This one thing I do....

Every year on this day, I think of Marilyn Tello....


    Mammograms are NO fun; in fact, they stink!!  On top of that, I am sick to death of doctors, machines, and stripping down to my skivies in "public".  I hate it, I hate the fear and the thought of starting a new set of  procedures all over again.  I would cancel in a heartbeat - if not for Marilyn.

    Now, cancer does not run in my family - thankfully!!  I've always had clear mammograms with the exception of one little, tiny calicification that was removed a while back. But still... the thought of "what if" hangs over me this morning as I prepare to drive over to my appointment.  The place is actually lovely, and I'll get a flower when I leave.  Soft music, warm hands, smiling faces.  Still....

   I taught with Marilyn, and she was a force of nature.  Quiet, but PRESENT.  Everyone looked at her teaching with such respect and admiration, and her life was being with children. 

  And then, we heard she was sick.

  She kept teaching, kept living, kept fighting.

  She kept getting sicker.    And sicker.   And sicker.


   It's funny how one moment in time can stick with you and break
your heart all over again. I have three such memories of Marilyn.  One was the day she walked into the building for a visit.  I hadn't seen her in a while, and I hope with all my heart that my face did not reflect what I saw; she was dying. 

  Erin had been taught by Marilyn as a first grader, and when she saw her that day after school, she ran full blast into the arms of a woman she loved, only to plant her little blond head right into the area where Marilyn had had her mastectomy!!  It took Marilyn's breath away, but Erin never knew it.  Marilyn looked at me and smiled, and patted Erin's back, all the while about to collapse from the impact.  Such composure!!

   The other moment that is frozen in my mind is the last time I saw her.  She was hospitalized, and I went to see her.  Signs were posted all over the door, and I almost didn't go in, but a family member saw me and told her that I was there.  She asked me to come in. Had to mask up and put on the gown but when I went in, there she was, smiling and holding out her hand for me.   Gracious as always, calm in the face of the biggest storm she would ever face. 

   That day was many, many years ago.  Her daughter is grown with a family of her own.  Her loving husband has a wife now, and probably has retired from his own teaching career.  Life has gone on without her, but I truly doubt I am the only person who ever remembers her. 

    So, in just  a bit, I will drive over to my appointment.  I'll have lunch out, and do a little shopping on the way home.  Tonight, I'll get together with dear friends and watch the Spurs.  Tomorrow will pass, and the next day, and the next. 

   But next year, on this day - I'll think of Marilyn Tello.

"I did it!!"

Bladen and Liz - one of my favorite things to hear is when they accomplish something on their own and happily cry, "I did it!!" with a big grin on their faces.....

Sunday, April 15, 2012 - "I did it!!"

June, 2010. I was weighing in at Dr. McFarland's office, and was stopped cold by the number on the scale. I knew then that I was killing myself, slowly, but surely. I gave up.

After a long process before and after my surgery in February, I can say that today I am at my goal weight. I want to shout it from the roof tops, this victory I feel, but I am keeping the numbers to myself. Not to Andy, not to the girls, not to Jackie. Not to any human. It is mine and mine alone - but I will say that it feels so wonderful to have had everyone at my side, seeing me through the journey.

I never dreamed that day in June that I could do this - that the will to succeed was too impeded by the past failures and the amount necessary. But it is done.

"I DID IT!!"

Trade offs

I'm really struggling right now with money. Wanting to spend it, that is....

A byproduct of my weight-loss is the energy to do more. To say that my yard has been neglected by me for the past several years is an understatement... and now I want to be out repairing the lonely flower beds and preparing my yard. Problem is, plants do not "grow on trees" (sorry, I know it's a bad pun!!) Not to mention mulch, borders, yard art - you get the idea.

While I love, love, love my retirement, there is just so much "discretionary income" on a teacher's pension. We have more that we "need", but not all that I WANT. If I were still working, I wouldn't be home anyway to have the time to do the things I want or to enjoy it... such a dilemna!! It's like which do I want more; being at home away from what became too much stress, or being at home wishing I had "more"?

