4:30 am and beyond

Normally, when I wake up at night, I use the restroom while running a song through my head, get a sip of a drink, and go back to sleep immediately. Not this morning. Faces of folks I love kept popping in my head along with what is going on with them at this moment and how they need prayers. Here is the short list:
- Erin is having a new baby while she has a baby. Not an easy task, but she will be fine. I just worry...
- Dana is changing jobs, and her car is wanting every spare dime she has and then some. I hate - hate - spending money on cars!!
- Andy - work stress and the neverending thoughts that come with being an elder.
- myself and this stupid biopsy.
Father and I had a talk, and soon, I was back asleep.


Well, it's 12 hours later, and the deed is done. The doctor who did it said it could not have gone better, she got really good samples, and I should know something by Wednesday.
I have to tell you - as I lay there, listening to the team as they walked me through it and feeling the nurse petting my back ever so softly, I wasn't scared of having cancer. I wasn't worried about radiation or surgery or chemo or any of that. I was calm. I was focused on the moment and dealing with the sensations all around me. I was ever so appreciative of all the women who offered me best wishes and comfort yesterday, and who shared their experiences with me so that I was not walking into something totally unknown and fearful.
And now, I wait. The phone call that could change everything should come Wed. or Thurs. I will keep you posted !!

Kicking off summer with a Bang!!

Yesterday was eternal in it's length... I had absolutely NOTHING to do except watch the clock. Finally, at 3:30, my supervisor came in and told me to go on home. I almost knocked her down - not really!

We spent our evening with the Huttons and Kelleys eating deliciously grilled steaks - thanks, Robert! - and then, watching some "24". Wild folks, I know, but the good life is the good life, however you find it. Their grandkids are just about the best behaved little ones I've ever seen, and quite entertaining.

This weekend is full, as the past three have been. Today is a baby shower, then tomorrow is our elders/wives lunch after worship. Then comes Monday....

Andy and I are getting up and going into SA, where I will be having a biopsy on my left breast. Some SMALL calcification was found at my screening mammogram, and then we did some magnification images. I met with a surgeon, and we got me set up to do asap. I want to deal with this, and then get on to summer!! So, if you don't mind, pray that this is just a little tiny bit of nothing that they can just zap out. Right now, I've very calm and optimistic about it, and I plan on staying that way.

So - here we go!! Happy End of School!!

3 days to go....

On Friday, I'm outta here - another year of teaching will go into the books, and another summer will begin. This is the first time I've ever worked into June, unless it was Summer School, and I can say, I don't like it; it's just wrong. I know; whine, whine, whine! :)

Last night, Andy and I drove into SA for a wonderful dinner with our friends from Ohio, Steve and Dianne, and their "new" daughter, Wynter. She just turned 13. They adopted her out of Foster care after their own 4 were grown; a sad, sad story with a happy ending. They told us all about the adoption ceremony and celebration a year ago, and she is a very sweet girl. She has "baggage" as all foster kids so, but with the Connell family as her own now, she has a future brighter than she can imagine.

We ended up at Spaghetti Warehouse - Andy loves that place! - and enjoyed our meal. We were just settling in to visit, when I see a man walking past the other tables and right up to ours, pulls out a chair, and begins to sit down, all the while asking Andy to buy him "dinner and a piece of chocolate cake." Huh?!? Andy asks him if he is supposed to even be in there, and the guy says, well, no; but could we buy him something to eat. Andy looks him in the eye, and sternly tells him, "I will buy you dinner, but you have to wait outside for me." The guys says; "And a piece of chocolate cake?" No, dinner and a glass of tea. So the guy leaves and goes to wait outside, Andy goes to the manager, and they talk. Seems the restaurant has a Criminal Trespass Order against him for doing this kind of thing, but if Andy wants, he can buy him some food. So, the Probation Officer orders him spaghetti and tea, and takes it to him outside; asking him tons of questions, and taking him to the side table to be away from the door. We sit there, all the while, trying to keep Wynter in her chair, because she is fascinated by all this and wants to go with Andy and "see the guy". Turns out he is Paranoid /Schitzophrenic (sp) and off his meds. Andy tells him what he wants him to do and comes back to the table with us.

