"and Mary kept all these things in her heart."

This is one of my favorite quotes of the New Testament, referring to the life of Jesus, His mother Mary witnessing things and holding them in her heart forever. I've thought of it often during the years as Dana and Erin grew from little babies, to toddlers, to teens, and even now as women. I love to observe them and tuck away little things that are special in my "mom's eyes".

Last week was a good chance to add lots of those moments - I spent three days in Houston at the Johnsons' (don't I have a great son-in-law to endure me all those days?!?) and the joy of seeing Erin with her babies; to see her teaching Liz such little things as kissing her baby brother good-night, and "helping" fold clothes were just precious. I know I did those same things, but it didn't feel the same as watching her. I enjoyed Gregg coming in after work and getting "It's Dad!" from Liz; so full of excitement and love for her father and his joy at seeing his children. I even got to witness Dana totally enjoying her role as Aunt D as she shared chocolate pie with Liz and taught her to jump on the bed and fall in heaps of giggles. My heart just filled up time and time again.

So, even know, as I sit here at look at Bladen and Liz's pictures - I remember all those little things - Bladen doing his "pose" as he balanced himself on the floor - and it's almost as good as being there still.

Almost....

What do you remember about church from your youth? Andy and I were talking this morning about people who have gone before us, who impacted our faith, and I got to thinking about Myrtle Spence.

Sister Spence, as I knew her, was a truly committed Christian woman in the long ago years of the 50s and 60s. She never missed a service, her head covered in a fashionable hat and knitted shawl, sitting in her spot on the end of her pew, beside the window. We had those old, crank-open windows and no airconditioning in those days, and she was right there, beside hers. As I sat across the aisle, or down the row, or behind her, I could always hear her sweet, clear voice singing hymns, but otherwise, she was silent.

The thing I remember most, and this is why she is on my list of "heroes of faith", is her teaching my Bible Class. She always had flannelboard figures, or - my favorite - pipe-cleaner figures with which to act out Bible Stories. Daniel and the Lion's Den, Noah's Ark, Moses in the reed basket. She brought those stories to life with her animated story telling and pipe cleaners....no dvds for us!! We sang lots of songs and always, always passed the band-aid box for our offering to the missionaries. She made sure we participated in all parts of the class.

Sister Spence has been gone a long, long time; but now, thinking back, it's as if I saw her yesterday. I hold a special part in my heart, and I look forward to seeing her in the future, in our Father's house.

So - who are your Sister Spences?? Please share!!

Is it just my imagination, or what?!?!

Bees, bees, bees!!

A few weeks ago, Dana called to tell me that she'd been having trouble with bees getting into her apartment somehow. Just a few at a time, but enough to be worrisome. So far, no exterminator has come, so she just keeps waiting.

Ever sense, bees are everywhere!! I hear about them on the news, I read about them in the paper, and I watch television shows where they are being moved by a bee-keeper! Now, today, I'm watching a show on my computer, and there's a guy who's allergic to - wait for it - BEES! He wakes up in this cabin with one on his face, and millions flying all around. I can't escape them!!!

Next thing I imagine is a reality show on Bees!!

Decisions, decisions!!

What to do?!? Everyone is interested in finding out my "plans" for retirement, and to be honest, I haven't got a clue!! It all happened so fast, the even idea of it being a reality truely hasn't sunk in yet. It just all feels like Summer time to me; the same summer I've had for 29 years. I know that, come August, I will have to make some decisions, but for now - well - I'm enjoying my lazy, quiet, stay-home kind of days.

I'll let you know what I decide!!

Lessons learned

I was 25 when I had Dana, 28 when Erin was born. A few years later, I had baby fever again, but - well, Andy didn't, so we were a happy family of 4. I took the business of raising the girls very seriously, and really tried to enjoy my time with them as they grew into toddlers, little girls, preteens, and yes, even teenagers. A wise woman told me, "Enjoy each age you go through, for each one does have it's advantages." And so I tried. We played, colored, sang, built, etc. as each season rolled into another.


Yesterday, I went with Jackie and the 5 little ones to Burger King. We had a wonderful time, laughing, waving, even comforting one who got scared when she couldn't find her sister. It was a happy, peaceful time with my friend.

Now, today as I reflect on that visit, I wish I had Dana and Erin back again for just one day - to enjoy them again as little girls, learning life all over again; and I wonder if I could do it "better" with the wisdom of years. I know I would be more patient, and slower with my demands; but overall, I think I did a pretty good job - they are wonderful, well-adjusted, God-fearing women in their own successful lives.

Sometimes, though, I just miss my little girls.

June 20

Wow - how can it already be the 20th of June?!?! This month is speeding by, and I know that the idea of my retirement hasn't sunk in, because I'm "worried" about how fast it is going!! June usually is a slow, restful month, but I guess with all the activity of getting the retirement set up and church activities, the days are whizzing by. Dana comes in on Wed. for a few days, and then, the month will be done. The nice thing is, we're seeing a better picture of how retirement is going to go financially, and Andy is feeling better about it. We know there's a difference we are facing, but thanks to Dave Ramsey, we are in better shape than we would've been... well, I just wouldn't have been able to even consider retiring now, so - thanks, Dave!!

Facing One's Biggest Fears

My first memory of going to the dentist was in 4th grade. I was sitting in a dark library at school, watching a black and white film about bears, when my nerve became exposed somehow, and I ended up on the floor in extreme pain. Mom came to get me, and they drug me into my great-uncle's office, where he proceeded to hold me down and yank out the offending tooth. It marred me for life...
Over the course of my adulthood, I have gone long stretches of my life with seeing a dentist and taking care of my teeth. Now, I am 55, and am truly paying the price for that neglect. "Happy Pills" and nitrous oxide have become my friend, but up until yesterday, I'd avoided at all costs (my teeth, usually!) the dreaded Root Canal.

I cannot tell you how paralyzed I was yesterday as I waited for the appointment. As much as I tried to keep thinking of other things, I was unable to remove that fear from my mind. Even as I entered the office, I was frozen. While the process was uncomfortable at some points it was not nearly as painful as I imagined!! I'm sure the full dosage of "happy pills" helped, but I think my dentist's gentle touch had a lot to do with it also. I came home with no pain. None!

So, now I can face the other one in a couple of months, knowing I will save my tooth and live to tell about it.

I'm really proud of myself!!

An odd observation

So, today started with a list of items to accomplish - starting off with meeting with the head of Human Resources to discuss my retirement and get the financial end of it going. After arriving late - I'm NEVER late anywhere ! - we got going. Things are looking like it's all falling into place, and I go to Austin on Wednesday to finalize things.

I go to the bank next, to get copies of our birth certificates, and as I wait, I see that the doctor who delivered me, and is LONG gone, never signed my birth certificate. This begins to bother me; am I alive or not?!?! What are the legal ramifications of not being legaly legal?!? Am I like a television series that ends in a snowglobe or someone's imagination??

Silly, I know. But certainly gave me pause on this hectic morning!!

It is Finished

There are few things that I think people look forward to more than retirement. I'd always figured that I would anticipate mine for a whole school year and leave with hugs and tears from students and co-workers alike.

