Leaving well-enough alone

With the discovery of Facebook and all the connections that can be made through it, I took a daring look into finding someone from my high school years. This person only went to our school for two years, and I never heard of him again. During the two years he was with us, there were some things that happened that I have since wanted to "make amends" for... I won't bore you with the drama of those times; just suffice it to say that I REALLY messed up.

So - I look and look, and finally find this person. Taking a deep breath, I sent a message, and soon afterwards, he responded. Do I bring up the afore mentioned deeds, or do I just let it go, I wonder? His response to my second message was, "I honestly don't remember you."

He doesn't remember me... and all these years, I've thought I ruined his high school years by my actions! I have to say, I was truly confused by my reaction. We were a small school and were in activities together; and yet he doesn't remember who I am??

So, I decided that I will leave things as they are, and not bring up the events for which I was going to apologize. I will also put those remorseful feelings to rest and finally give myself some grace for being a young, goofy girl.

And, I don't think I want to be his "Friend!"

Starting a New Chapter

Well, yesterday came and went, and I survived; but now to get past next Monday.

About 11:30 yesterday morning, it dawned on me that this was the first day back of school. All summer long, it had seemed far in the distance; when people would ask me about being retired, I would say something like, "It'll hit me when school starts"....

Erin, Gregg, Liz and Bladen came home this weekend so that Erin could attend a baby shower for a friend. They stayed until yesterday, and I can't help but wonder if they were staying to help Mom get through the day without being down. Even if that wasnt' even a part of their reasoning - it worked! A morning of the babies and the hustle and bustle of loading up all the stuff that goes with a baby sure kept my mind occupied .

So, somewhere off in the distance, were my former co-workers; sharing stories of their summer and talking about the new year beginning. I wonder if anyone even noticed I was gone? After all these years - you'd hope so.

So, life and PISD go on without me. Someone is preparing to take over my classes, and my kids. Today, the new chapter continues with a day spent with sisters in Christ at Tina's house; I've GOT to learn to do some type of craft if I'm going to continue to go to these gatherings, but for today, I'm just going for the fellowship. Tomorrow will be Bible Study, and so on. Already, the week will be half over.

Now, to get past next Monday, when my kids all go back, and I'm not there.

Morning, Retirement style

By far, my favorite thing about retirement so far is mornings. No alarm, no rushing out the door. Instead, I get to kiss my husband goodbye, and then - if I want - I slip blissfully back into sleep. Once awake, I stretch and twist and think on whatever enters my head until I desire to leave my bed for the day. The quiet of the house and the comfort of moving at a slower pace is luxury.

I've always loved stretching - when the girls were little, I'd gently pull on their little baby arms and legs and rub them - I'd roll them around and twist them back and forth, to limber their little bodies and make them more aware of their surroundings; now, I just give myself that little bit of awareness before the beginning of the day. I've found that, getting older, it really makes the old chassis easier to get going!!

So, before you get yourself up, give a little stretch!!

Seeing Gary

My mother had three children; Gary, Amy, and Marsha. We were spread apart in years and lifestyles, and since our mother's death in 2001, we have not seen each other. We were her whole purpose and joy in life, and she desperately wanted us to remain close - as close as she was with her sisters. She would be so disappointed to know that we have not followed that example.

On our vacation, Andy and I spent a wonderful evening with Gary, his singing partner, Leah, and his sweet daughter, Amanda. I had not seen Mandy in 20 years, as her mother and Gary divorced very quickly following Amanda's birth, and - well, we just didn't keep in touch. It was like we'd been together every day- laughing, recalling wonderful memories, and sharing pictures. The album you see Gary holding is one he recorded when he was 25, and he said, "I'd given up hope of ever seeing this again!!" It was a joy to see him so happy, and so content. Leah had helped me set everything up, as my stubborn brother is too busy playing golf to do email or Facebook!! :) , so thanks, Leah!

It was a perfect way to end our vacation, and I sure hope it's not another ten years before we see each other again!!

The Good and the Bad of It

Since we've been home, I've been reliving all the wonderful things about vacationing. Thought I'd share a few:

The Good: seeing new sights with Andy
cold, cold rooms to sleep in
eating out; especially a good breakfast!
clean sheets every night; forget the environment - I'm on vacation!!
finding a church in each town that we go through; makes me feel part of something really big
taking cool pictures
getting away from little hassles

The Bad: hotel room showers; I miss my nice, roomy shower!
not having access to a computer - wait; that should be a GOOD thing!!
living out of a suitcase

I know there are more - what about you?!?!

