If

If you could run away to any place where no one would find you - where would you go?

Worry

Yesterday, I worried all day long about something. Had even worried the day before, and maybe a little before that.

Did me no good. What was going to happen was going to happen, and I just had to face it.

Turns out it worked out fine.

All that sick-to-my-stomach for naught. (Except that I had prior reason to worry, and I couldn't trust that things were not the same; that things were better than before.)

So.

When will I learn - worry only saps your strength and makes you tired? When will I learn to trust?

Not quite what we'd planned

On this day in 1960, Frank LaMore married Anne Marie Slors. It had been a quick courtship, and the group in attendance was very small. Two of the guests were little boys whose lives had been in turmoil for the last 2 or more years, and I'm sure they had no idea what was going on. All they knew was that their mother was gone and now, here was another woman to live in their house. It was to be their greatest blessing.

We'd planned to have a nice, family dinner - the twenty or so of us who have been the result of this union of necessity. The bride and groom didn't want a big show; they just wanted us around them to celebrate the passage of 50 years together. There are 4 children, 3 in-law kids, 11 grandchildren plus 2 spouses, and 3 great-grandchildren. The lives have been very blessed, with no major illnesses or catastrophes. Life has been calm and good - just as they had hoped it would turn out.

And then, Mom fell.

So. Today has been a quiet day or reflection and blessings counting. No big dinner is in the works; a vase of flowers from the children is the only "celebration" to be seen. They made it to 50 years their own way, and now face an uncertain future. What is to come overshadows any party we may have planned.

The main thing I take from this day is that a marriage on necessity that grew into love and respect shows me that too often people give up and quit. They put themselves before others and don't see that with determination and committment, you come to the last years of life with a love so strong that it can't be broken by a fall in a dark bedroom.
To see them together today is to see a victory in two lives.

The Elephant in the Room

This week in Houston was good - except that Mom wants to talk about her death, and it upsets Dad. So - she's "with it" enough to talk to us when he leaves the room.

She is ready; she is tired; she wants us to let go and accept things that are coming. None of us want her to stay the way she is - a painful, tragic reminder of the woman that "was." Her wit is in tact, and so is her passion about things spiritual and in relation to her situation.

As we sat, just the two of us, I rubbed lotion on her soft, old skin. She told me that I had "strong hands", and that I would've been a good nurse. I would've done anything she asked then - just to show her my honor and respect. I did get the chance to tell her what I've always tried to make her understand; that of all the women that could've raised Andy and Bruce after their mother died, I'm so glad she was the one who "got to." She gave me a big smile and said, "I loved Andy."

So now, we'll see. All of us just wait and try to make sure she is comfortable and loved. All of us hope.

As I write this, over the intercom come the song, "Spring is in the Air." It's a happy little diddy, with a line that I'm sure will resonate in my head all day -

On the way home yesterday, I passed a field covered in deep pink and vibrant yellow wildflowers. In the center of it all sat a centuries old oak tree; a photo opportunity just waiting to be taken advantage of... and I thought of mom. No one loves flowers more than she; at one point she even talked about doing florist work as a profession and did several weddings for friends. I wish I could bring her here and set her in the big middle of those flowers and let her soak in their beauty.

We are going to see Mom this weekend; things are not going well. Dad's not doing well. Keep praying -

A beautiful perspective

Orange never has been, nor will it be, among my favorite colors. Once, in high school, mom did my room in orange and hot pink - my choice - but other than that, it's been near the bottom.

Unless it's Spring in South Texas.

Today, I took a curve, and there was a yard FULL of Indian Paintbrush flowers.

I think it's a preview of the Spring to come - Glorious.

Thank You, Father.

time passing

Two weeks ago was mom's fall. It's been a stressfull two weeks, but we' ve seen her come very far. My in-laws are a tight bunch, but we've always been the "outsiders" because we left the Houston area. One good thing about this is that the siblings are talking a lot more lately, and are all supportive of Dad. His reaction has been the most brutal; I don't think I'll ever adjust to hearing him cry. A co-worker reminded me today that that generation of men just didn't share their emotions, and that none of us are used to it. It's been good for Andy to see this side of his dad - as gut-wrenching as it has been. We will see how things continue to move on.

Erin and Dana have been my eyes, ears, and hands through this, and I'm so proud of them. Their servant hearts have really been there for the whole family, and they are doing all they can. I hope they know how dear they are to me.

March 2

Driving to school, all around me were pink and yellow wildflowers popping out of the ground. Couldn't help but smile seeing them! Hope that feeling for renewal and joy lasts all day!!

Blogging about Mom

I've opened this site several times since Mom's fall a week ago, to update and share the events as they unfolded, but as you know, I haven't written a word.

I've only felt this "at a loss" once before, and that's when my dad was injured and later died. Going through the motions at work and home, I just feel like time and the mundane things that fill my day are stopped mid-stream. When we were dealing with Dad's condition, Andy took over; food, laundry, girls' needs, his own needs. I was worthless in the running of our lives as long as Dad was where he was. I was - and still am! - greatful for all Andy did to make life seem relatively normal for the girls, and providing our food, shelter, and clean underwear as we waited.

Now, it's his mom who's rocked our little life all to pieces. What I realize today as I finally post this is - Andy's reacting the same way as he did in 1990! I guess that is his way of keeping his life centered, while some people fall apart, he just hunkers down and gets things done.

So, as Mom progresses and improves, and we wonder what life will be like now for her and Dad, Andy is constant. He is focused.

He is wonderful.

7 year olds and Valentines' Day

I know that Valentines' Day is supposed to be about love, dinner out, and starry gazes. I know the card companies spend endless hours writing just the "right" cards for every sentiment. I know men dedicate hours wondering if they've made the right plans... but I've got it beat.

