It's almost time!

Yesterday I went in to the drs to talk about some things I have going on with my legs... and she told me that when I reach my 1 year milestone, they will have me write my testimonial about the surgery and the first year. I've been thinking about doing it all along, but knowing they want me to put it on paper is daunting....

How do you sum up in a few words the past two years - I say two because the year leading up to it was pivotal in itself; my decision to retire, the subsequent change in insurance carriers, and the knowledge that the surgery would be covered are as important as any other factor! Looking back, deciding to end my teaching career saved my life!

So, while I have a couple of months to ponder, I'm going to work on getting my brain wrapped around this whole process. Thank goodness for this blog, so that I can reflect on what all happened!!

I'll keep you posted -

Inez and Elaine

Growing up, my Mamaw always had peacocks... she had lots of different kinds of critters around between her love of nature and Papaw's cravings to taste all creatures great and small! The peacocks were kept in the chicken coop out behind her "round house" kitchen, and we would go out and see them on each visit down to Alice.

Mamaw loved those peacocks and was fiercely protective of them. On our visits, she would always let me pick a couple of their beautiful feathers off the ground to take home with me. It was a treasure that I always looked forward to, and a memory I keep dear to me to this day.

Not so long ago, Andy and I were in the Hill Country for some reason, and we passed a little shop beside the road. Standing out beside the sign for the shop was a tin, painted peacock, feathered tail spread wide for all to see. I yelled at Andy to pull over - I HAD to have that peacock for my yard!! But, the shop was closed. After seeing that, it became my mission to find that type of peacock again....

Last May, we were on our way to my cousins' , and in Burnet, we found it! Almost an identical peacock to the one in the Hill Country, and Andy pulled in so that I could get my treasure. It rode on its back the entire weekend, and when we got to my cousin's I shared the memory of Mamaw and my quest to find the tin peacock. I named "her" Inez, after my Mamaw (although the peacock in my yard is male, since they are the ones who spread their tails!! He'll never know Inez is a girl's name... :)

Just the other day, we were back at my cousin's for a reunion. We had a great visit, and once the visit was over, my cousin told me to wait - she had something for me. You guessed it, a peacock! A beautiful ornament for my Christmas tree that is already in its place of honor. It was just the kind of thing that my cousin does; listens and acts on what she learns with love.

The new peacock shares her name: Elaine !

Come over, and I'll introduce them both to you!!

Wish I'd said it!

Yesterday, I was in Target picking up some things I "needed" - it was the middle stop of a great day of discretionary spending, and I was feeling happy to be out. The check-out lines were busy with other shoppers, and as I approached, I noticed the appearance of my cashier....

"Lydia" was in her early 20s - a beautiful girl with a round, young face, those dark brown eyes that Hispanics have that I have always loved, and short, cropped hair. She had a pleasant smile, but I could tell that she was tired. She greeted me with the usual, "good morning" that she'd been trained to do. In a minute, she looked at me again and said, "good morning" and when I didn't respond, she said that she's already said that, right? We chuckled about that, and she zipped my purchases across the scanner.

As I stood there, I noticed that in about 5 places, she'd had her face pierced. A couple on her cheekbones were recent, because the skin was inflamed from the procedure. A couple of scars were already forming, and all I could see was what she will look like at my age....

I hesitated, and decided against saying to her, "Look at me; I'm 57. Before you know it, you will be on this side of your life, and when you look at yourself, you will see scars on your lovely face." That kind of thinking hits you at this stage of your life - not in your 20s. And you sure don't want some middle-aged woman you don't know getting into your business. So, I smiled, thanked her, and left.

As I walked to her car, I regretted my decision. Why didn't her mom or grandma or boyfriend or SOMEONE tell her how lovely she is, just as God made her? Why does our society encourage people to embellish themselves with things that they will regret in their later years? Why didn't she feel pretty enough....

Then, I thought of my girls. Dana - Erin; the most beautiful girls I've ever known, inside and out. I hope I told them that enough.

Sitting with Mom

Yesterday, we went by the Hampton to see Mom and Dad. Dad was ready to go eat at Olive Garden, but Mom was asleep, so we decided that we'd bring her back a plate. Just as we were preparing to leave, Andy's brother came by for his Sat. visit, and needed to talk to dad about some matters. I decided to go in and sit with Mom, even though she was asleep.