I've got to work on that contentment issue....

Oil Business and Wildflowers

The friend who cuts my hair lives in a small community about 10 miles from me. I drove out there yesterday for a long-needed trim, hoping for lots of wildflowers to see along the way. Unfortunately, the profussion of Spring hasn't happened along that road, but another explosion is taking place... the oil field business! All along what was once brush country dotted with small homesteads are now "yards" of tools, equipment, and trucks. A few new wells are pumping oil already, making the land owners newly rich. Traffic is heavier than ever. It's a sign of the times in the land of the Eagle Ford Shale.

As I was coming home, I was thinking about extending my drive to look for more flowers, but decided against it... it had been a full day, and I wanted to go home. I remembered that in recent years, Andy and I would load up and drive around the area to see the flowers. I've always loved Texas in the Spring - as do most citizens of our state - and some of my favorite pictures of the girls are taken in bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush. Liz's first Easter pictures have her sitting in some bluebonnets before she even knew about their glory. It's a rite of passage.

So, this weekend may have to be "the ride". I hear they are glorious East of us. Better fill up the gas tank now!!!

New Year's Resolution made - and KEPT!!

Don't normally make New Year's Resolutions... my past history teaches me a lot about my ability to follow through on "projects". After a long time of not being able to stay awake and read, or remember what I was able to read, I mourned my loss of that love. So, with apnea gone and thyroid under control, I decided that this was going to be the year of returning to the books I have so long missed.

Enter my friend Jackie. She is persistent. She loves things passionately, and wants me to enjoy those things with her. So far, I've resisted horses and quilting, but since I loved reading anyway, I gave in when she handed me her Nook with "The Help" on it. It sat and sat, for weeks, because of my fear of not being able to enjoy it. The other day, she told me she wants the Nook back to send to her sister - have I finished the book yet???? :( Ummm, not really. I used my time in Houston as an excuse - sorry, Erin - and promised her I'd finish soon.)

I was halfway through on Sat. night when she asked one more time: "Where are you in the book?" Okay. I gotta do this.

Well, at 5:00 this morning, I finished "The Help". It was such a good feeling!! I can do this after all!!!

If felt so good, that rush to turn the next "page"... I'd forgotten how mesmerizing a good story can be!! I know exactly which book is next!

Now, to watch the movie!!!

Land of Wonderment

Wow - Can't believe it's been such a long time since I posted anything on this blog... but when I think about what life has been like this past 3 or more weeks, it makes perfect sense!

Just let me say that, while the title of this blog implies I have been on some exotic vacation somewhere, it is just the opposite!! Instead of Yosemite, or Alaska, or even the Rocky Mountains, I have been in a two story house on the outskirts of Houston, Texas. While it is not on any travel brochures, it is all the wonder that this woman could have asked for at this stage of my life.

You see, I was at the Johnson's.

Erin, Gregg, Liz and Bladen moved in February; two weeks before the next baby Johnson was due to be born. They had bought their previous home when it was just the two of them - kids were in the plan, but I don't think they would mind my saying that 3 in 3 years was not the plan. God knew better!

So, with a baby due in two weeks, they closed and moved in to a lovely home that needed painting and a little remodeling. Here comes Mom to the rescue! I rode over the Houston with some friends, and Erin picked me up. We unloaded a few boxes and got beds set up before the painters came. When they arrived, we found ourselves with the refriderator "Saran Wrapped" as Gregg called it, for 3 days, and paint fumes that scared Erin out of the house. So, we found all sorts of fun things to do. We visited Grandma and Grandpa (Ann and Frank), took in "Puss - N - Boots" at a theatre that would make our little Pleasanton theatre look like the IMAX, ate at Chick Fil-A, and went to a park on a cool, rainy day. So much to post here about memories, but I won't bore you. Andy joined us on Friday night, where we slept in the soon-to-be nursery with everything pushed to the center of the room and all but the bed covered in sheets. It was almost like camping!! On that Saturday morning, I told Andy that I couldn't leave. I ended up staying until Wed., when Gregg drove me to Flatonia, and Andy met us. Gregg promised he'd call if I needed to return.

