Reflections of another year

Today is my 56th birthday. I was up from 3:15 to 5:20, both reflecting on last year's events, and anticipation some of this coming year. Ugh - I'm really needing those lost hours about now!

Since my birthday is so soon after Christmas and New Year's, I rarely make resolutions when everyone else is... I'd just have to do it again a few days later. This year, not so many to make, but good things are in the works. Andy and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage in May, and hope - really, really hope - to mark it with a trip to California to drive the California Coastal Highway and attend my nephew, Casey's wedding. We will see how that pans out, with the state budget fixing to take a big hit, though.

In February, we will mark one year since Mom fell. I can't tell you how that one day has changed the whole tenure of the LaMore family, from Bladen, the youngest, to Andy - her oldest son. The mom we knew and loved so is no more, but we enjoy every day we still have her. Dad has suffered the most, of course, and we've seen it's toll on him.

I think that sometime during this year, I will need to take some sort of job. Maybe not full-time, and maybe not school-related, but something. While I truly enjoy this life I have now, in reality, we were not financially prepared for me to stop work and take in less money. I hope things will work out, though. It already has in so many ways.

I guess one of the best things is that, for the majority of days, I am no longer angry at the principal who set this all in motion. I don't like the way I felt about her, and I'm glad it's gone. Her loss....

One thing I know for sure, I love my husband exponentially more now than ever. Ever. He fills my heart just by standing beside me as we worship God together, or holds my hand as we watch a movie. I adore him, and up until recently, I thought I knew what that all meant. Now, I do.

The last thing that I'll share is that, after 55 years, I truly feel the little invisible girl is gone. (I mean me. My imaginary friend left long, long ago!!) My brother once told me that the middle child was often invisible in a family, and that knowledge made so many things clear to me. But this year, I have really felt - and, I don't really know how to put this into words, - needed. Valued. Anticipated. Missed when I'm not around. Two specific things opened my eyes - an encouragement card, and a comment. Just a comment made by someone. She has no idea of what that meant to me. Both of these events actually scared me, because of the realization that people SEE me, watch me, and value my role in their life. Amazing what that did for me.

So, here comes 56. It's a full day, fun stuff awaits. Life is good, thank you very much!! And before I turn around, here will come 57. Who knows what I'll post about then?!?!

So many things!

I wish I'd been more self-disciplined these last few days, as I have a lot to post . My year-end countdown, by Christmas holidays with friends and families, my New Year's frivolity, the Johnson anniversary, the Spurs, and so on. It has been a busy season, and it's hard to get it all into words.

Many trips to Houston for wonderful events; Matt and Summer's wedding, B's first birthday, Liz turning two.... Christmas Eve with the family and Christmas Day. Delicious times with the LaMore clan - thankfulness for Mom's continued improvement - a game with nephews I rarely get to interact with.

So, as 2011 begins, suffice it to say that I am a contented, happy woman. Andy shows me more and more how truly much he loves me (maybe he always has and I just didn't see it!), and my friendships grow dearer to me with each passing day. My daughters and sweet son give me hope for a great future for them all.

To quote a line from the movie "Hope Floats," my cup runneth over. May I never forget how God has blessed by life with His goodness.

So, to you and yours, a Happy, Healthy, and Fun 2011.

Now, if those Spurs will just bring home Banner 5!!!

Yes, it's a Spurs post....

Evidently, my daughters are not fans of my posts concerning my Spurs, but this one is a must!!

For years, the Spurs have been looked down on by those lowly LA Lakers, but last night, they were finally given the respect they deserved! The guys came out gunning, and even thought Timmy and my man, Manu, did little point-wise, the Spurs put them in their place. This was our first big test of the season, some said, and was a measuring stick of how the team really was doing. Well, it was a pleasure to watch them shoot at will and deny the purple and black. I guess our new guys just saw it as another team, and were not intimidated by Koby; did you SEE George put his finger in Koby's face!?!?