As I sat there, many thoughts ran through my mind; about how she was always so busy and active, how she would tell me to go lay down when I was sleepy, and how strong a woman she had been all they years I'd known her. To see her now is discouraging, to say the least....

In a bit, she awoke, and I asked her how she was. She smiled, and I knew that she knew it was me there in the chair. She answered me and began telling me all sorts of things, in Dutch. Dutch is her native tongue, and since her fall she has reverted back to it from time to time. As we sat there, she was really telling me about something - but I couldn't understand her. As she spoke, I kept remembering how the doctors wanted us to remind her to speak in English, to "retrain" her brain to that language. I decided not to, to just let her speak freely and openly, even though I had no idea what I was hearing. At one point, I looked over at Dara, her nurse, and said "I hope she isn't telling me something really important!" But I sat there, responding in the best way I could.

Finally, we went to lunch, and when we returned, Mom was speaking in English again. I never said anything to her about before, and for all I know, she didn't even remember what she'd told me. Dad said I should have reminded her to speak English, but my heart told me to leave her alone and let her speak comfortably. She was at peace.

As I sit with Mom on these visits, I am overwhelmed with emotion. After her initial fall, I was alone with her in her hospital room, and I told her how much I respected her, and how grateful I have always been for her love and care for Andy. How I know that his life is good because she came into it after losing his birth mother to cancer at age 4. How much security and sense of purpose both she and Dad gave to him and to Bruce to make what they went through a part of their life, but NOT their life. I hope she understood.

Whatever happens to Mom in the future is in God's hands, and we are dealing with each thing as it happens. She is 87 years old, and things are gearing down. The stories she tells about being a teenager during WWII and her coming to the US and meeting Dad are spellbinding. What she experienced made her strong, brave, resilient, and longsuffering. Her husband and children were so molded by those experiences, and each one manifests her teachings and examples in their lives in bold ways.

Andy and I don't get to Houston every weekend, so our times with them have to make the most of it. As I sat there on Saturday, I tried to give her all the love and tenderness that I could. I hope she knows....

I hate it when this happens!

In the deep of night, I had something I really wanted to post about today - now, I can't remember it for the life of me!!

Next time, I'll write it down immediately!

Reflections on the Campaign

It's the Monday after Victory Sunday... the campaign in its formal sense is behind us, and we are all both exhausted and invigorated! Here is a feeble attempt at putting my thoughts and feelings into print:

~ There is not much more thrilling than watching a soul born again; their excitement is contagious, their sorrow at the old life humbling, and their precious wonder at it all is overwhelming to observe. Even at # 35, it was fresh and new!

~ Meeting Christians from all over the nation gives me encouragement that the church is alive and well. Some were quiet and reflective, others exhuberant and contaigous in their zeal! Most were in their retirement years, experiences in campaign life and presentation, and some on their first adventure. All loved God and people with a passion.

~ Our people here are amazing to watch at their job. Janitors, cooks, trash taker-outers, studiers, prayers, secretaries... elders, ministers, paid staff and volunteers; this bonded us in a way I truly prayed would happen. Yesterday at the fellowship meal, I saw the campaign director huddled in prayer with one of our elders, and it was if they were alone without knowledge that there were 200 or more swirling around them. I cried.

~ Sometimes you are ashamed of how you go into something, knowing that God is going to do something powerful and you want to be there for every minute, but you really dread it. What I mean is, I was apprehensive of this to begin with - too many things to go into detail here - but I didn't want the day to come when I would look back and say that I'd missed it. And I am so glad I knew to do that. If we let it, this will be something that we look back at as pivotal to our church family.

~ Yes, there are people who will mess it up if you let them. People who get their attitudes up and act like, well, humans. People who make judgements without knowing situations or giving folks a chance. People, just like me sometimes, who just don't care. But you get over them and go on... to their confusion and sadness.

~ Constantly you are reminded of the simplicity and power of the Gospel. I am so thankful that the campaign reminded me of how God made it so beautifully easy for us to be with Him if we will have open hearts and minds. Thank you Larry West for your sermon yesterday for the new babes in Christ; this 40+ year old Christian needed that, too!

~ and finally, you fall in love anew with people you have worshipped alongside for years. When you are side-by-side with them for 10 days, you see such strength and determination.

