Reflections on elections

The past three weeks have totally occupied my mind with all things electoral.  For many years, as I stood in line on Election Day, I thought, "When I retire, I want to work here."  (It's kind of like serving on a jury - I think everyone should do it at least once in their life.)

I've done elections before, but this was a first in two instances; I was asked to work the two weeks of Early Voting, and also to serve as a Precinct Judge on Election Day.  After assuring the woman at the office that I wasn't sure I was ready to be a Judge, she assured ME that I was.  Okay, lady....

Working the Early Voting was neat, because it was held ajacent to Andy's office.  We got to ride together on some days, eat lunch together a few times, and I'd see him as he came and went to court and other appointments.  Also, a few times, I'd catch him peeking though the window of his office - watching me.  Kinda sweet... :) Also, the people there knew him, and it was fun getting to see that part of his life that I'd only sporadically observed.  It's nice to know that people respect your husband.

So here I am now, the day after the Election, exhausted but full of things to share.  Indulge me, please -

~ People WANT to vote.  For all those who don't show up, there are just as many very committed to casting their ballot.  Several women stick out here - the one who thought she'd spoiled her ballot and wouldn't be given another one.  (By the way - you get 3 ballots for just those occasions)  She was shaking, folks - shaking, because she didn't think she would get to vote.  Another lady had gotten lost on her way to the office, and was just about in tears, because it was nearly closing time, and she HAD to vote.  A third was literally having contractions; her baby was due anytime. 
    Folks, it's really best to actually register BEFORE the election.  Many people came in amazed that there had actually been a deadline, and that they would not be allowed to vote.  It's not exactly a surprise that an election was coming, you know?!?
     We did many loads of folks from Assisted Living facilites, nursing homes, and curbside voting for those not able to get out of their cars.  I witnessed one fella so crippled by age and arthritis that he couldn't hold his own ballot - but that was one man who knew who he wanted to be in office! 
       One story that I hope I never forget was the couple who'd gotten a mail ballot because they didn't think she would be able to get to the polling site.  As I watched them struggling to get out of the car, I noticed that she had no hands.  A couple of workers went out to assist, and when they and the husband came in to fill out paperwork to allow her to vote, I learned that not only had she lost both feet and both hands, she was also suffering from breast cancer.  Now that is taking your rights as a citizen to the highest level. 

~ Voters also want Voter ID passed.  Passionately.  One man almost cursed me out for not taking his photo ID.  "How do you know this is me?!?  Anyone could have taken my card and used MY vote!"  All you can do is say - I'm not required to take it, sir....

~ Voters are superstitious - One man, asked to sign on Line 13, almost wouldn't vote.  He was literally shaking as he took the pen.  Said if he's noticed what line he would be signing on, he's taken another place in line.  If I hadn't already filled in his information, I would have let him move back.  Said the rest of his day was ruined - and I bet it was! Another man said he always wore the same shirt to vote, and a lady used her "lucky pen." 

~ This is probably something you only see in rural, small counties - the friendship reunions in the voting place are not to be missed!  I saw so many former coworkers and friends from church; lots of hugs passed around.  While the voting place is a serious place, let me tell you - there was happiness there.  For the most part, voters were in good moods, and feeling glad to be there.  Sometimes, we even had to close the door leading to the actual voting area, because people were enjoying seeing each other and catching up.  For the most part, there were no signs of Democrat or Republicans; just neighbors out giving their freedoms expression.  (Another worker, also a retired teacher, saw one of her former students heading to the Probation Office and called him over.  She talked to him a long time about why he was there, and what he could do to get things straight.  It was privately and professionally done, but you could tell that he was sad that she'd seen him in that situation.  Accountablility of a small town life, I guess.)

~First time voters are so fun!  They are super excited, and super scared all at the same time. If we learned they were "Nubbies", we'd make a big deal out of it.  Some were so nervous I thought they were going to throw up; the enormity of the process to them was visual, and we witnessed many moms with college age kids in lines.  I'm sure there is apathy and disillusionment out there, but it was so nice to see the fact that their vote was their voice in the grand scheme of things.  One girl was very upset that her brothers waited in the van outside, because they didn't want to vote.  She even asked us if we could call the Sheriff to make them vote!  Not yet, dear....

~In Early Voting, everyone in the county voted in the same place, alphabetically.  As they entered the door, someone would explain to them that the lines were broken up A-L and M-Z.  You have no idea how many people ran through the ABCs in their heads to determine which line, or even funnier to me - actually looked at their voter registration cards to check!!  (I will admit that, on a few occasions, I also had to run through some letters in my mind to find a name in the regristry!)
     Once in line, married couples were often the funniest.  When one would be "processed", the other one would say something like, "I'm right there, too.  She lets me live with her."  Or, "she's let me stay there for xxx years, unless I'm bad, then I sleep in the barn."  You get it - an intimacy of long-time couples who were happy to be together.  We'd tease the husbands about taking their wife out to eat, or something to stay on their good side.  Fun.

~ Over the two weeks, we say lots of parents with little children.  One couple had their 4 year old between them when he loudly announced, "We're here to vote for Romney!"  You never saw hands fly so quickly to cover his little mouth!!  Kids "voted" on scratch paper while their parents registered, accompanied them into the voting place, and home-school kids received lessons on our democracy.  It was amazing to see children learning all about that part of our lives.

~ And some had to cover or remove items that showed a candidate.  One lady was allowed to go into the restroom to reverse her shirt; and while she didn't really like doing it, her vote was more important than her personal agenda. 

~But, there were some complainers.  Since we had multiple precincts voting in the same place, we had a system of writing their precinct number on a little piece of paper to help in the back.  One day, we happened to cut up small squares of red paper for the numbers.  A lady complained to the boss that we were discriminating agains the Democrats, and we should use BLUE slips as well.  I think we used purple from then on.