(That night, we celebrated my one-year anniversary since my surgery. A "victory ring" and a shared steak at Saltgrass was perfect! )

Once at home, things were settling in. Here, at least. In Houston, first Erin got a terrible stomach bug, then Liz was sent home from school with a high fever and vomiting. It was time for me to go back. Never packed so fast in my life....

That was on Tuesday. There's no way I can put in order all the events of the next few days, but the main event was the safe and speedy arrival of Ginny Brielle on the following Monday morning. A tiny 5 lbs., 14 oz. of perfection. Once again, God had blessed us with a healthy baby, with all her tiny fingers and toes. It was almost too much for this Nana to absorb. It's one thing for your own children to be so perfect, but seeing your daughter with her own newborns is breath-taking.

So. Back to the wonderland reference of the title. Here are my "moments" of the trip: (In no particular order!)

~ Bladen can carry more items in his hands and arms than anyone I have ever seen. If there was an Olympic event in this category, he'd get Gold every time. He's learned the mastery of making one trip count and getting there with everything he wants and needs. It's amazing to watch him gather things and still manuever the stairs. Scary, but amazing!

~The sweetest sounds: Bladen - "Hold You" when he wants to be held. Dreading the day he outgrows that! Liz - "Hi, Nana". Two little words said with such tenderness and love.

~Best - let me say that again - BEST part of every day was having them run into "nana's room" and greet me in the morning. Didn't always last long, but still....

~Bedtime ritual: Hugs, high fives, "nuks", elbows, and forehead "bonks". Then, blow kisses as you leave the room. Seriously, when you have multitudes of parents and grandparents and two toddlers, this can take a while!!

~Watching them think. Just seeing their little minds working to figure things out and make them come together was pure joy. Must be the teacher in me still.

~Observing them with their new sister. Words cannot express the sweetness in their eyes, their touch, and their voices. I know it's not going to be that way for long, but for now it's exactly perfect. Erin and Gregg did a great job of preparing them for this very moment!

~Buying and planting flowers in the new yard. We went down to the nearest Wal-Mart and picked out petunias, and it was beginning to rain once we finished planting, a sweet time for all involved.

~Running in circles downstairs. Pure joy in the laughter and squeals coming from a 2 and 3 year old! Loud echos off the upstairs filled the house, and the sound of their little feet slapping on the floor as they tried to escape their Nana. So glad I could do this with them!! :)

~ and finally - Bladen's macaroni chow-down!! One night, he asked for mac and cheese. He ate 5 helpings! The first one Erin gave him was a good size. It was gone in moments. No chewing necessary, and he was ready for more. He ate all she gave him, most of hers, and finished Liz's. At last, he sat back in his chair, finally full, and gave a good burp. It's a good thing too, since there wasn't any more to be had. (Sadly, I didn't not think to document this to video until the end!)

Now I'm back home, returned to my life with my Andrew. To say I missed him all those days is an understatement. To have him there for some of the fun made it all right in my world. I did miss Dana - a lot! But soon she will be home with us, and we'll have all new moments of wonder.

Life sure is good!

Time to move on....

A year after my surgery, it's time. As of this post, I do not plan on saying any more about my surgery - thankfully, all the drama appears to be over, and my everyday life is returning to a "new" normal.

I saw my surgeon today for my one-year check-up. He kept recalculating my pounds lost, because he was so surprised at the number. It was almost funny... I don't know if it was unusual, or if he didn't think I would do that well, or what. Dr. D. is a serious, professional man; yet today he was almost cute in his excitement of my success - for example, my BMI and my cholestrol are both better than his!! I got a big hug, and was sent away with a big smile on his face.

