My sweet Andy -

Here's how his life is running right now: He gets up and gets himself and the cat ready for the day, then he comes in and changes my bandage while giving me a report on how the opening looks. A quick peck, and he's off. He works hard all day, unless he has to leave and drive me an hour into SA for a 5 minute (tops) check-up. He delivers me back at home and goes to the pharmacy to pick up my refill on darvocet (yum!!). He goes by to pick up my check, which isn't there - it was mailed- and then goes back to work. At 6:00, he leaves, and comes home; fixes me dinner - thank goodness for left-overs!- and goes to Bible study. At 8:30, he comes home, changes clothes and sits down in the recliner with his blanket. At 8:31, I hear snoring. No complaints, no glares, just taking care of life and me.

I love to hear him sleep. I love him.

Andy and I have a roadrunner! The kids have been after us to "replace" Smudge with a dog or cat, and Andy has been steadfast in his denial that our lives are not complete sans pet. So, the other day, when we drove up from somewhere, there stood this big roadrunner next to our driveway. It turned and ran into our backyard, and I figured that was the end of it. A few days later, Andy found it in the backyard, and went outside to look at it. It stood right there and just looked at him!

A couple of days later, my friend Jackie was over to visit, and there was the bird, right by my back porch step! We watched it walk around, and then it left. I think we've seen it once more.

Now, I'm not ready to name it or anything, but it is fun to see; I know, I'm easily entertained right now. I just hope I don't start hearing coyotes!!

Yesterday was not fun...

Before I had surgery, Andy and I went into town and saw "Letters From Iwo Jima" and really enjoyed it. There was one scene, though that really was hard to watch: the Japanese soldiers were choosing to commit suicide rather than be taken prisoner by the U.S. soldiers. They would pull the pin on their grenades and hold it to their chest while it went off. After my surgery, all I could see in my mind's eye was my incision blowing open like those guys. Well, yesterday, I thought it happened!

Andy was getting ready to go to work, and I was laying in bed. I decided to get up to go to the bathroom before he left, and when I got to the restroom, I looked down and saw blood all over me! To say I panicked is an understatement. He had to get me laid down and put toilet paper over me. He examined me and said I had a little opening in my incision about the size of a pencil point. Then, he called Dr. Massey; whose office wasn't open yet. We waited. The blood seemed to stop, and I fell back asleep. About 9:15, his nurse called and Andy explained what was going on - she said I was probably fine, but to take me to the er just in case.

What evidently happened was that I'd built up a pocket of fluid underneath my incision and when it burst, it came out through my stitches. I remembered later feeling a really hard lump the day before right where the opening was. The er doctor gave me antibiotics and sent me home. To say I lay still all day is an understatement; I was petrified. I go see Massey Monday for him to look at it, but things seem to be okay. He told us it would continue to leak out, but it hasn't been too bad. I was just really down, I felt it was a big step backwards in my recovery. I was glad to know, though, that it wasn't something I'd done to cause it.

So, for now, I'm still here. Dana's coming to spend the weekend with her mom (and dad), so that will brighten my spirits. I'm going to try to keep things together, and hope to get to worship tomorrow.

I"ll keep you posted!

So much food; so little appetite! One thing that is REALLY frustrating me is that nothing I eat tastes good. Some of the best cooks in our congregation are bringing us dinner, and cakes, and all I do is look at it and wish I really wanted to dive in. I hear that sometimes the anesthesia does in your taste buds, and my stomach isn't back to normal either, so those two things combined make eating a necessary evil rather than the best buddy it's always been.

But maybe that's a good thing; maybe I can hang on to this new mindset and work it to my advantage. HMMM - weightloss by apathy.

Well, tomorrow is a big day; Andy goes back to work, and I will be left home alone. Normally, just another day in the life of a teacher married to a non-teacher, but now I am recouperating from surgery. We are both a little apprehensive about how I'll do; the getting around isn't a big deal, it's just the up and down that is still "iffy". My friend Jackie is going to come get me and we have a small outing around lunch, so that will cut the day in half.

I'll miss having Andy around - he's been very helpful while still encouraging me to do what I can on my own to get my strength back.
He'll be off again for Spring Break, though, so that will be nice. By then, I should be way more back to myself!!

I know what I've been wanting to tell you about! My surgeon, Dr. Massey, was an interesting man. I guess you would have to be to deal daily with women who are facing life-altering situations and not go into deep depression. I was referred to him by my ob-gyn, who I've know since Dec. I asked him if he would let Dr. Massey operate on his own wife. Now I realize what a foolish question that was.

