Heaven on Earth

I have always loved the Hill Country ever since I was 14 and spent a week at Camp Bandina for the first time - so it was a natural choice for a place to spend our anniversary last week. I'd seen Canyon of the Eagles on the internet a while back, and searched for it again recently. As soon as I saw the pictures, I knew it was the place!

After a meandering drive along Highway 16, we got checked in and settled in for an afternoon of relaxation. Our room (in a quadplex) overlooked the lake, and it was so very peaceful!! During the course of the weekend, we took a wonderful boat ride along the river, met some wonderful people, and ate some delicious food... but the highlight had to be Saturday evening! When cloudy weather cancelled our evening at the Planetarium, we settled into our rocking chairs and watched the coming rain. And it came with a mighty roar! Our building had a tin roof, and we were pounded with huge raindrops and golfball sized hailstones! While I was concerned about our car sitting our front, the storm was so awesome that it was worth it - luckily, my car survived with only some leaves blown on top of it!!

Andy relaxing - and reading on our porch - the views were amazing. Who needs t.v.??!!

We are already looking forward to a trip in the Fall - the Bald Eagles nest there, and we hear the colors are amazing!! Can't wait to see for myself!!

A hard post to write...

This Sunday will mark the 3 month date of my surgery! While it seems to be going by fast, and my life improves daily, there are times when my "previous life" feel eons ago.

Some days, I am so angry - at other people for being able to eat "normally", but mostly at myself. Where was this determination so many pounds ago?!? Where was my desire to be healthier and more active when I could have kept this from being a neccessity; where was my desire to be able to wear beautiful clothes, to shop for fun things to wear instead of what I could find that would fit?? Why didn't I care enough about myself and my family until I almost ruined it all....

These are hard questions to face. I know, the hysterectomy and dead thyroid didn't help, and Dr. Cruz pointed out that I most likely have the "fat" gene, but over all, this is my doing. Or lack of...

But - those days are behind me now. I am learning to adjust to my new way of life, and everyone is there for me, cheering me on. For that, I am grateful beyond measure!

Now, if I can just cheer for myself.

Old vs. New

Last year, my ob-gyn retired. He was ancient, and his office was tiny. They kept the "Christmas Tree" up all year, decorated according to the season. He had pamplets in his waiting room with the "plan of salvation" on them. His exam room and office - where he sat with you after the exam - were filled with tokens of love and appreciation from patients from many years of practice. (A plaque behind his desk said, "Dr. ______, at your cervix" It always made me smile!) He was all business, yet tender.

His practice was bought by a young doctor, whom I'd heard good things about. (When you deal with as many nurses as I have over the past year, you talk about doctors a lot!) So, I decided to give the new guy a try.

Yesterday, I walked into the state-of-the-art offices. It took up half of the bottom floor of the building, and there were 8 doctors alone in his area. (My other doc was the only one in the practice, with one nurse and one secretary) I was shuffled from waiting area to waiting area, talking to patients who'd been waiting for hours when I got there, and so I was about to walk out when it finally came time to meet the fellow.

He was young; not much older than Dana, and was charming. At one point, he reached over and took my hand when he thought I was getting upset. (I wasn't, my eye was watering for some obscure reason) His exam was quick, thorough, and discreet. While the rooms were sterile (literally!) and non-descript, his warmth and interaction made the room seem more personal.

When all was said and done, he said, "I'll see you back in a year" and out he went. Down the conveyor belt of a hall to his next patient.

While I'll miss my other doctor, I think I'll keep this new one -

A Life Remembered

This weekend was so sweet; Mother's Day was awesome, we honored the graduates at church, and Andy and I traveled up North to a sweet little town called Millsap.

Millsap is where my aunt Mary went to live and raise her 5 children following the death of her husband at a young age. My other aunt Lenora lived there, and so it was a perfect choice. We would go up there to visit, and I was pretty unimpressed - Poteet was MUCH larger, you know!!

The kids grew up and moved on - well, not too far away. Aunt Mary lived on dwindling finances as each one left the nest and their government stipend vanished. She needed something to help her out, and since the kids were all athletic, it was natural for her to begin selling tickets to all the games. Living across the street helped keep all the kids nearby, and their friends were staples in the household. Stretching what little money she had, she fed every one of them and often took them in if they needed a place to stay. She kept them in line, and taught them how to be good men and women. They were her kids, too.

