June 20

Wow - how can it already be the 20th of June?!?! This month is speeding by, and I know that the idea of my retirement hasn't sunk in, because I'm "worried" about how fast it is going!! June usually is a slow, restful month, but I guess with all the activity of getting the retirement set up and church activities, the days are whizzing by. Dana comes in on Wed. for a few days, and then, the month will be done. The nice thing is, we're seeing a better picture of how retirement is going to go financially, and Andy is feeling better about it. We know there's a difference we are facing, but thanks to Dave Ramsey, we are in better shape than we would've been... well, I just wouldn't have been able to even consider retiring now, so - thanks, Dave!!

Facing One's Biggest Fears

My first memory of going to the dentist was in 4th grade. I was sitting in a dark library at school, watching a black and white film about bears, when my nerve became exposed somehow, and I ended up on the floor in extreme pain. Mom came to get me, and they drug me into my great-uncle's office, where he proceeded to hold me down and yank out the offending tooth. It marred me for life...
Over the course of my adulthood, I have gone long stretches of my life with seeing a dentist and taking care of my teeth. Now, I am 55, and am truly paying the price for that neglect. "Happy Pills" and nitrous oxide have become my friend, but up until yesterday, I'd avoided at all costs (my teeth, usually!) the dreaded Root Canal.

I cannot tell you how paralyzed I was yesterday as I waited for the appointment. As much as I tried to keep thinking of other things, I was unable to remove that fear from my mind. Even as I entered the office, I was frozen. While the process was uncomfortable at some points it was not nearly as painful as I imagined!! I'm sure the full dosage of "happy pills" helped, but I think my dentist's gentle touch had a lot to do with it also. I came home with no pain. None!

So, now I can face the other one in a couple of months, knowing I will save my tooth and live to tell about it.

I'm really proud of myself!!

An odd observation

So, today started with a list of items to accomplish - starting off with meeting with the head of Human Resources to discuss my retirement and get the financial end of it going. After arriving late - I'm NEVER late anywhere ! - we got going. Things are looking like it's all falling into place, and I go to Austin on Wednesday to finalize things.

I go to the bank next, to get copies of our birth certificates, and as I wait, I see that the doctor who delivered me, and is LONG gone, never signed my birth certificate. This begins to bother me; am I alive or not?!?! What are the legal ramifications of not being legaly legal?!? Am I like a television series that ends in a snowglobe or someone's imagination??

Silly, I know. But certainly gave me pause on this hectic morning!!

It is Finished

There are few things that I think people look forward to more than retirement. I'd always figured that I would anticipate mine for a whole school year and leave with hugs and tears from students and co-workers alike.

I "retired" almost a week ago, and it was nothing like that. It was quiet, and tearful, and -yes, freeing. After finding renewed joy in my profession of 29 years, this year has shown me that I no longer belong. Is that an oxymoron or what?!? At the same time I find joy and feelings of accomplishment with my students and parents, I feel that I can no longer keep pace with the demands of current trends in teaching. I feel a dinosaur; even while "proficiently" carrying out the requirements of my curriculum. And so, when the Lord provided me a way to pay back some years of retirement, I knew it was time to go.

Andy and I are both apprehensive about this move financially - it's a few years ahead of what we'd planned, but we are together in it. When you are waking up at night with a racing heart, and dread your classroom door opening, it's no fun anymore. I looked at myself and saw someone I didn't recognize; in this past week, I see myself returning.

So. It is finished. I will find a little something to do to bridge the cash-flow gap, but I have no regrets. Well, maybe a few; Lexy, Riley, Robert, Dawson - you get my drift.

Teaching is the most rewarding occupation the world has to offer - I gave it my best shot.

Really can't complain

Each day, I check blogs - and I get disappointed when those I read don't have something new to read...

and then I check mine, and realize it's been over a week since I posted myself.

Oops.

School's almost over!! :)

What, now?

I had it all planned out. The perfect vacation for my husband, and NASA messed it up!! I was going to take Andrew to Florida this July for the launching of the next-to-the-last shuttle mission - I could see myself standing beside him as the count-down occurred and feel his hand squeeze mine and the shuttle roared into the clear, Florida sky. Barring a hurricane barreling down on us, it was utopic in my mind's eye.

Then, I checked the calendar one more time before I made reservations. They've moved the flights to Sept. and Nov.

Curses!!

34 and counting

34 years ago today, at 4:00 in the Huntsville Church of Christ, I said, "I do." Little did I know just what that all entailed, and I'm happy to say that, for the most part, it's been a pretty easy commitment.