~ "To Him who is able to do exceedingly more than we can ask or IMAGINE, be honor, glory and Praise for ever and ever more!"

Funny how that worked out!

Yesterday, my duties at lunch were circumvented by my friends Susie and Ed. Folks had been stopping me and telling me how tired I looked, and I had told Susie that I was pulling out of our Wed. study because I was about to collapse. Well, when I arrived to do my shift, she met me at the door and told me to go home; she was taking my place. After a little arguing, I obeyed...

That "happened" to be the morning the workers showed up to start some work on the house that we'd contracted. I wouldn't have been here if I'd stayed - thanks, Susie!

Then, I got a call that one of my life-long friends was in ICU in San Antonio. Again, if I'd been on my feet all day long, there was no way I'd have had the energy to go and sit with her sweet family. Thanks, Susie!

Thanks to the Father for arranging to take care of me yesterday through his servants, the Pursches! Now, I'm ready to take on today!!

Meet my two new friends

When I first heard that we were doing a "door-knocking" campaign, my heart sank. I AM not a door-knocker, so I decided that my job was going to be to make those coming as comfortable and welcome as I could. Over the course of the two weeks, we have been meeting brothers and sisters from 15 states, including Texas! I'd like to introduce you to two of my favorites -

Thomas is from Long Island, New York. We met as he was speeding through the fellowship hall at lunch the first day, and he "blew me off" because he was focused on what he needed. For the rest of that day, he came to me apologizing for being rude. I was hooked. The next morning, he asked me to help him surprise his host and the man who is taking him back and forth to the airport with giftcards from HEB. So, we devised a plan to sneak off and accomplish our mission. At HEB, everyone he saw got an explanation of his accent and an invitation to our campaign. He was bold, and I watched as people took his literature welcoming them. He leaves to go home tomorrow, and I will miss him. We will soon be Facebook friends and have exchanged email addresses. I told him if he ever comes back to Texas, let me know!

Cherie is from Missouri or Kansas; I forget which. On her drive down, at a fast food place, her purse was stolen. When she got here, she got lost driving to her "home" and ended up in the next county. (4 days later, she called her sister, and the restaurant had JUST called to tell her that not only did they find her purse, everything was in it but some of her cash!!) She is not a quitter, this woman. She has flaming red hair. I loved her immediately - today, we had our picture taken together. She tells me that Andy and I give marriage a "good name", and that if she lived here, I'd be her mentor. Wow. We decided that if we'd been in high school together, we'd have been friends. I hate for her to go....

But, that's what Heaven is for.... Being in the church my whole life has taught me that it is a small place where you meet people you already know. People who may be the same or very different from you, but the bond and love of Christ connects you as nothing else will.

All the workers are as sweet as can be - and I hoped I've accomplished my goal. I hope when they arrive back at home, Pleasanton will have been a loving, welcoming place.

You did it too?!?!

During our ongoing campaign, souls are being taught the Gospel, which has already resulted in sereral baptisms into Christ. It's been an amazing few days, but this afteroon takes the cake!

This moring, a woman I'll call Ruth was baptized. She came over afterwards and joined us in the fellowship room for lunch. We were all getting to know her, when Ray comes in and announces, "There's another baptism!! Come this way!" Well, everyone leaves their plates and walks over to the auditorium, Ruth included. Ray takes the confession of faith, and off they go. In just a bit, they go into the water, and her sins are washed away! Exciting!

After she dries off and comes out, we form a circle, and sing a couple of songs. Now, a man named Reggie is talking to her about her new church family, and she is looking around at all our faces... suddenly, she begins to beam and point to a face in the crowd.

It's Ruth! They are friends, and before we know it, she exclaims - "You did it, too?!?" Ruth shyly nods her head, and the next instant, they are in each other's arms, hugging and smiling!!
Two friends are now sisters in Christ!! I couldn't sing the next song I was so moved! Their joy shook through me with such power - as it did everyone in the circle!!

It's Monday; how many more Ruth and Sandy's will there be?!?

My how things have changed!!

Today, reflecting on the first week of our campaign, Dana said "Mom, you seem so much more involved in this than you have in things in a long while." That made the think about how much things have changed in the past two years...