Andy's Magic Kingdom

Most folks think of Disney World as the "Magic Kingdom." While I'm sure it is a fun place full of adventure, to my husband, there is one place that is way more magical: Kennedy Space Center.

Our drive along the monotonous I-10 corridor was long and, yes, somewhat dull. While we both love road trips, I-10 does not offer a lot to see. True, we did go through a few swampy areas of Louisianna, and saw oil in Mobile Bay, but the majority of the drive was "just getting there."

It would take paragraph after paragraph to describe our adventure at Kennedy, so I will give it my quick review. We were privy to a "behind the scenes" tour of the space center, complete with launch pads and Vehicle Assembly Pads (I think that's right!:) ). We most enjoyed the Apollo building, which had everything you could possible learn about the development of the Apollo program until it's final mission. Andy was a patient, and interesting teacher to his novice student, and while I knew a lot - relative term -, there were some intricate details to be shared. We ate lunch with a shuttle astronaut and grinned really big for our photo with him.

For Andy, it's the dream; for me, it was the people. From KSC employees to tourists from all over the earth, it was a wonderful experience. Not only at the Space Center, but on our boat ride and in restaurants and hotels, we encounted people from Italy, Germany, England, Scotland, all over Asia, and so on. From babies, to teens, to old folks - everyone was enjoying themselves. My husband, most of all.

While I did not see manatees or alligators, I saw several dolphins, and birds of all types. I listened to Neil Diamond played on a steel drum. I ate tuna not from a can, and saw the moon rise over the Atlantic Ocean on the beach with my man. The very few hassels and disappointments will soon be forgotten, but the memories will live on in our lives forever.

I really wanted this trip for Andy; but it was great for me, too.

And, we're off!!

Tomorrow morning, Andy and I will load our stuff and head off on this year's adventure.

A few months ago, I got it in my head that I wanted to take Andy to watch a shuttle launch before the program ended. He has loved the space program all his life, and I had this romantic vision of standing beside him, holding his hand as we watched the shuttle rise from the pad and disappear from our view.

Well, we will see the launch pad, and I'm sure I'll hold his hand at some point during the trip, but we will not be seeing a shuttle launch; they scrubbed the mission a few weeks ago. After giving him the option of waiting and going in the Fall, he opted to go ahead and go now. It will be a busy two days at Cape Canaveral; eating lunch with an astronaut, riding a shuttle simulator, and visiting the Star Trek exhibit. Yes, NASA acknowledges Star Trek!

As for me, I'm looking forward to seeing a part of the world I've never seen; haven't been past Biloxi, Miss.! and visiting my brother and niece whom I've not seen in too many years. Oh, and sleeping on clean sheets in a cold, cold hotel room every night! :)

So, so long for a few days; I'll tell all about it at a later date. Lord willing, it will be an adventure!!

writer's block

It just seems like lately, I haven't had much to say... I guess with no work to complain about, and quiet days at home, I'm having a bit of a slump. Don't get me wrong, I love my nice, quiet, contemplative life; it's just not anything to go on and on about.

Hopefully, after our trip, I'll have plenty to share!!

Yet another transition

Since May, Andy and I have been both going through major job transitions. First, my teaching career of 29 years came to a screeching halt with retirement, and now, Andy has made a big shift in his career.

Andy is a great Probation Officer. His people actually hate (well, most of them) to finish their probationary sentence because he has helped them transition so much from their crime. This is the part of his job that he takes the most pleasure in. For a while now, he's been debating where he was, and finally has come to a decision. He as given up his Office Manager role and has come "Home" to Atascosa once again as a regular, traditional P.O. No more evaluations, no more dealing with personnel issues, no more "paperwork" for managerial purposes. He feels like now he can mentor some or the younger, less experienced officers and dedicate his time to what he loves most. This last chapter of his career will be more what he wants, and I'm proud of him for taking the leap.

On Thursday, I joined him at his office as he said an official "Goodbye" to friends and co-workers. He'd been in that office 16+ years, and some were harder to leave than others. But as I stood back and watched as he got hug after hug, and strong, hard-felt handshakes, I knew this; he did a great job there, and his influence will live there for quite a while. I was very proud of his demeanor throughout the process of leaving, and he can certainly move on with the feeling of accomplishment inside him.

So, now he works for a week in his new office, and we take off for a long, hopefully memorable vacation. It's certainly earned and anticipated !!!

