people at church, but you only come to know them by spending time together."

For some reason, this made me very emotional. Here is this woman I have worshipped with all these years, who loves my family with all her heart, and yet I haven't spent time in her home other than very few occasions. I hugged her tightly, promised her that I would, and then excused myself. She walked me to the car, arm in arm - pointing out plants and items of interest in her yard.

My heart felt full. I hope I don't get "busy" and forget to go again.

Meanwhile, back at the mine....

2010-10-14T06:44:00.003-06:00

Like millions of other people around the world last night, I watched as one-by-one, the Chilean miners were rescued from their "jail" 2 miles below the earth's crust. As each man was brought up, tears would form in my eyes - I had no clue who these men were, even if they were decent men deserving of rescue - and yet the emotions of those around me were contaigious. Family, friends, fellow miners, even the Chilean President and his wife, were all there; with each one a loud chant would rise up. I could repeat it with them by too long - wondering what in the world I was saying!!

Sorryfully, I had two negative thoughts come to mind; would Obama and Michelle stand in support for 24 hours for American miners? Maybe in an election year and they were'nt on vacation.... the other thought was, "if this was in American, standing along the edge would be lawyer upon lawyer. How sad that on this happy occasions these indictments of our society came to mind.

In the end, all was over. The last rescuer bowed before the camera deep inside the earth, grabbed his back of rocks, and waved to the men up above before climbing into the Phoenix to ascend to the fresh air of life. It was an enhilarating moment to behold!!

Now, my prayer is that they will all fall into obscurity and get back to the life they had over 70 days ago; family, work, peace. I hope the world leaves them alone in thankfullness for what they masterfully endured.

Living a life at Peace

2010-10-07T11:07:00.003-06:00

I really loved being a teacher. I loved the interaction with my peers, and loved seeing growth in my students - both in life and in reading. I came into the curriculum with reservations, and then became a convert after seeing little ones who'd never read before become readers -and loving it!!

Somewhere along the line, though, it changed. I really think it was when my friend and Principal Billie retired. She loved me, but beyond that, she treated me with respect. Suddenly, that was gone, and I became "old", an antique/dinosaur.

I knew I had a pervasive knot in my stomach, but I truly did not see how it was affecting my basic personality. Then, about July, I woke up without the knot, and suddenly I was hearing myself laugh (almost giggle) a lot. It was quite an awakening.

I am truly at peace in this new life; my husband and I are free of the angry woman I'd become without my even knowing she was there. My anger at the situation is truly gone, and while I miss my kids a lot, I know this is where I want to be; with Jackie, Susie, the Monday morning group, and Andrew.

Always with Andrew.

Dad's day

2010-09-27T16:39:00.003-06:00

When I get to Heaven, one thing I'm going to love is that there will be no time. Time frustrates me - when you need it to go fast, it slows down; want to "freeze time?" - it speeds up. Waiting for the proverbial pot to boil; forget being in a rush to finish the pasta!!

My dad would be 90 years old today if he were still living. I can't imagine him at that advanced age, because he died 20 years ago. Twenty years. Erin was a little girl; now, she's a mom of two. Casey hardly remembers him. I don't think of Dad as he was when he died, rather I choose to remember him 5 years before his death. He was happy, healthy, active and loving being a grandpa. The end of his life was sad.

There are things I want Dana and Erin to always remember about their Papaw:
~ he loved spending time with them; walking down the road, pushing them in the swing, sitting in the swing in the front yard.
~ he couldn't quote a lot of scripture, but he lived a good life
~ he loved the church and the people there. Sometimes, there would be only 2 or 3 men to lead the service, so Papaw would do announcements, lead singing, and serve the Lord's Supper.
~ he could fix anything. He had no college degrees, but he helped develop the C-5 airplane for the Air Force and went to the Pentagon to explain it to the powers that be.
~ he loved music. Country and Western or Hymns. Didn't matter. He whistled or sang softly under his breath.
~ you would sit on the floor with him and watch him roll his cigarrets. He smelled of tobacco, oil, and dirt - a musty aroma blend of his hard work.
~ he loved his yard. Hours and hours mowing, trimming, edging, and working in the garden. Peaceful times for him after a long day.