I "retired" almost a week ago, and it was nothing like that. It was quiet, and tearful, and -yes, freeing. After finding renewed joy in my profession of 29 years, this year has shown me that I no longer belong. Is that an oxymoron or what?!? At the same time I find joy and feelings of accomplishment with my students and parents, I feel that I can no longer keep pace with the demands of current trends in teaching. I feel a dinosaur; even while "proficiently" carrying out the requirements of my curriculum. And so, when the Lord provided me a way to pay back some years of retirement, I knew it was time to go.

Andy and I are both apprehensive about this move financially - it's a few years ahead of what we'd planned, but we are together in it. When you are waking up at night with a racing heart, and dread your classroom door opening, it's no fun anymore. I looked at myself and saw someone I didn't recognize; in this past week, I see myself returning.

So. It is finished. I will find a little something to do to bridge the cash-flow gap, but I have no regrets. Well, maybe a few; Lexy, Riley, Robert, Dawson - you get my drift.

Teaching is the most rewarding occupation the world has to offer - I gave it my best shot.

Really can't complain

Each day, I check blogs - and I get disappointed when those I read don't have something new to read...

and then I check mine, and realize it's been over a week since I posted myself.

Oops.

School's almost over!! :)

What, now?

I had it all planned out. The perfect vacation for my husband, and NASA messed it up!! I was going to take Andrew to Florida this July for the launching of the next-to-the-last shuttle mission - I could see myself standing beside him as the count-down occurred and feel his hand squeeze mine and the shuttle roared into the clear, Florida sky. Barring a hurricane barreling down on us, it was utopic in my mind's eye.

Then, I checked the calendar one more time before I made reservations. They've moved the flights to Sept. and Nov.

Curses!!

34 and counting

34 years ago today, at 4:00 in the Huntsville Church of Christ, I said, "I do." Little did I know just what that all entailed, and I'm happy to say that, for the most part, it's been a pretty easy commitment.

Looking back, here are some of the things "I do" have meant to me:

~ I do laugh after all these years at the majority of his goofy jokes
~ I do enjoy Star Trek as much as he does, and can quote most of the movies right along with him!
~ I do love his family, and feel honored to be part of the tribe.
~ I do take great comfort in his routines and patterns of his life
~ I do feel safe in knowing that he has my back when life is rough
~ I do love riding alongside him in a car for hours to get to the mountains we both love
~ I do take pride in the beautiful daughters we've raised together
~ I do love watching him as he serves his God
~ I do take pleasure in the feel of his hand intertwined in mine
~ I do look forward to the rest of my life with him, and eternity that follows.

Happy Anniversary, Andrew - I still do~

It's time

I can tell it's the end; I'm overly tired, emotional, stressed, and angry. Very angry.

Then, Mrs. B. comes in with my end-of-the-year gift. Her card made it all better; I need to frame it for future days.

An Intervention Report

A couple of weeks ago, when the girls were home, they sat me down to have an intervention. I want you to know, I did really good since then, but now I'm falling off the wagon -

It appears too many of my blogs have focused on my Spurs. Not everyone, apparently, likes reading about the boys over and over - so the girls felt perhaps I needed to lighten up on the Silver and Black. Being the obedient woman I am, I took what they had to heart.


Until this morning, when Ihave to post at least one more basketball blog:

To LeBron - HA HA HA - out you go!! Another year with no ring - so sad.


So, till next year: Go, Spurs, Go!! :)

May once again!

We met the Huttons during the Summer. We spent lots of time together, playing games, laying on the trampoline watching the skies late into the night, and so on. It was great.

Then, School started, and our time together was cut marginally. We still got together and such, but the carefree nature of the time was limited. Still...

Then, came May. I'll never, ever forget Jackie looking at me and saying, "You get mean in May!" and she was serious. The stress of putting the year to rest along with the exhaustion does change me. I confess. I think of that every year when I become that person again.


Well, it's May. Enough said. 16 days.

Happy Mothers' Day

I'm sending out early Mothers' Day wishes, because these women are on my mind right now, and I'm at a stage where, if they leave, they may not come back. Sad, but true.
So, here goes:

To my mama: Margaret, I love and appreciate you more now than I ever did while you were alive. People told me that this would be the case, but I was so angry and confused then that unfortunately it didn't make sense to me. I miss doing things with you - Bingo, Garage Sales, talking about Liz and Bladen and my kids. I still harbor feelings of resentment toward you about the way you let your life end and that may take a while, but at least now I smile sometimes when I talk about you. That's a big start.

Mom - I'm so glad you are HERE on this Mother's Day. I really didn't think you would be, and your progress so far has amazed us all. In those days following your fall, I told you how I feel about you, and I truly hope you remember those words. You've never really let me get close to you, and I'm glad I had a chance to share with you my admiration and love. Keep healing.

Erin - You amaze me. Don't be so hard on yourself now about the job you are doing; there's time for that later, when the kids are grown. Relax and enjoy them now, safe in the fact that you are making the best choices for them and are motivated by that primal mother love.

Dana - Someday soon. I know it in my soul. You will amaze me, too.

Jackie - I love that you love my girls like they are yours. That gives me peace.

Shanon - You have been through so much as a Mother; from the highest high to the valleys of Hell. You've hung in there and come through with your family still in tact. I've watched you from a distance and wished so many times that I was there to physically hold you through those dark days. I'm glad to see that what didn't kill you did make you a stronger person. I love you dearly.

Kara - while I haven't known you for long, your story and the passion with which you pray for children who need "forever families" truly touches my heart.

Dianne - As if raising 4 of your "own" wasn't enough, you took on another. She is blessed to have you in her corner, as are your other children.

While there are many other wonderful moms I'm thinking of today, I think I'll stop here.
I hope my little attempt at putting my heart into words comes out right.

Every Spring

I confess - having Summers off is a big perk of my job, but it is not the reason I became a teacher. Paul is the reason; a pretty damaged little boy I worked with when I was in High School, who lived in a home that made him eat off the floor like a dog, and who was tormented by other kids, who needed an advocate who saw the little boy beneath the problems.

Now, almost 30 years past, I'm ready to get out. While I love the kids like I always have, the machine which school has become is almost intolerable and unrecognizable to me. The right things are said, and there are teachers who still try to pull it off, but school as I knew it and gave my life to it is gone to me forever.

So I find myself stuck in a place that I cannot leave because I'm not financially able to stop. I go and do what is expected of me, until the time comes. It's very hard to not have a "quitter's " mentality - to continue being the professional I want to continue being, so I focus on my kids, and hope the time passes quickly.

A part of history

This weekend, our congregation celebrated 100 years of worshipping in Pleasanton. So much history was shared; both sweet and inspirational. Some pretty funny stories, as well - and a couple of good "videos" from years past. As each frame rolled by, and each story was shared, I thought of so many people who are no longer with us. We came in 1987, and promptly found our groove amid this wonderful group of saints. I'm not saying it's always been perfect, but it is home. Like Dorothy says in the "Wizard of Oz", there's no place like home.


People I thought of this weekend: Gus Schutzenberg, Bubba Lester, Bob Rackley, Dennis and Lola Fae Showers, Frank Perkins, Roy and Hazel Stevens, J.F. Andrews just to name a few. I also missed Roxie, the Rosenauers, Andy and Jackie, Mike and Carol Pawelek - why weren't they there??