I have to tell you, I was nervous when he left us to go get the car - watched too many movies, I guess.

Welcome to San Antonio, Wynter Connell!!

Liz's noises

Liz is quite entertaining right now; she has found her voice and is sharing it with lots of enthusiasm! Every time I get Erin on the phone, she lets us know she is in the room - and I love it! Erin tells me it gets a little old after half a day or so, but for this Nana so far away, it's pure music!! I just can't wait until they come again so I can watch her in action.

From the sound of it, she's a born Soprano!!

I just do not believe this -

The majority of my teaching career, I worked with a wonderful woman, Billie Maderer. She loved me, respected me both personally and professionally, and she trusted me to make the right decisions. I felt happy and competent at school.

Then, Billie retired.

On of my co-teachers was named her replacement, and so began our relationship on a new level. Soon, it became obvious that I was not the same person in her eyes that I had been in Billie's. There were times when I felt old, tolerated, used up.

At the end of the year, Spring, 2008, I was transferred to another department with a new supervisor. I was no longer on the same campus all day; half day somewhere else, then there the afternoon. The new supervisor treats me with great respect and gives me freedom to do my job. My new co-workers and principal on the other campus are very complimentary and encouraging. I feel like I am returning to my old feelings of confidence, and I enjoy school again.

This week, I have learned that my new supervisor has been re-assigned. Her replacement will be my previous supervisor! I will once again be under the "leadership" of someone who I feel was more than happy to see me leave her staff. Now,instead having about 80 folks to focus on, she will have less than half that number. Great.

So... instead of ending my year with great enthusiasm about the Fall, I dread it. My summer will now be filled with concerns about the coming changes, and my attitude in how I will positively deal with them.

And then, I receive this quote from the mother of one of my 2nd graders: "I feel so blessed to have you touch the life of my son. It takes such special teachers to make a crazy mom relax, but I see your hard work everyday when he comes home proud and excited about overcoming his dyslexia. I will always hold a space in my heart for you."

I guess I will just try and focus on that -

A welcome sight

This week, I am working at what is called the Annex; the home office of all support services with PISD. Since I don't have scheduled classes with students, I am loaded up and boxed away, and finding things to keep me busy the next two weeks. I do have some things, but not two weeks' worth!!

Today, I am working on an application for one of my students to begin receiving disability payments because he has dyslexia. Hmmm - now, aside from making reading hard, his life at this point is not really affected by having dyslexia. It is not keeping him from a job, nor is it causing him any lifestyle discomfort, so I'm thinking that he just doesn't need it. Is that wrong? I know that, in the future, he will have difficulty doing some jobs, but he should be able to support himself in some manner in spite of his reading problems. Jay Leno and Tom Cruise come to mind, along with a myriad of other very capable folks. You just suck it up and deal with it! I will be curious to see what the powers that be decide.

On a nicer note, I sit here listening to the glorious sound and sight of a good old soaker rain!! We've gotten some off and on the past week or so, but this one is really giving up a good measure of the wet stuff!! I tell you, get these ranchers and farmers praying, and that's all it takes! I'm so glad God invented storms - they remind us of the power and majesty that only He provides to us - may we never take them for granted!

Have a wonderful, wet day -

That Gregg Johnson!!

I tell you what, if my son-in-law ever wants to meet you somewhere for lunch, just be prepared for something grand!!

Before he proposed to Erin, he asked Andy and me to meet him for bar-be-que in New Braunfels. We kinda had it figured out, but it was still so sweet the way he had it all planned out.