I've missed Dad a lot since Liz and Bladen have been born - I know he would be thrilled to know he had great-grandchildren. He was a good man, father, employee, community member, Christian, Dad and Papaw.

So Far...

2010-09-23T13:28:00.002-06:00

The things I like about retirement so far....
~ NO ALARM (for me anyway; sorry, Andrew!)
~ eating lunch with Andy most days
~ not wearing makeup every day!! :)
~ quiet, alone time at home - a first in 34 years of marriage/motherhood
~ Bible Study on Wed.
~ not having to schedule things after 4:00 so I won't miss work
~ not HAVING a schedule after 29 years (Summers don't count)
~ being with Jackie at least two days a week!
~ knowing that my time is my own
~ getting to have long conversations with Erin while the kids nap - YIPPEE!

That's a pretty good start!!

What a weekend -

2010-09-20T10:04:00.002-06:00

Just returned from a long weekend in Houston - saw many of Andy's family over the three days of our trip; most of the time we spent with Mom and Dad.

I am the first to marry into the LaMore family; over 34 years of getting to know them - how they function was so different from my own family that at times I didn't think I'd ever fit in... being a small-town girl brought with it some awkwardness at times, and it took a while before I was comfortable talking to my in-laws.

Since Mom's fall in February, things have pretty much opened up. Andy and his dad have been able to be very open about things, and I feel like Andy has been a good ear for his dad. We have learned more about his life with Margaret (Andy's birth mother), and I have become much more affectionate with them both. I have been about to tell his mom things I have felt - about how grateful I am that she came into Andy's life, and those kind of things. So, if anything good has come out of this situation, that would be it.

We did get to see Dana and the Johnsons for dinner on Friday evening, so that made this Mom/Nana very happy!! Andy had a great birthday, and we worshipped with the saints in Katy before heading home in lots and lots of rain!!

I am so blessed!!!

Time in a Bottle

2010-09-13T11:59:00.002-06:00

On Saturday, Andy and I drove up to the Hill Country. We were going to a retreat being held at the camp I attended for several years as a teenager. Several members of our congregation were there, and were happy to see us walk in in the late afternoon.

The reason for our going was to see the minister who baptized Andy and married us in 1976. His wife was not with him, but it was a joy to walk in and see him standing there. Andy also worked at the church with him, and bought his first car from him - we KNOW this man!!

His sermon that night was on "investments" - not money, but investments in people. In his talk, he sweetly talked about our history together, and encouraged the others there to be sure to meet us. It was a joy to find connections with some of them; one worships in SA with some friends, another also worked through the Prison system when Andy was there, and yet another couple knew our dear friends, the Lassiters, from Sourjourners. A beautiful night all around!

As I sang along with about 100 of my brothers and sisters in Christ, some things struck me; one, how joyful these people were - many strangers to each other before the beginning of the retreat, yet joined in worship. They weren't there wanting "more" for themselves - in fact, I thought to myself how glad they might be to be away from all those wanting "change". This was their place - their heritage, their comfort. No discord, no turmoil. Just worship to their God. It filled me will sadness that at times, I probably caused those feelings in older members....

The other thing that I felt was a sadness that future generations of our brotherhood probably will never know the simplicity of our worship. Things seem to be moving fast right now, and maybe I am getting old, but I enjoyed how simple and pure the singing was. No worship leader, no projection screens - just old men full of joy and desire to lead us in song. God bless them!

..........

In the square of the camp stands a memorial to Archie Waldrum. He was my grandmother's minister in Alice, Texas, and the director of the session of camp I first and most often attended. He was director of the board for many years, and died a couple of years ago at age 92, on the way home from camp in an automobile accident. He'd had a great week, according to his wife.
The memorial will be walked past by campers for generations to come, and they won't have a clue as to who he was. Those of us who knew him will NEVER forget.

Sex vs. Violence

2010-09-07T10:17:00.003-06:00

Over the weekend, Andy and I saw several movies. The first, the American, had some pretty blatant sex scenes, one curse word, and lots of shooting people.

Next came Men Who Stare at Goats, also George Clooney; very different movies!! More profanity, but lots and lots of laughs. Will watch it again, given the chance.

Finally, we finished the mini-series Band of Brothers, focusing on the Easy Company during WWII. More cursing than ever, but if I was being shot at and seeing the atrocities of that War, I may let a word or two slip.