I was blessed to have Dana and the Johnsons with us, and even though Liz and Bladen are too young to remember the events of the weekend, their Nana and Daddio sure were glad they could come with their sweet parents. It was very special, and someday I'll be able to explain to them how glad I was .

So, now begins the next 100 years.

GRRRR

I really, really wanted to beat a kid today!!!

A song comes to mind....

Second day of TAKS testing is today; yesterday went fine, it's just so, so hard to explain to those of you outside the world of public school how exhausting it is to do this. Yesterday, I went home and went right to sleep for over an hour and then stayed home from the SPURS group. Now, that's a sacrifice for me, let me tell you!

Anyway, sitting here this morning, the song running through my head is an oldie-goldie from the Beatles:
"I'm so tired, I don't know what to do"
"I'm so, I'm so tired"
"My mind is set on you (In this case, TAKS)"

and so on....

it's over Thursday at noon.

Thankfully!

Spurs win, Spurs win!!!!

All through the season, I doubted - yes, doubted! my Spurs. They just weren't happening, and I was not too sure about even making the playoffs.

Last night proved me wrong. My guys in silver and black showed up big time and made Dirk look human. Now, the series comes back to SA.

I feel SO much better !!

And so it begins!

One of my favorite times of the year is NBA Playoffs; my SPURS group gathers for each game and we cheer and yell at refs as one. It was scary for a while, but the guys pulled it out in the last 2 weeks, and we met again last night for the first game of this series.

Our opponent; The Dallas Mavericks. Now, I think my sweet son-in-law is perfect, but his allegience is off on this one. We laugh about it, but really - the Mavs?!?

Well, the Mavs have game one, but it's a best-of-seven series. My guys will make it exciting, and we hopefully will move on to the next round.

Go, Spurs, Go!!

April 12, 1947

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Daddy! Today would mark 63 years for Graves and Margaret Young, who married during a terrific rain storm at the home of the Justice of the Peace. Mom wore a blue jersey knit dress, and Dad had to take a bath in a tub in the kitchen at Mamaw's because Grandma Annie was so against the marriage. As mom told it, they stepped over grandkids who were sleeping on mats on the floor. When the 5 minute ceremony was over, Daddy was too shy to kiss Mom, and the Best Man said, "Well, Graves, if you're not gonna kiss her, I sure will!!" Thus began a tumultous life together on the corner of Ave. B and Boyd St. in Poteet. As the family grew, so did the house, and they never lived anywhere else as long as they were together.

Daddy died in 1990, and Mom lived until 2001. I miss them, and with time am growing to understand more and more the dynamics of their life together. They loved each other passionately, and were very committed to us and our lives.

There was more good than bad.

After all this time

I guess I've been alone long enough... I'm beginning to look at cats again.

I'm missing the greeting at the door after school in the afternoon, the rubbing against my legs as I cook, the jumping up on the bed to get a quick rub, and most of all, the peaceful feeling of contentment received while rubbing down the long, soft back of an animal who's purring.

Think Smudgie would mind?

So much for believing what you read....

A couple of weeks ago, I read in the paper an article listing the most beautiful areas to see the current massive amounts of wildflowers in our lovely state. We've see lots of pretty ones on our trips to Houston and back, but the paper recommended several for us to choose from. The number one spot on the list was Highway 281 south from Pleasanton to Alice.

One way Andy finds it simple to indulge me and mellow me out (a 60s term for you younger readers!) is to take me on a drive. I know it goes back to my time at home - my dad loved to drive, and we spent lots and lots of hours looking at the countryside and talking as a family. No matter the season, we went, and I have many happy memories of those times.

So. We got ourselves ready to go and headed out on Saturday. Along the way, we saw some lovely groupings - mainly in the medians and up on embankments, and not in places where we could stop for photographs. The best were the bright, darker yellow ones mixed in with the bluebonnets; a lovely combination. Up against fence posts, along rocks, next to cactus - they were wonderful.

But the best in the whole state?! Not nearly. As we drove, we both decided that while it was a nice drive and a chance to get away from the house other than with responsibilities, it was a little anticlimatic for both of us. We made a big circle, came on home, and decided we'll look in another direction next time.

The cemetery in Tilden, Texas was definitely the most densely covered area we saw. Unfortunately, we felt it a little macabe to jump out in front of families paying respect to snap a few photos, but they win the prize of the day.

If

If you could run away to any place where no one would find you - where would you go?

Worry

Yesterday, I worried all day long about something. Had even worried the day before, and maybe a little before that.

Did me no good. What was going to happen was going to happen, and I just had to face it.

Turns out it worked out fine.

All that sick-to-my-stomach for naught. (Except that I had prior reason to worry, and I couldn't trust that things were not the same; that things were better than before.)

So.

When will I learn - worry only saps your strength and makes you tired? When will I learn to trust?

Not quite what we'd planned

On this day in 1960, Frank LaMore married Anne Marie Slors. It had been a quick courtship, and the group in attendance was very small. Two of the guests were little boys whose lives had been in turmoil for the last 2 or more years, and I'm sure they had no idea what was going on. All they knew was that their mother was gone and now, here was another woman to live in their house. It was to be their greatest blessing.

We'd planned to have a nice, family dinner - the twenty or so of us who have been the result of this union of necessity. The bride and groom didn't want a big show; they just wanted us around them to celebrate the passage of 50 years together. There are 4 children, 3 in-law kids, 11 grandchildren plus 2 spouses, and 3 great-grandchildren. The lives have been very blessed, with no major illnesses or catastrophes. Life has been calm and good - just as they had hoped it would turn out.

And then, Mom fell.

So. Today has been a quiet day or reflection and blessings counting. No big dinner is in the works; a vase of flowers from the children is the only "celebration" to be seen. They made it to 50 years their own way, and now face an uncertain future. What is to come overshadows any party we may have planned.

The main thing I take from this day is that a marriage on necessity that grew into love and respect shows me that too often people give up and quit. They put themselves before others and don't see that with determination and committment, you come to the last years of life with a love so strong that it can't be broken by a fall in a dark bedroom.
To see them together today is to see a victory in two lives.

The Elephant in the Room

This week in Houston was good - except that Mom wants to talk about her death, and it upsets Dad. So - she's "with it" enough to talk to us when he leaves the room.

She is ready; she is tired; she wants us to let go and accept things that are coming. None of us want her to stay the way she is - a painful, tragic reminder of the woman that "was." Her wit is in tact, and so is her passion about things spiritual and in relation to her situation.

As we sat, just the two of us, I rubbed lotion on her soft, old skin. She told me that I had "strong hands", and that I would've been a good nurse. I would've done anything she asked then - just to show her my honor and respect. I did get the chance to tell her what I've always tried to make her understand; that of all the women that could've raised Andy and Bruce after their mother died, I'm so glad she was the one who "got to." She gave me a big smile and said, "I loved Andy."

So now, we'll see. All of us just wait and try to make sure she is comfortable and loved. All of us hope.