In closing, there are some things I want to share with you about workers.  We all tried our best to be timely and respectful.  It's not always easy when you hear opinions and are not able to voice yours.  It's not easy to manage folks who expect preferential treatment or ask "why" all the time.  Now, those folks truly were few and far between - most voters were very patient and respectful; I've never been said "Yes, Ma'am" to so many times!!  Several people made the point of thanking us for working, which was very appreciated. But when you are asked to not answer your cell phone, understand that we have a reason for asking .  (By the way, did you know it is a FELONY offense to use a cell phone in a voting place?!?)
       As a worker, you also have to be very willing to follow a routine.  Very.  As a spontaneous person, this was at first challenging, but after a few days, I decided that I COULD be a factory worker.  There is some comfort in always doing the same thing the same way.

     So, these are my reflections on the Election process.  This morning, we know that President Obama will indeed lead our nation for four more years, if God allows.  No matter which direction you leaned, or even if you don't lean either way, it's my hope and prayer that we not only unify ourselves as a nation, but that we grow in appreciation of our responsibilites as citizens. 

    

Happy Birthday, Graves C. Young, Jr.

  This is from my wedding on May 22, 1976.  It's how I choose to think of Daddy on the date of his birth in 1920. 

 I don't go to the cemetery very often; it's been over a year now... I just don't go.  Daddy and Mama are not there, and all I do is stand there a minute and think about those sad days of their funerals.  I'd rather stay at home, or sit on a pew and sing, or hold a grandbaby and remember them at those times.

  I chose this picture from probably a hundred because this was probably one of Daddy's favorite days.  As far as I can remember, it's one of the only times I saw him in a suit, and he was so proud.  Since our wedding was in Huntsville, Andy and I did most of the arrangements, and Daddy wrote checks.  All the way down the aisle, he kept patting my hand and saying, "It's so pretty, Amy!!  It's so pretty!"  When he met up with us in the tiny little room following the ceremony, he took me in his arms and cried his heart out - first time I'd seen that, too.   It kinda stuck with me for some reason....

Of the three of us, I am the most like him.  Physically, I AM a Young.  High waist, long legs, short arms, brown eyes. Cleft in my chin and squared-off end of my nose.  I also have his temperment; long, long fuse that rarely blows, basically even-keeled and love to sing and laugh.  I can hear my mom say, "You are JUST like him!"  Thanks, Mom!

  Mama tells me that he was a "fall-down" drunk when she met him after his years in Hawaii working on airplanes, and that she knew in that moment she would marry him.  Poor guy never had a chance with that May girl.  At their wedding, the Justice of the Peace said, "You may kiss your bride."  Daddy just stood there, and finally, their witness turned to Daddy and said, "Hell, Graves, if you're not going to kiss her, I sure will!"  He sobered up soon afterwards, and I saw him take one drink during the rest of his life.  They loved each other with all their hearts, but it wasn't always happy.  The three of us were their focus, and their marriage was a commitment for life - Daddy worked every day to provide a good life for us, but it wasn't always an indulgent life.  We had the best lawn on the street, and our cars were never in a shop.  Andy can tell you a story about when some repairment dented the new aluminum siding on our house, which was probably one of the very few times Andy saw Daddy mad.

He loved, loved, loved Amanda, Dana, Erin, and Casey.  Miles and miles we walked with them, or pushed them in a swing in the back yard, or pick fresh veggies from his beloved garden or let them "help" him roll his cigarettes on the living room floor.   He whistled all the time, and was at his happiest tinkering in his garage.  After he died, Mama gave Andy the job of clearing it out, and what a job!!  I would go there to "feel him" and to remember who he was there.

  So, Happy Birthday, sweet Daddy.  Today, you would turn 92.  I miss you -

 

A Multi-state Parade of Homes

My friend Mary Beth and I used to always attend the San Antonio Parade of Homes.  It was our evening together to look at beautiful, well-designed, award-winning houses.  We were the perfect pair, because she looked at the design elements and I focused on the plan and structure.  Hours were spent comparing observations and dreaming "what ifs"....

This vacation allowed me to visit several homes in different states, and while none of them were for sale, I was so happy to once again be in the position of viewing these various homes  - each and every one loved in its own way -

Our first stop was at the home of some long-ago friends from our college years.  They'd planned on our staying with them, and then found themselves in an emergency reno situation.  We met them at their home, and were given the tour before having dinner out.  Their home was beautifully done (she's had a career as an interior designer), and looked like a showplace.  Each and every room was perfect, like you'd see at a model home; but what I noticed as I walked through each room was that there was nothing of THEM in the house.  Each room had one family picture artfully displayed, and his "man cave" had all the things he loved, but I came away with a somewhat sad feeling.  Expensive, yes; beautiful, yes; warm and loving - not so much. 

Along the way, we visited The Hermitage; the plantation home of President Andrew Jackson and his beloved Rachel.  Amazing to see things they used during Civil War/slave days.  The needs of the family were paramount, as were the needs of a President as far as entertaining lots of friends and political allies. To think that Sam Houston stayed there, as well as other people I'd heard of, was inspiring and humbling.  The men who walked us through the house were alive with stories and details, and you could tell that they felt very responsible to tell the story right.  The grandeur and scale of the rooms was impressive, and yet you could feel the love that lived in those walls.   Wallpapers brought over from France in the 1800s looked as pristine as it had when it was hung, and those tiny, high beds covered in mosquito netting captured my mind.  As we walked away from the mansion, I was a little sad to learn that it had almost been lost in the years following Jackson's death; and so glad to know that generations following have enjoyed and appreciated its story.

While in Painesville, Ohio, we visited the homes of some of Andy's relatives.  A current "relative" by marriage owns one of the homes, which sits next door to the other.  Andy and I were last there in 1977, while the Aunts were still living.  The rooms are huge, and the windows massive.  We were not able to go inside either one, but the joy of watching Andy relive his times there with his family made up for it.  Lots of pictures were taken, and we shared those with my father-in-law when we stopped by.  He was glad we'd gone, and again we heard stories.  The neighborhood has deteriorated with the years, and the exterior colors changed, but the houses remain strong.  We are looking forward to receiving a history of the houses that the current owner has put together to learn more about their pasts.

