Sitting with Mom

Yesterday, we went by the Hampton to see Mom and Dad. Dad was ready to go eat at Olive Garden, but Mom was asleep, so we decided that we'd bring her back a plate. Just as we were preparing to leave, Andy's brother came by for his Sat. visit, and needed to talk to dad about some matters. I decided to go in and sit with Mom, even though she was asleep.

As I sat there, many thoughts ran through my mind; about how she was always so busy and active, how she would tell me to go lay down when I was sleepy, and how strong a woman she had been all they years I'd known her. To see her now is discouraging, to say the least....

In a bit, she awoke, and I asked her how she was. She smiled, and I knew that she knew it was me there in the chair. She answered me and began telling me all sorts of things, in Dutch. Dutch is her native tongue, and since her fall she has reverted back to it from time to time. As we sat there, she was really telling me about something - but I couldn't understand her. As she spoke, I kept remembering how the doctors wanted us to remind her to speak in English, to "retrain" her brain to that language. I decided not to, to just let her speak freely and openly, even though I had no idea what I was hearing. At one point, I looked over at Dara, her nurse, and said "I hope she isn't telling me something really important!" But I sat there, responding in the best way I could.

Finally, we went to lunch, and when we returned, Mom was speaking in English again. I never said anything to her about before, and for all I know, she didn't even remember what she'd told me. Dad said I should have reminded her to speak English, but my heart told me to leave her alone and let her speak comfortably. She was at peace.

As I sit with Mom on these visits, I am overwhelmed with emotion. After her initial fall, I was alone with her in her hospital room, and I told her how much I respected her, and how grateful I have always been for her love and care for Andy. How I know that his life is good because she came into it after losing his birth mother to cancer at age 4. How much security and sense of purpose both she and Dad gave to him and to Bruce to make what they went through a part of their life, but NOT their life. I hope she understood.

Whatever happens to Mom in the future is in God's hands, and we are dealing with each thing as it happens. She is 87 years old, and things are gearing down. The stories she tells about being a teenager during WWII and her coming to the US and meeting Dad are spellbinding. What she experienced made her strong, brave, resilient, and longsuffering. Her husband and children were so molded by those experiences, and each one manifests her teachings and examples in their lives in bold ways.

Andy and I don't get to Houston every weekend, so our times with them have to make the most of it. As I sat there on Saturday, I tried to give her all the love and tenderness that I could. I hope she knows....