Happy Mothers' Day

I'm sending out early Mothers' Day wishes, because these women are on my mind right now, and I'm at a stage where, if they leave, they may not come back. Sad, but true.
So, here goes:

To my mama: Margaret, I love and appreciate you more now than I ever did while you were alive. People told me that this would be the case, but I was so angry and confused then that unfortunately it didn't make sense to me. I miss doing things with you - Bingo, Garage Sales, talking about Liz and Bladen and my kids. I still harbor feelings of resentment toward you about the way you let your life end and that may take a while, but at least now I smile sometimes when I talk about you. That's a big start.

Mom - I'm so glad you are HERE on this Mother's Day. I really didn't think you would be, and your progress so far has amazed us all. In those days following your fall, I told you how I feel about you, and I truly hope you remember those words. You've never really let me get close to you, and I'm glad I had a chance to share with you my admiration and love. Keep healing.

Erin - You amaze me. Don't be so hard on yourself now about the job you are doing; there's time for that later, when the kids are grown. Relax and enjoy them now, safe in the fact that you are making the best choices for them and are motivated by that primal mother love.

Dana - Someday soon. I know it in my soul. You will amaze me, too.

Jackie - I love that you love my girls like they are yours. That gives me peace.

Shanon - You have been through so much as a Mother; from the highest high to the valleys of Hell. You've hung in there and come through with your family still in tact. I've watched you from a distance and wished so many times that I was there to physically hold you through those dark days. I'm glad to see that what didn't kill you did make you a stronger person. I love you dearly.

Kara - while I haven't known you for long, your story and the passion with which you pray for children who need "forever families" truly touches my heart.

Dianne - As if raising 4 of your "own" wasn't enough, you took on another. She is blessed to have you in her corner, as are your other children.

While there are many other wonderful moms I'm thinking of today, I think I'll stop here.
I hope my little attempt at putting my heart into words comes out right.

The Elephant in the Room

This week in Houston was good - except that Mom wants to talk about her death, and it upsets Dad. So - she's "with it" enough to talk to us when he leaves the room.

She is ready; she is tired; she wants us to let go and accept things that are coming. None of us want her to stay the way she is - a painful, tragic reminder of the woman that "was." Her wit is in tact, and so is her passion about things spiritual and in relation to her situation.

As we sat, just the two of us, I rubbed lotion on her soft, old skin. She told me that I had "strong hands", and that I would've been a good nurse. I would've done anything she asked then - just to show her my honor and respect. I did get the chance to tell her what I've always tried to make her understand; that of all the women that could've raised Andy and Bruce after their mother died, I'm so glad she was the one who "got to." She gave me a big smile and said, "I loved Andy."

So now, we'll see. All of us just wait and try to make sure she is comfortable and loved. All of us hope.

Mothers and daughters -

Today is my mother's birthday. She would be 81 had she lived; that is hard to imagine! Lately, with Elizabeth being born, she has been on my mind a lot, and I think she would be pretty excited. With Elizabeth, the use of that name in my family is extended now to 9 generations - something she would point out to everyone. She liked to call Dana that, just to get our goat, and would continue it here as well. She really liked to joke around with folks, and always grumbled that I was not able to "take a joke." I won't go into it here.....

Now that I am a grandmother, I wish that she were still around for Dana and Erin. She had so many talents and abilities to share with them. But unfortunately, the end of her life was not affording her the opportunities to use them. Our loss as well as hers.

As time passes, I recall more often the good things about my mom and our relationship, and I hope my girls do, to. She was their Granny.