But my favorite home along the way was our friends, the Connell's, home.  Driving up to it, you felt like you'd gone back into "Leave It To Beaver" times.  We knew which one to look for, because Steve has a perpetual Texas flag hanging on the house!  Tree-lined streets and sloping yards welcomed us in.
The home is love - what more can I say?!?  Every inch of it is theirs; from the oodles and oodles of family pictures and grandkid books and toys, oil paintings done by his late mother Mildred, and Steve's ever-present music playing in the background.  On the porch outside, a swing sways softly overlooking the sloping yard and chain link fence, where they told of us each neighbor and the stories of the park across the street behind them and the Buckeye tree waits to turn vibrate Fall colors. One of the most telling things to me about the love in this house was hanging above each bedroom door.  Once their children were grown up, they became foster parents.  In several places along the walls were escape maps, and the items above the doors were motion detectors.  You see, sometimes Foster children take off in the night, and once they were in bed, the alarms were set to protect them from leaving without our friends' knowledge.  I stood there in wonder at the steps and measures this couple took to provide safely and stability in the lives of young people who'd never known in in their own families.  We felt at home immediately, and really hated leaving when our time with them was up -

So that is my own personal Parade of Homes.  Each one left me with a definite perception and memory.  It makes me wonder about my own home - what do people take with  them when they leave?  How long will it stand, and how many generations of families will live in it?  Will it be a home that my children and grandchildren revisit in their adulthoods to recapture fond memories? All I  can say it, I was truly happy to see it standing here, where I'd left it all those days ago!!

Learning to Accept

I've always thought that I was a "go with the flow" kinda girl.  Never truly question, analyze or demand - just take things as they come and accept that there was a reason for what I was dealing with.

Fine.

So, at 57, I'm learning something new about myself.  I don't like just accepting things anymore.  I want control and I want answers, and I  - well, I just want.  I want things the way I want them, and I want it now.  I want things to stay the same, and things change. Life is fluid; life IS change.

So, why now this difficulty?! Why this stuggle? Why, why, why....

I think that part of the issue it that, for the first time in my life - my filter is not always working; I'm not content to be the good little old Amy who just swallowed my feelings and didn't stir things up.  Right now, I'm a lot like a little kid, wanting to throw temper-tantrums when I don't get my way.  It's not fun feeling like that, and I don't particularly like myself when I feel that way.

Also, I'm at a part of my life where things do change.  Kids grow up, bodies age, friends come and go.  I know, those things are always happening, but for some reason, it now is amplified and makes for long days.

Andy came home last night, and I was grumpy.  Now, in all our years together, I can count on one hand how many times that has happened - I always like to be in a happy mood when he comes in after a day of working. Well, he noticed. Several hours later, I told him why I was not in a good mood.  He listened, and I felt better.  His years of marriage, being a Probation Officer and an elder have helped him learn how to deal with emotional people, and I have to give him credit.  We both ended the day on a good note, and I am grateful for him....

Now, I'm not going to blame this on anyone or anything; I think it's just a phase, and I'm going to have to learn to accept and understand.  I'm going to have to trust that "all things work for the good...." like I never have before.

And, I'm going to have to take my own advice.  Sometimes, things stink, like a sick relative, or a friendship disconnect, or a body that used to rebound from something so much more easily.  Sometimes we even disappoint ourselves with our behavior and reactions.

So, today I'm giving myself some grace.  This, too, shall pass.

I hope I'm right!!!

Back in the saddle...

Well, it's been over a month since my last post - things have been on my mind that weren't lending themselves to an open venue, so I just kept them to myself.  But now, I'm wanting to share a bit of news.

I'm back working with kids on a part-time basis!!

Down the road from church is a tutorial business that has been in the back of my mind since my retirement.  I'd drive by and think; "I could do that", but I wasn't ready.  I was needing time to rest, to recouperate, and to enjoy not being on a schedule.  But now it is time....

So far, this month, I've been working with the owner's daughter, and she's been a pleasure.  Most importantly, I've rediscovered my love and talent for interacting with a kid especially on a one-to-one basis.  This is a perfect situation for that!!  When school starts, I'll go in 4 days a week for a couple of hours at a time to do tutorials.  What I'm most excited about is that the owner is gladly scheduling me with kids who deal with dyslexia!!  I'm already in contact with their teacher on their campus to best meet their needs, and I'm excited!!

(Also, since I go in after school, my mornings will still be my own - ta da!!)

In all 29 years of teaching, there was nothing more fun for me than the excitement of the first day of school - it's really nice to feel that again!! 

I still...

Feeling very refective today; not sure why....
I got to thinking about this stage of my life - where I am, where I'm going.  Where I've been....


In some ways, I'm not so sure of things as I've always been - things that I thought were rock-solid are not, and I've learned that I want to control things more than I ever knew I wanted to.  But there are things that I still love, still want, and still know -


