Starting a New Chapter

Well, yesterday came and went, and I survived; but now to get past next Monday.

About 11:30 yesterday morning, it dawned on me that this was the first day back of school. All summer long, it had seemed far in the distance; when people would ask me about being retired, I would say something like, "It'll hit me when school starts"....

Erin, Gregg, Liz and Bladen came home this weekend so that Erin could attend a baby shower for a friend. They stayed until yesterday, and I can't help but wonder if they were staying to help Mom get through the day without being down. Even if that wasnt' even a part of their reasoning - it worked! A morning of the babies and the hustle and bustle of loading up all the stuff that goes with a baby sure kept my mind occupied .

So, somewhere off in the distance, were my former co-workers; sharing stories of their summer and talking about the new year beginning. I wonder if anyone even noticed I was gone? After all these years - you'd hope so.

So, life and PISD go on without me. Someone is preparing to take over my classes, and my kids. Today, the new chapter continues with a day spent with sisters in Christ at Tina's house; I've GOT to learn to do some type of craft if I'm going to continue to go to these gatherings, but for today, I'm just going for the fellowship. Tomorrow will be Bible Study, and so on. Already, the week will be half over.

Now, to get past next Monday, when my kids all go back, and I'm not there.

It is Finished

There are few things that I think people look forward to more than retirement. I'd always figured that I would anticipate mine for a whole school year and leave with hugs and tears from students and co-workers alike.

I "retired" almost a week ago, and it was nothing like that. It was quiet, and tearful, and -yes, freeing. After finding renewed joy in my profession of 29 years, this year has shown me that I no longer belong. Is that an oxymoron or what?!? At the same time I find joy and feelings of accomplishment with my students and parents, I feel that I can no longer keep pace with the demands of current trends in teaching. I feel a dinosaur; even while "proficiently" carrying out the requirements of my curriculum. And so, when the Lord provided me a way to pay back some years of retirement, I knew it was time to go.

Andy and I are both apprehensive about this move financially - it's a few years ahead of what we'd planned, but we are together in it. When you are waking up at night with a racing heart, and dread your classroom door opening, it's no fun anymore. I looked at myself and saw someone I didn't recognize; in this past week, I see myself returning.

So. It is finished. I will find a little something to do to bridge the cash-flow gap, but I have no regrets. Well, maybe a few; Lexy, Riley, Robert, Dawson - you get my drift.

Teaching is the most rewarding occupation the world has to offer - I gave it my best shot.

Really can't complain

Each day, I check blogs - and I get disappointed when those I read don't have something new to read...

and then I check mine, and realize it's been over a week since I posted myself.

Oops.

School's almost over!! :)

It's time

I can tell it's the end; I'm overly tired, emotional, stressed, and angry. Very angry.

Then, Mrs. B. comes in with my end-of-the-year gift. Her card made it all better; I need to frame it for future days.

May once again!

We met the Huttons during the Summer. We spent lots of time together, playing games, laying on the trampoline watching the skies late into the night, and so on. It was great.

Then, School started, and our time together was cut marginally. We still got together and such, but the carefree nature of the time was limited. Still...

Then, came May. I'll never, ever forget Jackie looking at me and saying, "You get mean in May!" and she was serious. The stress of putting the year to rest along with the exhaustion does change me. I confess. I think of that every year when I become that person again.


Well, it's May. Enough said. 16 days.

Every Spring

I confess - having Summers off is a big perk of my job, but it is not the reason I became a teacher. Paul is the reason; a pretty damaged little boy I worked with when I was in High School, who lived in a home that made him eat off the floor like a dog, and who was tormented by other kids, who needed an advocate who saw the little boy beneath the problems.

Now, almost 30 years past, I'm ready to get out. While I love the kids like I always have, the machine which school has become is almost intolerable and unrecognizable to me. The right things are said, and there are teachers who still try to pull it off, but school as I knew it and gave my life to it is gone to me forever.

So I find myself stuck in a place that I cannot leave because I'm not financially able to stop. I go and do what is expected of me, until the time comes. It's very hard to not have a "quitter's " mentality - to continue being the professional I want to continue being, so I focus on my kids, and hope the time passes quickly.

GRRRR

I really, really wanted to beat a kid today!!!

A song comes to mind....

Second day of TAKS testing is today; yesterday went fine, it's just so, so hard to explain to those of you outside the world of public school how exhausting it is to do this. Yesterday, I went home and went right to sleep for over an hour and then stayed home from the SPURS group. Now, that's a sacrifice for me, let me tell you!

Anyway, sitting here this morning, the song running through my head is an oldie-goldie from the Beatles:
"I'm so tired, I don't know what to do"
"I'm so, I'm so tired"
"My mind is set on you (In this case, TAKS)"

and so on....

it's over Thursday at noon.

Thankfully!