So, I'm a happy Spurs fan today; hoping for many more games like that one to come!! :)

The Day After Christmas

This weekend, we celebrated Christmas in Houston with Andy's family and our own. Everyone was present, with the exception of our niece, and so it was quite a crowd three little ones - a new generation - added plenty of joy to the season, as did having Mom and Dad still amongst us.
Christmas Eve found us enjoying a quiet day, capped off by a beautiful church service where Dana worships. Even little Bladen sang; his words known only to him, but his little voice joining in with fervor. They were captivated by the images on the large screen above them, and the candles lit during Silent Night mystified their little minds.

Santa came bright and early. We enjoyed delicious Gingerbread cake and Sausage Balls while we opened gifts. Too quickly, it was over. Later, we joined the rest of the LaMores for a wonderful dinner, games, and a giftcard exchange.
After worship the next morning, we enjoyed breakfast together, and then we headed home. Christmas was over, again.

So, we're home now, watching gift movies and finding places for Christmas treasures. The Seasonal music cds are stored away for another year, and soon the tree and stockings will be put away. Tomorrow, Andy returns to work. Life goes on.

I hope you all had a great holiday; I have had one to remember for a long time. Loved ones happy, well, and safe. The best gift of all.

Now, to the New Year!!

Joy Renewed

I have always enjoyed Christmas, as have most people. The sneaking around, the lists, the choosing of wrapping paper, and the overall optimistic attitude of the folks around me.

All the years I taught, I loved the excitement of the children in the school. They were sometimes harder to keep a handle on, but children anticipating Christmas is contagious, and I often felt like one of them. This has been a different year; being retired I was not on a school campus to "catch" their fever.

However, I do have two little elves who are making this holiday season even more precious than ever. The presence of Liz and Bladen around the tree and opening their stockings and gifts will add a new level of joy to my life in a couple of days. I always look forward to seeing Dana, Erin, and Gregg open theirs, and this year is no different - I always sneak in a gift they weren't anticipating to liven things up!

So, to you and yours, Merry Christmas, and a Happy Holidays to all. I'll be thinking of you!!

Thoughts in the night

This weekend, we learned of the passing of one of our church family. He'd been battling cancer for a while, but kept on going - good days and bad, he fought on. We'd seen him at church on Wednesday night, and he was laughing and talking to folks as usual. Some men saw him at the jail working with the ministry there on Friday night. No clue of what was coming...

On Saturday, he began feeling bad, and it worsened until his family decided to take him to San Antonio to the hospital. He died in the car on the way.

Alive - working, worshipping, loving the family, fighting the cancer.
Dead - so sudden, so "unexpected", so final.

Although we knew it would happen eventually, we were taken aback by it's arrival; people around me were shell-shocked and saddened. Someone actually said, "He wasn't supposed to die; he was going to beat it."

So, on Thursday, we will gather in the auditorium where we always saw him to honor his life and support his family.

Alive. Dead. Too soon....

One quiet, blissful hour

Saturday was Bladen's first birthday party. We arrived at the Johnson home about 9:30 to find the place jumping - Gregg's family had arrived , and cleaning and preparing was going on all over the place.

About an hour later, Gregg went to put "B" down for his morning nap, but he wouldn't settle down. With Erin gone and Gregg in the shower, this Nana decided to take matters into her own hand. What followed was the most magnificent hour I've had in a long, long time.

When I entered his room, Bladen was glad to see me. I lifted him out of his crib, and headed to the rocking chair. It's been a while since I rocked a baby to sleep, and I took advantage of the timing. We settled in, and in just a short while, this little birthday boy was sound asleep in my arms. The room was dark, and cool, and he felt like warm butter in my arms. He rested soundly as I sang to him, and we spent the whole time doing just that. I considered briefly trying to lay him in his crib, but decided to just stay there and smell his sweet hair and listen to his sweet baby sounds.