I still-
~ love my husband.  Silly to say, but these days, it's not a "given" after all these years.  Loved him from the first kiss, love him still. Lots.
~like to cuddle my daughters. Yes, they are grown up now, but nothing makes me happier.
~hear my dad.  He's been gone since 1990, but his laugh, whistle, and song leading live strong in my memory.  Can't wait to hear him in Heaven....
~like to spend time with Jackie. She makes me laugh when on one else can. She is a blessing in my life for that and many reasons.
~love to smell puppies.  Enough said -
~love Camp Bandina.  Haven't been in many, many years; but that place was a sense of strength and encouragement during my teen years when I felt alone in the church.
~really enjoy Poteet strawberries.  None better, sweeter. I remembered that this year when I had some at a friend's. 
~can sing a lot of Beatle's songs.  (After my brother's last episode in the hospital, when he couldn't remember much else, he remembered "In My Life" word for word!) Can you say influencial?!?
~miss eating large amounts of whatever I want.  Yes, I know. But I do.
~wonder what my life would have been had I made a different call on a road one summer.  Most definitely much different....
~get a kick out of teaching kids and seeing the light come on.  Nothing feels like that moment!
~wish I spoke up more.
~think sometimes about that 3rd baby I tried to talk Andrew in to when Erin was about 4.  Always assumed it would have been another girl for some reason.
~ kinda wished had more confidence in my singing. 
~ try to beat Gregg at games, although it is mostly futile. The man's a beast at winning!
~ fear dentists
~ like to swing, and look forward to getting back into one~
~ try to find the good in people and situations.
~ believe that God is in control of my life!
~ miss Smudge. Often...
~ remember songs that Mama sang to me that no one else has ever sung.
~ like to take road trips.
~ still appreciate friends from long ago that remain in my heart from a distance now.
~ am in awe of my mother-in-law and what she has meant to my husband.
~ love my home. Building it was probably one of the biggest joys of my life!
~ love my cousins. We had such fun growing up together!!
~ love the Lord's church. He was so good to give Her to us!!
~ enjoy movies like Silverado, Independence Day and Star Trek... even after watching them for years and years!!
~ look forward to going to Washington DC someday with Andrew.  He'll be amazing to watch!
~  remember where I was on Sept. 11, 2001, and when JFK was killed, and when RFK was killed, OKC exploded and so on.  Too much sorrow to forget -
~ don't get predjudice.
~ love Steve Connell for not giving up on Andrew!!

Huntsville on my mind...

About a month ago, I started thinking about going to visit Huntsville.  I guess it was after Erin had been through there and made a comment to me along the lines of "I understand why you and Dad love it so much."  The beauty is a big part of it, but that's not the draw to us.  It's THE place for us, and when I couldn't get it out of my mind, I should've known something was up.

This morning, one of the first posts I saw on Facebook was from a Bible Chair friend from long ago.  She gave the news that Brenda had died.

Brenda and Gary were a "young couple" of the Bible Chair group when we got there in 1973; they'd met there and remained there - Brenda grew up in the church there, so it made sense.  Always at their house, even though it was about 15 miles out of town.  They'd had one son, and after about a dozen years, were blessed with a second son.  Semester after semester, they worked with "BC" kids, remembering how special the place had been for them.  Gary grew and  became a deacon, and later an elder.  Brenda was always there, right beside him.

We laughed years later, long after we'd moved and considered ourselves not "Young Married", that Gary and Brenda remained in the "Young Married" class on Sunday mornings.  It's where they belonged; encouraging other young couples.  Make no  mistake - they had struggles of their own - but they set the example of commitment and love.  East Texas through and through, with big, hearty laughs that I hear in my head today.

The receptionist at the church told me that Brenda'd been sick for quite a while; a lot of things evidently went wrong.  She'd suffered quite a bit.  Gary had to watch that - right there with her all the way.

This weekend, they will bury her on the family ranch in a small Texas town.  We'll go and stand in the July Texas heat, and reflect on our years at the Bible Chair.  It made me think of "The Big Chill", where college friend meet following the funeral of a friend...

I'm too young for this.

The Fathers in My Life

This morning, as Andy and I ate breakfast, I thought about all the men in my life that have impacted me in their role as "father" - which lead to this post today.  So here, in no particular order, are some random and heartfelt thoughts I thought I'd share:

Andrew - duh; of course he'd be first!  I fell in love with this city boy, who came to love the Lord and met the items on my "list" of characteristics and qualitites in a man I'd marry.  Yes, I really had a list! He wanted us to have time together to "grow" our marriage before kids, and I reluctantly agreed.  Now, in our empty nest years, I am grateful for his foresight.  His strengths are in his consistency and stability, his commitment to doing all things for a higher purpose, and his ability to deal with me.  The girls knew what was what, and they knew he loved them both with all his heart.  They still do. I still do, too....

My Dad - Graves Calvin Young.  Of the three of us kids, I am most like him - physically and emotionally.  He was even tempered, whistled all the time, loved to be with his grandkids, and took pride without being prideful.  He smelled of oil, dirt, and roll-your-own cigarettes. He was a quiet giant; I knew without a lot of words and affection that I was one of his most prized blessings here on earth.  He died in 1970.

Graves Watson Young - my great-grandfather.  Even though I was a toddler when he died, I heard many stories about this big, burly man.  He taught my dad to be a hard worker and to live within his means. 

My Papaw - "Curly" May, Sr. - A Bohemian by nature.  He captured wild animals and made us taste their meat, he chewed tobacco, and he laughed really loudly.  As a little child, he scared me - but I still was not afraid to be near him.  He died in 1980.

My father-in-law, Frank LaMore.  Widowed at a young age with two small boys, he took life as it came and made it into a long, happy life.  With Anne by his side, he raised Andy and Bruce (and later Chris and Albert) to be respectful, honest, hard-working and faithful adults.  Family comes first to him, and in his latter years, he shows us how to face extreme difficulty and change with character.  He has always treated me with respect and love, and has taken pride in his children, grandchildren and now - great grandchildren. 

Gregg - my son-in-law extraordinaire.  When a mom prays for her daughter's future son, she hopes those prayers are answered.  Boy, were they!  Not only is Gregg a fine, Christian man who adores my Erin, he is fun, a hard worker, and a super-duper dad in his own right!  His patience with the kids amazes me each and every time I am with him.  I know my grandbabies are in safe hands with him as their dad!

Lin Johnson -- Gregg's dad.  Yes - he makes my list, because he raised Gregg.  No person can grow up without that much training and example.  You can tell that he and CaLyn took their responsibility seriously by just being around Gregg for 5 minutes.

"Dads of Faith" - so many here!!  Either they adopted me as a college student, or influenced my daughters in their early years; I hope they know how much I love them and appreciate their influences.  Some of them showed us how to parent by example - some took us under their wings without making it a big deal.  It's the "circle of life" thing....

And, of course.  God, the Father.  Not for one moment of my life have I not been aware of His guidance and love.  My heritage and church family taught me that my Father would always be beside me and that my life was His.  I hope I have lived it so far to His glory!

