Up and moving

Andy and I got home about 10:30 last night... the whole episode taking about 12 hours from pulling out of the driveway to pulling back in. The main things that hurt today are NOT what I went in for at all; it's my tailbone from sitting in the bed all day and my throat from the tube they put in. All in all, the rest was/is pretty painless. Have mammo after mammo to make sure the wire went into the exact spot was unpleasant, but if it guided the surgeon, then I could handle it.

One thing I know is, the people at Methodist are some of the nicest I've ever had to be around. Those people truly act like they love their job and serving people. It makes the nastiness of being in a hospital bearable.

One comical note: while getting registered, they asked if I wanted the chaplain to come and pray with me before the procedure, and I said, "Sure". 8 hours later, just before they put in my IV, I told the nurse to just forget the prayer; let's get this done! She laughed, gave me my pre-surgery "margarita", and out I went. I was not in the mood to wait for one more person - chaplain or not!!

Now, if my head will just clear!! :)

An amazing realization

Today - and yesterday - have been so amazing.

Let me back up to Sunday - it's all been this wash of love flowing over me (and Andy, too) about this biopsy. Kisses, hugs, pets, rubs, eyes glistening with tears from men - what a humbling, reaffirming feeling I have received these past days while my friends and family have worried and prayed over my results. Am I truly so dumb as to not have known what I was facing that I wasn't as worried as they were !?! The sounds of concern and fear in the voices on the phone until I say "no cancer!" - then the obvious sounds of relief and thanksgiving. It's almost as if I have been watching this from a distance happening to someone else.

I know that I was scared; I watched Marilyn Tello die of this merciless disease, and that has always been my fear; along with being lop-sided in my clothes - but this time, I dodged the bullet. By the grace of God and the love and prayers of my family. Iwill never be able to thank them all enough for how they've loved me through this -

God is good!

Finally - news and a plan!

Good news - no cancer cells!! YIPPEE !!
Other news - however, there were "a-typical" cells that need to be removed so that they do not become cancer.

Plan - July 1st, a lumpectomy (goofy word!) at Methodist. Day proceedure - should be home in time for bed. Hopefully. I've learned that, if you're going to be cut open, Methodist is the place to be. They are amazing at their care for you.

Thank you for all your prayers while I was waiting through this. It's a big deal to go from nothing to the thought of cancer, and so many people have taken time to love on me and include me in their prayers. Yesterday, the elders surrounded me and prayed, then they all hugged me and told me they love me. I know they do; it's just so nice to hear the words.

God is good.

Kicking off summer with a Bang!!

Yesterday was eternal in it's length... I had absolutely NOTHING to do except watch the clock. Finally, at 3:30, my supervisor came in and told me to go on home. I almost knocked her down - not really!

We spent our evening with the Huttons and Kelleys eating deliciously grilled steaks - thanks, Robert! - and then, watching some "24". Wild folks, I know, but the good life is the good life, however you find it. Their grandkids are just about the best behaved little ones I've ever seen, and quite entertaining.

This weekend is full, as the past three have been. Today is a baby shower, then tomorrow is our elders/wives lunch after worship. Then comes Monday....

Andy and I are getting up and going into SA, where I will be having a biopsy on my left breast. Some SMALL calcification was found at my screening mammogram, and then we did some magnification images. I met with a surgeon, and we got me set up to do asap. I want to deal with this, and then get on to summer!! So, if you don't mind, pray that this is just a little tiny bit of nothing that they can just zap out. Right now, I've very calm and optimistic about it, and I plan on staying that way.

So - here we go!! Happy End of School!!

What is it with me lately?!?

I don't get it... I am usually not a crier. Life has taught me that tears don't change anything or fix it, and for a while, nothing made me cry. My head was logical and my heart was hardened. Not even the monthly hormone rage made we weepy.

Now, I cry. Happy, sad, disappointed, patriotic, memories, dreams, you name it. I read a story - I cry. I talk about Liz - I cry. I look in the mirror, and I cry. I think of things I've dreamed that didn't come to fruition - I weep. Yesterday, I sat in my car and cried a while. Just me and Rush Limbaugh. The tears flowed and then I had to act like I had allergies when the kids came.

I don't think I'm depressed... I think I'm 53 and things hit you differently then. Your husband doesn't "get it," and you worry the kids if they find you crying for no reason, so you hold it in until you are all alone, and just cry. It's the one thing you can do when there are no other options to alleviate the situation, and you feel better afterward.

So, while I don't understand what's going on, I'll just go with it and maybe it'll pass soon.

I really, really hope so.

Well, here goes....

I wrote a long, very personal post today and then dumped it. Surfice it to say, it was very therapeutic in nature, and opened my own eyes to some things I do not want to face. I wish I would have had the guts to publish it, but hopefully it served its purpose just seeing it myself. Why is it so very hard to face one's demons?