"and Mary kept all these things in her heart."

This is one of my favorite quotes of the New Testament, referring to the life of Jesus, His mother Mary witnessing things and holding them in her heart forever. I've thought of it often during the years as Dana and Erin grew from little babies, to toddlers, to teens, and even now as women. I love to observe them and tuck away little things that are special in my "mom's eyes".

Last week was a good chance to add lots of those moments - I spent three days in Houston at the Johnsons' (don't I have a great son-in-law to endure me all those days?!?) and the joy of seeing Erin with her babies; to see her teaching Liz such little things as kissing her baby brother good-night, and "helping" fold clothes were just precious. I know I did those same things, but it didn't feel the same as watching her. I enjoyed Gregg coming in after work and getting "It's Dad!" from Liz; so full of excitement and love for her father and his joy at seeing his children. I even got to witness Dana totally enjoying her role as Aunt D as she shared chocolate pie with Liz and taught her to jump on the bed and fall in heaps of giggles. My heart just filled up time and time again.

So, even know, as I sit here at look at Bladen and Liz's pictures - I remember all those little things - Bladen doing his "pose" as he balanced himself on the floor - and it's almost as good as being there still.

Almost....

What do you remember about church from your youth? Andy and I were talking this morning about people who have gone before us, who impacted our faith, and I got to thinking about Myrtle Spence.

Sister Spence, as I knew her, was a truly committed Christian woman in the long ago years of the 50s and 60s. She never missed a service, her head covered in a fashionable hat and knitted shawl, sitting in her spot on the end of her pew, beside the window. We had those old, crank-open windows and no airconditioning in those days, and she was right there, beside hers. As I sat across the aisle, or down the row, or behind her, I could always hear her sweet, clear voice singing hymns, but otherwise, she was silent.

The thing I remember most, and this is why she is on my list of "heroes of faith", is her teaching my Bible Class. She always had flannelboard figures, or - my favorite - pipe-cleaner figures with which to act out Bible Stories. Daniel and the Lion's Den, Noah's Ark, Moses in the reed basket. She brought those stories to life with her animated story telling and pipe cleaners....no dvds for us!! We sang lots of songs and always, always passed the band-aid box for our offering to the missionaries. She made sure we participated in all parts of the class.

Sister Spence has been gone a long, long time; but now, thinking back, it's as if I saw her yesterday. I hold a special part in my heart, and I look forward to seeing her in the future, in our Father's house.

So - who are your Sister Spences?? Please share!!

Is it just my imagination, or what?!?!

Bees, bees, bees!!

A few weeks ago, Dana called to tell me that she'd been having trouble with bees getting into her apartment somehow. Just a few at a time, but enough to be worrisome. So far, no exterminator has come, so she just keeps waiting.

Ever sense, bees are everywhere!! I hear about them on the news, I read about them in the paper, and I watch television shows where they are being moved by a bee-keeper! Now, today, I'm watching a show on my computer, and there's a guy who's allergic to - wait for it - BEES! He wakes up in this cabin with one on his face, and millions flying all around. I can't escape them!!!

Next thing I imagine is a reality show on Bees!!

Decisions, decisions!!

What to do?!? Everyone is interested in finding out my "plans" for retirement, and to be honest, I haven't got a clue!! It all happened so fast, the even idea of it being a reality truely hasn't sunk in yet. It just all feels like Summer time to me; the same summer I've had for 29 years. I know that, come August, I will have to make some decisions, but for now - well - I'm enjoying my lazy, quiet, stay-home kind of days.

I'll let you know what I decide!!

Lessons learned

I was 25 when I had Dana, 28 when Erin was born. A few years later, I had baby fever again, but - well, Andy didn't, so we were a happy family of 4. I took the business of raising the girls very seriously, and really tried to enjoy my time with them as they grew into toddlers, little girls, preteens, and yes, even teenagers. A wise woman told me, "Enjoy each age you go through, for each one does have it's advantages." And so I tried. We played, colored, sang, built, etc. as each season rolled into another.


Yesterday, I went with Jackie and the 5 little ones to Burger King. We had a wonderful time, laughing, waving, even comforting one who got scared when she couldn't find her sister. It was a happy, peaceful time with my friend.

Now, today as I reflect on that visit, I wish I had Dana and Erin back again for just one day - to enjoy them again as little girls, learning life all over again; and I wonder if I could do it "better" with the wisdom of years. I know I would be more patient, and slower with my demands; but overall, I think I did a pretty good job - they are wonderful, well-adjusted, God-fearing women in their own successful lives.