Two years ago, I was still teaching. While I loved my job and my students with passion, things were set into motion to make that my last year. Not until about July did I wake up laughing and rested, and realized how the stress of the year had taken its toll. Now, I am able to enjoy each and every hour of the campaign as I wish, without worrying about sick days, personal days, subs, and lesson plans. My time is mine to use as I please....

Also, two years ago, I was at my heaviest and in the poorest health of my life. I had no energy, no desire, no nothing. I was alive, but I wasn't living. I was barely making it through the day sometimes. I didn't WANT to be involved in anything because that would take away whatever energy I needed to muster to get to work and go through the day.

So. Two life-changing events in the last two years have brought me back. The other day as I was helping serve lunch to the workers, one lady told me I was "cute." Hmmm, I'm 56 and cute?!? Then, she asked me if I was always like that... I hesitated and then said, "I used to be. Then I lost myself for a few years. Now, I am back." I heard it as I said it, and it was so honest and blunt. And so true.

I like having myself back!!!

New life all around

The past couple of weeks, I've been surrounded by new life. My sweet daughter is expecting her third child, who I am so eagerly anticipating! Next, two sweet women had beautiful, healthy baby girls on the same day as my granddaughter turned 3. Then on Wednesday, I was at a friend's house where she showed me her "collection" of Monarch cocoons just waiting to hatch with butterflies. And now, the campaign is going full force. We have already had 5 souls joined with Christ! The similarities of these beginnings was too much for me to ignore; that all around us are lives just beginning....

While I participate in the campaign over the next several days, hopefully more people will become my new brothers and sisters in Christ. My obligation to them is at one level intimidating, yet thrilling. And while they are joining our family, the cocoons will open up and free the beautifully winged butterflies into the earth.

Thank you God for beginnings!

What's next??

For months now, our congregation has been planning and working toward an evangelistic campaign. This week, it began in force with the arrival of workers from 14 different states! They are camped out at a new RV spot on our property and are staying in members' homes. We are looking forward to getting to know these people who take saving souls and encouraging members very seriously!!

I'm wondering what the next two weeks will hold in store: what will the Lord do through this effort?! He is - and always shall be - the One in charge. He will be the One who receives the Glory for each and every soul found or restored. And afterwards, when everyone has returned to their home - what will we do as a congregation with all these new brothers and sisters?? Are we prepared? Are we open to accepting them with all they bring to our fellowship? Will we be what they need on a daily basis to make the transition???

I'm really trying to open my heart to the evangelistic slant of this campaign. Door knocking and confrontation (hopefully GOOD confrontation!) are not my strong-suit. I like to see myself as an encourager, a supporter, an up-lifter. I want to "be there" for those people who are giving day and night to reach the lost; that's my heart. But is it really? !! Am I justifying my lack of confidence by saying this?? I am truly seeking the desire to get out there with the workers, and right now it just isn't there....

I will be there every day as much as I can. I want to see the additions come, one by one. I don't want to look back and say, "Man, I missed that!!" This could be a turning point for our church family, and I want to be God's servant in whatever way I can....

We are off to a great start; last night we circled up under the trees and prayed for over an hour. People we love, situations, requests for safety and good health. It was an exciting time to share amongst those of us there.

So, tonight is our first meeing. Who and what will the Lord God provide for us? Who will listen and obey? What will be the outcome?!?

We're here, Lord. Show us!!

Preview of good things to come!

Yesterday was a wonderful day. Andy was off, and we took to SA before noon. Had a delicious lunch at Texas Roadhouse, (thanks to a gift card!) and then headed to Lowe's. Spent some time in there dreaming - even strolled through the Christmas aisles - and purchased some needed items for the house. Next up, I went to get some new slacks for winter. Down 4 sizes since February, my stuff from last year's wardrobe looks like clown clothes now. Two more sizes, and I'll kiss the Plus-size stores goodbye!! We toodled home leisurely after than and spent some time working in the yard. Chinese food for dinner, and it was the end of the day.

If this is a preview of our retirement years together, I can hardly wait!!

Writer's block

I know it's been a long, long time since I've posted anything. I've meant to, and wanted to, but when it came to actually putting my thoughts on "paper", I have to confess to having a severe block. We've been through a lot the last two months, with Dana leaving for Cairo, a trip to Ruidoso, Andy's parents, and a trip to Corpus; but nothing seems to want to come....