In our conversation, I told him that the hardest thing has been the attention - by far. I knew going in that it would be bad, because my life-long pattern has been to sabotage myself whenever people would notice if I'd lost weight. Well, this time, I survived. When people would tell me (or someone else) that they loved me the way I was before, it would make me cry. Don't know why for sure, but it did.

So now, I move on. To happy, healthy days and living a life full of ordinary pleasures; working in the yard, going up and down stairs, and walking in the mall again to name a few. At 57, I have finally learned not to cram down my feelings with food, and that I need to care for myself like I never have before. I see pride and love in Andy's eyes that are timeless to me, and I truly appreciate his sticking beside me through this whole adventure.

Time to move on!!!

"One of the Best"

I need to write about the Retreat before I forget some of it....

Usually, I spend months planning and arrainging a retreat - building momentum, and meeting probably way too often. I love planning things, and this is usually right up my alley. I've learned that I am good at setting things up, and then finding wonderful women to help pull it all together. I guess that makes me global!

In January, I got questions about a retreat... that's too long to go into here, but I called the place we usually go. The ONLY date they had available was in a month... REALLY?!? So, I pulled my group together and gave them two options; go to our favorite place in a month, or wait and go somewhere later. That would allow me the time I was used to, and the weather would allow for more outside time. ALL 6 of them wanted our "go to place", so off we went!

It turned out to be one of our best. I heard that over and over, which makes me feel so good. Although I don't do a lot of the little detail stuff, being the person "behind" the retreat puts pressure on you. To know it was a success makes you want to do it again, you know?!

We had a good mixture of ladies; several of the usual, several of our new converts, and several visitors. The challenge was to mix things up, so that each group didn't stay within itself, and I think we pulled it off. We focused on friendships - within the church, outside the church, and with our friend, Jesus. The inspiration, as usual, came from a hymn: "What a Friend we have in Jesus". An oldie but a goodie. More on that later....

It's funny how you can plan things to the minute, and yet the unexpected is what sets the weekend apart. During our orientation on Sat. morning, the speaker mentioned that the foundation was building a new campsite solely for families. After he told us about it, one of the ladies asked if we could see it. "Sure" he said, and that afternoon, he brought around a flatbed trailer and took us on it to see the new site. SO FUN! We laughed, we sang, we yelled at other campers, and we took silly pictures. Lots of pictures were taken that weekend, but my favorite was the one of our feet, mingled together on that trailer. It was so symbolic of the blending we were doing!

The other "surprise" was the weather! We awoke Sunday morning to sleet and rain... not a good combination when you have to climb several rock steps up to your car and drive up a hill to get out of the camp! We decided to go ahead and leave early for safety's sake, so we were not around to hear our speaker discuss our friend, Jesus. (We plan to follow up with that, soon!) After getting things packed up and the site cleaned, we were on our way home. While the Hill country is beautiful covered in snow, driving on the hills and curves was not fun! Thankfully, soon we were out of the frozen stuff and safely home again.

Now that it's behind us, I have only good memories of that weekend. Andy asked me what I was most looking forward to, and I told him that it was just watching the women at work, bonding and serving as Christ asked us to do. I saw lots of ladies loving one another in such special ways, and I received a lot of that myself!

Not bad for having been "thrown together"!!

Pt. 2

Once I was awake, I started thinking about other things. Here is a sampling:

~ my weight loss and how it has changed my body.
~ the upcoming retreat
~ going to Stream Austin and visiting Mary Beth and Rick
~ money
~ Liz, Bladen, and new baby Johnson
~ Erin's pregnancy
~ what time it is in Cairo, and what is Dana doing at that specific moment while I am laying there
~ things I'm in the mood to do to the house

and so on. One thing leads into another, and soon an hour has passed. I don't worry about it TOO much, because I am retired and can stay in bed after Andy leaves for work. Not that I want to lay awake every night, but when it happens, I try to turn my thoughts to the positive and not worry. Not always easy to do!!

Odd dreams and other things that keep me awake at night...

Every night, I get up at least once. I use that time to take some medication and cuddle up to a sleeping Andy. Usually, I just fall right back asleep.

