My mother had a lot of really good qualities. She was friendly, artistic, funny, a good writer, and a yummy cook. Her whole life was focused on raising my brother, sister and me to be happy and loving people.
The one thing about her, though, that I fight most, is lashing out at people using mean words. She had a streak about her that came out mostly when people would say or do something to or about us or our dad. And it came out at us when we failed to act the way she thought we should. As far as I can remember, I have only lashed out at my beautiful daughters one time, and I was wrong and I have asked for their forgiveness; even though they do sometimes remind me of it in a teasing sort of way. I did not like who I was during that little episode, and never want to speak to either of them that way again.

However, right now in my life is someone who is ripe for the lashing. I want to unleash every kind thought, every bad word, every mean and hateful thing I can say to this person to "put them in their place." I want to hit and punch and yell, and yet I know I won't do it. I know after receiving those words all my life that they never go away. They play like a scratched cd, over and over in your mind, and no matter how you try to repair the relationship, it is there. So, I will think those thoughts, and maybe even write them down, but I'll hit the delete key rather than send them, because I am not my mother. I will not give in to that most cruel side of her that lives within me years after her death. No matter what this person has done to me, and how much they deserve my anger, I am better than that. I will not give in.