So, this is my attempt at finally getting back to it. I'm gonna give it my best effort!!

6 months later....

Before my surgery in February, I listed several "reasons" I was having it - and now, I'm happy to announce that I've reached one of the most important ones!! Last Sunday, I was able to wear my wedding ring to worship!!

When Andy and I became engaged, he asked his dad for the rings his birth mother wore when they married (Dad had already mentioned Andy getting them "someday", so it wasn't out of the blue.) Well, her rings were white gold, and I wanted my own set anyway, so we took out the diamonds and returned the setting to Dad.

When I got to church, it was my intention to show only a couple of those closest to me; but not Andy! Before I knew it, everyone was wanting to see my hand! One lady said - "They look brand new!" - they should; I've not worn them since Erin was a little girl....

So, today I go to see my surgeon. I'd told him of my goal, and his response was that, in all the years he's done this surgery, no one had ever told him of wanting to put their wedding ring back on. Today, he sees it in it's rightful place. I plan to take my camera to record the event!

This happens every time!

Before my surgery, I had to meet with a "Behavioralist" - part of the process of insurance... guess they wanted to see inside my head before they invested thousands of dollars on "fixing" me. One thing I told her is that I tend to sabotage myself with every diet. Once the pounds coming off draws attention for others, I jump back into eating - it's a power thing. (That's a post for another day...)

Last night, everyone at church (even folks along the wall who didn't come up to me) noticed. The weight is obviously coming off quickly now, for which I am grateful, but the attention is overwhelming. All the hugs, smiles, comments, pats, "acceptance" is really pushing me right now. The only thing keeping me from falling back into the old pattern of stuffing my face is the fact the I'll either throw it up or become severely constipated. I know, way too much info!! So, I sit here, trying to accept this new reality. People are liking how I look now, and I cannot hide myself from them anymore. My new clothes fit - meaning that I am not in my usual tent.

One thing that keeps going through my brain is that - if they are so happy with me now, how awful must I have looked before?! Was I so unattractive that people dreaded seeing me? I know I have seen others that were uncomfortable to look at, and the thought that I was perceived that way hurts. "They" would say to me - "we just love you and were so worried about your health", but it doesn't feel like that when all I am complimented on is how I look. Just too much... even though I know it is said in love....

So, as I sit here dreaming of baked potatoes, pizza, Sonic cheeseburgers and tots and lots and lots of Coke, I wait. I wait for this to pass and for acceptance of the "new" Amy. The old one is still here, though - raising her ugly self in defiance.

What a Difference a Year Makes!

(I am no good at manipulating pictures!! This one should be at the end of the post!!)

One year ago this month, I started a journey that - to this point - has pretty much changed everything about my life. Here I am with my brother in July in Florida.

On the trip home, I told Andy that I'd found out from a friend that my new insurance through Teacher Retirement would cover gastric bypass surgery. We knew it was something that I would have to do, because my health was truly suffering from the load of my weight. Not an easy thing to admit, but I was in a "perfect storm" coming to a serious landfall. Once we were home, I contacted the doctor after confirming it through my insurance.

I did not begin seeing Dr. Duperier until the beginning of October, shortly before Liz's second birthday. Not until I was approved for the surgery did I tell anyone - not even Dana or Erin... just too scared it would not happen.

Feb. 22 was the day of the actual surgery, but I'd been in preparation for a couple of months to get my body ready. Weight began coming off even then!

Now, a year after that initial conversation with Andy, here I am at Minutemaid Park a few weeks ago - the change startled me when I first saw it on "film"!

I have a long way to go, but I am confident it will pass quickly!

I really don't like pictures of myself, but if I have to post one - here it is. Andy and I in Burnet on our 35th wedding anniversary last month. He makes me happy every day!

2 Songs

Are you KIDDING me; two songs only!!!??! Here go two of my all-time favorites:


"You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon; the volume rises substantially when this one comes on!! Fun, fun, fun!

"Untitled Hymm" by Chris Rice; I always think of Jennifer and Mark Palmer, a young married couple who died way too early in life from cancer. Makes me weep each and every time.

3 Films

3 Films:

1. Silverado (You know this is a favorite because you can repeat most of the lines!!)

2. The most recent Star Trek; great new faces on familiar friends!

3. Chicago; I would have LOVED to be in that movie!! "Celophane" is my song!