Dr. Massey is THE gynecological oncologist in SA; he's the one women doctors go to when they get cancer. He's been in practice a long, long time, and does things his way. (My incision is vertical; not the typical bikini cut, for example) His hair is a lovely gray GI Joe cut, and his humor is subtle, but charming. A name plate behind his desk reads:Dr. Massey - at your cervix. He's a brother in Christ, and everyone (save one) I told had only praise because of his care for them or a loved one. So, I went into his office full of optimism and faith.

When we reached the office the first time, the first thing we noticed was that the Christmas tree was still up. Odd, but it was just January. Lots of shiny tinsel, Santas, garland, all throughout the office. Well, the other day, when I went to get my stitches out, it was still there, and so I asked the lady. She told me they keep it all up all year - for the patients. I also found out that they have a big party once a year to mark survival for the cancer patients, and once, Dr. Massey showed up in a purple dress and red wig. For the patients.

So, I am not looking forward to the end of my relationship with Dr. Fred Massey after my March appointment. I'm greatful for his successful treatment, and I thank God the cancer is all gone, but I'd like to keep in touch with this interesting man. He brings laughter and joy to people whose lives need it the most.

A week after the deed, I am beginning to feel like Amy is still in the building after all. While anesthesia is a great thing, and I LOVED my morphine drip, I don't like the after effects; the nasty taste that won't go away, the cloud of haziness that hangs over your head, and the idea that - for a while - someone had total dominion over you. Today, I feel things are a little more "normal."

Thanks to everyone who has prayed, called, sent cards, worried and took care of my sweet family during this week.I have a new-found respect for that poor deer I see in the paper, shot and gutted, and two new seasons of Frazier to watch once I think I can handle the laughing. It's still a little early for that, though. I'm almost getting up and down on my own, but by day's end, it's pretty tough. A friend said, "rest, rest, and when you're tired of resting, rest some more." Think I'll take her up on that.

Well, Andy is waiting for me to join him for a movie. We're doing a lot of WWII stuff; I've got 3 weeks to do the chick-flick thing!!

Have a good evening!!

Finally! It feels like I haven't blogged in ages, and it's only been a couple of days!! Switching to the "new" blog system wasn't something my oldie goldie computer wanted to do, so it took longer than I had patience for on any given day. Today was the day to bite the bullet and move on!

We saw the surgeon on Monday. 9:30 am is blast-off, but Andy and I have to be there at 5:00 for a pre-op shot. Great. I live an hour away, so I may as well just stay up and visit with the kids until time to go.

I'm having little tiny waves of panic every now and then, but for the most part, and am calm and ready to go. I have gotten so much encouragement already, and things at school are about ready for me to leave. I've told all my kids, and most of them just wanted to know that I'd be back. This is one of my favorite groups of students I've had in a long while, and I'll miss them - after a while.

A co-worker prayed over me today - she won't be at school tomorrow, and she really, truly believes in prayer. If there is a cell or hospital worker, or anything that needed covering, she did it. I was honored that she asked, and would have been surprised had she not.

Well, it's time for us to leave for services. Tomorrow is liquids, only day, so I'm going by HEB to buy tremendous amounts of Coke and juice. Look out ladies, I'll be racing you to the one-seater in the Alamo!!

Until later - take care.

Well, now I wait. Yesterday, I had an EKG, lung ex-ray; and a C.T. Scan plus MORE bloodwork. My sub is set; most of my lesson plans are ready, people at church are arranging food for when I get home, and so I wait. A week from today, my surgery should be a done deal.

Everyone continues to be supportive and offer advice. "Hold a pillow over your stomach when you cough or stand up" - "Take your pain meds 30 minutes before they are due so you don't have a gap" - "Don't rush" and "Don't let them dismiss you before you are ready" are some of the things I've been told.

The C.T. scan was a little odd. I didn't like being in the donut hole while it whirled around me, sounding ominous. The doctor was way too young to remember, but it was eerily like the time portal in Star Trek, so I kept thinking I'd just disappear. I know technology is good, and I'm greatful to have it working on my behalf, but it did kinda creep me out. That and the dye stuff running through my veins so hot I felt like I was being microwaved! Well, I survived and hope all those images are clean and healthy.

Tomorrow, I'm going up to SA to buy a nice, new robe. A girl ought to get something new to wear, right?!?

Have a great weekend!!