Eventually, both Gregg and Erin came in to check on us, and after a while, he stirred. While he was awake, he was not eager to get down, and waited patiently with me until his mom came in to dress him for the party. Our private time was over, and we rejoined the crowd to celebrate his first year of life.

When the girls were babies, I found this poem which I recalled that day. I don't know it all right now, but I do remember this part: "Hide away cobwebs, dust go to sleep; I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."

Over the hills and in the woods, to Elaine's house we go!!

This past weekend, after Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, Andy and I headed north. We traveled up Hwy 281 to the small town of Millsap. There, we spent the weekend with my cousin Elaine and her family. I got Erin's middle name from Elaine because she is one of the sweetest people in my family, and I wanted my girl to take that from her. She has.

Elaine and Royce, who married while in high school, live in a little cluster of homes with their son and daughter and their families. All weekend, one person or another would walk in and visit or borrow something or bring over whatever it was that Elaine needed. And then, there were the father and son weiner dogs, Woody and Tag, who were very entertaining! The house smelled of delicious foods and the leaves blew softly down from the trees outside. It was peaceful.

On Saturday, we met up with Randall, Linda, Mike and Deeann for the reunion in Cool, Texas. It was a lovely little church down a windy road with the cemetery in back. Elaine's mother and stepfather are buried there. Andy disappeared, and I found him out back, visiting with Mike as he fried fish. Soon, lots and lots of other cousins showed up; some I know well - others, not. They all enjoyed seeing pictures of my brother and hearing about Liz, Bladen, Erin, Gregg, and Dana. After eating, we enjoyed a wonderful slide-show (power point) that Deeann had put together, and played some games. We had an auction to earn money for my aunt's scholarship fund, and then it was over.

Some of us returned to Elaine's for more visiting; Elaine brought out Mamaw's bible with all the history of our family in it; and then it time for them to go. We watched some sports until we couldn't stay awake any longer, and it was time for bed. The road home is always longer than the road there, but the scenery was magnificent - hills covered with leaves of many colors. We stopped along the way in Dublin, so Andy could replenish his supply of Dublin Dr. Pepper, and then headed home. It had been a great weekend.

Andy told someone Sunday night, that when he is with my family in Millsap, he wants to sell our house and move there. He loves them as much as I do, and we play with the notion. They remind me of my heritage and my family's worth and values. I am better with them. I feel grounded and peaceful.

So, thanks Deeann and Elaine for keeping us together as a family, even if it's only one weekend a year. I love you very much!!

The Cecelia Girls

Growing up, my mother and her sisters were called "the May girls". Feisty, flirty, smart, and beautiful - they were a force to be reckoned with. Nobody better ever try to split them up or cause them grief, for it was all-for-one in the truest form. They are all gone now, and their memories are strong within our family.

Yesterday, I met "the Cecelia girls" - 4 sisters eerily reminescent of my mother and her sisters. I spent the day of Thanksgiving with them - together for the first time since their mother's passing 3 years ago - one lives in Missouri, one in Lubbock, and two here. My dear friend Jackie invited us to spend the day, and it was a full one. I got to observe her in a whole new dynamic, and it was delightfully enlightening.

Raucous laughter, competitive games, serious discussion, lots and lots of teasing, and mostly, love. Lots and lots of love. I felt honored to be let in to such an intimate setting - nothing held back. I almost felt like one of them.

So, thanks Cecelia sisters for a great day - one I'll remember for a long, long time! I hope you return to Pleasanton very soon!!

It was twenty years ago today...

no, not Sergeant Pepper's band playing, but the loss of my dear dad. How can it be 20 years?!? After a long month of hospital visits, waiting rooms, and doctor consultations, my sweet dad slipped peacefully into the next life. I was with him just an hour before, and on that visit, he'd opened his eyes for the first time in a month and smiled at me. I know he knew me - just the recognition on his face is enough to make me sure. I left. He died.

And life has "gone on." The girls grew up, graduated from both high school and college. We built our home with his inheritance. Mom died. Erin met and married Gregg. Then Liz. Now Bladen. Dana is an established, respected teacher. Both girls are strong in their faith.