Sometimes, though, I just miss my little girls.

June 20

Wow - how can it already be the 20th of June?!?! This month is speeding by, and I know that the idea of my retirement hasn't sunk in, because I'm "worried" about how fast it is going!! June usually is a slow, restful month, but I guess with all the activity of getting the retirement set up and church activities, the days are whizzing by. Dana comes in on Wed. for a few days, and then, the month will be done. The nice thing is, we're seeing a better picture of how retirement is going to go financially, and Andy is feeling better about it. We know there's a difference we are facing, but thanks to Dave Ramsey, we are in better shape than we would've been... well, I just wouldn't have been able to even consider retiring now, so - thanks, Dave!!

Facing One's Biggest Fears

My first memory of going to the dentist was in 4th grade. I was sitting in a dark library at school, watching a black and white film about bears, when my nerve became exposed somehow, and I ended up on the floor in extreme pain. Mom came to get me, and they drug me into my great-uncle's office, where he proceeded to hold me down and yank out the offending tooth. It marred me for life...
Over the course of my adulthood, I have gone long stretches of my life with seeing a dentist and taking care of my teeth. Now, I am 55, and am truly paying the price for that neglect. "Happy Pills" and nitrous oxide have become my friend, but up until yesterday, I'd avoided at all costs (my teeth, usually!) the dreaded Root Canal.

I cannot tell you how paralyzed I was yesterday as I waited for the appointment. As much as I tried to keep thinking of other things, I was unable to remove that fear from my mind. Even as I entered the office, I was frozen. While the process was uncomfortable at some points it was not nearly as painful as I imagined!! I'm sure the full dosage of "happy pills" helped, but I think my dentist's gentle touch had a lot to do with it also. I came home with no pain. None!

So, now I can face the other one in a couple of months, knowing I will save my tooth and live to tell about it.

I'm really proud of myself!!

An odd observation

So, today started with a list of items to accomplish - starting off with meeting with the head of Human Resources to discuss my retirement and get the financial end of it going. After arriving late - I'm NEVER late anywhere ! - we got going. Things are looking like it's all falling into place, and I go to Austin on Wednesday to finalize things.

I go to the bank next, to get copies of our birth certificates, and as I wait, I see that the doctor who delivered me, and is LONG gone, never signed my birth certificate. This begins to bother me; am I alive or not?!?! What are the legal ramifications of not being legaly legal?!? Am I like a television series that ends in a snowglobe or someone's imagination??

Silly, I know. But certainly gave me pause on this hectic morning!!

It is Finished

There are few things that I think people look forward to more than retirement. I'd always figured that I would anticipate mine for a whole school year and leave with hugs and tears from students and co-workers alike.

I "retired" almost a week ago, and it was nothing like that. It was quiet, and tearful, and -yes, freeing. After finding renewed joy in my profession of 29 years, this year has shown me that I no longer belong. Is that an oxymoron or what?!? At the same time I find joy and feelings of accomplishment with my students and parents, I feel that I can no longer keep pace with the demands of current trends in teaching. I feel a dinosaur; even while "proficiently" carrying out the requirements of my curriculum. And so, when the Lord provided me a way to pay back some years of retirement, I knew it was time to go.

Andy and I are both apprehensive about this move financially - it's a few years ahead of what we'd planned, but we are together in it. When you are waking up at night with a racing heart, and dread your classroom door opening, it's no fun anymore. I looked at myself and saw someone I didn't recognize; in this past week, I see myself returning.

So. It is finished. I will find a little something to do to bridge the cash-flow gap, but I have no regrets. Well, maybe a few; Lexy, Riley, Robert, Dawson - you get my drift.

Teaching is the most rewarding occupation the world has to offer - I gave it my best shot.

Really can't complain

Each day, I check blogs - and I get disappointed when those I read don't have something new to read...

and then I check mine, and realize it's been over a week since I posted myself.

Oops.

School's almost over!! :)

What, now?

I had it all planned out. The perfect vacation for my husband, and NASA messed it up!! I was going to take Andrew to Florida this July for the launching of the next-to-the-last shuttle mission - I could see myself standing beside him as the count-down occurred and feel his hand squeeze mine and the shuttle roared into the clear, Florida sky. Barring a hurricane barreling down on us, it was utopic in my mind's eye.

Then, I checked the calendar one more time before I made reservations. They've moved the flights to Sept. and Nov.

Curses!!