6 years later, and we're planning another "date" for lunch in Austin, along with his folks, Dana, Erin and Liz. I say to Erin, "I remember the last time we met Gregg...." and laughed. Well...

TaDa! Erin is pregnant! At the restaurant, they put a little bib on Liz that said, "Big Sister Liz" and turned her around for us to see. I sat there, dumbfounded, the rest of the time. What news!! Babies add such joy to lives, where ever they go, and this child will be no different! I am anxious to meet him/her in December when the time comes.

So, here we go. What's next?!?

May 22, 1976

Today in our anniversary - 33 years. What do you say about being married that long; we both have changed a lot - like every couple that survives life together that long, and I'd say there are very few things that I look back on with sadness or regret. Those things I regret are thing I did, or said, or neglected to do; but through it all, there's been Andrew. His stability and strength are part of what attracted me to him to begin with, and when things have been hard, it was nice to know that he would be the same. It makes things do-able and bearable.

We've lived in 3 great places in 33 years, and have attended 3 wonderful churches. Each one was just what we needed at the time, and we have such great memories of each one. Our lives as Christians have been strengthened and nurtured by each one.

Now, we are starting this new season of our marriage with a beautiful grandbaby and retirement on the horizon - the blush of new, fresh falling in love long gone, but the deep commitment of a marriage to hold on to. The peace and assurance that brings are priceless, and allows me to face whatever comes with confidence, because Andrew will be there, right beside me.

My, how things change

Today, I went to SA for a dr's appointment, and on the way home, I drove through my hometown. I took the turn at the DQ and drove down the street to the house where I grew up. As I slowed to take the corner, so many things crossed my mind. The corner lot where our house stood was always so large, and so meticulously groomed. The stately cotton wood trees that gave such good shade placed so carefully in their spots to add beauty and comfort to the yard. The crisp white paint job with the green trim, calling me home. But that is not what I saw.

Somehow, the yard shrunk. It is only a portion of it's size, as I remember it. The trees are long gone - only stumps remain. The house itself looks almost like a miniature; it's tan and melon colors make it look like someone else's home, not mine. A tall, ugly privacy fence surrounds the yard like a compound, and the grass is overgrown.

At first, it made me sad - several of the yards of dear neighbors looked about the same, and I was sorry to have gone. And then, I decided that all that matters are my memories. Memories of daddy mowing that grass to perfection, then sitting with his smoke and the water hose to cool down afterward. Checking the Four O'Clock's blooms to see if it was time for daddy to come home. The swing where Cathy and I, among others, sat and told all our teen-age secrets, and waited for friends to drive by. The yard full of cousins and friends during Strawberry Festival weekends. Not knowing where our yard ended and the Carr's began, so seemless they appeared. All memories of growing up happy in a place all our own. Nothing grand or expensive, but paid for and well-loved. Those things will never go away, as long as I remember them and the life that it represented.

So, I don't think I'll be going by that place again anytime soon. It belongs to someone else.

Yes, another blog about the end of school - sorry.

Anyone who thinks the school year should be longer needs to hang out in one the last two weeks....

Today, the second graders toured Elementary and the 4th graders saw PIC (their new campus) earlier in the week. They always see a sibling or cousin or neighbor on the tours, and being a small town, they've most likely been on the campus before, but it is still scary for them. They come back with all sorts of questions and conceptions and fears, and it's nice to see them a little intimidated for once!! It's only one of the "End of school" activities that make them even crazier than they would normally be!!

We have a tradition at the Elementary that the last day of school, we walk down to the local theatre and spend a couple of hours at the movie. The kids are cool, fed, and confined to their chairs during that time, and we always look with anticipation to what the movie will be.

No more. With our staggered dismissal this year, the movie is a thing of the past. It makes me sad, and I've not even gone the past few years !! Usually, I'm back on campus working of folders and such, but it just isn't right. There's so little that's fun about school these days, and we've just long another one....

Oh, well.