At her death a few years ago, the service was filled with kids Mary had "raised" whether in her home or on the sidelines. Now, the ticket booth at the Millsap stadium sports a wonderful tribute plaque to "The Ticket Lady."

We went there this weekend to help with the "Ticket Lady Trot" 5K run. (Andy came in third place in his division!) Everywhere were people who were remembering my aunt and showing their love to my cousins, who set up the scholarship each year in her honor.
It was a day of love and rememberance that I won't forget for a long, long time. It reminded me of the legacy we leave without ever meaning to by our daily lives.

Now, if you asked me my opinion of Millsap, Texas? I think it's a great little town, full of love....

The death of Bin Laden

Osama bin Laden has been all over the news this week; we would have missed the announcement that night if Erin hadn't called - surely one of those things you want to hear when it happens, not the next morning.

As I sat on the couch, listening to the news, I reflected back on events in my life that have caused all other activities to stop - Kennedy being shot, his brother and Martin Luther King, Jr. assassinated soon afterwards, the shuttle blowing up before our eyes, the Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine High School, and, of course, the 9-11 tragedies.

Enough. That's it. We have "closure" now, so let's just have no more of this!! With the exception of the shuttle explosion, all the rest of these events were caused by people who felt they had the right to change the destiny of lives of people far reaching those they murdered. Whatever gave them such delusions of power, that they could take these matters into their own hands? How do we stop more of this from happening in the future?!?

Lord, come quickly....

Living in the dark

Both of my daughters live in the Houston area; and both have made the same comment recently upon coming home: "It is SO dark here at night!"

I guess living in the city, there are always lights; on highways, buildings, signs, and just the crazy amount of other cars you meet while driving. It's one of those things I guess I take for granted; the night and how it surrounds you. It covers you like a big blanket, and on certain nights affords you sights in the heavens that we take for granted. Andy loves to carry his telescope out and view the constellations and the planets, and - to be truthful - often has to beg me to join him.

As we weigh the pros and cons of "someday" moving back to be near family, that is certainly something we would lose by going there - the quiet, stillness of the small town night.

Marvelous May

Before retirement, Jackie always said that she didn't like how I "was" at the end of school; grumpy, tired, and short-tempered. I avoided commitments during the last month in order to keep up the stamina needed to put a year of school to rest. No longer!!

As of today, each and every weekend of May is filled with love and family - the first weekend will take us to Millsap to participate in my cousins' TicketLady Trot to raise money for a scholarship in my aunt's memory. Following the next Saturday will be a weekend visit with some cousins as they journey to the coast for a family vacation. The third weekend is out 35th wedding anniversary - enough said - and the last weekend, we just found out that our friends Steve and Dianne will be coming down from Ohio for a visit!!

Wow! I don't think I could've done all this fun a year ago!! Happy Retirement!!

A Week in Heaven

Yes, 2 year olds are head-strong; one year olds make messes; sleeping without Andy is the pits - but I LOVED my week with the Johnsons!!! Driving in Houston was less stressful, and working around the diet was challenging (but well done!), but I got to see Liz's school and admire Bladen's amazing balance while mastering the walking process!!

I even enjoyed a sugar-free grape snowcone!!

There are sweet memories I will keep forever; rubbing Erin's feet while she rested on the couch beside me, playing Words With Friends with Gregg, snuggling with Liz while she played on Gregg's ITouch, holding them both on my lap for a long, long time watching animals frolick on the computer (My legs finally went numb, and we had to divert their attention to something else!), Bladen folding in laughter as I bounced him on the air mattress, and having Liz say firmly, "Nana, lay down!" as we rested on her bed.

And the killer, "No go car, need more NaNa!" SO hard to walk away, so hard....

So, while I hated to see my sweet daughter so miserable, I relished the time spent with them - talk about a mixed blessing!

Sure makes house-hunting in Houston appealing....!!

Really random thought...

Tuesday, a woman told me that she is "expecting a baby." Cool!! This morning, it hit me; what else would she be "expecting" ?!?!! It's going to be one of those days!!

Dana stated the other day that she is in a "blog freeze" - and I think I have the same problem!! Since my surgery, nothing is coming to mind, other than the surgery; and I don't want that to be my entire focus....

