6 months later....

Before my surgery in February, I listed several "reasons" I was having it - and now, I'm happy to announce that I've reached one of the most important ones!! Last Sunday, I was able to wear my wedding ring to worship!!

When Andy and I became engaged, he asked his dad for the rings his birth mother wore when they married (Dad had already mentioned Andy getting them "someday", so it wasn't out of the blue.) Well, her rings were white gold, and I wanted my own set anyway, so we took out the diamonds and returned the setting to Dad.

When I got to church, it was my intention to show only a couple of those closest to me; but not Andy! Before I knew it, everyone was wanting to see my hand! One lady said - "They look brand new!" - they should; I've not worn them since Erin was a little girl....

So, today I go to see my surgeon. I'd told him of my goal, and his response was that, in all the years he's done this surgery, no one had ever told him of wanting to put their wedding ring back on. Today, he sees it in it's rightful place. I plan to take my camera to record the event!

This happens every time!

Before my surgery, I had to meet with a "Behavioralist" - part of the process of insurance... guess they wanted to see inside my head before they invested thousands of dollars on "fixing" me. One thing I told her is that I tend to sabotage myself with every diet. Once the pounds coming off draws attention for others, I jump back into eating - it's a power thing. (That's a post for another day...)

Last night, everyone at church (even folks along the wall who didn't come up to me) noticed. The weight is obviously coming off quickly now, for which I am grateful, but the attention is overwhelming. All the hugs, smiles, comments, pats, "acceptance" is really pushing me right now. The only thing keeping me from falling back into the old pattern of stuffing my face is the fact the I'll either throw it up or become severely constipated. I know, way too much info!! So, I sit here, trying to accept this new reality. People are liking how I look now, and I cannot hide myself from them anymore. My new clothes fit - meaning that I am not in my usual tent.

One thing that keeps going through my brain is that - if they are so happy with me now, how awful must I have looked before?! Was I so unattractive that people dreaded seeing me? I know I have seen others that were uncomfortable to look at, and the thought that I was perceived that way hurts. "They" would say to me - "we just love you and were so worried about your health", but it doesn't feel like that when all I am complimented on is how I look. Just too much... even though I know it is said in love....

So, as I sit here dreaming of baked potatoes, pizza, Sonic cheeseburgers and tots and lots and lots of Coke, I wait. I wait for this to pass and for acceptance of the "new" Amy. The old one is still here, though - raising her ugly self in defiance.

What a Difference a Year Makes!

(I am no good at manipulating pictures!! This one should be at the end of the post!!)

One year ago this month, I started a journey that - to this point - has pretty much changed everything about my life. Here I am with my brother in July in Florida.

On the trip home, I told Andy that I'd found out from a friend that my new insurance through Teacher Retirement would cover gastric bypass surgery. We knew it was something that I would have to do, because my health was truly suffering from the load of my weight. Not an easy thing to admit, but I was in a "perfect storm" coming to a serious landfall. Once we were home, I contacted the doctor after confirming it through my insurance.

I did not begin seeing Dr. Duperier until the beginning of October, shortly before Liz's second birthday. Not until I was approved for the surgery did I tell anyone - not even Dana or Erin... just too scared it would not happen.

Feb. 22 was the day of the actual surgery, but I'd been in preparation for a couple of months to get my body ready. Weight began coming off even then!

Now, a year after that initial conversation with Andy, here I am at Minutemaid Park a few weeks ago - the change startled me when I first saw it on "film"!

I have a long way to go, but I am confident it will pass quickly!

I really don't like pictures of myself, but if I have to post one - here it is. Andy and I in Burnet on our 35th wedding anniversary last month. He makes me happy every day!

2 Songs

Are you KIDDING me; two songs only!!!??! Here go two of my all-time favorites:


"You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon; the volume rises substantially when this one comes on!! Fun, fun, fun!

"Untitled Hymm" by Chris Rice; I always think of Jennifer and Mark Palmer, a young married couple who died way too early in life from cancer. Makes me weep each and every time.

3 Films

3 Films:

1. Silverado (You know this is a favorite because you can repeat most of the lines!!)

2. The most recent Star Trek; great new faces on familiar friends!

3. Chicago; I would have LOVED to be in that movie!! "Celophane" is my song!

4 Books

These 4 books stay with me -

1. The Relatives Came (reminds me of my family in my youth)

2. The Thorn Birds

3. Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

4. The Bible

5 foods

This is a hard one to do, because the ones I'm listing are ones that are no longer in my routine menu!! Here goes:


1. Cheese enchiladas covered in gravy and cheese - hands down vote for my final meal if I were to pick one!

2. Pizza

3. Cheesy crackers (I'm sensing a cheese theme here!)

4. A good Sonic cheeseburger

5. Chili's babyback ribs


Man, I'm hungry now!!