Today, Andy and I celebrate 36 years of marriage; May 22, 1976.  I got to wondering what that looks like in numbers:

~ 13,140 days
~ 1,872  weeks
~  430 months

~ 1 apartment duplex
~ 2 mobil homes
~ 2 houses

~ 5 Chicago concerts
~ 2 dogs
~ 2 cats

~ 1 truck
~ 2 vans
~ 8 cars

~ 5 surgeries (all for Amy!)
~ 2 kidney stones  - Andy

~3 churches
~6 ministers
~3 jobs for Andy
~3 jobs for Amy
~ 1 retirement

~2 parents still living
~ 2 parents deceased
~ 2 sisters
~ 3 brothers
~ 3 nieces
~ 8 nephews

~ 2 precious daughters
~ 1 amazing son-in-law
~ 2 glorious granddaughters
~ 1 joyous grandson

~ 4 Spurs' championships (sorry, I just couldn't leave THAT out !!)

~ 5 years in Huntsville
~ 6 years in Brookshire
~ 25 years here in Pleasanton

~ more friends than we can count



~ 1 set of vows

~ 1 marriage.

This one thing I do....

Every year on this day, I think of Marilyn Tello....


    Mammograms are NO fun; in fact, they stink!!  On top of that, I am sick to death of doctors, machines, and stripping down to my skivies in "public".  I hate it, I hate the fear and the thought of starting a new set of  procedures all over again.  I would cancel in a heartbeat - if not for Marilyn.

    Now, cancer does not run in my family - thankfully!!  I've always had clear mammograms with the exception of one little, tiny calicification that was removed a while back. But still... the thought of "what if" hangs over me this morning as I prepare to drive over to my appointment.  The place is actually lovely, and I'll get a flower when I leave.  Soft music, warm hands, smiling faces.  Still....

   I taught with Marilyn, and she was a force of nature.  Quiet, but PRESENT.  Everyone looked at her teaching with such respect and admiration, and her life was being with children. 

  And then, we heard she was sick.

  She kept teaching, kept living, kept fighting.

  She kept getting sicker.    And sicker.   And sicker.


   It's funny how one moment in time can stick with you and break
your heart all over again. I have three such memories of Marilyn.  One was the day she walked into the building for a visit.  I hadn't seen her in a while, and I hope with all my heart that my face did not reflect what I saw; she was dying. 

  Erin had been taught by Marilyn as a first grader, and when she saw her that day after school, she ran full blast into the arms of a woman she loved, only to plant her little blond head right into the area where Marilyn had had her mastectomy!!  It took Marilyn's breath away, but Erin never knew it.  Marilyn looked at me and smiled, and patted Erin's back, all the while about to collapse from the impact.  Such composure!!

   The other moment that is frozen in my mind is the last time I saw her.  She was hospitalized, and I went to see her.  Signs were posted all over the door, and I almost didn't go in, but a family member saw me and told her that I was there.  She asked me to come in. Had to mask up and put on the gown but when I went in, there she was, smiling and holding out her hand for me.   Gracious as always, calm in the face of the biggest storm she would ever face. 

   That day was many, many years ago.  Her daughter is grown with a family of her own.  Her loving husband has a wife now, and probably has retired from his own teaching career.  Life has gone on without her, but I truly doubt I am the only person who ever remembers her. 

    So, in just  a bit, I will drive over to my appointment.  I'll have lunch out, and do a little shopping on the way home.  Tonight, I'll get together with dear friends and watch the Spurs.  Tomorrow will pass, and the next day, and the next. 

   But next year, on this day - I'll think of Marilyn Tello.

"I did it!!"

Bladen and Liz - one of my favorite things to hear is when they accomplish something on their own and happily cry, "I did it!!" with a big grin on their faces.....

Sunday, April 15, 2012 - "I did it!!"

June, 2010. I was weighing in at Dr. McFarland's office, and was stopped cold by the number on the scale. I knew then that I was killing myself, slowly, but surely. I gave up.

After a long process before and after my surgery in February, I can say that today I am at my goal weight. I want to shout it from the roof tops, this victory I feel, but I am keeping the numbers to myself. Not to Andy, not to the girls, not to Jackie. Not to any human. It is mine and mine alone - but I will say that it feels so wonderful to have had everyone at my side, seeing me through the journey.

I never dreamed that day in June that I could do this - that the will to succeed was too impeded by the past failures and the amount necessary. But it is done.

"I DID IT!!"

Trade offs

I'm really struggling right now with money. Wanting to spend it, that is....

A byproduct of my weight-loss is the energy to do more. To say that my yard has been neglected by me for the past several years is an understatement... and now I want to be out repairing the lonely flower beds and preparing my yard. Problem is, plants do not "grow on trees" (sorry, I know it's a bad pun!!) Not to mention mulch, borders, yard art - you get the idea.

While I love, love, love my retirement, there is just so much "discretionary income" on a teacher's pension. We have more that we "need", but not all that I WANT. If I were still working, I wouldn't be home anyway to have the time to do the things I want or to enjoy it... such a dilemna!! It's like which do I want more; being at home away from what became too much stress, or being at home wishing I had "more"?

I've got to work on that contentment issue....

Oil Business and Wildflowers

The friend who cuts my hair lives in a small community about 10 miles from me. I drove out there yesterday for a long-needed trim, hoping for lots of wildflowers to see along the way. Unfortunately, the profussion of Spring hasn't happened along that road, but another explosion is taking place... the oil field business! All along what was once brush country dotted with small homesteads are now "yards" of tools, equipment, and trucks. A few new wells are pumping oil already, making the land owners newly rich. Traffic is heavier than ever. It's a sign of the times in the land of the Eagle Ford Shale.

As I was coming home, I was thinking about extending my drive to look for more flowers, but decided against it... it had been a full day, and I wanted to go home. I remembered that in recent years, Andy and I would load up and drive around the area to see the flowers. I've always loved Texas in the Spring - as do most citizens of our state - and some of my favorite pictures of the girls are taken in bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush. Liz's first Easter pictures have her sitting in some bluebonnets before she even knew about their glory. It's a rite of passage.