The final episode focused on the discovery of an Interment Camp and Hitler's Eagle's Nest compound. As I watched the scenes of the Jewish prisoners, I told Andy that surely nothing in Human History can top the cruelty of the Germans. The scene, I'm sure, did it's best to be realistic, but I wonder just how true to the horror it came... I don't think I could stand to see much more.

So, I wonder - what bothers you more in a movie; the sex, the cursing, or the violence?? For me, the violence, hands down.

Leaving well-enough alone

2010-08-25T13:01:00.003-06:00

With the discovery of Facebook and all the connections that can be made through it, I took a daring look into finding someone from my high school years. This person only went to our school for two years, and I never heard of him again. During the two years he was with us, there were some things that happened that I have since wanted to "make amends" for... I won't bore you with the drama of those times; just suffice it to say that I REALLY messed up.

So - I look and look, and finally find this person. Taking a deep breath, I sent a message, and soon afterwards, he responded. Do I bring up the afore mentioned deeds, or do I just let it go, I wonder? His response to my second message was, "I honestly don't remember you."

He doesn't remember me... and all these years, I've thought I ruined his high school years by my actions! I have to say, I was truly confused by my reaction. We were a small school and were in activities together; and yet he doesn't remember who I am??

So, I decided that I will leave things as they are, and not bring up the events for which I was going to apologize. I will also put those remorseful feelings to rest and finally give myself some grace for being a young, goofy girl.

And, I don't think I want to be his "Friend!"

Starting a New Chapter

2010-08-17T08:12:00.003-06:00

Well, yesterday came and went, and I survived; but now to get past next Monday.

About 11:30 yesterday morning, it dawned on me that this was the first day back of school. All summer long, it had seemed far in the distance; when people would ask me about being retired, I would say something like, "It'll hit me when school starts"....

Erin, Gregg, Liz and Bladen came home this weekend so that Erin could attend a baby shower for a friend. They stayed until yesterday, and I can't help but wonder if they were staying to help Mom get through the day without being down. Even if that wasnt' even a part of their reasoning - it worked! A morning of the babies and the hustle and bustle of loading up all the stuff that goes with a baby sure kept my mind occupied .

So, somewhere off in the distance, were my former co-workers; sharing stories of their summer and talking about the new year beginning. I wonder if anyone even noticed I was gone? After all these years - you'd hope so.

So, life and PISD go on without me. Someone is preparing to take over my classes, and my kids. Today, the new chapter continues with a day spent with sisters in Christ at Tina's house; I've GOT to learn to do some type of craft if I'm going to continue to go to these gatherings, but for today, I'm just going for the fellowship. Tomorrow will be Bible Study, and so on. Already, the week will be half over.

Now, to get past next Monday, when my kids all go back, and I'm not there.

Morning, Retirement style

2010-08-12T09:40:00.002-06:00

By far, my favorite thing about retirement so far is mornings. No alarm, no rushing out the door. Instead, I get to kiss my husband goodbye, and then - if I want - I slip blissfully back into sleep. Once awake, I stretch and twist and think on whatever enters my head until I desire to leave my bed for the day. The quiet of the house and the comfort of moving at a slower pace is luxury.

I've always loved stretching - when the girls were little, I'd gently pull on their little baby arms and legs and rub them - I'd roll them around and twist them back and forth, to limber their little bodies and make them more aware of their surroundings; now, I just give myself that little bit of awareness before the beginning of the day. I've found that, getting older, it really makes the old chassis easier to get going!!

So, before you get yourself up, give a little stretch!!

Seeing Gary

2010-08-10T08:59:00.008-06:00

My mother had three children; Gary, Amy, and Marsha. We were spread apart in years and lifestyles, and since our mother's death in 2001, we have not seen each other. We were her whole purpose and joy in life, and she desperately wanted us to remain close - as close as she was with her sisters. She would be so disappointed to know that we have not followed that example.

On our vacation, Andy and I spent a wonderful evening with Gary, his singing partner, Leah, and his sweet daughter, Amanda. I had not seen Mandy in 20 years, as her mother and Gary divorced very quickly following Amanda's birth, and - well, we just didn't keep in touch. It was like we'd been together every day- laughing, recalling wonderful memories, and sharing pictures. The album you see Gary holding is one he recorded when he was 25, and he said, "I'd given up hope of ever seeing this again!!" It was a joy to see him so happy, and so content. Leah had helped me set everything up, as my stubborn brother is too busy playing golf to do email or Facebook!! :) , so thanks, Leah!