Looking back, here are some of the things "I do" have meant to me:

~ I do laugh after all these years at the majority of his goofy jokes
~ I do enjoy Star Trek as much as he does, and can quote most of the movies right along with him!
~ I do love his family, and feel honored to be part of the tribe.
~ I do take great comfort in his routines and patterns of his life
~ I do feel safe in knowing that he has my back when life is rough
~ I do love riding alongside him in a car for hours to get to the mountains we both love
~ I do take pride in the beautiful daughters we've raised together
~ I do love watching him as he serves his God
~ I do take pleasure in the feel of his hand intertwined in mine
~ I do look forward to the rest of my life with him, and eternity that follows.

Happy Anniversary, Andrew - I still do~

It's time

I can tell it's the end; I'm overly tired, emotional, stressed, and angry. Very angry.

Then, Mrs. B. comes in with my end-of-the-year gift. Her card made it all better; I need to frame it for future days.

An Intervention Report

A couple of weeks ago, when the girls were home, they sat me down to have an intervention. I want you to know, I did really good since then, but now I'm falling off the wagon -

It appears too many of my blogs have focused on my Spurs. Not everyone, apparently, likes reading about the boys over and over - so the girls felt perhaps I needed to lighten up on the Silver and Black. Being the obedient woman I am, I took what they had to heart.


Until this morning, when Ihave to post at least one more basketball blog:

To LeBron - HA HA HA - out you go!! Another year with no ring - so sad.


So, till next year: Go, Spurs, Go!! :)

May once again!

We met the Huttons during the Summer. We spent lots of time together, playing games, laying on the trampoline watching the skies late into the night, and so on. It was great.

Then, School started, and our time together was cut marginally. We still got together and such, but the carefree nature of the time was limited. Still...

Then, came May. I'll never, ever forget Jackie looking at me and saying, "You get mean in May!" and she was serious. The stress of putting the year to rest along with the exhaustion does change me. I confess. I think of that every year when I become that person again.


Well, it's May. Enough said. 16 days.

Happy Mothers' Day

I'm sending out early Mothers' Day wishes, because these women are on my mind right now, and I'm at a stage where, if they leave, they may not come back. Sad, but true.
So, here goes:

To my mama: Margaret, I love and appreciate you more now than I ever did while you were alive. People told me that this would be the case, but I was so angry and confused then that unfortunately it didn't make sense to me. I miss doing things with you - Bingo, Garage Sales, talking about Liz and Bladen and my kids. I still harbor feelings of resentment toward you about the way you let your life end and that may take a while, but at least now I smile sometimes when I talk about you. That's a big start.

Mom - I'm so glad you are HERE on this Mother's Day. I really didn't think you would be, and your progress so far has amazed us all. In those days following your fall, I told you how I feel about you, and I truly hope you remember those words. You've never really let me get close to you, and I'm glad I had a chance to share with you my admiration and love. Keep healing.

Erin - You amaze me. Don't be so hard on yourself now about the job you are doing; there's time for that later, when the kids are grown. Relax and enjoy them now, safe in the fact that you are making the best choices for them and are motivated by that primal mother love.

Dana - Someday soon. I know it in my soul. You will amaze me, too.

Jackie - I love that you love my girls like they are yours. That gives me peace.

Shanon - You have been through so much as a Mother; from the highest high to the valleys of Hell. You've hung in there and come through with your family still in tact. I've watched you from a distance and wished so many times that I was there to physically hold you through those dark days. I'm glad to see that what didn't kill you did make you a stronger person. I love you dearly.

Kara - while I haven't known you for long, your story and the passion with which you pray for children who need "forever families" truly touches my heart.

Dianne - As if raising 4 of your "own" wasn't enough, you took on another. She is blessed to have you in her corner, as are your other children.

While there are many other wonderful moms I'm thinking of today, I think I'll stop here.
I hope my little attempt at putting my heart into words comes out right.

Every Spring

I confess - having Summers off is a big perk of my job, but it is not the reason I became a teacher. Paul is the reason; a pretty damaged little boy I worked with when I was in High School, who lived in a home that made him eat off the floor like a dog, and who was tormented by other kids, who needed an advocate who saw the little boy beneath the problems.

Now, almost 30 years past, I'm ready to get out. While I love the kids like I always have, the machine which school has become is almost intolerable and unrecognizable to me. The right things are said, and there are teachers who still try to pull it off, but school as I knew it and gave my life to it is gone to me forever.

So I find myself stuck in a place that I cannot leave because I'm not financially able to stop. I go and do what is expected of me, until the time comes. It's very hard to not have a "quitter's " mentality - to continue being the professional I want to continue being, so I focus on my kids, and hope the time passes quickly.

A part of history

This weekend, our congregation celebrated 100 years of worshipping in Pleasanton. So much history was shared; both sweet and inspirational. Some pretty funny stories, as well - and a couple of good "videos" from years past. As each frame rolled by, and each story was shared, I thought of so many people who are no longer with us. We came in 1987, and promptly found our groove amid this wonderful group of saints. I'm not saying it's always been perfect, but it is home. Like Dorothy says in the "Wizard of Oz", there's no place like home.