Testing, testing, testing

My least favorite part of my job is Benchmark testing. At the end of every quarter, we test the students in Reading and Math, and it takes my kids three LONG days. They take their test, then we sit for the rest of the day until 2:00. Now, if you finished your test at 1:00, that's not too bad, but when you finish by 9:30 in the morning, it is the pits. They have to read or sit with their heads down. No talking, drawing, or anything else that may disturb someone.

It is eternal.

It is cruel.

It is part of the job. So. We do it, and make the most of it.

At the end of the day, the teachers are worn out; just because of the stress of the situation. It makes for a long, long week.

How long till retirement?!?

An amazing thought

One thing that has always amazed me is that different teachers are drawn to different kids. A co-worker and I share a room, and we also share some kids through-out the day. I see her with a young man that I would have killed the second week - day - of the year, and she deals with him SO beautifully! He pushes my buttons just watching him with her, and yet she stays so calm and collected. I have a couple of little ones that affect her the same way. I guess it's a good thing that every kid has some teacher along the way that loves them and deals with their little quirks...

Which makes me transition to the church. How many times you see people drawn to certain personalities and avoid others. And yet, we are called to love each other equally. Sometimes, a hard task to take on. I have a couple of people that I just have a hard, hard time with - and I feel terribly about it. I just try to remember that there are those out among me who feel that way about me!! Shame on me -

Things I like about my job -

When you are a "real" teacher (i.e. - classroom), and then move out to become "Support Staff", it is a real adjustment. Now, I haven't been a "real" teacher in some time, but even my shift to my current position has caused me to find new and more appreciated levels of work:

1. I get to actually talk to my students. Homeroom teachers do not have the luxury of having conversation with their students. I know this because, when I ask them things about their students, they look at me like they have no idea what is going on. Teaching now is about curriculum and scores, not children.

2. No duty. Enough said!

3. No grades, and for me, no lesson plans!! My curriculum is set so rigidly, I just follow the manual and go from there. (Can be boring, so I try to come up with some variants)

4. No grading. See above.

5. I'm not going to say no discipline problems, because I do have some, but a lot of it is referred back to the homeroom teacher or office. I just have my little 45 minutes, and that's enough with some children!!

6. 45 minutes a group and they move on!!

7. I get to laugh at the kids; we have a relationship all it's own. I'm lucky and, and I hope they feel the same way!!


So, in the twilight of my career, I have the dream job. It makes life a lot easier!!

A GREAT day to be a teacher!!

Here's how my day ended:

Student: "Mrs. LaMore, how long have you had this job?" (Uh-oh, I think to myself!)

Me: "Teaching dyslexia classes? Hmmm, about 4 years of doing it full-time. Why?"

Student: "Well, you're pretty good at it!" Delivered matter-of-factly.

I grin - then he goes straight for the heart:

"I'm pretty sure it's because of you that I passed the TAKS Reading test last year."

"Thanks, ________. I appreciate that!" as my heart swells full beyond measure.


Makes getting up a lot easier tomorrow morning!

There comes a time....

It's a parent's reflex to want to protect your child. I am/was no different as a Mother - when Dana and Erin were exposed to something or someone that I saw as a threat, I jumped right in there to take care of them. Those instincts don't go away even when your baby girl has a baby girl, or is in the 7th year of teaching. You want them to only see pretty things, or know nice people, or so on.

Andy and I have always felt like you need to let children live their lives and face their challenges on their own in order to grow into well-balanced adults. So far, so good.

Now, I'm having some issues with the parents of today. Our school district, like those evidently all over the nation, is being inundated with calls from parents not wanting their child to hear the President's address to school children on Tuesday. All the big heads got together and decided not to show the speech live, but to tape it for parents to watch with their children later if they choose. The big threat to damage the all-important Average Daily Attendance by parents keeping their children home that day was the deciding factor, or so I suppose.

Now, I am NOT an Obama fan. I was not a Clinton fan, a Nixon fan, or even always a Bush fan. But I would not keep the girls home from school to prevent them from hearing what the President of the United States said in a speech to school-aged children. As the girls grew, we would make them sit and watch the speeches with us, and discuss the content of the talk afterwards. I know that this is different in that it is during school when parents cannot likely be with their child, but this just doesn't feel "right" to me - what is it that we are teaching theses kids? Is this man truely going to say things to indoctrinate a bunch of kids that blatantly? I find that really hard to believe, but maybe I just don't want to believe it.

Tuesday will tell. Right now, I'm giving him the benefit of a doubt. If he blows it, I'll come back here and apologize to you all. I really, really hope I'm wrong. Really.

Rolling with the punches

No matter how organized the beginning of school looks on paper, there are always glitches. Those who are homeroom pretty much get priority, because - well, they have the hardest job. The kids show the first day, and they are needing routine, so those of us who are "support staff" line up for our wishes.

Since I'm in two different rooms at Elem., that means I need two stations. No biggie; except when you need furniture swapped out and arranged. Luckily, the custodial staff likes me, and two weeks into it, I'm set and ready to go. Now, if the old dinosaur computers hold up, I'm good!!