So, this weekend may have to be "the ride". I hear they are glorious East of us. Better fill up the gas tank now!!!

New Year's Resolution made - and KEPT!!

Don't normally make New Year's Resolutions... my past history teaches me a lot about my ability to follow through on "projects". After a long time of not being able to stay awake and read, or remember what I was able to read, I mourned my loss of that love. So, with apnea gone and thyroid under control, I decided that this was going to be the year of returning to the books I have so long missed.

Enter my friend Jackie. She is persistent. She loves things passionately, and wants me to enjoy those things with her. So far, I've resisted horses and quilting, but since I loved reading anyway, I gave in when she handed me her Nook with "The Help" on it. It sat and sat, for weeks, because of my fear of not being able to enjoy it. The other day, she told me she wants the Nook back to send to her sister - have I finished the book yet???? :( Ummm, not really. I used my time in Houston as an excuse - sorry, Erin - and promised her I'd finish soon.)

I was halfway through on Sat. night when she asked one more time: "Where are you in the book?" Okay. I gotta do this.

Well, at 5:00 this morning, I finished "The Help". It was such a good feeling!! I can do this after all!!!

If felt so good, that rush to turn the next "page"... I'd forgotten how mesmerizing a good story can be!! I know exactly which book is next!

Now, to watch the movie!!!

Land of Wonderment

Wow - Can't believe it's been such a long time since I posted anything on this blog... but when I think about what life has been like this past 3 or more weeks, it makes perfect sense!

Just let me say that, while the title of this blog implies I have been on some exotic vacation somewhere, it is just the opposite!! Instead of Yosemite, or Alaska, or even the Rocky Mountains, I have been in a two story house on the outskirts of Houston, Texas. While it is not on any travel brochures, it is all the wonder that this woman could have asked for at this stage of my life.

You see, I was at the Johnson's.

Erin, Gregg, Liz and Bladen moved in February; two weeks before the next baby Johnson was due to be born. They had bought their previous home when it was just the two of them - kids were in the plan, but I don't think they would mind my saying that 3 in 3 years was not the plan. God knew better!

So, with a baby due in two weeks, they closed and moved in to a lovely home that needed painting and a little remodeling. Here comes Mom to the rescue! I rode over the Houston with some friends, and Erin picked me up. We unloaded a few boxes and got beds set up before the painters came. When they arrived, we found ourselves with the refriderator "Saran Wrapped" as Gregg called it, for 3 days, and paint fumes that scared Erin out of the house. So, we found all sorts of fun things to do. We visited Grandma and Grandpa (Ann and Frank), took in "Puss - N - Boots" at a theatre that would make our little Pleasanton theatre look like the IMAX, ate at Chick Fil-A, and went to a park on a cool, rainy day. So much to post here about memories, but I won't bore you. Andy joined us on Friday night, where we slept in the soon-to-be nursery with everything pushed to the center of the room and all but the bed covered in sheets. It was almost like camping!! On that Saturday morning, I told Andy that I couldn't leave. I ended up staying until Wed., when Gregg drove me to Flatonia, and Andy met us. Gregg promised he'd call if I needed to return.

(That night, we celebrated my one-year anniversary since my surgery. A "victory ring" and a shared steak at Saltgrass was perfect! )

Once at home, things were settling in. Here, at least. In Houston, first Erin got a terrible stomach bug, then Liz was sent home from school with a high fever and vomiting. It was time for me to go back. Never packed so fast in my life....

That was on Tuesday. There's no way I can put in order all the events of the next few days, but the main event was the safe and speedy arrival of Ginny Brielle on the following Monday morning. A tiny 5 lbs., 14 oz. of perfection. Once again, God had blessed us with a healthy baby, with all her tiny fingers and toes. It was almost too much for this Nana to absorb. It's one thing for your own children to be so perfect, but seeing your daughter with her own newborns is breath-taking.

So. Back to the wonderland reference of the title. Here are my "moments" of the trip: (In no particular order!)

~ Bladen can carry more items in his hands and arms than anyone I have ever seen. If there was an Olympic event in this category, he'd get Gold every time. He's learned the mastery of making one trip count and getting there with everything he wants and needs. It's amazing to watch him gather things and still manuever the stairs. Scary, but amazing!

~The sweetest sounds: Bladen - "Hold You" when he wants to be held. Dreading the day he outgrows that! Liz - "Hi, Nana". Two little words said with such tenderness and love.

~Best - let me say that again - BEST part of every day was having them run into "nana's room" and greet me in the morning. Didn't always last long, but still....

~Bedtime ritual: Hugs, high fives, "nuks", elbows, and forehead "bonks". Then, blow kisses as you leave the room. Seriously, when you have multitudes of parents and grandparents and two toddlers, this can take a while!!

~Watching them think. Just seeing their little minds working to figure things out and make them come together was pure joy. Must be the teacher in me still.

~Observing them with their new sister. Words cannot express the sweetness in their eyes, their touch, and their voices. I know it's not going to be that way for long, but for now it's exactly perfect. Erin and Gregg did a great job of preparing them for this very moment!

~Buying and planting flowers in the new yard. We went down to the nearest Wal-Mart and picked out petunias, and it was beginning to rain once we finished planting, a sweet time for all involved.

~Running in circles downstairs. Pure joy in the laughter and squeals coming from a 2 and 3 year old! Loud echos off the upstairs filled the house, and the sound of their little feet slapping on the floor as they tried to escape their Nana. So glad I could do this with them!! :)

~ and finally - Bladen's macaroni chow-down!! One night, he asked for mac and cheese. He ate 5 helpings! The first one Erin gave him was a good size. It was gone in moments. No chewing necessary, and he was ready for more. He ate all she gave him, most of hers, and finished Liz's. At last, he sat back in his chair, finally full, and gave a good burp. It's a good thing too, since there wasn't any more to be had. (Sadly, I didn't not think to document this to video until the end!)

