Worry

Yesterday, I worried all day long about something. Had even worried the day before, and maybe a little before that.

Did me no good. What was going to happen was going to happen, and I just had to face it.

Turns out it worked out fine.

All that sick-to-my-stomach for naught. (Except that I had prior reason to worry, and I couldn't trust that things were not the same; that things were better than before.)

So.

When will I learn - worry only saps your strength and makes you tired? When will I learn to trust?

Not quite what we'd planned

On this day in 1960, Frank LaMore married Anne Marie Slors. It had been a quick courtship, and the group in attendance was very small. Two of the guests were little boys whose lives had been in turmoil for the last 2 or more years, and I'm sure they had no idea what was going on. All they knew was that their mother was gone and now, here was another woman to live in their house. It was to be their greatest blessing.

We'd planned to have a nice, family dinner - the twenty or so of us who have been the result of this union of necessity. The bride and groom didn't want a big show; they just wanted us around them to celebrate the passage of 50 years together. There are 4 children, 3 in-law kids, 11 grandchildren plus 2 spouses, and 3 great-grandchildren. The lives have been very blessed, with no major illnesses or catastrophes. Life has been calm and good - just as they had hoped it would turn out.

And then, Mom fell.

So. Today has been a quiet day or reflection and blessings counting. No big dinner is in the works; a vase of flowers from the children is the only "celebration" to be seen. They made it to 50 years their own way, and now face an uncertain future. What is to come overshadows any party we may have planned.

The main thing I take from this day is that a marriage on necessity that grew into love and respect shows me that too often people give up and quit. They put themselves before others and don't see that with determination and committment, you come to the last years of life with a love so strong that it can't be broken by a fall in a dark bedroom.
To see them together today is to see a victory in two lives.

The Elephant in the Room

This week in Houston was good - except that Mom wants to talk about her death, and it upsets Dad. So - she's "with it" enough to talk to us when he leaves the room.

She is ready; she is tired; she wants us to let go and accept things that are coming. None of us want her to stay the way she is - a painful, tragic reminder of the woman that "was." Her wit is in tact, and so is her passion about things spiritual and in relation to her situation.

As we sat, just the two of us, I rubbed lotion on her soft, old skin. She told me that I had "strong hands", and that I would've been a good nurse. I would've done anything she asked then - just to show her my honor and respect. I did get the chance to tell her what I've always tried to make her understand; that of all the women that could've raised Andy and Bruce after their mother died, I'm so glad she was the one who "got to." She gave me a big smile and said, "I loved Andy."

So now, we'll see. All of us just wait and try to make sure she is comfortable and loved. All of us hope.

As I write this, over the intercom come the song, "Spring is in the Air." It's a happy little diddy, with a line that I'm sure will resonate in my head all day -

On the way home yesterday, I passed a field covered in deep pink and vibrant yellow wildflowers. In the center of it all sat a centuries old oak tree; a photo opportunity just waiting to be taken advantage of... and I thought of mom. No one loves flowers more than she; at one point she even talked about doing florist work as a profession and did several weddings for friends. I wish I could bring her here and set her in the big middle of those flowers and let her soak in their beauty.

We are going to see Mom this weekend; things are not going well. Dad's not doing well. Keep praying -

A beautiful perspective

Orange never has been, nor will it be, among my favorite colors. Once, in high school, mom did my room in orange and hot pink - my choice - but other than that, it's been near the bottom.

Unless it's Spring in South Texas.

Today, I took a curve, and there was a yard FULL of Indian Paintbrush flowers.

I think it's a preview of the Spring to come - Glorious.

Thank You, Father.

time passing

Two weeks ago was mom's fall. It's been a stressfull two weeks, but we' ve seen her come very far. My in-laws are a tight bunch, but we've always been the "outsiders" because we left the Houston area. One good thing about this is that the siblings are talking a lot more lately, and are all supportive of Dad. His reaction has been the most brutal; I don't think I'll ever adjust to hearing him cry. A co-worker reminded me today that that generation of men just didn't share their emotions, and that none of us are used to it. It's been good for Andy to see this side of his dad - as gut-wrenching as it has been. We will see how things continue to move on.

Erin and Dana have been my eyes, ears, and hands through this, and I'm so proud of them. Their servant hearts have really been there for the whole family, and they are doing all they can. I hope they know how dear they are to me.

March 2

Driving to school, all around me were pink and yellow wildflowers popping out of the ground. Couldn't help but smile seeing them! Hope that feeling for renewal and joy lasts all day!!