When words fail you -

Last night was our last Secret Sisters' gathering of the session. We met at Linda's beautiful new home, and the place was decked out with Hawaiian themed tables, murals, candles, etc. Lots of grass skirts and coconut bras, leis, and bare feet added to the festivities. We even had a couple of hula dancers, thanks to Caleb and Alex!! It was a night full of laughter, hugs, a few tears, and sweet expressions of love. Out of 33 women, only 4 were not in attendance; what a great turn-out!! The best part to me was going to be sitting back and just soaking it all in, or so I thought!

Before we ate, Linda and Darla stepped up and informed me that before everyone learned the identity of their sister and received their last token of affection from her, that I needed to get mine!! Now, I did not take a sister this round, and so I had no idea what she meant. Then, they began to carry out package after package and laying them at my feet - each lady had brought something for me!! Some were whimsical (Jackie!) and some very needed - A nice supply of lovely note cards - some wonderful new things for my home, and some very personal (Susie!). Let's just say the sentiments on the cards meant the world, and many times I just had to touch my heart to express my thanks.

Taking it all home and showing it to Andy was great fun - and rereading those lovely cards again made me realize how very little it takes of our time and energy to show someone we love them. Watching those ladies see the face of their special sister, whether it was someone they already knew or a new person in their life, was
all the gift I needed; but I truly love each and every one I received!!

One just never knows...

Yesterday was a regular day at worship; well, not really... our missionary from New Zealand was here, and he was scheduled to speak. But other than that, it was just another Sunday. Well, no. We'd moved 2nd Sunday birthday lunch to the 3rd Sunday because of Mother's Day, but other than that - no biggie. My back was bothering me, so I didn't do my pew-hopping before services or even read the screen of announcements; I felt pretty blah... then Wes did the greeting, and Bobby got up to read off the prayer requests and last-minute announcements. Half-listening, I heard him say, "And we are happy to announce that on Thursday, **** ***** was baptized for the remission of his sins.!" You could hear people gasp, and I immediately turned to look at Jackie. She was literally shaking in her pew, crying her eyes out, and the auditorium erupted in clapping.

Why the hoopla over one soul? (I know that's a silly remark - there is much hoopla over every single soul!!) This man has attended worship here every week since before Andy and I moved back; 1987 - and had told countless concerned members that he did not need to be baptized. His wife sat steadfastly beside him, and ministers preached directly "at" him all these years, to no avail. Yet, Thursday night, he gave his life to the Lord with only those he loved around him. Why now... who "got" to him after all this time?? He always said his saintly mother had never been baptized, and if she wasn't going to be in Heaven, then he didn't want to be there without her.

However, there is one thing that can change a person's mind when nothing else can. He has cancer, and it's not going well. I heard that he is going to begin a new treatment and no more chemo, and that is what made him take the step.

It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter when, in the long run. As of Thursday, all those denials became moot, and he realized that he DID need the Lord's salvation. So we all cheered, and clapped, and hugged him. He stood by, stoicly, a sly grin on his face, taking in everyone's well-wishes. God waited patiently until he took the step, and now all is well with his soul. He can face anything now.

Photographs and reality

Today, we had a guest speaker at worship. He has come before; his wife grew up here, and so it was one of those "we've heard him before" kinda days for me. Before class began, they ran some pics of him, his wife, their school, etc., and one particular picture caught my eye. It was a nice, casual picture of the couple in their lovely yard. A flattering shap shot of both, but this is what stuck in me head: "When she looks at this picture, does she see him as he was, or as the middle-aged man he now is?"

Now, I feel Andy is more attractive now than ever; age is agreeing with him, but we still look older. The camera does not lie, and having it flashed big and bold on the ol' screen for all to see took me back a bit. What was she thinking as we all looked at them high above our heads??