Now I'm back home, returned to my life with my Andrew. To say I missed him all those days is an understatement. To have him there for some of the fun made it all right in my world. I did miss Dana - a lot! But soon she will be home with us, and we'll have all new moments of wonder.

Life sure is good!

Time to move on....

A year after my surgery, it's time. As of this post, I do not plan on saying any more about my surgery - thankfully, all the drama appears to be over, and my everyday life is returning to a "new" normal.

I saw my surgeon today for my one-year check-up. He kept recalculating my pounds lost, because he was so surprised at the number. It was almost funny... I don't know if it was unusual, or if he didn't think I would do that well, or what. Dr. D. is a serious, professional man; yet today he was almost cute in his excitement of my success - for example, my BMI and my cholestrol are both better than his!! I got a big hug, and was sent away with a big smile on his face.

In our conversation, I told him that the hardest thing has been the attention - by far. I knew going in that it would be bad, because my life-long pattern has been to sabotage myself whenever people would notice if I'd lost weight. Well, this time, I survived. When people would tell me (or someone else) that they loved me the way I was before, it would make me cry. Don't know why for sure, but it did.

So now, I move on. To happy, healthy days and living a life full of ordinary pleasures; working in the yard, going up and down stairs, and walking in the mall again to name a few. At 57, I have finally learned not to cram down my feelings with food, and that I need to care for myself like I never have before. I see pride and love in Andy's eyes that are timeless to me, and I truly appreciate his sticking beside me through this whole adventure.

Time to move on!!!

"One of the Best"

I need to write about the Retreat before I forget some of it....

Usually, I spend months planning and arrainging a retreat - building momentum, and meeting probably way too often. I love planning things, and this is usually right up my alley. I've learned that I am good at setting things up, and then finding wonderful women to help pull it all together. I guess that makes me global!

In January, I got questions about a retreat... that's too long to go into here, but I called the place we usually go. The ONLY date they had available was in a month... REALLY?!? So, I pulled my group together and gave them two options; go to our favorite place in a month, or wait and go somewhere later. That would allow me the time I was used to, and the weather would allow for more outside time. ALL 6 of them wanted our "go to place", so off we went!

It turned out to be one of our best. I heard that over and over, which makes me feel so good. Although I don't do a lot of the little detail stuff, being the person "behind" the retreat puts pressure on you. To know it was a success makes you want to do it again, you know?!

We had a good mixture of ladies; several of the usual, several of our new converts, and several visitors. The challenge was to mix things up, so that each group didn't stay within itself, and I think we pulled it off. We focused on friendships - within the church, outside the church, and with our friend, Jesus. The inspiration, as usual, came from a hymn: "What a Friend we have in Jesus". An oldie but a goodie. More on that later....

It's funny how you can plan things to the minute, and yet the unexpected is what sets the weekend apart. During our orientation on Sat. morning, the speaker mentioned that the foundation was building a new campsite solely for families. After he told us about it, one of the ladies asked if we could see it. "Sure" he said, and that afternoon, he brought around a flatbed trailer and took us on it to see the new site. SO FUN! We laughed, we sang, we yelled at other campers, and we took silly pictures. Lots of pictures were taken that weekend, but my favorite was the one of our feet, mingled together on that trailer. It was so symbolic of the blending we were doing!

The other "surprise" was the weather! We awoke Sunday morning to sleet and rain... not a good combination when you have to climb several rock steps up to your car and drive up a hill to get out of the camp! We decided to go ahead and leave early for safety's sake, so we were not around to hear our speaker discuss our friend, Jesus. (We plan to follow up with that, soon!) After getting things packed up and the site cleaned, we were on our way home. While the Hill country is beautiful covered in snow, driving on the hills and curves was not fun! Thankfully, soon we were out of the frozen stuff and safely home again.

Now that it's behind us, I have only good memories of that weekend. Andy asked me what I was most looking forward to, and I told him that it was just watching the women at work, bonding and serving as Christ asked us to do. I saw lots of ladies loving one another in such special ways, and I received a lot of that myself!

Not bad for having been "thrown together"!!

Dana's Story

First off, let me say "Happy Birthday" to my Dana. Here is her "story" -

Andy and I married in 1976. I was ready for a baby - he wanted to wait and spend time building our marriage. While I didn't like the idea, I wanted him to be as ready as I was (I thought!), and so I put my dreams on hold. Turned out to be a good idea!

3 years pass. Sweet times of friendship, intimacy, growing in the Lord and bonding as a couple. Exactly what he (Andy) knew we needed. The time came to have a baby... or so we thought. Things didn't work out as quickly as we'd thought, and months passed by. No baby. Temperature charts, documentation of monthy events, etc filled each day with drudgery instead of celebration.

Finally, one day as I'm leaving for school, I hand him a cup of fresh, morning urine and ask him to drop it by the doctor's office. Thinking back on it, what a fun thing to do after working all night! But he did, and told me later that he'd slept not a wink, anticipating a call. When I got home, he shared the news; a baby was on the way!! (This is WAY before texting and email!) It was time to celebrate!!

Our dear friends and neighbors, Mark and Shanon Tissue, treated us to a fancy dinner. She even broke out their wedding china which had never been used, and we dreamed big dreams of this new life.

Months pass; some slowly, others quickly. Soon, Shanon is pregnant also, with their daughter Meredith. (One of my most favorite memories is of Shanon coming home from school and coming straight over to our house and laying baby Dana on her large, round belly to "play" with the baby. Sweet, precious memory!) Showers are given, nursery is built, and in due time, the date arrives.

Mom and dad come over, and when we wake them to announce that we are heading to the hospital, Dad hops in the car with us for the ride over. I never, ever told him, but it was a little surreal to be going to have your baby with your dad tagging along... but I'm so glad he was there. He never left the whole time I was in labor.

