Reflections of another year

Today is my 56th birthday. I was up from 3:15 to 5:20, both reflecting on last year's events, and anticipation some of this coming year. Ugh - I'm really needing those lost hours about now!

Since my birthday is so soon after Christmas and New Year's, I rarely make resolutions when everyone else is... I'd just have to do it again a few days later. This year, not so many to make, but good things are in the works. Andy and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage in May, and hope - really, really hope - to mark it with a trip to California to drive the California Coastal Highway and attend my nephew, Casey's wedding. We will see how that pans out, with the state budget fixing to take a big hit, though.

In February, we will mark one year since Mom fell. I can't tell you how that one day has changed the whole tenure of the LaMore family, from Bladen, the youngest, to Andy - her oldest son. The mom we knew and loved so is no more, but we enjoy every day we still have her. Dad has suffered the most, of course, and we've seen it's toll on him.

I think that sometime during this year, I will need to take some sort of job. Maybe not full-time, and maybe not school-related, but something. While I truly enjoy this life I have now, in reality, we were not financially prepared for me to stop work and take in less money. I hope things will work out, though. It already has in so many ways.

I guess one of the best things is that, for the majority of days, I am no longer angry at the principal who set this all in motion. I don't like the way I felt about her, and I'm glad it's gone. Her loss....

One thing I know for sure, I love my husband exponentially more now than ever. Ever. He fills my heart just by standing beside me as we worship God together, or holds my hand as we watch a movie. I adore him, and up until recently, I thought I knew what that all meant. Now, I do.

The last thing that I'll share is that, after 55 years, I truly feel the little invisible girl is gone. (I mean me. My imaginary friend left long, long ago!!) My brother once told me that the middle child was often invisible in a family, and that knowledge made so many things clear to me. But this year, I have really felt - and, I don't really know how to put this into words, - needed. Valued. Anticipated. Missed when I'm not around. Two specific things opened my eyes - an encouragement card, and a comment. Just a comment made by someone. She has no idea of what that meant to me. Both of these events actually scared me, because of the realization that people SEE me, watch me, and value my role in their life. Amazing what that did for me.

So, here comes 56. It's a full day, fun stuff awaits. Life is good, thank you very much!! And before I turn around, here will come 57. Who knows what I'll post about then?!?!

A beautiful perspective

Orange never has been, nor will it be, among my favorite colors. Once, in high school, mom did my room in orange and hot pink - my choice - but other than that, it's been near the bottom.

Unless it's Spring in South Texas.

Today, I took a curve, and there was a yard FULL of Indian Paintbrush flowers.

I think it's a preview of the Spring to come - Glorious.

Thank You, Father.

Sunrise, sunset

When Andy and I got married in 1976, a couple we knew got married about 2 weeks after we did. The groom's younger brother was very ill, and his parents had recently gotten word from the doctors that the young boy - about 12 - would not live much longer. Their wedding was a strange mix of the extreme happiness of weddings and the realization that a dear family member was there for just a little longer. One of the songs they had in their wedding was "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof. In all those years, whenever I've heard that song, I've thought of that wedding.

The boy?

He's alive, healthy, married, and a dad in his own right.

Anyway, back to the song.

Today, as my first one turns 30, I think of the words to that song. It's a father's reflection of the life of his child as she has grown, and it's one of those songs that make moms cry, but today, I choose to think of it as a serenade of Dana's life.

Look at her - she is beautiful, graceful, loving, classy, funny, committed, passionate and above all, God's child. 30 years ago, this woman had no clue what was ahead in life for her, and - for the most part - it's been good and safe. For that, I am eternally greatful. Seeing her today with all of us was pure joy for this mom, and while it was short, it was sweet.

"Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise, Sunset,
Swiftly fly the years.
One season following another,
Laden with happiness, and tears."

Here's to many more Sunrises and Sunsets, Dana. God bless you.

Farewell, 2009

Today doesn't feel like New Year's Eve. Part of it is because we haven't had Christmas yet with the Johnson clan, a situation we are going to correct by driving over this afternoon. Another thing is, this year just went too fast!!

While overall it was an average year, the first year of Liz's life, and the recent addition of Bladen to our family has made it extraordinary. The sweetness and gentleness of their lives flows over into ours, and makes simple things seem so amazing. I guess the memories of my own two darling babies so long ago has something to do with it - yet while the love and enjoyment is there, the pressure of responsibility is not. What a wonderful blend of emotions that produces!!

While there have been times of concern this fleeing year, overall it was without problems. We got to enjoy a relaxing vacation atop the beautiful mountains of Colorado and saw the vast scenery of New Mexico. (I can't think of a color that I did not see in the rocks of that state!) I found again my confidence in my ability to teach (thanks, Mary!), and my enjoyment of my career has resurfaced. I'm so grateful for that; I was afraid I would retire doubting myself. Hopefully in the not too distant future, I'll look back on these past few years as the ones that taught me the most about not only myself, but dealing with others and nurturing little ones in those first years of school.

Overall, I think the best thing about this year is that I grew to love my husband and daughters in ways I never imagined. Andy and I reached 33 years of marriage in a day when most people just get tired or quit. We still laugh, love, and worship together, and I'm so proud of the man he is.

So, as this year turns to a new decade - I look into this coming year with confidence and expectation. I ask of God's blessing on all my loved ones and friends, and for peace in our land.

Happy New Year!!

Beauty all around me

Right now,if you turn onto my street, you see lots of trees, but only one is glowing with red, yellow and orange Fall leaves. My goal, when we moved there, was to plant trees to give me beautiful Fall colors, and after 16 years in the house, my goal is a reality! They have never looked more brilliant and bold; my Red Oak in the front lawn is surpassed only by my Bur Oak in the back.

At breakfast, as I sit at the table and look out, it fills me with such a wonderful feeling of the glories of God. How did He know we would take such pleasure in the simple changing of colors in His creation? How kind of Him to bless us with these simple things which are all around us. I almost hate for winter to come and take the leaves from their branches, because this year has been so bountiful!!

Thank you, Father, for red, gold, orange and yellow leaves!!