As I write this, over the intercom come the song, "Spring is in the Air." It's a happy little diddy, with a line that I'm sure will resonate in my head all day -

On the way home yesterday, I passed a field covered in deep pink and vibrant yellow wildflowers. In the center of it all sat a centuries old oak tree; a photo opportunity just waiting to be taken advantage of... and I thought of mom. No one loves flowers more than she; at one point she even talked about doing florist work as a profession and did several weddings for friends. I wish I could bring her here and set her in the big middle of those flowers and let her soak in their beauty.

We are going to see Mom this weekend; things are not going well. Dad's not doing well. Keep praying -

A beautiful perspective

Orange never has been, nor will it be, among my favorite colors. Once, in high school, mom did my room in orange and hot pink - my choice - but other than that, it's been near the bottom.

Unless it's Spring in South Texas.

Today, I took a curve, and there was a yard FULL of Indian Paintbrush flowers.

I think it's a preview of the Spring to come - Glorious.

Thank You, Father.

time passing

Two weeks ago was mom's fall. It's been a stressfull two weeks, but we' ve seen her come very far. My in-laws are a tight bunch, but we've always been the "outsiders" because we left the Houston area. One good thing about this is that the siblings are talking a lot more lately, and are all supportive of Dad. His reaction has been the most brutal; I don't think I'll ever adjust to hearing him cry. A co-worker reminded me today that that generation of men just didn't share their emotions, and that none of us are used to it. It's been good for Andy to see this side of his dad - as gut-wrenching as it has been. We will see how things continue to move on.

Erin and Dana have been my eyes, ears, and hands through this, and I'm so proud of them. Their servant hearts have really been there for the whole family, and they are doing all they can. I hope they know how dear they are to me.

March 2

Driving to school, all around me were pink and yellow wildflowers popping out of the ground. Couldn't help but smile seeing them! Hope that feeling for renewal and joy lasts all day!!

Blogging about Mom

I've opened this site several times since Mom's fall a week ago, to update and share the events as they unfolded, but as you know, I haven't written a word.

I've only felt this "at a loss" once before, and that's when my dad was injured and later died. Going through the motions at work and home, I just feel like time and the mundane things that fill my day are stopped mid-stream. When we were dealing with Dad's condition, Andy took over; food, laundry, girls' needs, his own needs. I was worthless in the running of our lives as long as Dad was where he was. I was - and still am! - greatful for all Andy did to make life seem relatively normal for the girls, and providing our food, shelter, and clean underwear as we waited.

Now, it's his mom who's rocked our little life all to pieces. What I realize today as I finally post this is - Andy's reacting the same way as he did in 1990! I guess that is his way of keeping his life centered, while some people fall apart, he just hunkers down and gets things done.

So, as Mom progresses and improves, and we wonder what life will be like now for her and Dad, Andy is constant. He is focused.

He is wonderful.

7 year olds and Valentines' Day

I know that Valentines' Day is supposed to be about love, dinner out, and starry gazes. I know the card companies spend endless hours writing just the "right" cards for every sentiment. I know men dedicate hours wondering if they've made the right plans... but I've got it beat.

I spend the day with little children who worry about the fact that everyone brought cards for their friends but them, or who pick the "wrong" card and get laughed at, or boys who HATE getting "girl" Valentines. But the best thing is the big smile they have on their faces when they hand you the card or sucker or handmade flower that was chosen just for you - and hope with all their heart that you like it.

It makes you feel like you have all the power in the world!

What a weekend!

I'm exhausted!! :) Beginning Friday night, it was one cool thing after another - We had a delicious dinner in San Antonio with my cousins, followed by a good time of visiting at their home. Deeann had brought a cd of our family dating back to our great-grandparents, and that was bittersweet. So many dear ones now gone - I"m so glad I have Heaven to look forward to!!

Anyway, an awesome Ladies' Breakfast at Jackies' home started Saturday, and then a quick trip to SA again. The Hutton's came for dinner, and we settled in on the sofa to watch Sarah Palin speak. Nothing excited, just good time spent.

Sunday was slow- we were both a little under the weather, but we had time together to rest. Felt good.

Now, we start another week -

Two things -


First - after 6 weeks of agony with my right knee, a new doctor injected me with cortisone, and I feel 90% better!! Saturday in Austin, I felt like and old, old woman - today, much more my age!!

Second - I miss my friend, Jackie, so much!! Between my knee knocking me out, and her being in Denver, I really, really miss her!! Come home, soon, my friend!!

Sunrise, sunset

When Andy and I got married in 1976, a couple we knew got married about 2 weeks after we did. The groom's younger brother was very ill, and his parents had recently gotten word from the doctors that the young boy - about 12 - would not live much longer. Their wedding was a strange mix of the extreme happiness of weddings and the realization that a dear family member was there for just a little longer. One of the songs they had in their wedding was "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof. In all those years, whenever I've heard that song, I've thought of that wedding.

The boy?

He's alive, healthy, married, and a dad in his own right.

Anyway, back to the song.

Today, as my first one turns 30, I think of the words to that song. It's a father's reflection of the life of his child as she has grown, and it's one of those songs that make moms cry, but today, I choose to think of it as a serenade of Dana's life.

Look at her - she is beautiful, graceful, loving, classy, funny, committed, passionate and above all, God's child. 30 years ago, this woman had no clue what was ahead in life for her, and - for the most part - it's been good and safe. For that, I am eternally greatful. Seeing her today with all of us was pure joy for this mom, and while it was short, it was sweet.

"Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise, Sunset,
Swiftly fly the years.
One season following another,
Laden with happiness, and tears."

Here's to many more Sunrises and Sunsets, Dana. God bless you.

Go, Obama, Go!

HaHaHa - I just heard on the radio that the State of the Union won't be broadcast on WOAI tonight, because the Spurs are playing!! You can hear it on the computer if you like - Priorities!!!


So - Go, SPURS, Go!!

Oh, Brother!!

Fourth Grade humor:

"Mrs. LaMore, do you know why Tigger looked in the toilet?"

"No, KP, why?"

"He was trying to find Pooh!!"


What a GREAT end to the week!!!

Hmmmm

All those years that I had hormones, I wasn't particulary emotional. Pretty even keel, mostly happy and optimistic.

Now, these days, I find myself weeping at the drop of the hat. I'm wondering - is it missing hormones, or have I reached an age in which I see the gravity of things so much clearer?!

Whatever it is, I sure wish it would go back to the way it was!!!

Listening

Lately, I've been struggling with allergies, which cause me to cough a lot. It also keeps me from singing in worship - my favorite thing to do - because my throat begins to tickle and I end up distrupting those around me. Happens every Spring, so I shouldn't be surprised, but I do dread it every year.

During these past few weeks, I have paid special attention to Andy as he sings. In our fellowship, we sing 4 part harmony, congregational style, and I have sat next to Andy in worship for 36 years. I have never really listened to him, as I am usually singing myself.

No one loves music more than Andrew. He has it on in the car every mile he drives (unless the Spurs are on!) - and he remembers everything about every song he's ever loved. Outside of worship, he's not really a singer, but when the time comes, he's there. Music is very much a part of who he is.

Yesterday, as I sat beside him and listened to his nice, rich bass voice singing beside me, I fell in love again with this man. His praise to our God was true from his heart, and while probably no one else could pick out his voice from among others in the worship, to me, it was the most beautiful.

Ouch!