And it was a LONG labor; 24+ hours. People came and people went. Other women came in and had their babies while I labored. Nurses' shifts changed, and still, no baby. Andy even went home at one point to get some sleep, only to be called back to help calm my mom down... and no baby.

The delivery went smoothly, but when they did the Apgar test on her, I noticed the nurses were not giving her the most glowing scores. They assured me, though, that the little whimper was just fine - but not the robust cry I'd expected from my newborn. They whisked her off to the nursery and took me to my room to get some rest... I was pretty tired.

The next morning, my doctor comes in. He tells me (Andy was still at home) that he'd like a pediatrician to look at Dana... just a precaution. Okay. Gullible me picks one (hadn't done THAT yet for some reason...), and off he goes.

Evidently, because of my history with asthma and the long, long labor, they'd decided to give me a shot of demerol. Fine. The problem came when the nurse didn't write the shot on my chart, and the next nurse who cared for me saw the order and gave me another shot - too close to the other one. I was fine, but Dana almost died as a result. Later, I found out from some friends from church that they had stayed all night at the nursery window, watching. Evidently, the nurses didn't let Dana sleep at all that night, for fear she wouldn't wake up.

A few days passed... I had to go home baby-less... and all appeared well. She was beautifully perfect and except for not wanting to eat a lot, all went well. At her 4 month checkup, the pediatrician drops the bomb that we needed to do a brain-wave test, because they wanted to make sure she didn't suffer brain damage because of the Demerol. That was the longest hour of my life... the perfect little girl in my arms may face a life of struggles because of a mistake.

Well, all ended up just fine. Dana was and is perfectly fine, thank you very much. She instantly was and remains a dream come true. God was good to protect her from harm, and every day on her birthday, I remember that day with joy and thanksgiving. "What might have been" crosses my mind, but I quickly replace those thoughts with what IS and what WILL BE.

We enjoyed our baby with so much love and hope that, a couple of years later, Erin joined our little family... her story later!

Pt. 2

Once I was awake, I started thinking about other things. Here is a sampling:

~ my weight loss and how it has changed my body.
~ the upcoming retreat
~ going to Stream Austin and visiting Mary Beth and Rick
~ money
~ Liz, Bladen, and new baby Johnson
~ Erin's pregnancy
~ what time it is in Cairo, and what is Dana doing at that specific moment while I am laying there
~ things I'm in the mood to do to the house

and so on. One thing leads into another, and soon an hour has passed. I don't worry about it TOO much, because I am retired and can stay in bed after Andy leaves for work. Not that I want to lay awake every night, but when it happens, I try to turn my thoughts to the positive and not worry. Not always easy to do!!

Odd dreams and other things that keep me awake at night...

Every night, I get up at least once. I use that time to take some medication and cuddle up to a sleeping Andy. Usually, I just fall right back asleep.

Not last night. About 3:30, I woke up and Andy was stirring. I told him of my dream:

He and I went into this bathroom, which had 3 showers. One was his, one was Daniel's, and one was Johnny's. (Daniel is a current friend, Johnny a former college roommate that we haven't seen in probably 20 years.) We choose Johnny's shower, and we spend the whole time discussing the blue and white bar of Zest soap that Johnny uses. (Sorry, so "steamy" scenes in this dream!)

Once we are out, as I am dressing, I hear Dana calling me from another room. She is sick and needs her mama, so I head off in that direction to care for her. Suddenly, in steps Louise (a fellow elder's wife!) and starts telling me something that was odd at 3:30, but sadly I can't remember right now! As I stand there, dripping wet, half-dressed, trying to get to Dana, I wake up.

Okay. Why Johnny; why 3 seperate showers, why Dana calling me, and why Louise? All these things are unrelated to each other, yet my brain chose to weave them into a dream.

I didn't fall back asleep until after 5:00.

Looking at life at 57

Today is my 57th birthday. 57. 3 years from 60 and 13 from 70. That is hard to face, folks... my grandmother died at 70 and my mother at 74. The implications are not lost on me.

However, on this day, I am feeling younger than I have in years. I went shopping today and bought a cute - yes, cute! - dress only one size from my pre-surgery goal. That is hard to fathom, even though I tried it on and saw myself in it! I admit that I still walk through the "Woman's" section, although I NEVER intend to buy another thing in that section... it's just a habit that will take a while to break.

This year has had life-saving implications in more ways than one. This time last year, I was struggling to prepare myself for the surgery of all surgeries, and while I thought I was prepared for the aftermath, I could not have imagined how it was going to be. What I learned most of all was that people love me so, so much - and that I didn't know how to handle their love and care, their support was at times overwhelming and unappreciated.

This year dawns with so much anticipation - more bright days ahead than I've ever allowed myself. My life is sweeter now than ever before.

So, while this sweet days fades to dark, I will spend it in our home with the man I love with all my heart. I've talked to both my sweet daughters, and I've enjoyed good wishes from countless friends and family. I am blessed.

Happy Birthday to me!

Emotions

On Wednesday, I stood at the airport as Dana entered to fly back to Egypt. My throat was full with a big lump, and all I could think was, "She's gone again!" Watching her say goodbye to Erin, Liz, and Bladen was almost harder than saying my goodbyes to her - but I did without blubbering too much! ...

Years ago, Jeff Walling - a favorite speaker of mine - talked about how God was good to give us emotions. He talked about walking in on his wife as she was watching a "Tear-jerker" on tv. She was beside herself, crying uncontrollably while he watched. He left her there to finish the movie, and as soon as it was over, she came into the room with him like nothing had ever happened. The emotions of the moment had already passed....

As we drove away from the airport, with my daughter on her way across the ocean to a life I don't really fathom, I was full of emotion. Words were hard to eek out, and I really wanted to get Erin on track again after leaving her sister behind as well.

From behind me in the backseat, I hear Liz and Bladen being so funny; I laughed. It was what I needed. I still miss Dana in my "everyday life", but I know that those really sad emotions have moved on, and I can talk to her on Skype with joy and humor; thankful to God for his control over me and my emotions!