People I thought of this weekend: Gus Schutzenberg, Bubba Lester, Bob Rackley, Dennis and Lola Fae Showers, Frank Perkins, Roy and Hazel Stevens, J.F. Andrews just to name a few. I also missed Roxie, the Rosenauers, Andy and Jackie, Mike and Carol Pawelek - why weren't they there??

I was blessed to have Dana and the Johnsons with us, and even though Liz and Bladen are too young to remember the events of the weekend, their Nana and Daddio sure were glad they could come with their sweet parents. It was very special, and someday I'll be able to explain to them how glad I was .

So, now begins the next 100 years.

GRRRR

I really, really wanted to beat a kid today!!!

A song comes to mind....

Second day of TAKS testing is today; yesterday went fine, it's just so, so hard to explain to those of you outside the world of public school how exhausting it is to do this. Yesterday, I went home and went right to sleep for over an hour and then stayed home from the SPURS group. Now, that's a sacrifice for me, let me tell you!

Anyway, sitting here this morning, the song running through my head is an oldie-goldie from the Beatles:
"I'm so tired, I don't know what to do"
"I'm so, I'm so tired"
"My mind is set on you (In this case, TAKS)"

and so on....

it's over Thursday at noon.

Thankfully!

Spurs win, Spurs win!!!!

All through the season, I doubted - yes, doubted! my Spurs. They just weren't happening, and I was not too sure about even making the playoffs.

Last night proved me wrong. My guys in silver and black showed up big time and made Dirk look human. Now, the series comes back to SA.

I feel SO much better !!

And so it begins!

One of my favorite times of the year is NBA Playoffs; my SPURS group gathers for each game and we cheer and yell at refs as one. It was scary for a while, but the guys pulled it out in the last 2 weeks, and we met again last night for the first game of this series.

Our opponent; The Dallas Mavericks. Now, I think my sweet son-in-law is perfect, but his allegience is off on this one. We laugh about it, but really - the Mavs?!?

Well, the Mavs have game one, but it's a best-of-seven series. My guys will make it exciting, and we hopefully will move on to the next round.

Go, Spurs, Go!!

April 12, 1947

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Daddy! Today would mark 63 years for Graves and Margaret Young, who married during a terrific rain storm at the home of the Justice of the Peace. Mom wore a blue jersey knit dress, and Dad had to take a bath in a tub in the kitchen at Mamaw's because Grandma Annie was so against the marriage. As mom told it, they stepped over grandkids who were sleeping on mats on the floor. When the 5 minute ceremony was over, Daddy was too shy to kiss Mom, and the Best Man said, "Well, Graves, if you're not gonna kiss her, I sure will!!" Thus began a tumultous life together on the corner of Ave. B and Boyd St. in Poteet. As the family grew, so did the house, and they never lived anywhere else as long as they were together.

Daddy died in 1990, and Mom lived until 2001. I miss them, and with time am growing to understand more and more the dynamics of their life together. They loved each other passionately, and were very committed to us and our lives.

There was more good than bad.

After all this time

I guess I've been alone long enough... I'm beginning to look at cats again.

I'm missing the greeting at the door after school in the afternoon, the rubbing against my legs as I cook, the jumping up on the bed to get a quick rub, and most of all, the peaceful feeling of contentment received while rubbing down the long, soft back of an animal who's purring.

Think Smudgie would mind?

So much for believing what you read....

A couple of weeks ago, I read in the paper an article listing the most beautiful areas to see the current massive amounts of wildflowers in our lovely state. We've see lots of pretty ones on our trips to Houston and back, but the paper recommended several for us to choose from. The number one spot on the list was Highway 281 south from Pleasanton to Alice.

One way Andy finds it simple to indulge me and mellow me out (a 60s term for you younger readers!) is to take me on a drive. I know it goes back to my time at home - my dad loved to drive, and we spent lots and lots of hours looking at the countryside and talking as a family. No matter the season, we went, and I have many happy memories of those times.

So. We got ourselves ready to go and headed out on Saturday. Along the way, we saw some lovely groupings - mainly in the medians and up on embankments, and not in places where we could stop for photographs. The best were the bright, darker yellow ones mixed in with the bluebonnets; a lovely combination. Up against fence posts, along rocks, next to cactus - they were wonderful.

But the best in the whole state?! Not nearly. As we drove, we both decided that while it was a nice drive and a chance to get away from the house other than with responsibilities, it was a little anticlimatic for both of us. We made a big circle, came on home, and decided we'll look in another direction next time.

The cemetery in Tilden, Texas was definitely the most densely covered area we saw. Unfortunately, we felt it a little macabe to jump out in front of families paying respect to snap a few photos, but they win the prize of the day.