Not last night. About 3:30, I woke up and Andy was stirring. I told him of my dream:

He and I went into this bathroom, which had 3 showers. One was his, one was Daniel's, and one was Johnny's. (Daniel is a current friend, Johnny a former college roommate that we haven't seen in probably 20 years.) We choose Johnny's shower, and we spend the whole time discussing the blue and white bar of Zest soap that Johnny uses. (Sorry, so "steamy" scenes in this dream!)

Once we are out, as I am dressing, I hear Dana calling me from another room. She is sick and needs her mama, so I head off in that direction to care for her. Suddenly, in steps Louise (a fellow elder's wife!) and starts telling me something that was odd at 3:30, but sadly I can't remember right now! As I stand there, dripping wet, half-dressed, trying to get to Dana, I wake up.

Okay. Why Johnny; why 3 seperate showers, why Dana calling me, and why Louise? All these things are unrelated to each other, yet my brain chose to weave them into a dream.

I didn't fall back asleep until after 5:00.

Looking at life at 57

Today is my 57th birthday. 57. 3 years from 60 and 13 from 70. That is hard to face, folks... my grandmother died at 70 and my mother at 74. The implications are not lost on me.

However, on this day, I am feeling younger than I have in years. I went shopping today and bought a cute - yes, cute! - dress only one size from my pre-surgery goal. That is hard to fathom, even though I tried it on and saw myself in it! I admit that I still walk through the "Woman's" section, although I NEVER intend to buy another thing in that section... it's just a habit that will take a while to break.

This year has had life-saving implications in more ways than one. This time last year, I was struggling to prepare myself for the surgery of all surgeries, and while I thought I was prepared for the aftermath, I could not have imagined how it was going to be. What I learned most of all was that people love me so, so much - and that I didn't know how to handle their love and care, their support was at times overwhelming and unappreciated.

This year dawns with so much anticipation - more bright days ahead than I've ever allowed myself. My life is sweeter now than ever before.

So, while this sweet days fades to dark, I will spend it in our home with the man I love with all my heart. I've talked to both my sweet daughters, and I've enjoyed good wishes from countless friends and family. I am blessed.

Happy Birthday to me!

Emotions

On Wednesday, I stood at the airport as Dana entered to fly back to Egypt. My throat was full with a big lump, and all I could think was, "She's gone again!" Watching her say goodbye to Erin, Liz, and Bladen was almost harder than saying my goodbyes to her - but I did without blubbering too much! ...

Years ago, Jeff Walling - a favorite speaker of mine - talked about how God was good to give us emotions. He talked about walking in on his wife as she was watching a "Tear-jerker" on tv. She was beside herself, crying uncontrollably while he watched. He left her there to finish the movie, and as soon as it was over, she came into the room with him like nothing had ever happened. The emotions of the moment had already passed....

As we drove away from the airport, with my daughter on her way across the ocean to a life I don't really fathom, I was full of emotion. Words were hard to eek out, and I really wanted to get Erin on track again after leaving her sister behind as well.

From behind me in the backseat, I hear Liz and Bladen being so funny; I laughed. It was what I needed. I still miss Dana in my "everyday life", but I know that those really sad emotions have moved on, and I can talk to her on Skype with joy and humor; thankful to God for his control over me and my emotions!

Two Sides of Being Invisible

Yesterday, Andy and I went to San Antonio to redeem some Christmas gift cards and have lunch (on a gift card! :) ) As we were walking out of Red Lobster, I said to him, "Today, I feel invisible in a good way!

Before, I was invisible in such a bad way. If you've ever see "Chicago" the musical, there's a song called "Mr. Celophane". In the movie version, John C. Reilly does it as a clown, on a dark stage, all alone. The lines that ran through my head were: "You can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there." That is the invisible me of before. Looking back now, 10 months and 8 days post surgery, I see in in a glaring fashion. I sought invisibility because of my weight and appearance... I hid in dark corners, on my pew, in a crowd of people because I knew what people thought when they looked at me. (That's another post for another day.... I'm trying hard to be positive in this one!! )

This new invisibility is NORMAL. I no longer "stand out" in a crowd ... I look like just another woman walking down the street. I can slide into a booth at a restaurant, or sit on a chair without needing to find a "sturdy" one that won't break if I sit on it. When people notice me, it's because I am smiling at them, or looking them in the eye and saying "hello." I blend in with the world.