It was a perfect way to end our vacation, and I sure hope it's not another ten years before we see each other again!!

The Good and the Bad of It

2010-08-08T20:35:00.002-06:00

Since we've been home, I've been reliving all the wonderful things about vacationing. Thought I'd share a few:

The Good: seeing new sights with Andy
cold, cold rooms to sleep in
eating out; especially a good breakfast!
clean sheets every night; forget the environment - I'm on vacation!!
finding a church in each town that we go through; makes me feel part of something really big
taking cool pictures
getting away from little hassles

The Bad: hotel room showers; I miss my nice, roomy shower!
not having access to a computer - wait; that should be a GOOD thing!!
living out of a suitcase

I know there are more - what about you?!?!

Andy's Magic Kingdom

2010-08-06T12:49:00.003-06:00

Most folks think of Disney World as the "Magic Kingdom." While I'm sure it is a fun place full of adventure, to my husband, there is one place that is way more magical: Kennedy Space Center.

Our drive along the monotonous I-10 corridor was long and, yes, somewhat dull. While we both love road trips, I-10 does not offer a lot to see. True, we did go through a few swampy areas of Louisianna, and saw oil in Mobile Bay, but the majority of the drive was "just getting there."

It would take paragraph after paragraph to describe our adventure at Kennedy, so I will give it my quick review. We were privy to a "behind the scenes" tour of the space center, complete with launch pads and Vehicle Assembly Pads (I think that's right!:) ). We most enjoyed the Apollo building, which had everything you could possible learn about the development of the Apollo program until it's final mission. Andy was a patient, and interesting teacher to his novice student, and while I knew a lot - relative term -, there were some intricate details to be shared. We ate lunch with a shuttle astronaut and grinned really big for our photo with him.

For Andy, it's the dream; for me, it was the people. From KSC employees to tourists from all over the earth, it was a wonderful experience. Not only at the Space Center, but on our boat ride and in restaurants and hotels, we encounted people from Italy, Germany, England, Scotland, all over Asia, and so on. From babies, to teens, to old folks - everyone was enjoying themselves. My husband, most of all.

While I did not see manatees or alligators, I saw several dolphins, and birds of all types. I listened to Neil Diamond played on a steel drum. I ate tuna not from a can, and saw the moon rise over the Atlantic Ocean on the beach with my man. The very few hassels and disappointments will soon be forgotten, but the memories will live on in our lives forever.

I really wanted this trip for Andy; but it was great for me, too.

And, we're off!!

2010-07-25T20:30:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow morning, Andy and I will load our stuff and head off on this year's adventure.

A few months ago, I got it in my head that I wanted to take Andy to watch a shuttle launch before the program ended. He has loved the space program all his life, and I had this romantic vision of standing beside him, holding his hand as we watched the shuttle rise from the pad and disappear from our view.

Well, we will see the launch pad, and I'm sure I'll hold his hand at some point during the trip, but we will not be seeing a shuttle launch; they scrubbed the mission a few weeks ago. After giving him the option of waiting and going in the Fall, he opted to go ahead and go now. It will be a busy two days at Cape Canaveral; eating lunch with an astronaut, riding a shuttle simulator, and visiting the Star Trek exhibit. Yes, NASA acknowledges Star Trek!

As for me, I'm looking forward to seeing a part of the world I've never seen; haven't been past Biloxi, Miss.! and visiting my brother and niece whom I've not seen in too many years. Oh, and sleeping on clean sheets in a cold, cold hotel room every night! :)

So, so long for a few days; I'll tell all about it at a later date. Lord willing, it will be an adventure!!

writer's block

2010-07-23T13:15:00.002-06:00

It just seems like lately, I haven't had much to say... I guess with no work to complain about, and quiet days at home, I'm having a bit of a slump. Don't get me wrong, I love my nice, quiet, contemplative life; it's just not anything to go on and on about.

Hopefully, after our trip, I'll have plenty to share!!