I spend the day with little children who worry about the fact that everyone brought cards for their friends but them, or who pick the "wrong" card and get laughed at, or boys who HATE getting "girl" Valentines. But the best thing is the big smile they have on their faces when they hand you the card or sucker or handmade flower that was chosen just for you - and hope with all their heart that you like it.

It makes you feel like you have all the power in the world!

What a weekend!

I'm exhausted!! :) Beginning Friday night, it was one cool thing after another - We had a delicious dinner in San Antonio with my cousins, followed by a good time of visiting at their home. Deeann had brought a cd of our family dating back to our great-grandparents, and that was bittersweet. So many dear ones now gone - I"m so glad I have Heaven to look forward to!!

Anyway, an awesome Ladies' Breakfast at Jackies' home started Saturday, and then a quick trip to SA again. The Hutton's came for dinner, and we settled in on the sofa to watch Sarah Palin speak. Nothing excited, just good time spent.

Sunday was slow- we were both a little under the weather, but we had time together to rest. Felt good.

Now, we start another week -

Two things -


First - after 6 weeks of agony with my right knee, a new doctor injected me with cortisone, and I feel 90% better!! Saturday in Austin, I felt like and old, old woman - today, much more my age!!

Second - I miss my friend, Jackie, so much!! Between my knee knocking me out, and her being in Denver, I really, really miss her!! Come home, soon, my friend!!

Sunrise, sunset

When Andy and I got married in 1976, a couple we knew got married about 2 weeks after we did. The groom's younger brother was very ill, and his parents had recently gotten word from the doctors that the young boy - about 12 - would not live much longer. Their wedding was a strange mix of the extreme happiness of weddings and the realization that a dear family member was there for just a little longer. One of the songs they had in their wedding was "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof. In all those years, whenever I've heard that song, I've thought of that wedding.

The boy?

He's alive, healthy, married, and a dad in his own right.

Anyway, back to the song.

Today, as my first one turns 30, I think of the words to that song. It's a father's reflection of the life of his child as she has grown, and it's one of those songs that make moms cry, but today, I choose to think of it as a serenade of Dana's life.

Look at her - she is beautiful, graceful, loving, classy, funny, committed, passionate and above all, God's child. 30 years ago, this woman had no clue what was ahead in life for her, and - for the most part - it's been good and safe. For that, I am eternally greatful. Seeing her today with all of us was pure joy for this mom, and while it was short, it was sweet.

"Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise, Sunset,
Swiftly fly the years.
One season following another,
Laden with happiness, and tears."

Here's to many more Sunrises and Sunsets, Dana. God bless you.

Go, Obama, Go!

HaHaHa - I just heard on the radio that the State of the Union won't be broadcast on WOAI tonight, because the Spurs are playing!! You can hear it on the computer if you like - Priorities!!!


So - Go, SPURS, Go!!

Oh, Brother!!

Fourth Grade humor:

"Mrs. LaMore, do you know why Tigger looked in the toilet?"

"No, KP, why?"

"He was trying to find Pooh!!"


What a GREAT end to the week!!!

Hmmmm

All those years that I had hormones, I wasn't particulary emotional. Pretty even keel, mostly happy and optimistic.

Now, these days, I find myself weeping at the drop of the hat. I'm wondering - is it missing hormones, or have I reached an age in which I see the gravity of things so much clearer?!

Whatever it is, I sure wish it would go back to the way it was!!!

Listening

Lately, I've been struggling with allergies, which cause me to cough a lot. It also keeps me from singing in worship - my favorite thing to do - because my throat begins to tickle and I end up distrupting those around me. Happens every Spring, so I shouldn't be surprised, but I do dread it every year.

During these past few weeks, I have paid special attention to Andy as he sings. In our fellowship, we sing 4 part harmony, congregational style, and I have sat next to Andy in worship for 36 years. I have never really listened to him, as I am usually singing myself.

No one loves music more than Andrew. He has it on in the car every mile he drives (unless the Spurs are on!) - and he remembers everything about every song he's ever loved. Outside of worship, he's not really a singer, but when the time comes, he's there. Music is very much a part of who he is.

Yesterday, as I sat beside him and listened to his nice, rich bass voice singing beside me, I fell in love again with this man. His praise to our God was true from his heart, and while probably no one else could pick out his voice from among others in the worship, to me, it was the most beautiful.

Ouch!

The last few days have not been fun. I finally went to the hospital yesterday to get an ultrasound on my right knee, and it appears I have something called a "Baker's cyst." The internet says to rest and elevate; which I can do this weekend, but when I do get up, man - it is so stiff and painful! Andy's been a trooper, doing most of everything around here, and listening to my moanings....

how did I get here?!?

20 points, baby!!!

SPURS win big over the Lakers!!! By 20, count 'em, 20 points!!

I know, Kobe and Pau were out injured, I know - it's one of those asterik games to them, but to me - It's a BIG win for our guys!! I was on the edge of my seat the 3rd and 4th periods.

It was SWEET!!

God's Will

Today has been a very emotional day for me. Jackie and I drove together to the monthly Ladies' Prayer Breakfast, and the group was wonderful, food delicious and day crisp and clear. When it came time to ask for prayers, the mood shifted to one of such strong emotion - sadness, anger, disappointment, that I could hardly catch my breath. I could not even put into words the anguish I was feeling as it came to my turn to pray. I have cried off and on all day -

Several years ago, a friend was facing a big decision, and was struggling with knowing God's will for her and the situation. I told her, "You know. You will know. It will come to you and you will be sure."

After the events of today - I doubt that.