This happens every time!

Before my surgery, I had to meet with a "Behavioralist" - part of the process of insurance... guess they wanted to see inside my head before they invested thousands of dollars on "fixing" me. One thing I told her is that I tend to sabotage myself with every diet. Once the pounds coming off draws attention for others, I jump back into eating - it's a power thing. (That's a post for another day...)

Last night, everyone at church (even folks along the wall who didn't come up to me) noticed. The weight is obviously coming off quickly now, for which I am grateful, but the attention is overwhelming. All the hugs, smiles, comments, pats, "acceptance" is really pushing me right now. The only thing keeping me from falling back into the old pattern of stuffing my face is the fact the I'll either throw it up or become severely constipated. I know, way too much info!! So, I sit here, trying to accept this new reality. People are liking how I look now, and I cannot hide myself from them anymore. My new clothes fit - meaning that I am not in my usual tent.

One thing that keeps going through my brain is that - if they are so happy with me now, how awful must I have looked before?! Was I so unattractive that people dreaded seeing me? I know I have seen others that were uncomfortable to look at, and the thought that I was perceived that way hurts. "They" would say to me - "we just love you and were so worried about your health", but it doesn't feel like that when all I am complimented on is how I look. Just too much... even though I know it is said in love....

So, as I sit here dreaming of baked potatoes, pizza, Sonic cheeseburgers and tots and lots and lots of Coke, I wait. I wait for this to pass and for acceptance of the "new" Amy. The old one is still here, though - raising her ugly self in defiance.

What a Difference a Year Makes!

(I am no good at manipulating pictures!! This one should be at the end of the post!!)

One year ago this month, I started a journey that - to this point - has pretty much changed everything about my life. Here I am with my brother in July in Florida.

On the trip home, I told Andy that I'd found out from a friend that my new insurance through Teacher Retirement would cover gastric bypass surgery. We knew it was something that I would have to do, because my health was truly suffering from the load of my weight. Not an easy thing to admit, but I was in a "perfect storm" coming to a serious landfall. Once we were home, I contacted the doctor after confirming it through my insurance.

I did not begin seeing Dr. Duperier until the beginning of October, shortly before Liz's second birthday. Not until I was approved for the surgery did I tell anyone - not even Dana or Erin... just too scared it would not happen.

Feb. 22 was the day of the actual surgery, but I'd been in preparation for a couple of months to get my body ready. Weight began coming off even then!

Now, a year after that initial conversation with Andy, here I am at Minutemaid Park a few weeks ago - the change startled me when I first saw it on "film"!

I have a long way to go, but I am confident it will pass quickly!