Yet another transition

2010-07-17T10:01:00.002-06:00

Since May, Andy and I have been both going through major job transitions. First, my teaching career of 29 years came to a screeching halt with retirement, and now, Andy has made a big shift in his career.

Andy is a great Probation Officer. His people actually hate (well, most of them) to finish their probationary sentence because he has helped them transition so much from their crime. This is the part of his job that he takes the most pleasure in. For a while now, he's been debating where he was, and finally has come to a decision. He as given up his Office Manager role and has come "Home" to Atascosa once again as a regular, traditional P.O. No more evaluations, no more dealing with personnel issues, no more "paperwork" for managerial purposes. He feels like now he can mentor some or the younger, less experienced officers and dedicate his time to what he loves most. This last chapter of his career will be more what he wants, and I'm proud of him for taking the leap.

On Thursday, I joined him at his office as he said an official "Goodbye" to friends and co-workers. He'd been in that office 16+ years, and some were harder to leave than others. But as I stood back and watched as he got hug after hug, and strong, hard-felt handshakes, I knew this; he did a great job there, and his influence will live there for quite a while. I was very proud of his demeanor throughout the process of leaving, and he can certainly move on with the feeling of accomplishment inside him.

So, now he works for a week in his new office, and we take off for a long, hopefully memorable vacation. It's certainly earned and anticipated !!!

"and Mary kept all these things in her heart."

2010-07-12T09:09:00.003-06:00

This is one of my favorite quotes of the New Testament, referring to the life of Jesus, His mother Mary witnessing things and holding them in her heart forever. I've thought of it often during the years as Dana and Erin grew from little babies, to toddlers, to teens, and even now as women. I love to observe them and tuck away little things that are special in my "mom's eyes".

Last week was a good chance to add lots of those moments - I spent three days in Houston at the Johnsons' (don't I have a great son-in-law to endure me all those days?!?) and the joy of seeing Erin with her babies; to see her teaching Liz such little things as kissing her baby brother good-night, and "helping" fold clothes were just precious. I know I did those same things, but it didn't feel the same as watching her. I enjoyed Gregg coming in after work and getting "It's Dad!" from Liz; so full of excitement and love for her father and his joy at seeing his children. I even got to witness Dana totally enjoying her role as Aunt D as she shared chocolate pie with Liz and taught her to jump on the bed and fall in heaps of giggles. My heart just filled up time and time again.

So, even know, as I sit here at look at Bladen and Liz's pictures - I remember all those little things - Bladen doing his "pose" as he balanced himself on the floor - and it's almost as good as being there still.

Almost....

2010-07-05T08:53:00.003-06:00

What do you remember about church from your youth? Andy and I were talking this morning about people who have gone before us, who impacted our faith, and I got to thinking about Myrtle Spence.

Sister Spence, as I knew her, was a truly committed Christian woman in the long ago years of the 50s and 60s. She never missed a service, her head covered in a fashionable hat and knitted shawl, sitting in her spot on the end of her pew, beside the window. We had those old, crank-open windows and no airconditioning in those days, and she was right there, beside hers. As I sat across the aisle, or down the row, or behind her, I could always hear her sweet, clear voice singing hymns, but otherwise, she was silent.

The thing I remember most, and this is why she is on my list of "heroes of faith", is her teaching my Bible Class. She always had flannelboard figures, or - my favorite - pipe-cleaner figures with which to act out Bible Stories. Daniel and the Lion's Den, Noah's Ark, Moses in the reed basket. She brought those stories to life with her animated story telling and pipe cleaners....no dvds for us!! We sang lots of songs and always, always passed the band-aid box for our offering to the missionaries. She made sure we participated in all parts of the class.

Sister Spence has been gone a long, long time; but now, thinking back, it's as if I saw her yesterday. I hold a special part in my heart, and I look forward to seeing her in the future, in our Father's house.

So - who are your Sister Spences?? Please share!!

Is it just my imagination, or what?!?!

2010-06-29T21:30:00.003-06:00

Bees, bees, bees!!

A few weeks ago, Dana called to tell me that she'd been having trouble with bees getting into her apartment somehow. Just a few at a time, but enough to be worrisome. So far, no exterminator has come, so she just keeps waiting.

Ever sense, bees are everywhere!! I hear about them on the news, I read about them in the paper, and I watch television shows where they are being moved by a bee-keeper! Now, today, I'm watching a show on my computer, and there's a guy who's allergic to - wait for it - BEES! He wakes up in this cabin with one on his face, and millions flying all around. I can't escape them!!!