It's crazy the things you "see" after this surgery. Who ever would have seen being invisible as such a GOOD thing?!?

It's almost time!

Yesterday I went in to the drs to talk about some things I have going on with my legs... and she told me that when I reach my 1 year milestone, they will have me write my testimonial about the surgery and the first year. I've been thinking about doing it all along, but knowing they want me to put it on paper is daunting....

How do you sum up in a few words the past two years - I say two because the year leading up to it was pivotal in itself; my decision to retire, the subsequent change in insurance carriers, and the knowledge that the surgery would be covered are as important as any other factor! Looking back, deciding to end my teaching career saved my life!

So, while I have a couple of months to ponder, I'm going to work on getting my brain wrapped around this whole process. Thank goodness for this blog, so that I can reflect on what all happened!!

I'll keep you posted -

Wish I'd said it!

Yesterday, I was in Target picking up some things I "needed" - it was the middle stop of a great day of discretionary spending, and I was feeling happy to be out. The check-out lines were busy with other shoppers, and as I approached, I noticed the appearance of my cashier....

"Lydia" was in her early 20s - a beautiful girl with a round, young face, those dark brown eyes that Hispanics have that I have always loved, and short, cropped hair. She had a pleasant smile, but I could tell that she was tired. She greeted me with the usual, "good morning" that she'd been trained to do. In a minute, she looked at me again and said, "good morning" and when I didn't respond, she said that she's already said that, right? We chuckled about that, and she zipped my purchases across the scanner.

As I stood there, I noticed that in about 5 places, she'd had her face pierced. A couple on her cheekbones were recent, because the skin was inflamed from the procedure. A couple of scars were already forming, and all I could see was what she will look like at my age....

I hesitated, and decided against saying to her, "Look at me; I'm 57. Before you know it, you will be on this side of your life, and when you look at yourself, you will see scars on your lovely face." That kind of thinking hits you at this stage of your life - not in your 20s. And you sure don't want some middle-aged woman you don't know getting into your business. So, I smiled, thanked her, and left.

As I walked to her car, I regretted my decision. Why didn't her mom or grandma or boyfriend or SOMEONE tell her how lovely she is, just as God made her? Why does our society encourage people to embellish themselves with things that they will regret in their later years? Why didn't she feel pretty enough....

Then, I thought of my girls. Dana - Erin; the most beautiful girls I've ever known, inside and out. I hope I told them that enough.

I hate it when this happens!

In the deep of night, I had something I really wanted to post about today - now, I can't remember it for the life of me!!

Next time, I'll write it down immediately!

My how things have changed!!

Today, reflecting on the first week of our campaign, Dana said "Mom, you seem so much more involved in this than you have in things in a long while." That made the think about how much things have changed in the past two years...

Two years ago, I was still teaching. While I loved my job and my students with passion, things were set into motion to make that my last year. Not until about July did I wake up laughing and rested, and realized how the stress of the year had taken its toll. Now, I am able to enjoy each and every hour of the campaign as I wish, without worrying about sick days, personal days, subs, and lesson plans. My time is mine to use as I please....

Also, two years ago, I was at my heaviest and in the poorest health of my life. I had no energy, no desire, no nothing. I was alive, but I wasn't living. I was barely making it through the day sometimes. I didn't WANT to be involved in anything because that would take away whatever energy I needed to muster to get to work and go through the day.

So. Two life-changing events in the last two years have brought me back. The other day as I was helping serve lunch to the workers, one lady told me I was "cute." Hmmm, I'm 56 and cute?!? Then, she asked me if I was always like that... I hesitated and then said, "I used to be. Then I lost myself for a few years. Now, I am back." I heard it as I said it, and it was so honest and blunt. And so true.