6 PLACES

6 Places I love or want to visit:

1. Heaven

2. Mountains - any height, any place!

3. Worship

4. Dana and Erin's homes

5. Road trip along the California coastline

6. Andy's arms

7 wants

This list could be so much longer!!

~ Heaven
~ to meet and love Dana's husband
~ more grandchildren !!
~ to grow old with Andrew
~ a dog
~ a better relationship with my siblings
~ vacations to California, DC, and Canada! (can I count those as one wish?!?)

8 Fears

This is a personal one!

8 Fears:

1. Dying young
2. Losing one of my family
3. Not having enough money
4. Cancer
5. Our nation falling to another country
6. Having to go back to work full-time (i.e. - # 3)
7. Falling
8. Being alone in a country where no one speaks English (right now, not a problem!!)

9 Loves....

9 loves:

~ pictures of Liz and Bladen
~ singing
~ laughing with Jackie
~ vacations - esp. road trips!
~ seeing Andy teach and lead
~ talking to Dana and Erin for hours
~ houses
~ my cousins
~ Sunday nights


That was easy!!!

Following Dana's Lead...

10 Secrets about me....

1. Although I enjoy singing alto, I'd love to have a clear, strong Soprano voice.
2. I'd have 5 dogs, if Andy'd let me.
3. I wanted to hitch-hike across the country after high school, but Mama almost died when she heard and forbid me to go. I obeyed.
4. Cathy and I flushed our feet in the toilet in Austin one day after walking around a lot. (I have the picture to blackmail her!)
5. Jimmy Carr kissed me one night while we were eating pizza.
6. I'm afraid of being thin.
7. I once found some "dirty" pictures of my brother under his nightstand. Don't remember WHY I was looking under there.
8. For many years, I was scared of my inlaws.
9. I would love to play tennis.
10. I have always wanted to dye my hair red. Auburn, really.

Marriages In, Marriages Out

This has been a very difficult week in the land of marriage - while a sweet young couple faces their dreams of a great life together beginning this weekend, I know of three marriages that have fallen apart recently. Two marriages based on a commonality of faith, servants of the Lord, who have been torn apart. Two, couples I've known for many years, and loved with all my heart; the other, a couple I know through association. Doesn't matter - they are still losing the dream they once had; to grow old together and see life at its best along the way.

There are so many thoughts running through my head on this; where did it fall apart - surely not overnight, but - if you see it coming, can't you "fix" it??? Can't what you had be enough to hold it together???

When Andy is in court, and has to hear divorce cases, he comes home and holds on to me really tight - I think it scares him; I know it has me this week. No matter how much you deny it, this has pretty much ruined my week... and there's not much I can do - but pray. For them, for their kids, for their moms and dads who love them, for their friends who knew them as two, not one. For their church families, who looked to them as examples of commitment. For their God.

The thing that gives me hope is the knowledge I have of couples who have faced the unthinkable and survived with their marriages whole. I see them, and I think - "Why not? Who says we have to accept this decision they are making?? Who says the "easy way" is the only way...."

So, today, I will pray. And pray. And pray some more.

Their marriages are worth at least that -

Heaven on Earth

I have always loved the Hill Country ever since I was 14 and spent a week at Camp Bandina for the first time - so it was a natural choice for a place to spend our anniversary last week. I'd seen Canyon of the Eagles on the internet a while back, and searched for it again recently. As soon as I saw the pictures, I knew it was the place!

After a meandering drive along Highway 16, we got checked in and settled in for an afternoon of relaxation. Our room (in a quadplex) overlooked the lake, and it was so very peaceful!! During the course of the weekend, we took a wonderful boat ride along the river, met some wonderful people, and ate some delicious food... but the highlight had to be Saturday evening! When cloudy weather cancelled our evening at the Planetarium, we settled into our rocking chairs and watched the coming rain. And it came with a mighty roar! Our building had a tin roof, and we were pounded with huge raindrops and golfball sized hailstones! While I was concerned about our car sitting our front, the storm was so awesome that it was worth it - luckily, my car survived with only some leaves blown on top of it!!

Andy relaxing - and reading on our porch - the views were amazing. Who needs t.v.??!!

We are already looking forward to a trip in the Fall - the Bald Eagles nest there, and we hear the colors are amazing!! Can't wait to see for myself!!

A hard post to write...

This Sunday will mark the 3 month date of my surgery! While it seems to be going by fast, and my life improves daily, there are times when my "previous life" feel eons ago.

Some days, I am so angry - at other people for being able to eat "normally", but mostly at myself. Where was this determination so many pounds ago?!? Where was my desire to be healthier and more active when I could have kept this from being a neccessity; where was my desire to be able to wear beautiful clothes, to shop for fun things to wear instead of what I could find that would fit?? Why didn't I care enough about myself and my family until I almost ruined it all....