I will say that it is really nice to be free of the heart monitor, though. 3 weeks of wearing it 24/7 got old, and while I found it amazing that our technology has enable folks to do this while living life, the new was over after about 1 week. So, last night, we went into San Antonio to celebrate. My first trip to Carrino's was wonderful - other than watching Andy enjoy the bread and oil. This has to be the hardest part, even harder than giving up Cokes!! Breads and crackers were definitely my weakness, and I miss them a lot.

So. I go back to my surgeon next week for my second check-up. I hope the scale moves downward and that he is happy with my progress. I see it and feel it in many ways, but I want him to be pleased too.

Victory Ring

One of my favorite movies is "Independence Day" with Will Smith. In it, he is a fighter pilot who carries with him a "Victory Dance" cigar to enjoy after each successful mission. He's given me an idea...

When Andy and I married, I received from him the diamonds that were in his birthmother's wedding ring set. We found a setting we liked, and I wore them proudly. Then, my weight gain began, and not long after Erin's birth (28 yrs. ago!) I found them too tight to wear. They have been put away for safekeeping until the day I could wear them again. Later, Andy bought me a "replacement" ring to wear.

I have decided that, since soon that ring will not even fit my thumb, I will sell it for the gold, and buy for myself a "Victory Ring." It will remind me every day of the effort I am putting forth, and the success I will have found. I think I've already found it - James Avery to the rescue - and so now, I wait.

It wil be wonderful!!!

Two Weeks Behind Me

Going in to surgery, I knew things in my life would likely not ever return to the way it had been. I was mentally prepared for the changes I would be facing, and so far, I have been proud of my focus. Time is a biggie in this; two weeks here, the next two weeks, and so on. Andy has been a real trooper, and I owe him big. Did I say big - what an understatement!!

My first words out of surgery were, "I change my mind!" Andy and Jackie had a laugh, but I think I half-way meant it. The next two weeks proved much harder and complicated than I imagined - because the surgery itself went just fine; it was all the drama afterwards.

My heart decided on Thursday to go into spasms. One minute, I'm watching the Spurs, the next - my room is filled with all sorts of folks because my heart is in fibrillation. Scary is not the word; it truly was undescribable. If not for those nurses beside me, I think I would have been totally out of control. (See previous post)

The rest of my time in the hospital was spent in dealing with getting my heart back into its normal rhythm, and now I am at home wearing a monitor for three weeks. The doctors in the know suspect that this was a result of stress from the surgery, and that all should be just fine. I am taking them at their word. As far as I know, I haven't skipped a beat since, pun intended!

So, less than two weeks out of surgery, I am off my diabetes and high blood pressure meds. That alone makes this whole thing bearable.

And last night, I rejoined the group at DQ! Yes, I sat there, surrounded by fries, gravy and cokes, sipping on my unsweetened tea. Instead of feasting on the food that put me where I am now, I feasted on conversation and love.

Why didn't I figure this out years ago?!?!

Angels Among Us

This past week has offered me many things to blog about. Unfortunately, there was no computer available, and when there was, no brain to use.



I know that I am loved. I have come in the past year or so to feel it in so many ways among family, church members and friends - and I have come to accept and relish that affection. But this past week, I was loved by people who had no history with me or the eventuality of a future friendship. They loved me because they are servants of healing - nurses, doctors, surgeons, respiratory therapists, and ladies who cleaned my room. While in my presence, I was their priority and focus.



At one very low point, when I was more scared than I have ever been, some strangers came to my comfort and support. They held my hands, looked me in the eye, and assured me that they were right there beside me. Later, several came to find me on another floor, because they were concerned about what had happened to me that evening.



The Men and Women of Methodist Transplant and Surgery Hospital have my undying (appropriate choice of words!! ) thanks and appreciation. I will never look at the scripture about "angels unaware" the same again.



When I left today, some came by the room and some found me in the hall. Some hugged; one told me to "soar as high as the sky." I will always pray for their works and hope for them a long and happy life.



Linda - Omar - Jolie - Dr. Guerra - Amy - Kim - Tres - Minna - Mikey - Angelina, and Sharon. Many whose names I have already forgotten; but never, ever their kindnesses toward me. A stranger. One patient among the throngs that pass through their halls.



They have no idea... how could they??

Things I am Looking Forward to....