I know that right now, I want pictures taken of me with Elizabeth, so that when I am gone, she will know her Nana loved her and wanted to hold her; but for me, the pictures are not flattering. They force me to see me as I am, and I don't like that. The camera does not lie, and I want it to.

3 quick thoughts

Three quick thoughts - in no particular order -


1. YIPPEE - Darla blogged !!!

2. Who would ever have thought the Rockets could force a game 7 on the Lakers?!?! Go, Rockets!!

3. I love my husband now more than ever before.

Apologizing ahead of the fact -

It's May. I'm grumpy and tired, and it shows all over me.... it reflected in Jackie's face in class last night that I grumbled when she spoke to me as I sat down.

Sorry, Jackie - you were just in the line of fire, and that's not right. But then, you are one that I can be me around without pretense or concern that you will not
"get it." For that, I am thankful, even when I don't like it myself. It's really better if I just hang back and not speak to anyone.

I just wish, once, that the end of school was not on a calendar - that one day, when the powers that be decided, the bell would ring, and we could all just go home. All the drama and excitement would be missing, but so would the stress. I don't like stress - it makes me grumpy...

So, if I come across "wrong" the next few days (until June 4 this year!), just give me the benefit of a doubt, and I'll bounce back. I promise!

A great night was had by all - if you're a Trekkie!

My mother's day weekend was rather, shall I say, sickening?! I came down with a nasty bug toward the end of the week, and by the time school was out on Friday, I knew I was in for it. The best thing to do was to just lay very still and sip Sprite. Saturday came and went with Andy working on his lesson for Sunday and me lying and moaning. The sounds emminating from my belly would be great sound effects for the loudest thunder storm ever, and if were not so painful, would have been rather fascinating....

I made it to and through worship, and Andy cooked us a wonderful lunch. Then, some more lying down until evening services. It's afterwards that the fun began!

The new Star Trek was GREAT!!! Several of us went to see it, and I cannot say enough cool stuff about it. The audience in the theatre LOVED the characters (a younger version of the original cast, in case you are not aware.) The actors captured the flavor of the characters perfectly, and the lines were right out of the tv series! To some, I guess, it would have been better to make them in their own interpretation, but it just fit so well that you could really feel they'd pulled out the old guys and done plastic surgery. I sat several times up on the edge of my seat, watching it was so fun.

I promise - the first time "Bones" said, "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor!" I thought Andy was going to choke!! And it just went on from there ---

Wanna go with me - I'm ready to see it again!!

A Mom's Dad Shout - Out!

I think one can be way maudlin and sappy on this particular holiday, and so for my post today, I'm going to keep it upbeat - I got to hear sweet Liz screeching in laughter last night on the phone, and that will keep me happy until I get to see her (and her precious folks!) in a couple of weeks. So, without further ado - my tribute to some great moms -

To Erin - the first of a lifetime of sweet memories; you have blown me away with your instinctual nurturing of Elizabeth - plus, you are one fun mom! Hang on, there's lot's more to come!

To Jackie - your Christmas scavenger hunts alone rank you high on my list, no to mention trampolines, hay rides, and loving my girls as if they were your own!

To Cathy - Dana was your baby as much as mine; thanks for all those trips to birthday parties and Cabbage Patch dolls!

To my dear cousin Deeann, raising Crystal while earning your degree as a single mom won my respect like you will never know. I love you -

Shanon - Shanon had Meredith 4 months after Dana was born, and everyday, after school, she came over and lay Dana across her pregnant belly, so they could "play"

Dianne - starting "late" and having 4 perfect stairsteps; you taught me so much about acceptance of each child as an individual!

Anne - my mother in law. What would Andy's life have been without her steadfastness, structure and determination to make those two boys her own. Words fail me.

Okay - I said I'd keep it light -

Jaci Hutton - a military mom who inspires with her love of those babies, and of her husband as he serves us - and can keep all those "J" names straight!

Kara - Anjane is so lucky to have her as a mom!