He would be so very proud of his kids. Gary has a wonderful life right now - well and strong. Marsha is married, with Casey grown and two little ones to raise; one named Calvin - Daddy's middle name. I completed a fullfilling career as a teacher, and am now happily retired. Andy is an elder. It's all worked out for the good.

I believe he is resting peacefully, awaiting the resurrection of the dead. I will see him at Christ's coming, and we will have a great reunion. Until then, I will just have to miss him.

It's that time again!!

Peanuts, mold, cedar; whatever... it's back. I can't seem to get used to the coughing from November to March as I get older - and now it is interfering with my worship!! Yesterday, I was able to sing about one verse from each song, so I picked my favorite one; if it was a favorite song, I'd get through the whole song and skip the next one. Sure hampers my praise!!

Next stop; the doc. Surely I'll be better by Sunday!!

Happy Birthday, Andrew -

Today is the 37th anniversary of Andy's baptism into Christ. We had literally just met - 3 days prior - and the church there was conducting a gospel meeting. His friend/roommate, Steve, had asked him about 5 times to come to worship with him, and Andy had always had a reason not to go. Never one to give up, Steve asked yet one more time, and Andy said , "Sure, why not?" The rest is history.

I think he would say that the act was one of doing what was expected of him. A literal man, he didn't hesitate, and his new friends surrounded him in joy. Immediately, he jumped right in with both feet, and hasn't looked back once. We were married about 3 years later, and the church has always been the focal part of our lives together. Huntsville, Katy, and now, Pleasanton.

We've been here for 23 years, now. Longer than any other place we have ever called home. The girls grew into wonderful women in this place, and we have friends dearer to us than some family members. From a college student to an elder. Our lives are blessed beyond measure.

So - now what? The adventure continues....

Visiting at its best

I've been thinking about this post for several days....

Frances and I have two things in common; Christ our Savior, and a great love for my daughter, Erin. Frances taught Erin in Bible Class when we first moved to Pleasanton and has always loved her. Erin is easy to love, and Frances never hid her obvious feelings for her. When Erin was getting married, we went over to her house, and Frances gave Erin her choice of three gifts; Erin still displays it to this day in her home.

On to the visit. Sunday, I was sitting on the front pew at church following worship, and suddenly, Frances appears beside me. She asked if I would come over to her home - she had something to show me. (Frances is a wonderful artist, and a few weeks earlier, I had commented on some work of hers shown in our local paper.)

When I arrived, Frances and her sweet husband, Taylor met me at the door. They are in their very late 80's, and I have known them since I was a little girl. It is an odd feeling to call them by their first names, but they insist. She took me into the eating area of their kitchen, and so started a wonderful afternoon of talking and looking over her paintings. She took me from room to room, each one a museum of her paintings - some quite old, some almost still wet . When we got to their bedroom, there hung the painting I had seen in the paper. As we talked, she bent down and picked up a print of the painting she had done for me!!

As we neared the end of our "tour", Frances asked me quite sweetly if I could come again to visit some more. She said, "You are acquainted with people at church, but you only come to know them by spending time together."

For some reason, this made me very emotional. Here is this woman I have worshipped with all these years, who loves my family with all her heart, and yet I haven't spent time in her home other than very few occasions. I hugged her tightly, promised her that I would, and then excused myself. She walked me to the car, arm in arm - pointing out plants and items of interest in her yard.

My heart felt full. I hope I don't get "busy" and forget to go again.

Meanwhile, back at the mine....

Like millions of other people around the world last night, I watched as one-by-one, the Chilean miners were rescued from their "jail" 2 miles below the earth's crust. As each man was brought up, tears would form in my eyes - I had no clue who these men were, even if they were decent men deserving of rescue - and yet the emotions of those around me were contaigious. Family, friends, fellow miners, even the Chilean President and his wife, were all there; with each one a loud chant would rise up. I could repeat it with them by too long - wondering what in the world I was saying!!