Next thing I imagine is a reality show on Bees!!

Decisions, decisions!!

2010-06-29T08:05:00.002-06:00

What to do?!? Everyone is interested in finding out my "plans" for retirement, and to be honest, I haven't got a clue!! It all happened so fast, the even idea of it being a reality truely hasn't sunk in yet. It just all feels like Summer time to me; the same summer I've had for 29 years. I know that, come August, I will have to make some decisions, but for now - well - I'm enjoying my lazy, quiet, stay-home kind of days.

I'll let you know what I decide!!

Lessons learned

2010-06-25T08:41:00.002-06:00

I was 25 when I had Dana, 28 when Erin was born. A few years later, I had baby fever again, but - well, Andy didn't, so we were a happy family of 4. I took the business of raising the girls very seriously, and really tried to enjoy my time with them as they grew into toddlers, little girls, preteens, and yes, even teenagers. A wise woman told me, "Enjoy each age you go through, for each one does have it's advantages." And so I tried. We played, colored, sang, built, etc. as each season rolled into another.

Yesterday, I went with Jackie and the 5 little ones to Burger King. We had a wonderful time, laughing, waving, even comforting one who got scared when she couldn't find her sister. It was a happy, peaceful time with my friend.

Now, today as I reflect on that visit, I wish I had Dana and Erin back again for just one day - to enjoy them again as little girls, learning life all over again; and I wonder if I could do it "better" with the wisdom of years. I know I would be more patient, and slower with my demands; but overall, I think I did a pretty good job - they are wonderful, well-adjusted, God-fearing women in their own successful lives.

Sometimes, though, I just miss my little girls.

June 20

2010-06-21T08:12:00.002-06:00

Wow - how can it already be the 20th of June?!?! This month is speeding by, and I know that the idea of my retirement hasn't sunk in, because I'm "worried" about how fast it is going!! June usually is a slow, restful month, but I guess with all the activity of getting the retirement set up and church activities, the days are whizzing by. Dana comes in on Wed. for a few days, and then, the month will be done. The nice thing is, we're seeing a better picture of how retirement is going to go financially, and Andy is feeling better about it. We know there's a difference we are facing, but thanks to Dave Ramsey, we are in better shape than we would've been... well, I just wouldn't have been able to even consider retiring now, so - thanks, Dave!!

Facing One's Biggest Fears

2010-06-18T08:14:00.002-06:00

My first memory of going to the dentist was in 4th grade. I was sitting in a dark library at school, watching a black and white film about bears, when my nerve became exposed somehow, and I ended up on the floor in extreme pain. Mom came to get me, and they drug me into my great-uncle's office, where he proceeded to hold me down and yank out the offending tooth. It marred me for life...
Over the course of my adulthood, I have gone long stretches of my life with seeing a dentist and taking care of my teeth. Now, I am 55, and am truly paying the price for that neglect. "Happy Pills" and nitrous oxide have become my friend, but up until yesterday, I'd avoided at all costs (my teeth, usually!) the dreaded Root Canal.

I cannot tell you how paralyzed I was yesterday as I waited for the appointment. As much as I tried to keep thinking of other things, I was unable to remove that fear from my mind. Even as I entered the office, I was frozen. While the process was uncomfortable at some points it was not nearly as painful as I imagined!! I'm sure the full dosage of "happy pills" helped, but I think my dentist's gentle touch had a lot to do with it also. I came home with no pain. None!

So, now I can face the other one in a couple of months, knowing I will save my tooth and live to tell about it.

I'm really proud of myself!!

An odd observation

2010-06-14T13:18:00.002-06:00

So, today started with a list of items to accomplish - starting off with meeting with the head of Human Resources to discuss my retirement and get the financial end of it going. After arriving late - I'm NEVER late anywhere ! - we got going. Things are looking like it's all falling into place, and I go to Austin on Wednesday to finalize things.

I go to the bank next, to get copies of our birth certificates, and as I wait, I see that the doctor who delivered me, and is LONG gone, never signed my birth certificate. This begins to bother me; am I alive or not?!?! What are the legal ramifications of not being legaly legal?!? Am I like a television series that ends in a snowglobe or someone's imagination??