~ wearing my wedding rings; haven't been able to in most of Erin's lifetime!

~ playing on the floor with Liz and Bladen and babies to come...

~ buying and wearing proudly a Manu Ginobili t-shirt!

~ shopping for clothes in "regular" stores

~ not worrying about finding the closest parking spot so I have the energy to walk to the store

~ swimming with Andy

~ going places with the family and not having them have to wait on me to keep up!!!!

~ standing at church

~ working in my yard

~ riding a bike again

~ feeling "new and improved"

~ not feeling subconcious when I walk into a room

~ hiking again in the beautiful Hill Country, or around Bear Lake, or ANYWHERE I want!!

~ going on my 60th birthday cruise with the girls and wearing a nice swimsuit in front of people :)

~ growing old

~ showing others and myself that I can do this and have self-discipline.

~ NOT worrying about diabetes anymore - - -

and, finally - well, that's between me and Andy!!! :)

Wow - it's been a month since I last posted; I've had a lot going on, but nothing seemed like a good topic!!

A year ago today, Mom had her stroke. As I was getting ready for school, Andy's brother called to tell us she'd been taken to the hospital after a bad fall. As soon as we could get away, we got to Houston. At first, it looked like we would lose her, and in some ways, we have....

Mom was a fastidious house keeper. All meals were set on the table, and everyone sat there, together, to eat. She never sat down to "visit" - and current events and social topics were the conversation of the day. That part of her is gone, but she is so much better than we ever thought. Healthy, home cooked meals have given way to poached eggs or take-out pizza for dinner, and their once valued independence has been replaced by a 24/7 nurse in the home.

My father- in- law misses his wife a lot. Over the year, we've seen such frustration in him, and yet we've also seen so many instances of tenderness and love that were kept private between them all the years prior. It's truly been a learning experience for us all!

So, as we begin this next year - we are grateful that Mom is better and at home. We miss the mom she was, but we relish the Mom we have now. We are thankful for this year and all it has shown us about our family.

Dreams do come true

My daughter, Dana, has just had another birthday. She celebrated with friends, and her beloved Johnsons - our turn to celebrate will come in a few days. We did the traditional phone call "Happy Birthday" song, and her flowers were delivered.

I've been thinking a lot about the dreams we have for our children, and I guess this is as good a time as any to reflect. So, here go a few of this mom's dreams:

I dreamed of a daughter who would love and live her life for God and her Savior. No doubt that is true in Dana's case; she seeks to serve and worship Him with her whole being.

I dreamed that she and her siblings would be close. Watching her and Erin makes me so happy, because I know someday her Dad and I will be gone, and they will have each other. It's not so comfy, though, when they team up on us!!

I dreamed of a healthy child. So far, so good; not one trip to the hospital for this girl, although there was that nasty pencil lead trip to the ER once. No broken bones, either. And she's sky-dived, for goodness sake!!

I dreamed of a woman who would love children. You should see her with Liz and Bladen; no aunt does a better job. Her school children are blessed to be with her everyday, and she takes her job quite seriously. Her compassion to those children lonely and hurt is amazing.

I dreamed of an independent person who would not depend on others for making decisions on her own. Sometimes I worry that she's going into her dark apartment by herself late at night, but I am so grateful that she has so much to keep her life full and isn't sitting on the couch.

And I dreamed of a daughter that would value good things in life, like music, sunsets, museums, yummy food, and mountain tops.

I dreamed of Dana.

One look...

When the girls were little, I'd spat their little legs, or their hands, to get my point across. I thought that was what moms do - or, did - and so I had no remorse about doing it. The girls grew up well mannered and don't seem any worse for the wear...

This past weekend, Erin and her children came to visit. Bladen was "eating" a grill cheese sandwich for lunch, and decided he'd had enough.
So, dead-eyeing me, he proceeded to hold his bite out over the side of the highchair tray as if to say, "Thanks, Nana. No more." Now, I've heard Erin and Gregg both say "No" to Liz and Bladen, so I felt like I could do it without much of a ruckus.

"Bladen, No!" I must have said it with my "teacher voice", because he sank back into the chair and had such a downcast look on his face that I wanted to crawl under the table and cry!! His eyes said to me, "Oh, Nana - how COULD you?!?!" For a good minute or so, he just sat, beaten down like I'd taken away all his little spirit. I had to try several times to tickle his little fat toes, or jiggle his leg, before he'd even crack a little smile. I made it up to him the rest of the visit, and I think he's forgiven me.