Sorryfully, I had two negative thoughts come to mind; would Obama and Michelle stand in support for 24 hours for American miners? Maybe in an election year and they were'nt on vacation.... the other thought was, "if this was in American, standing along the edge would be lawyer upon lawyer. How sad that on this happy occasions these indictments of our society came to mind.

In the end, all was over. The last rescuer bowed before the camera deep inside the earth, grabbed his back of rocks, and waved to the men up above before climbing into the Phoenix to ascend to the fresh air of life. It was an enhilarating moment to behold!!

Now, my prayer is that they will all fall into obscurity and get back to the life they had over 70 days ago; family, work, peace. I hope the world leaves them alone in thankfullness for what they masterfully endured.

Living a life at Peace

I really loved being a teacher. I loved the interaction with my peers, and loved seeing growth in my students - both in life and in reading. I came into the curriculum with reservations, and then became a convert after seeing little ones who'd never read before become readers -and loving it!!

Somewhere along the line, though, it changed. I really think it was when my friend and Principal Billie retired. She loved me, but beyond that, she treated me with respect. Suddenly, that was gone, and I became "old", an antique/dinosaur.

I knew I had a pervasive knot in my stomach, but I truly did not see how it was affecting my basic personality. Then, about July, I woke up without the knot, and suddenly I was hearing myself laugh (almost giggle) a lot. It was quite an awakening.

I am truly at peace in this new life; my husband and I are free of the angry woman I'd become without my even knowing she was there. My anger at the situation is truly gone, and while I miss my kids a lot, I know this is where I want to be; with Jackie, Susie, the Monday morning group, and Andrew.

Always with Andrew.

Dad's day

When I get to Heaven, one thing I'm going to love is that there will be no time. Time frustrates me - when you need it to go fast, it slows down; want to "freeze time?" - it speeds up. Waiting for the proverbial pot to boil; forget being in a rush to finish the pasta!!

My dad would be 90 years old today if he were still living. I can't imagine him at that advanced age, because he died 20 years ago. Twenty years. Erin was a little girl; now, she's a mom of two. Casey hardly remembers him. I don't think of Dad as he was when he died, rather I choose to remember him 5 years before his death. He was happy, healthy, active and loving being a grandpa. The end of his life was sad.

There are things I want Dana and Erin to always remember about their Papaw:
~ he loved spending time with them; walking down the road, pushing them in the swing, sitting in the swing in the front yard.
~ he couldn't quote a lot of scripture, but he lived a good life
~ he loved the church and the people there. Sometimes, there would be only 2 or 3 men to lead the service, so Papaw would do announcements, lead singing, and serve the Lord's Supper.
~ he could fix anything. He had no college degrees, but he helped develop the C-5 airplane for the Air Force and went to the Pentagon to explain it to the powers that be.
~ he loved music. Country and Western or Hymns. Didn't matter. He whistled or sang softly under his breath.
~ you would sit on the floor with him and watch him roll his cigarrets. He smelled of tobacco, oil, and dirt - a musty aroma blend of his hard work.
~ he loved his yard. Hours and hours mowing, trimming, edging, and working in the garden. Peaceful times for him after a long day.


I've missed Dad a lot since Liz and Bladen have been born - I know he would be thrilled to know he had great-grandchildren. He was a good man, father, employee, community member, Christian, Dad and Papaw.

So Far...

The things I like about retirement so far....
~ NO ALARM (for me anyway; sorry, Andrew!)
~ eating lunch with Andy most days
~ not wearing makeup every day!! :)
~ quiet, alone time at home - a first in 34 years of marriage/motherhood
~ Bible Study on Wed.
~ not having to schedule things after 4:00 so I won't miss work
~ not HAVING a schedule after 29 years (Summers don't count)
~ being with Jackie at least two days a week!
~ knowing that my time is my own
~ getting to have long conversations with Erin while the kids nap - YIPPEE!