The last few days have not been fun. I finally went to the hospital yesterday to get an ultrasound on my right knee, and it appears I have something called a "Baker's cyst." The internet says to rest and elevate; which I can do this weekend, but when I do get up, man - it is so stiff and painful! Andy's been a trooper, doing most of everything around here, and listening to my moanings....

how did I get here?!?

20 points, baby!!!

SPURS win big over the Lakers!!! By 20, count 'em, 20 points!!

I know, Kobe and Pau were out injured, I know - it's one of those asterik games to them, but to me - It's a BIG win for our guys!! I was on the edge of my seat the 3rd and 4th periods.

It was SWEET!!

God's Will

Today has been a very emotional day for me. Jackie and I drove together to the monthly Ladies' Prayer Breakfast, and the group was wonderful, food delicious and day crisp and clear. When it came time to ask for prayers, the mood shifted to one of such strong emotion - sadness, anger, disappointment, that I could hardly catch my breath. I could not even put into words the anguish I was feeling as it came to my turn to pray. I have cried off and on all day -

Several years ago, a friend was facing a big decision, and was struggling with knowing God's will for her and the situation. I told her, "You know. You will know. It will come to you and you will be sure."

After the events of today - I doubt that.

Too cute for words...

I've been trying to post since we got home from Erin's last weekend, but I'm just figuring out this picture thing. The ones of Liz and Bladen with the cute hats is from the photo shoot a couple of weeks ago... not really Christmas, but who cares?!

We had a wonderful time with all the family; Dana first here in Pleasanton, then us all together for another celebration. New Years' fireworks in their neighborhood sounded like a war zone, but Liz slept right through it all!!

Life is back to normal now - at least for a while. School's back in session, and now the next event to celebrate will be Dana's birthday at the end of the month. I'm sure we'll find something wonderful to do!!

Farewell, 2009

Today doesn't feel like New Year's Eve. Part of it is because we haven't had Christmas yet with the Johnson clan, a situation we are going to correct by driving over this afternoon. Another thing is, this year just went too fast!!

While overall it was an average year, the first year of Liz's life, and the recent addition of Bladen to our family has made it extraordinary. The sweetness and gentleness of their lives flows over into ours, and makes simple things seem so amazing. I guess the memories of my own two darling babies so long ago has something to do with it - yet while the love and enjoyment is there, the pressure of responsibility is not. What a wonderful blend of emotions that produces!!

While there have been times of concern this fleeing year, overall it was without problems. We got to enjoy a relaxing vacation atop the beautiful mountains of Colorado and saw the vast scenery of New Mexico. (I can't think of a color that I did not see in the rocks of that state!) I found again my confidence in my ability to teach (thanks, Mary!), and my enjoyment of my career has resurfaced. I'm so grateful for that; I was afraid I would retire doubting myself. Hopefully in the not too distant future, I'll look back on these past few years as the ones that taught me the most about not only myself, but dealing with others and nurturing little ones in those first years of school.

Overall, I think the best thing about this year is that I grew to love my husband and daughters in ways I never imagined. Andy and I reached 33 years of marriage in a day when most people just get tired or quit. We still laugh, love, and worship together, and I'm so proud of the man he is.

So, as this year turns to a new decade - I look into this coming year with confidence and expectation. I ask of God's blessing on all my loved ones and friends, and for peace in our land.

Happy New Year!!

Finding old friends

I'll confess; I joined Facebook because Jackie wanted me to "farm" with her. It's been fun setting them up, and keeping them going, and that would have been reason enough to like it. But the neatest part to me is recapturing old friends and distant relatives that I've lost touch with.

The first person I "found" was my niece, Amanda. I haven't seen her in probably 15 years; Dana has seen her once, and doesn't remember her at all. Divorce will do that to a family... anyway - she and I have become reacquainted, and I am glad.

Yesterday, I was approved as a friend with a woman that Andy and I knew in college in the 70's. Her mom and dad were my pseudo-parents away from home, and when they would go out, I'd watch their daughter. She was only about 5 years younger than me, but sometimes those are the kids that need the most watching. (Side-note: these people didn't have bedframes; they slept on matresses on the floor. Claimed he had a bad back....) Anyway, when I searched her name, there were 4 listed; she was the first one that popped up. Now, we begin the process of getting to know each other again. Such fun!

With that in mind, I have one person left I'd like to find; an old flame from Georgia. So far, no luck. But I'll keep looking from time to time!!

You never know....

The finish line is in sight!!

Like everyone right now, I have a lot to do to finish up and be ready for Christmas. For some reason, though, I dawdle and meander on this computer, "wasting" time. The getting up and getting started is the hard part; once I'm going, I get it all done, but it just isn't happening right now.

Andy and Dana are off helping Santa with some last minute business. For some reason, I was not invited to go along. It's so great to have Dana here, and yet our house feels a little quiet and empty without the Johnsons. It's their turn to be with his folks on "the day" - and I don't begrudge them in the least for having it - but I do feel my nest has a big hole in it. We've been invited to share Christmas Day dinner with some friends, and I told her it will help to be with some more folks. Several of us are at that stage in our lives where our children are away for various reasons, and so we find each other to share... it's another reason I love the Church.

So, I guess I should get busy. HEB has to be dealt with, one way or another, and so does the bank. Afterwards, I'll put in another movie and finish wrapping gifts. Perhaps some hot chocolate with find it's way to the table!

Hope your holidays are going well -

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
The bell's about to ring, and all the kids are heading home for the holidays. I'd like to send my wishes along to you for their Christmas:

For Dawson, Shane, Sammy, Isaiah, Jesse, Cody, Shane, RJ, Kristy, Brandon, Joshua, Colton, Madilynn, Savannah, Riley, Robert, Garner, Alexys, Justin, Sebestein, Mark and Hailey - I wish for happiness and gratitude for what they receive; for tender hearts with their families, for good, warm food and beds in which they can have sweet dreams. I wish for them love lavished on them by those around them - not just a mountain of "things" bought to keep them busy. I wish for them laughter and wonder - for faith in God and in you.

Thanks, Santa !

Victor, my new best friend!

I've now been without my computer at home for weeks - at least 3!! We thought we were waiting to be contacted by Dell on when we would get serviced, but Andy found out yesterday that we were supposed to contact THEM!! Grrr......

So, after he left last night, I gathered up the info on our computer and called Dell. 7:15ish. The first guy I was connected to, I hung up on. He couldn't understand me, nor I him. After reading the same number to him at least 10 times, very distinctly, and him reading it back TOTALLY wrong, I hung up.

Mona was next. Wouldn't even connect me until I promised to update my service plan. She kept saying 2 years, I kept saying 1. Two years, one year, over and over and over until I shouted at her. I could barely understand her as well, but she was better than the first guy!

Then, Victor. Finally. Someone who understood me and I him!! We tried several different things to get me rebooted, all the while, my phone battery is beeping. And beeping, and so on. He even took my cell number so in case my phone died, he could call me back directly and I wouldn't have to start over with someone new.

Finally, with my phone seriously beeping every minute or so, we got things done. Now, hopefully, in a matter of days, I will be back on line!! I asked to speak to his superior, and lavished praise on this faceless man in the Phillipines (I asked him!) who was so polite and thorough.

Time: 8:40. One and one-half hours.