So - I hope I never forget that little face whenever he needs guiding again. It's just not in me to make that little man look like that again!!

Reflections of another year

Today is my 56th birthday. I was up from 3:15 to 5:20, both reflecting on last year's events, and anticipation some of this coming year. Ugh - I'm really needing those lost hours about now!

Since my birthday is so soon after Christmas and New Year's, I rarely make resolutions when everyone else is... I'd just have to do it again a few days later. This year, not so many to make, but good things are in the works. Andy and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage in May, and hope - really, really hope - to mark it with a trip to California to drive the California Coastal Highway and attend my nephew, Casey's wedding. We will see how that pans out, with the state budget fixing to take a big hit, though.

In February, we will mark one year since Mom fell. I can't tell you how that one day has changed the whole tenure of the LaMore family, from Bladen, the youngest, to Andy - her oldest son. The mom we knew and loved so is no more, but we enjoy every day we still have her. Dad has suffered the most, of course, and we've seen it's toll on him.

I think that sometime during this year, I will need to take some sort of job. Maybe not full-time, and maybe not school-related, but something. While I truly enjoy this life I have now, in reality, we were not financially prepared for me to stop work and take in less money. I hope things will work out, though. It already has in so many ways.

I guess one of the best things is that, for the majority of days, I am no longer angry at the principal who set this all in motion. I don't like the way I felt about her, and I'm glad it's gone. Her loss....

One thing I know for sure, I love my husband exponentially more now than ever. Ever. He fills my heart just by standing beside me as we worship God together, or holds my hand as we watch a movie. I adore him, and up until recently, I thought I knew what that all meant. Now, I do.

The last thing that I'll share is that, after 55 years, I truly feel the little invisible girl is gone. (I mean me. My imaginary friend left long, long ago!!) My brother once told me that the middle child was often invisible in a family, and that knowledge made so many things clear to me. But this year, I have really felt - and, I don't really know how to put this into words, - needed. Valued. Anticipated. Missed when I'm not around. Two specific things opened my eyes - an encouragement card, and a comment. Just a comment made by someone. She has no idea of what that meant to me. Both of these events actually scared me, because of the realization that people SEE me, watch me, and value my role in their life. Amazing what that did for me.

So, here comes 56. It's a full day, fun stuff awaits. Life is good, thank you very much!! And before I turn around, here will come 57. Who knows what I'll post about then?!?!

So many things!

I wish I'd been more self-disciplined these last few days, as I have a lot to post . My year-end countdown, by Christmas holidays with friends and families, my New Year's frivolity, the Johnson anniversary, the Spurs, and so on. It has been a busy season, and it's hard to get it all into words.

Many trips to Houston for wonderful events; Matt and Summer's wedding, B's first birthday, Liz turning two.... Christmas Eve with the family and Christmas Day. Delicious times with the LaMore clan - thankfulness for Mom's continued improvement - a game with nephews I rarely get to interact with.

So, as 2011 begins, suffice it to say that I am a contented, happy woman. Andy shows me more and more how truly much he loves me (maybe he always has and I just didn't see it!), and my friendships grow dearer to me with each passing day. My daughters and sweet son give me hope for a great future for them all.

To quote a line from the movie "Hope Floats," my cup runneth over. May I never forget how God has blessed by life with His goodness.

So, to you and yours, a Happy, Healthy, and Fun 2011.

Now, if those Spurs will just bring home Banner 5!!!

Yes, it's a Spurs post....

Evidently, my daughters are not fans of my posts concerning my Spurs, but this one is a must!!

For years, the Spurs have been looked down on by those lowly LA Lakers, but last night, they were finally given the respect they deserved! The guys came out gunning, and even thought Timmy and my man, Manu, did little point-wise, the Spurs put them in their place. This was our first big test of the season, some said, and was a measuring stick of how the team really was doing. Well, it was a pleasure to watch them shoot at will and deny the purple and black. I guess our new guys just saw it as another team, and were not intimidated by Koby; did you SEE George put his finger in Koby's face!?!?

So, I'm a happy Spurs fan today; hoping for many more games like that one to come!! :)