That's a pretty good start!!

What a weekend -

Just returned from a long weekend in Houston - saw many of Andy's family over the three days of our trip; most of the time we spent with Mom and Dad.

I am the first to marry into the LaMore family; over 34 years of getting to know them - how they function was so different from my own family that at times I didn't think I'd ever fit in... being a small-town girl brought with it some awkwardness at times, and it took a while before I was comfortable talking to my in-laws.

Since Mom's fall in February, things have pretty much opened up. Andy and his dad have been able to be very open about things, and I feel like Andy has been a good ear for his dad. We have learned more about his life with Margaret (Andy's birth mother), and I have become much more affectionate with them both. I have been about to tell his mom things I have felt - about how grateful I am that she came into Andy's life, and those kind of things. So, if anything good has come out of this situation, that would be it.

We did get to see Dana and the Johnsons for dinner on Friday evening, so that made this Mom/Nana very happy!! Andy had a great birthday, and we worshipped with the saints in Katy before heading home in lots and lots of rain!!

I am so blessed!!!

Time in a Bottle

On Saturday, Andy and I drove up to the Hill Country. We were going to a retreat being held at the camp I attended for several years as a teenager. Several members of our congregation were there, and were happy to see us walk in in the late afternoon.

The reason for our going was to see the minister who baptized Andy and married us in 1976. His wife was not with him, but it was a joy to walk in and see him standing there. Andy also worked at the church with him, and bought his first car from him - we KNOW this man!!

His sermon that night was on "investments" - not money, but investments in people. In his talk, he sweetly talked about our history together, and encouraged the others there to be sure to meet us. It was a joy to find connections with some of them; one worships in SA with some friends, another also worked through the Prison system when Andy was there, and yet another couple knew our dear friends, the Lassiters, from Sourjourners. A beautiful night all around!

As I sang along with about 100 of my brothers and sisters in Christ, some things struck me; one, how joyful these people were - many strangers to each other before the beginning of the retreat, yet joined in worship. They weren't there wanting "more" for themselves - in fact, I thought to myself how glad they might be to be away from all those wanting "change". This was their place - their heritage, their comfort. No discord, no turmoil. Just worship to their God. It filled me will sadness that at times, I probably caused those feelings in older members....

The other thing that I felt was a sadness that future generations of our brotherhood probably will never know the simplicity of our worship. Things seem to be moving fast right now, and maybe I am getting old, but I enjoyed how simple and pure the singing was. No worship leader, no projection screens - just old men full of joy and desire to lead us in song. God bless them!

..........

In the square of the camp stands a memorial to Archie Waldrum. He was my grandmother's minister in Alice, Texas, and the director of the session of camp I first and most often attended. He was director of the board for many years, and died a couple of years ago at age 92, on the way home from camp in an automobile accident. He'd had a great week, according to his wife.
The memorial will be walked past by campers for generations to come, and they won't have a clue as to who he was. Those of us who knew him will NEVER forget.

Sex vs. Violence

Over the weekend, Andy and I saw several movies. The first, the American, had some pretty blatant sex scenes, one curse word, and lots of shooting people.

Next came Men Who Stare at Goats, also George Clooney; very different movies!! More profanity, but lots and lots of laughs. Will watch it again, given the chance.

Finally, we finished the mini-series Band of Brothers, focusing on the Easy Company during WWII. More cursing than ever, but if I was being shot at and seeing the atrocities of that War, I may let a word or two slip.

The final episode focused on the discovery of an Interment Camp and Hitler's Eagle's Nest compound. As I watched the scenes of the Jewish prisoners, I told Andy that surely nothing in Human History can top the cruelty of the Germans. The scene, I'm sure, did it's best to be realistic, but I wonder just how true to the horror it came... I don't think I could stand to see much more.


So, I wonder - what bothers you more in a movie; the sex, the cursing, or the violence?? For me, the violence, hands down.