Frustrating.

Beauty all around me

Right now,if you turn onto my street, you see lots of trees, but only one is glowing with red, yellow and orange Fall leaves. My goal, when we moved there, was to plant trees to give me beautiful Fall colors, and after 16 years in the house, my goal is a reality! They have never looked more brilliant and bold; my Red Oak in the front lawn is surpassed only by my Bur Oak in the back.

At breakfast, as I sit at the table and look out, it fills me with such a wonderful feeling of the glories of God. How did He know we would take such pleasure in the simple changing of colors in His creation? How kind of Him to bless us with these simple things which are all around us. I almost hate for winter to come and take the leaves from their branches, because this year has been so bountiful!!

Thank you, Father, for red, gold, orange and yellow leaves!!

Testing, testing, testing

My least favorite part of my job is Benchmark testing. At the end of every quarter, we test the students in Reading and Math, and it takes my kids three LONG days. They take their test, then we sit for the rest of the day until 2:00. Now, if you finished your test at 1:00, that's not too bad, but when you finish by 9:30 in the morning, it is the pits. They have to read or sit with their heads down. No talking, drawing, or anything else that may disturb someone.

It is eternal.

It is cruel.

It is part of the job. So. We do it, and make the most of it.

At the end of the day, the teachers are worn out; just because of the stress of the situation. It makes for a long, long week.

How long till retirement?!?

Bladen Joel

Little Man", "Buddy", "The Boy" - we're just trying out all kinds of names over here; all I know is, whatever we call Bladen, he's going to make our lives a happier place. His sister is aware of him, but not overly - she seems content to go about her playing and laughing just as before. His mother is calm and composed; I guess still being a little sore plays a part, and her Dad is just proud. He's such a good dad - I'm so glad God plunked him down into our family to be Erin's partner in this.

Two days into "Helping", and I'm a little tired. Just a little, though - glad to be able to be here to help them our while Gregg works a couple of days. He takes over when Dana and I go back to school on Monday. Luckily, Christmas vacation comes soon, so I can come back if I need to. Just try and keep Nana away!

Bladen Joel

This morning, after only about an hour of labor, Bladen Joel Johnson joined our family. He is 18 inches long and 7 lb. 4 oz. in weight. His head is full of black hair, and he is a rosy pink color. I've not seen his toes or counted his fingers, but what I have seen so far is perfect.

Erin went so fast in her labor that she didn't even get an epidural. She looks radiant and calm, and her face lit up the room when Dana came in with big sister Elizabeth. Both sets of grandparents are in attendance, so there is plenty of support for these first few days.

What the future holds for Bladen is yet to be seen; but I do know he will be happy and loved - taught to honor and follow God, and probably be quite the sportsman. He is already filling our family with love and joy.

Confrontation

I'm not good at confrontation. Never have been - don't see that changing any time soon. I have a person I need to talk to - hopefully she won't see it as a confrontation; I'd like to think of it as an opportunity to clear up some misunderstandings about some little things, but to me, it's all the same. I have to be assertive, but respectful; firm but compliant. Not always easy to juggle with this foot-in-mouth disease I tend to have.

I've tried for two days, and we haven't been able to get together. Hopefully, Monday. I just hope I can relax and let it go until then, so I can enjoy my holiday with my family.

Counting down the days!

Well, it's the week of Thanksgiving, and everyone is all in a tizzy. The kids at school, friends at church, and my family can only talk about the coming days! Whose house, favorite pie, playing and visiting with cousins and other relatives... such a happy time.

Growing up, getting together with my cousins was the happiest time for me. I have such wonderful memories of how we played from dawn till dusk, and then stayed up late into the night, not wanting to waste time sleeping. Now, it's my daughters, Gregg, and Liz that I want to spend every precious moment with in the coming days. Those memories are growing by leaps and bounds!!

We wait for Bladen. He is ready and in position, and his clothes, room, and bags are ready for his signal that his birth is emminent. Erin is hoping to enjoy the Thanksgiving Feast at her aunt's on Thursday before he decides to come, but we are anxious to see him at any time! What are we in store for with this little man?!?
A whole new world of excitement and joy is soon to awaken!!

Please pray for a safe, quick and joyous delivery for Bladen Joel Johnson and his mother. They mean the world to me!!

Dave vs. American greed

Yesterday, my GMC Envoy turned over 100,000 miles. It's paid for.

Most of society and the car dealerships would be drooling as I passed by their dealerships and offering me great deals.

Ha! Dave has made me see the light. I'm a happy woman!!

May it go many, many more miles!!!

Things He's Missed

On this day 19 years ago, my father died.

Some years, the day goes by without my thinking of it; others, it's all I think of. This is one of those years; I'm thinking about all the things in my life that have happened in that time, and it makes me so sad that he has not been here.

Here are some of the biggies:
my home. We built it from the ground up, and daddy would have loved watching every board go into place.
my daughters graduating from college. It was my dad's dream for me to get my degree, and he was so very proud to see me walk the stage.
Erin marrying Gregg. On our wedding day, as Daddy walked me down the aisle, he patted my hand and kept saying, "it's all so beautiful, Amy. You did such a good job!" My dad was not a man of a lot of words, so it meant the world to me. He bawled his eyes out afterwards.
Andy becoming an elder. He would have been proud.
Casey growing up to be a good worker and responsible man.
Elizabeth being born. I wish he could pull her down the road in the red wagon. He whistled and sang a lot, and she'd love that about him. When I was in labor with Dana, he joined Andy and me in the ride to the hospital and never left for one minute until she was here.

He would be 89 now had he lived.

I miss my Dad.

Eleanor Rigby

Andy and Robert do visitation most Monday nights. They drop in - a "cold visit", they call it - and spend a few minutes listening to the cares and concerns of those who let them in. The visit can be spurred by a problem the person is having, or the fact that they haven't been to worship in a while, or just because they are on the fringe of the congregation. While they are out, I stay at home and go about my evening after a hard day at school.

"All the lonely people, where to they all come from...
All the loney people, where DO they all belong?"

Today, I went with Andy to a garage sale at the home of one of out members. She was selling pews from the original church building here in Pleasanton, and we've been wanting one for a while. The member is chronically ill, and does not get out. Today, she told me that she cannot even go to see her mother because of the flu everywhere.

After we chose our pew, I decided to stay a while and visit some more. The guilt of my neglect was weighing hard on my shoulders, and I just had to spend some time with this woman. The joy with which she greeted me shamed me, and as I left, her call of "I love you!" almost broke me.

"All the lonely people...."

Forgive my lack of compassion. Forgive my laziness.

A fun thought

One of the drawing points for Dana and Erin to attend Texas A & M was the large group of friends from church who were also students there. They went with some familiar faces already in place, which makes moving to such a big place a little easier. They roomed with some, and built many more memories to add to the ones they already had. It also made for security on this mama's part.

Fast forward to tomorrow. Carl and Lisa Royal welcomed Blakely into their family. As I listened to her Grandma Darla talk about her, I thought, "Someday, she could be at A&M with Bladen!" A long-time connection renewed years down the line? Weeklongs, after-game devos, week-end trips to Pleasanton?!

We'll see. I'll get back to you in 18 years!