My mom - fun in a nutshell. Maybe not all of the time, but when she was "on", no one could touch her; tents, mudpies, laying in grass and looking at clouds; and the list goes on.

I see the "young" mothers at church, and I hope they are enjoying these days of little ones, with sticky fingers, toothless grins, and messy rooms. If I could, I'd take the chance to go back and visit a few of those days, not to change anything, but to smell in the sweetness of the hours. But since I can't, I move on - to Liz, and to the little ones who will follow her.

Wes and Nicole

People come and go all the time at churches. Some come in, just wanting to know what a place is all about, hang around a little while, and leave, never making an impression one way or another. Some come in, asking "What can you do, provide, give me?" They get what it is they come for, and leave; not adding or giving or providing a thing.

And then, there are people like Wes and Nicole.

They walked in our door a little less than a year ago, and went to work. They just became part of us as easily as if they'd been born to us. Their quiet nature and steadfast involvement made such a good impression, and we grew to love them. And they us, so I hear. It was meant to be a brief relationship, while Nicole did her two year program at school, Wes biding him time. But they didn't just show up and do their obligatory attendance - they came to work.

As time passed, we realized that God had dropped them in our laps, and we'd better show our faith and intelligence. You see, Wes has his degree in ministry - but he never pushed or hinted or begged. He just ministered as the opportunity presented itself. And we grew to love him more. Another congregation was interested in him, which would have probably been more money and less commute for Nicole, but they picked us! And now, he is on our staff - doing a wonderful job, with more excitement being shown in the youth than we've seen in years. It is wonderful to behold.

Thank you, Father, for blessing us with this sweet, Godly couple! I just hope we bless their lives a portion of what they have done for us.

Hopefully, it's going to last a lot longer than Nicole's two year program!!

Hurry up and wait

Andy and I are hoping to book a trip for this summer, but I wanted to wait until I'd seen my surgeon for my yearly check-up just to make sure nothing's going to interfere.

My appointment was in March. March 13th to be exact, and I am STILL waiting to hear the results!! I've called and called, and either the nurse "will return your call" or something else. Those of you who know me know that I don't just keep my phone on all the time, but the last few weeks, I've had it on pretty much until 7:00 daily, giving them time to call.

Today, I called AGAIN.(I know it's not polite to type in these capital letters, but, grrrr!) Anyway, this time, I actually talked to the nurse, and she tells me that my test results are on the dr.'s desk and he hasn't gone over them yet. March, April, now May has come, and I'm really, really hoping there's nothing bad that has been sitting there all this time!!

She tells me today that he will be in the office tomorrow, and she will talk to him and call me. You reckon?!? I tried to be as nice but firm as I could be; but if I don't hear soon, I'm driving up there....

I want to book this trip!!!!

How can it already be May?! The school year just started, Liz was just born... and now, it's May. A month from today, it will be the last week of school!

I have really enjoyed this year - a nice thing to say after the last couple of years. I'm not saying it's been my best, but the changes in my day and the people I've worked with have added a refreshing perspective to getting up and going this year. How nice to look back on the year with a smile on my face!

Yesterday at Primary, the lights went out during my second grade group that is the - shall I say, most active? Since we are an inside room, the only light coming in was from the emergency hall light, so that added to their excitement. I had to remember that they are little children with vivid imaginations, and try to hold them to a relative amount of hysteria! It was only about 15 minutes, and not a monster was to be had, but it made for an interesting morning. They couldn't quite figure out why, if the electricity went off, the clock still worked!

Then, to Elementary, where everyone was recovering from 3 days of TAKS. In my room, games were played with chocolate flowing. Everyone looked about beat - but we got it done. Yes!

Now, it's time for the fun part of the year. The pressure's off, and the count-down has begun. Field Days and fun projects loom ahead, with enough work to keep them settled.

For now, it's rest from the testing and quiet from the hysterics of the darkened room. Have yourself a good weekend -