Learning to Accept

I've always thought that I was a "go with the flow" kinda girl.  Never truly question, analyze or demand - just take things as they come and accept that there was a reason for what I was dealing with.

Fine.

So, at 57, I'm learning something new about myself.  I don't like just accepting things anymore.  I want control and I want answers, and I  - well, I just want.  I want things the way I want them, and I want it now.  I want things to stay the same, and things change. Life is fluid; life IS change.

So, why now this difficulty?! Why this stuggle? Why, why, why....

I think that part of the issue it that, for the first time in my life - my filter is not always working; I'm not content to be the good little old Amy who just swallowed my feelings and didn't stir things up.  Right now, I'm a lot like a little kid, wanting to throw temper-tantrums when I don't get my way.  It's not fun feeling like that, and I don't particularly like myself when I feel that way.

Also, I'm at a part of my life where things do change.  Kids grow up, bodies age, friends come and go.  I know, those things are always happening, but for some reason, it now is amplified and makes for long days.

Andy came home last night, and I was grumpy.  Now, in all our years together, I can count on one hand how many times that has happened - I always like to be in a happy mood when he comes in after a day of working. Well, he noticed. Several hours later, I told him why I was not in a good mood.  He listened, and I felt better.  His years of marriage, being a Probation Officer and an elder have helped him learn how to deal with emotional people, and I have to give him credit.  We both ended the day on a good note, and I am grateful for him....

Now, I'm not going to blame this on anyone or anything; I think it's just a phase, and I'm going to have to learn to accept and understand.  I'm going to have to trust that "all things work for the good...." like I never have before.

And, I'm going to have to take my own advice.  Sometimes, things stink, like a sick relative, or a friendship disconnect, or a body that used to rebound from something so much more easily.  Sometimes we even disappoint ourselves with our behavior and reactions.

So, today I'm giving myself some grace.  This, too, shall pass.

I hope I'm right!!!