Silly, I know. But certainly gave me pause on this hectic morning!!

It is Finished

2010-06-10T08:26:00.003-06:00

There are few things that I think people look forward to more than retirement. I'd always figured that I would anticipate mine for a whole school year and leave with hugs and tears from students and co-workers alike.

I "retired" almost a week ago, and it was nothing like that. It was quiet, and tearful, and -yes, freeing. After finding renewed joy in my profession of 29 years, this year has shown me that I no longer belong. Is that an oxymoron or what?!? At the same time I find joy and feelings of accomplishment with my students and parents, I feel that I can no longer keep pace with the demands of current trends in teaching. I feel a dinosaur; even while "proficiently" carrying out the requirements of my curriculum. And so, when the Lord provided me a way to pay back some years of retirement, I knew it was time to go.

Andy and I are both apprehensive about this move financially - it's a few years ahead of what we'd planned, but we are together in it. When you are waking up at night with a racing heart, and dread your classroom door opening, it's no fun anymore. I looked at myself and saw someone I didn't recognize; in this past week, I see myself returning.

So. It is finished. I will find a little something to do to bridge the cash-flow gap, but I have no regrets. Well, maybe a few; Lexy, Riley, Robert, Dawson - you get my drift.

Teaching is the most rewarding occupation the world has to offer - I gave it my best shot.

Really can't complain

2010-06-02T07:20:00.001-06:00

Each day, I check blogs - and I get disappointed when those I read don't have something new to read...

and then I check mine, and realize it's been over a week since I posted myself.

Oops.

School's almost over!! :)

What, now?

2010-05-31T08:44:00.002-06:00

I had it all planned out. The perfect vacation for my husband, and NASA messed it up!! I was going to take Andrew to Florida this July for the launching of the next-to-the-last shuttle mission - I could see myself standing beside him as the count-down occurred and feel his hand squeeze mine and the shuttle roared into the clear, Florida sky. Barring a hurricane barreling down on us, it was utopic in my mind's eye.

Then, I checked the calendar one more time before I made reservations. They've moved the flights to Sept. and Nov.

Curses!!

34 and counting

2010-05-22T10:11:00.002-06:00

34 years ago today, at 4:00 in the Huntsville Church of Christ, I said, "I do." Little did I know just what that all entailed, and I'm happy to say that, for the most part, it's been a pretty easy commitment.

Looking back, here are some of the things "I do" have meant to me:

~ I do laugh after all these years at the majority of his goofy jokes
~ I do enjoy Star Trek as much as he does, and can quote most of the movies right along with him!
~ I do love his family, and feel honored to be part of the tribe.
~ I do take great comfort in his routines and patterns of his life
~ I do feel safe in knowing that he has my back when life is rough
~ I do love riding alongside him in a car for hours to get to the mountains we both love
~ I do take pride in the beautiful daughters we've raised together
~ I do love watching him as he serves his God
~ I do take pleasure in the feel of his hand intertwined in mine
~ I do look forward to the rest of my life with him, and eternity that follows.

Happy Anniversary, Andrew - I still do~

It's time

2010-05-20T07:05:00.002-06:00

I can tell it's the end; I'm overly tired, emotional, stressed, and angry. Very angry.

Then, Mrs. B. comes in with my end-of-the-year gift. Her card made it all better; I need to frame it for future days.

An Intervention Report

2010-05-14T07:10:00.003-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, when the girls were home, they sat me down to have an intervention. I want you to know, I did really good since then, but now I'm falling off the wagon -

It appears too many of my blogs have focused on my Spurs. Not everyone, apparently, likes reading about the boys over and over - so the girls felt perhaps I needed to lighten up on the Silver and Black. Being the obedient woman I am, I took what they had to heart.

Until this morning, when Ihave to post at least one more basketball blog:

To LeBron - HA HA HA - out you go!! Another year with no ring - so sad.

So, till next year: Go, Spurs, Go!! :)

May once again!

2010-05-12T06:59:00.002-06:00

We met the Huttons during the Summer. We spent lots of time together, playing games, laying on the trampoline watching the skies late into the night, and so on. It was great.

Then, School started, and our time together was cut marginally. We still got together and such, but the carefree nature of the time was limited. Still...