Wishes

Things I'm wishing for right now:

~ a safe arrival of a healthy Bladen Joel Johnson
~ the answer to Dana's dream come true (my vision?)
~ self-control
~ the safety for our country that I grew up with
~ no more falls for Mom
~ a comfortable retirement in the near future
~ many happy hours with Liz
~ rain
~ a renewed relationship with my brother
~ an active, productive Small Group
~ a safe tour of duty for Tyler
~ Peace for Jackie
~ self-control (yes, I know I've already said that)
~ happiness for my students
~ many more years with Andrew
~ one more ring for Tim, Tony, and Manu!!

The weekend in review

Had a lovely time in Houston - again. We arrived at Dana's apartment with time to spare before falling into bed, and then activities began.

Dana and Andrew got up and headed out for a belated Birthday breakfast. She took him to her favorite place, and then they went to a museum exhibit on the 40th anniversary of the landing on the moon. I was invited to go, but Andy and I don't really do well together at museums... he is a meticulous reader of all things exhibited, and I scan and go. Both parties deemed it a success.

While they took in culture and science, I shopped for Bladen's shower gift and a book for Liz. Never had been to a Babies R Us, and am glad there isn't one in Pleasanton!! I decided a checkbook is not a good thing to take when the amount to spend is open-ended; from now on, I only go in with cash!

After shopping, I arrived at the Johnson home. Once Liz woke up, we had a good reunion (she looks like "Who are you and why are you here so sporadically??" She warmed up pretty quickly this time, and I have to say the highlight of my afternoon was when she was singing. Such a precious sound to my ears! If only I could have recorded it!! Her other grandparents arrived, as did Andy and Dana, so then the sharing began.

One down side to the weekend was that Roark, Liz's canine brother, reacted to some flea repellent, and ended up in the ER for dogs. He is okay now, but it was a downer for the weekend.

Sunday was worship, and then the shower. Lots and lots and LOTS of little boy clothes, so she is set for the first few months. Diapers were the other hit of the day, and those were received very graciously! One we got things back to the house, we hugged, kissed, and said out good-byes.

So, now we wait. Thanksgiving is in two weeks, and then Bladen is scheduled to arrive soon afterward. We are all ready to meet this little man and see what joy he adds to our growing family!!

An amazing thought

One thing that has always amazed me is that different teachers are drawn to different kids. A co-worker and I share a room, and we also share some kids through-out the day. I see her with a young man that I would have killed the second week - day - of the year, and she deals with him SO beautifully! He pushes my buttons just watching him with her, and yet she stays so calm and collected. I have a couple of little ones that affect her the same way. I guess it's a good thing that every kid has some teacher along the way that loves them and deals with their little quirks...

Which makes me transition to the church. How many times you see people drawn to certain personalities and avoid others. And yet, we are called to love each other equally. Sometimes, a hard task to take on. I have a couple of people that I just have a hard, hard time with - and I feel terribly about it. I just try to remember that there are those out among me who feel that way about me!! Shame on me -

The guy in Chicago....

I know you have been hearing about the guy in Chicago who has (at this count) 11 bodies of women in his yard and home. These guys fascinate me, and there have been times when I have taught children that I think will someday be involved in the same activities. Jeffrey Dahmer was a tortured soul, and his life of cruelty and hatred will be studied for the rest of time.

So, how do we get smarter than these men? Where in their childhood was the breaking point of the soul; the decision that it is their right and priviledge to do what they do to another human being? I had a neighbor growing up who, when they had a cat give birth to a litter, filled up a tub and drowned each and every one. He didn't grow up to be a killer, but the other factors were not in place.

I don't know that this post even has a point to it; I just had this on my mind. I guess the fascination I have is partially a hope that I can pick up on some little one and make that part of his heart go the right direction. A big task, but I'm willing....

November 1

How in the world did it get to be November already?!? I love turning calendars to the next month, and it seems like I just did October the other day.... with so much going on, I guess the days go quicker than ever, and with Bladen's arrival almost eminent, I'd better just get ready for it to be December!

We had a good weekend; Andy wanted to just "veg out", and so we did. I slept in; no surprise there - Andy watched some college sports and his beloved PBS This Old House Hour. Trick or Treaters visited us in groups, and then it was time for the SPURS. Manu was the "hit" of the game, with the "batting" down of the bat, and we turned in early after setting our clocks back. It was a peaceful, relaxing day.

This week, I have a couple of second graders to screen for dyslexia, but the week should be calmer after celebrating Red Ribbon Week. That, plus Book Fair, and Halloween, had the kids hyper and the teachers tired. I'm hoping for calmer, quieter days!

So - that's it. Hope you had a good weekend, and that your week is all you need it to be.

Things I like about my job -

When you are a "real" teacher (i.e. - classroom), and then move out to become "Support Staff", it is a real adjustment. Now, I haven't been a "real" teacher in some time, but even my shift to my current position has caused me to find new and more appreciated levels of work:

1. I get to actually talk to my students. Homeroom teachers do not have the luxury of having conversation with their students. I know this because, when I ask them things about their students, they look at me like they have no idea what is going on. Teaching now is about curriculum and scores, not children.

2. No duty. Enough said!

3. No grades, and for me, no lesson plans!! My curriculum is set so rigidly, I just follow the manual and go from there. (Can be boring, so I try to come up with some variants)

4. No grading. See above.

5. I'm not going to say no discipline problems, because I do have some, but a lot of it is referred back to the homeroom teacher or office. I just have my little 45 minutes, and that's enough with some children!!

6. 45 minutes a group and they move on!!

7. I get to laugh at the kids; we have a relationship all it's own. I'm lucky and, and I hope they feel the same way!!


So, in the twilight of my career, I have the dream job. It makes life a lot easier!!

Camping with Dana and other highlites of the weekend -

For the second time in several weeks, Dana has been our hostess as we invaded Houston. She is a gracious, welcoming hostess, and shares her apartment with us openly.

As I look around at her life away from me, I see so much of her and what is important to her; friends, family, special times, God. (Perhaps I should not have listed Him last, for He is certainly not last to Dana!) Her home is comfortable and happy, filled with all the things that comfort and enhance her life. We appreciate her willingness to let us move in and stay a while!!

The weekend was memorable. Erin and Gregg put on quite a first party for Elizabeth, and she was a trooper!! Went to everyone and took it all in stride. While the concept of the candle was obviously lost on her, it marked for us a celebration of a wonderful year; first everything - tooth, sitting up, solid food, smiles; you name it, we celebrated it. And while my mother and father in law were not able to attend, you could see their legacy all around. Bladen, growing strong deep inside Erin, pointed to the future. It was a day all of us will hold on to.

The Johnson family was happy to be there; our lives have blended pretty well over these past 6 years. We are greatful to them for raising such a fine man as Gregg and for loving our daughter and welcoming her into their tiny (by LaMore standards of number!) family.

And then the weekend ended; too soon as usual. But we plan to return, November 7, for the shower awaiting Erin and Bladen. We anticipate his joining us very soon!!

A GREAT day to be a teacher!!

Here's how my day ended:

Student: "Mrs. LaMore, how long have you had this job?" (Uh-oh, I think to myself!)

Me: "Teaching dyslexia classes? Hmmm, about 4 years of doing it full-time. Why?"