Hope your day is going as well....

One day down....

I am so tired.

Getting back to work after a summer off is draining - I know, poor me!! But when your brain still thinks it can stay up until midnight, and sleep in and wake up at your leisure, it takes a while to adjust to just that. And wearing shoes 9 hours a day?!? Torture!

But the kids are back, the schedules are set, and the calendar's ticking!! We're off!!

Such Irony!

I am so spoiled. I'm just coming off my nice, long (realitively) summer, and the first week has been productive and encouraging - yet I'm pouting because Andy has the day off and I don't!! How goofy is that?!?!

All summer, Andy gets up and leaves me in my nice, comfy bed while he goes off the make humanity better. He never whines of grumbles, just keeps up with his routine and goes off the provide for our home. Me, I get to do whatever I like and still get my check. Now, that's what's great about teaching!!

On a serious note, things seem to be off to a good start here at school. I was pretty apprehensive at the end of school about some changes that were coming, and tried very hard not to let it color my Summer, but into the 1st week, things are better than I dreamed. Let's pray it continues!!

Thanks for the reminder, Jackie!!

Everyone I know needs a friend like Jackie. She punches me in the gut regularly with her honesty and passion, and she is the Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder. Let me just say that I love her more and more as we take our journey together.

In her blog today, she talks about being in a group of people and realizing as she watches them the importance of showing Christ to those around her, many of whom she doesn't know or will see again. This is a sobering prospect for me as I begin school this year; new co-workers, new students, returning students that I had last year - will they see the Christ in me?! Will I show His love and compassion, His tolerance for those I might in some way feel superior to, kindness to someone in need that others are rushing past in an effort to "get things done"? How will I face each day?

So far, things are going well - but the year is three days old. I am committed more now than before to make this a year in which I glorify my Lord to the best of my ability.

Thanks, Jackie - I love you.

About a 7....

Yesterday at church, I asked a lady how she would rate her summer. She thought a minute, then said, "Oh, about a 7." Now, over the summer, this woman had gotten married and gone on an Alaskan cruise! I wonder what SHE would rate a10?!?

So I got to thinking about my summer, and I also give mine a 7. Some really good things happened; visiting with my girls, having the Johnsons, complete with Roarke for a visit, going to the mountains, the successful lumpectomy, and enjoying nice, quiet days at home were the highlites. But there were some down sides; I again did not accomplish the "tasks" I set for myself, and I worried about things over which I have no control. The heat and lack of rain were a real downer, on top of it all. But overall, it was a good break from school.

Now today, we are back. As I looked over my list of students, I saw their little smiling faces and wondered if they were anxious to come back. I will see them next week, full of excitement. I pray for a good, productive year.

So. How would you rate your summer?!? Hope it was good!!

So, here we are

Well. Today is the last Monday before school starts. Every summer, I make all these plans of things I want to do, and only a few are accomplished. As I get closer to retirement, I find myself enjoying the solitude of being at home, doing things at my own pace, "calling my own shots." My mother enjoyed being by herself, and she used to say to me, "Amy, if you don't like being with you, no one else will either." Funny how that makes so much more sense to me now. I spend so much time during school taking care of my kids and being - hopefully,- a good employee, that when summer comes, it takes a while to readjust and clear my head. Thankfully, Andy understands this and lets me spend my days to my liking.

So, as I enter this last week at home, I will try to pull together some of those not-accomplished plans and prepare to return to work. All the while, watching the last blitz of movies still on my list!!

I just do not believe this -

The majority of my teaching career, I worked with a wonderful woman, Billie Maderer. She loved me, respected me both personally and professionally, and she trusted me to make the right decisions. I felt happy and competent at school.

Then, Billie retired.

On of my co-teachers was named her replacement, and so began our relationship on a new level. Soon, it became obvious that I was not the same person in her eyes that I had been in Billie's. There were times when I felt old, tolerated, used up.

At the end of the year, Spring, 2008, I was transferred to another department with a new supervisor. I was no longer on the same campus all day; half day somewhere else, then there the afternoon. The new supervisor treats me with great respect and gives me freedom to do my job. My new co-workers and principal on the other campus are very complimentary and encouraging. I feel like I am returning to my old feelings of confidence, and I enjoy school again.

This week, I have learned that my new supervisor has been re-assigned. Her replacement will be my previous supervisor! I will once again be under the "leadership" of someone who I feel was more than happy to see me leave her staff. Now,instead having about 80 folks to focus on, she will have less than half that number. Great.

So... instead of ending my year with great enthusiasm about the Fall, I dread it. My summer will now be filled with concerns about the coming changes, and my attitude in how I will positively deal with them.

And then, I receive this quote from the mother of one of my 2nd graders: "I feel so blessed to have you touch the life of my son. It takes such special teachers to make a crazy mom relax, but I see your hard work everyday when he comes home proud and excited about overcoming his dyslexia. I will always hold a space in my heart for you."

I guess I will just try and focus on that -