Then, came May. I'll never, ever forget Jackie looking at me and saying, "You get mean in May!" and she was serious. The stress of putting the year to rest along with the exhaustion does change me. I confess. I think of that every year when I become that person again.

Well, it's May. Enough said. 16 days.

Happy Mothers' Day

2010-05-08T13:14:00.003-06:00

I'm sending out early Mothers' Day wishes, because these women are on my mind right now, and I'm at a stage where, if they leave, they may not come back. Sad, but true.
So, here goes:

To my mama: Margaret, I love and appreciate you more now than I ever did while you were alive. People told me that this would be the case, but I was so angry and confused then that unfortunately it didn't make sense to me. I miss doing things with you - Bingo, Garage Sales, talking about Liz and Bladen and my kids. I still harbor feelings of resentment toward you about the way you let your life end and that may take a while, but at least now I smile sometimes when I talk about you. That's a big start.

Mom - I'm so glad you are HERE on this Mother's Day. I really didn't think you would be, and your progress so far has amazed us all. In those days following your fall, I told you how I feel about you, and I truly hope you remember those words. You've never really let me get close to you, and I'm glad I had a chance to share with you my admiration and love. Keep healing.

Erin - You amaze me. Don't be so hard on yourself now about the job you are doing; there's time for that later, when the kids are grown. Relax and enjoy them now, safe in the fact that you are making the best choices for them and are motivated by that primal mother love.

Dana - Someday soon. I know it in my soul. You will amaze me, too.

Jackie - I love that you love my girls like they are yours. That gives me peace.

Shanon - You have been through so much as a Mother; from the highest high to the valleys of Hell. You've hung in there and come through with your family still in tact. I've watched you from a distance and wished so many times that I was there to physically hold you through those dark days. I'm glad to see that what didn't kill you did make you a stronger person. I love you dearly.

Kara - while I haven't known you for long, your story and the passion with which you pray for children who need "forever families" truly touches my heart.

Dianne - As if raising 4 of your "own" wasn't enough, you took on another. She is blessed to have you in her corner, as are your other children.

While there are many other wonderful moms I'm thinking of today, I think I'll stop here.
I hope my little attempt at putting my heart into words comes out right.

Every Spring

2010-05-06T06:57:00.002-06:00

I confess - having Summers off is a big perk of my job, but it is not the reason I became a teacher. Paul is the reason; a pretty damaged little boy I worked with when I was in High School, who lived in a home that made him eat off the floor like a dog, and who was tormented by other kids, who needed an advocate who saw the little boy beneath the problems.

Now, almost 30 years past, I'm ready to get out. While I love the kids like I always have, the machine which school has become is almost intolerable and unrecognizable to me. The right things are said, and there are teachers who still try to pull it off, but school as I knew it and gave my life to it is gone to me forever.

So I find myself stuck in a place that I cannot leave because I'm not financially able to stop. I go and do what is expected of me, until the time comes. It's very hard to not have a "quitter's " mentality - to continue being the professional I want to continue being, so I focus on my kids, and hope the time passes quickly.

A part of history

2010-05-04T11:08:00.003-06:00

This weekend, our congregation celebrated 100 years of worshipping in Pleasanton. So much history was shared; both sweet and inspirational. Some pretty funny stories, as well - and a couple of good "videos" from years past. As each frame rolled by, and each story was shared, I thought of so many people who are no longer with us. We came in 1987, and promptly found our groove amid this wonderful group of saints. I'm not saying it's always been perfect, but it is home. Like Dorothy says in the "Wizard of Oz", there's no place like home.

People I thought of this weekend: Gus Schutzenberg, Bubba Lester, Bob Rackley, Dennis and Lola Fae Showers, Frank Perkins, Roy and Hazel Stevens, J.F. Andrews just to name a few. I also missed Roxie, the Rosenauers, Andy and Jackie, Mike and Carol Pawelek - why weren't they there??

I was blessed to have Dana and the Johnsons with us, and even though Liz and Bladen are too young to remember the events of the weekend, their Nana and Daddio sure were glad they could come with their sweet parents. It was very special, and someday I'll be able to explain to them how glad I was .

So, now begins the next 100 years.

GRRRR

2010-04-29T14:28:00.001-06:00

I really, really wanted to beat a kid today!!!