I like having myself back!!!

This happens every time!

Before my surgery, I had to meet with a "Behavioralist" - part of the process of insurance... guess they wanted to see inside my head before they invested thousands of dollars on "fixing" me. One thing I told her is that I tend to sabotage myself with every diet. Once the pounds coming off draws attention for others, I jump back into eating - it's a power thing. (That's a post for another day...)

Last night, everyone at church (even folks along the wall who didn't come up to me) noticed. The weight is obviously coming off quickly now, for which I am grateful, but the attention is overwhelming. All the hugs, smiles, comments, pats, "acceptance" is really pushing me right now. The only thing keeping me from falling back into the old pattern of stuffing my face is the fact the I'll either throw it up or become severely constipated. I know, way too much info!! So, I sit here, trying to accept this new reality. People are liking how I look now, and I cannot hide myself from them anymore. My new clothes fit - meaning that I am not in my usual tent.

One thing that keeps going through my brain is that - if they are so happy with me now, how awful must I have looked before?! Was I so unattractive that people dreaded seeing me? I know I have seen others that were uncomfortable to look at, and the thought that I was perceived that way hurts. "They" would say to me - "we just love you and were so worried about your health", but it doesn't feel like that when all I am complimented on is how I look. Just too much... even though I know it is said in love....

So, as I sit here dreaming of baked potatoes, pizza, Sonic cheeseburgers and tots and lots and lots of Coke, I wait. I wait for this to pass and for acceptance of the "new" Amy. The old one is still here, though - raising her ugly self in defiance.

What a Difference a Year Makes!

(I am no good at manipulating pictures!! This one should be at the end of the post!!)

One year ago this month, I started a journey that - to this point - has pretty much changed everything about my life. Here I am with my brother in July in Florida.

On the trip home, I told Andy that I'd found out from a friend that my new insurance through Teacher Retirement would cover gastric bypass surgery. We knew it was something that I would have to do, because my health was truly suffering from the load of my weight. Not an easy thing to admit, but I was in a "perfect storm" coming to a serious landfall. Once we were home, I contacted the doctor after confirming it through my insurance.

I did not begin seeing Dr. Duperier until the beginning of October, shortly before Liz's second birthday. Not until I was approved for the surgery did I tell anyone - not even Dana or Erin... just too scared it would not happen.

Feb. 22 was the day of the actual surgery, but I'd been in preparation for a couple of months to get my body ready. Weight began coming off even then!

Now, a year after that initial conversation with Andy, here I am at Minutemaid Park a few weeks ago - the change startled me when I first saw it on "film"!

I have a long way to go, but I am confident it will pass quickly!

Marriages In, Marriages Out

This has been a very difficult week in the land of marriage - while a sweet young couple faces their dreams of a great life together beginning this weekend, I know of three marriages that have fallen apart recently. Two marriages based on a commonality of faith, servants of the Lord, who have been torn apart. Two, couples I've known for many years, and loved with all my heart; the other, a couple I know through association. Doesn't matter - they are still losing the dream they once had; to grow old together and see life at its best along the way.

There are so many thoughts running through my head on this; where did it fall apart - surely not overnight, but - if you see it coming, can't you "fix" it??? Can't what you had be enough to hold it together???

When Andy is in court, and has to hear divorce cases, he comes home and holds on to me really tight - I think it scares him; I know it has me this week. No matter how much you deny it, this has pretty much ruined my week... and there's not much I can do - but pray. For them, for their kids, for their moms and dads who love them, for their friends who knew them as two, not one. For their church families, who looked to them as examples of commitment. For their God.

The thing that gives me hope is the knowledge I have of couples who have faced the unthinkable and survived with their marriages whole. I see them, and I think - "Why not? Who says we have to accept this decision they are making?? Who says the "easy way" is the only way...."

So, today, I will pray. And pray. And pray some more.

Their marriages are worth at least that -