Student: "Well, you're pretty good at it!" Delivered matter-of-factly.

I grin - then he goes straight for the heart:

"I'm pretty sure it's because of you that I passed the TAKS Reading test last year."

"Thanks, ________. I appreciate that!" as my heart swells full beyond measure.


Makes getting up a lot easier tomorrow morning!

To be a Nana -

I want to wish my Liz a Happy Birthday - one day late. Yesterday was her 1st birthday, and my phone visit with her and Erin was so fun!! On speaker phone, I told her all sorts of silly Nana things, and Erin told me she was trying to push all the buttons to talk back. I understand that she really enjoyed her celebratory cup cake, but not so much the hat... I cannot wait to see how she handles the big family part coming up this weekend!

Everyone told me that I'd love grandchildren, and they were right. I can't look at a little boy now, without anticipating who Bladen will be, and how he will anchor himself to our hearts. My own grandmothers loved me with all their hearts; and Mamaw had 20 of us to love!! Combing her long, graying hair, going to the store to spend my valued dollar with her, getting letters from her that encouraged me and told me each time just how much she loved me are only a microscopic portion of her influence in my life - how I hated it when she left us at only 70 years!! My Grandma Annie was a hoot; a funny little Dutch German woman, who burned the sugar cookies and somehow still made them taste like gold! When I would spend the night with her, she'd pull me to the floor while she said the rosary - her false teeth clattering along with the rosary beads.

So, here we are at the beginning of my Grandmotherhood - the future is full of ways for me to show Liz and Bladen how dear they are to me, and all the fun stuff only Nana's get to do.

Elizabeth; thank you for opening the door to this next portion of my life - as your Aunt Dana would always say; "You are first!"

I really wish I didn't think of these things -

Had a lovely, sweet visit with my cousin Randall and his Linda this weekend. They were passing through, and we had lunch together. Broke out the grandbaby pictures, and vacation pictures. Had good laughs and sweet memories. I really wish I lived closer to them....

Later, Andrew and I drove to SA. He was hungry for shrimp and those delicious biscuits at Red Lobster, and I'll always take a good steak (Different blog for a different day!), so we went up. Did some birthday shopping for Miss Liz, and then went to dinner.

Somewhere along the route from Pleasanton to SA, in some conversation that I can't remember, this came out of my mouth; "In 15 years, I'll be 70."

15 years - are you kidding me?!?! Do you know how fast 15 years flies by?!? I wanted to put on the brakes, reverse, and take that thought out of my mind - it keeps reverberating over and over the past two days - 15 years to 70.

Now, I know. None of us are guaranteed 70 years, but my dad and my grandmother both died in their 70th year, and that is just coming too soon! Erin will be 42 - Dana, 45. Liz will be a teenager, and so will Bladen.

Breathe, Amy. Enjoy today - anticipate good years, but don't focus on the realization. Don't look back at how fast the last 15 years have passed - just relax.

Thy will be done.

Only half a pill!

I've shared before about my phobia towards the dentist chair. I, at one point, required music, gas, and a "happy pill" to even get me in the office - many years went by while my teeth suffered and I avoided the inevitable. Even now, the memories of some of those visits make me quiver with nerves!!

But last year, I decided, "You are 53 years old - get over it!" That decision, along with my dentist no longer having the invaluable nitrous oxide to comfort me, has gotten me to my visit today. I have all but two repairs done - a victory of sorts - and today, when I go get the next part of my new crown, I will be going on only half a happy pill! Two reasons - I don't want to sleep tonight and tomorrow away in a stuper, and I want to wean myself off totally. I trust my sweet Dr. David, who is so patient with me, and so I reach this milestone. I'm not sure I can do the last big appointment without it, but for today, it's a plan. Keep me in your thoughts as I take this step -

I'm hoping to one day be his patient of the month!!!

Ray's sermon

This past Sunday, Ray spoke on discipleship. He spoke to us about the commitment we make at baptism, so be a true follower of the Christ. To face the unimaginable and stand up for Who it is we believe in, rather than the everyday "I'm a Christian" talk we may or may not own up to. When the sermon turned to even facing death at the hand of a non-believer, for the first time in my life, I really felt compelled to consider that happening. Growing up in unconquerable America, I've never considered the fact that this is a possiblity, and now - with so many people arming themselves with the express point to taking us out, I felt threatened.

At dinner later, some friends were talking, and I said that I don't think we will be taken over by someone even expected by us as an enemy, but rather from the south, or some rebel nut with a cause. I think I miss the old Cold War - at least we had a face to fear!

So, while this isn't the most encouraging post of my blog, please consider it. Is your discipleship firm and committed? I hope so; I'm looking forward to our spending eternity together!

For the most part....

I am a happy person. I have a lot of wonderful things in my life, things that - while I wasn't arrogant enough to expect them, I wasn't surprised when they happened. I have a husband that keeps on going with me, even though after all this time, I think he's going to realize one day that I'm not "all that" and leave me for someone else. He says he still likes to hold my hand above all else - how sweet is that ?!? Sometimes, I think I want to leave me; to run away and make his life better.... but I'm not strong enough to do it.

I have two daughters that wrote the book on loving their mom. Erin and I have learned together how to manage the "married-daughter-too-many-phone-calls" situation, and I think we've done pretty good! My son-in-law hasn't blown a gasket yet, anyway!! Dana still takes it in stride when I treat my first-born like she is Liz's age and not a grown woman, and even though I try to realize it; she'll always be my baby girl.

My church family loves me unconditionally (I think, anyway!) What a blessing they are to me in my walk with our Lord - Andy and I don't even speculate about leaving after retirement; where could we go away from our family? Who could love us as much?!?

So that leaves work and me. Work is good; I like my kids and my co-workers, but I am looking forward to someday soon being able to walk away and be a full-time Nana. With Dave Ramsey helping us, it won't be long.

Now, if I could just get myself together. As year 55 approaches, I see so much in my self that I have great need to fix. Everyday things that, I go to bed with great resolve of repairing, and wake to the morning with just dealing with the day. I really, really want to back up the years, and redo some things - and since that's not likely to happen, I'll just deal with one thing at a time.

I just hope I have patience with myself to get it done.

The thing about babies....

Liz has reminded me of some basic facts about babies that I'd forgotten in the 25+ years since I had one:

~it's really better if you let them approach you rather than just grabbin' them at first - cuts down on the crying and grabbing for Mom!
~ they are full of such entertaining facial expressions! Adults and even older children have learned to "control" their faces due to learned reactions, but not babies. You get exactly what they feel at every moment.
~ nothing - nothing - smells as good as a baby!
~ the whole world is new to them - things that we just look at, they see with new eyes. Help us to open our eyes to their world!

Thanks, Liz - you taught your Nana lots and lots! I love you -

Where's my fire?

Jackie knows just what to say to me, even when she isn't talking TO me... last night, at the evangelism seminar, she talked about her sense of apathy among our congregation. She gave me a lot to think about in my own life, do I look for open doors and searching people who are hungry for what I have in Christ? Am I complacent in assuming that those around me are "happy" in their spiritual lives?

I have a lot to think about and do. How many opportunities have I missed, and can I change my old habits? I'm going to give it my best effort-