These are hard questions to face. I know, the hysterectomy and dead thyroid didn't help, and Dr. Cruz pointed out that I most likely have the "fat" gene, but over all, this is my doing. Or lack of...

But - those days are behind me now. I am learning to adjust to my new way of life, and everyone is there for me, cheering me on. For that, I am grateful beyond measure!

Now, if I can just cheer for myself.

Old vs. New

Last year, my ob-gyn retired. He was ancient, and his office was tiny. They kept the "Christmas Tree" up all year, decorated according to the season. He had pamplets in his waiting room with the "plan of salvation" on them. His exam room and office - where he sat with you after the exam - were filled with tokens of love and appreciation from patients from many years of practice. (A plaque behind his desk said, "Dr. ______, at your cervix" It always made me smile!) He was all business, yet tender.

His practice was bought by a young doctor, whom I'd heard good things about. (When you deal with as many nurses as I have over the past year, you talk about doctors a lot!) So, I decided to give the new guy a try.

Yesterday, I walked into the state-of-the-art offices. It took up half of the bottom floor of the building, and there were 8 doctors alone in his area. (My other doc was the only one in the practice, with one nurse and one secretary) I was shuffled from waiting area to waiting area, talking to patients who'd been waiting for hours when I got there, and so I was about to walk out when it finally came time to meet the fellow.

He was young; not much older than Dana, and was charming. At one point, he reached over and took my hand when he thought I was getting upset. (I wasn't, my eye was watering for some obscure reason) His exam was quick, thorough, and discreet. While the rooms were sterile (literally!) and non-descript, his warmth and interaction made the room seem more personal.

When all was said and done, he said, "I'll see you back in a year" and out he went. Down the conveyor belt of a hall to his next patient.

While I'll miss my other doctor, I think I'll keep this new one -

A Life Remembered

This weekend was so sweet; Mother's Day was awesome, we honored the graduates at church, and Andy and I traveled up North to a sweet little town called Millsap.

Millsap is where my aunt Mary went to live and raise her 5 children following the death of her husband at a young age. My other aunt Lenora lived there, and so it was a perfect choice. We would go up there to visit, and I was pretty unimpressed - Poteet was MUCH larger, you know!!

The kids grew up and moved on - well, not too far away. Aunt Mary lived on dwindling finances as each one left the nest and their government stipend vanished. She needed something to help her out, and since the kids were all athletic, it was natural for her to begin selling tickets to all the games. Living across the street helped keep all the kids nearby, and their friends were staples in the household. Stretching what little money she had, she fed every one of them and often took them in if they needed a place to stay. She kept them in line, and taught them how to be good men and women. They were her kids, too.

At her death a few years ago, the service was filled with kids Mary had "raised" whether in her home or on the sidelines. Now, the ticket booth at the Millsap stadium sports a wonderful tribute plaque to "The Ticket Lady."

We went there this weekend to help with the "Ticket Lady Trot" 5K run. (Andy came in third place in his division!) Everywhere were people who were remembering my aunt and showing their love to my cousins, who set up the scholarship each year in her honor.
It was a day of love and rememberance that I won't forget for a long, long time. It reminded me of the legacy we leave without ever meaning to by our daily lives.

Now, if you asked me my opinion of Millsap, Texas? I think it's a great little town, full of love....

The death of Bin Laden

Osama bin Laden has been all over the news this week; we would have missed the announcement that night if Erin hadn't called - surely one of those things you want to hear when it happens, not the next morning.

As I sat on the couch, listening to the news, I reflected back on events in my life that have caused all other activities to stop - Kennedy being shot, his brother and Martin Luther King, Jr. assassinated soon afterwards, the shuttle blowing up before our eyes, the Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine High School, and, of course, the 9-11 tragedies.

Enough. That's it. We have "closure" now, so let's just have no more of this!! With the exception of the shuttle explosion, all the rest of these events were caused by people who felt they had the right to change the destiny of lives of people far reaching those they murdered. Whatever gave them such delusions of power, that they could take these matters into their own hands? How do we stop more of this from happening in the future?!?

Lord, come quickly....

Living in the dark

Both of my daughters live in the Houston area; and both have made the same comment recently upon coming home: "It is SO dark here at night!"

I guess living in the city, there are always lights; on highways, buildings, signs, and just the crazy amount of other cars you meet while driving. It's one of those things I guess I take for granted; the night and how it surrounds you. It covers you like a big blanket, and on certain nights affords you sights in the heavens that we take for granted. Andy loves to carry his telescope out and view the constellations and the planets, and - to be truthful - often has to beg me to join him.

As we weigh the pros and cons of "someday" moving back to be near family, that is certainly something we would lose by going there - the quiet, stillness of the small town night.